The Seven Ages of Woman. A thousand cards a thousand joys extend, At last the Dowager, in ancient flounces, With snuff and spectacles, this age denounces. And thus she moralizes: (Speaks like an old woman.) "How bold and forward each youug flirt appears; Courtship in my time lasted seven years; "Now seven little months suffice of course, "For courting, marrying, scolding, and divorce. "They say we have no souls-but what more odd is, "Their wishes to refuse I never durst- Truce to such splenetic and rash designs, As child, as sister, parent, friend, and wife, your What is your boast, male rulers of the land? A PARAPHRASE ON SHAKSPEARE'S SEVEN AGES, BY G. A. STEVENS. "All the World's a stage, “And all the men and women merely players." Some sly ones play knaves' parts, but most play the fool- From the infant mewling and puking in the nurse's arms; (Holding up the flap of his coat, he sings to the tune of "Here's papa's nose and features, and here's a Jack-a-dandy; "Givens a blow to beat me, who'll have some sugar-candy; "He'll be a man before his mother, and sho pig, sho, sho, sho, "Hot diddle dumplings hot, and cock-a-doodle doo." "Till tir'd, she clasps the infant to her breast, Offers the nipple, and the child's at rest, Thus women and men, who are children grown tall, At When I play'd a truant I cry'd out pecavi. With Greek and with Latin many years the boys mused, Paraphrase on Shakspeare's Seven Ages. "The next is the LOVER, Sighing like a furnace, with a woful ballad "Made to his Mistress' eyebrow.". Very woful indeed, for love is full of woe, And sighs and symphonies, Ah! Ah! and Oh! Oh! "Then a SOLDIER, "Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, "Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel, Seeking the bubble reputation "Even in the cannon's mouth.” "In fair round belly, with good capon lin'd." Not cramm'd the justice with coarse barn-door food, But lin'd his belly with hog barbacu'd; Then tost him up in haste a turtle hash, With high-sauc'd callipee and callipash; And made his worship call out loud," Here, sirrah, "Hand me a spoonful of that spinal marrow; "Fill me a tumbler, a bumper, I can bear it; "Your health, my Lord-is neat good caret;" Stroaking his belly down, then thus decree, "The callipash is fine, an I so's the call pee. "Come, t'other plate, I've only foul'd a couple, "Two slices save me, sir, of that pine-apple: "Take not that haunch off yet, d'ye hear -a? "Hob a nob, sir,-done-two bumpers of madeira." Thus would he introduce him on the stage, Had Shakspeare liv'd in this taste-eating age. .... Address on Closing a Theatre. "The sixth age shifts "Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon; *And whistles in his sound." Here, nurse, my flannel night-cap, -how-who's there, hey?" Only the newsman, sir."—" What's that you say? "The King of Prussia, sir, has got the day." "How got to pay? let him come in,-'tis true, "I thought to day I had some interest due." Just on the instant a full-wig'd physician, Whom nurse had told her master's sick condition, Approach'd the elbow chair, where Feeble sat, ?" Who por'd through spectacles, and cry'd-" Who's that?" Stops nurse's answer, and demands his case; Thus with strength exhausted, and with voice outworn, Then comes the scene that surely must appal; ADDRESS ON CLOSING A THEATRE, The flutt'ring phantom of a summer's day) Comic Nautical Address. With pleasing terror and with trembling haste, ? Your minds, where conscious worth and goodness live, The debt we owe the gratitude we feel, A COMIC NAUTICAL ADDRESS, ON OPENING A PROVINCIAL THEATRE. (Speaking Without.) Hold! hold! avast, boatswain,-(Te Prompter.)-'ere anchor we weigh, Permit an old seaman a few words to say. (Enters.) What cheer? I hope hearty,—it makes the heart glow Each cabin convenient,-(Boxes.)—at least so 'twas plann'd. There's snug births below,-(Pit.)—and our tops are well mann'd, (Gallery.) Our timbers are taught ;-(Stage.)—some messmates, tho' new, Join with old ones, in claiming protection from you; Each hand on this deck-(Stage.)-comes with fixed inclination To rise in the service,-by your approbation. |