And states in Chapter twenty-second,
Good Law at single-stick is reckon'd,
I see no reason for refusing
Same Law to Boxing and to bruising
Besides, my Lord, our Special Plea
Is son Assault demesne, d'ye see,
CHUBB swore to threat'nings, provocations,
Loud oaths, and fierce gesticulations,
Such oaths (these spectacles, Gods rot 'em,
Have gall'd my nose from top to bottom) (aside)
Such oaths-it shocks me to rehearse 'em,
(Why now they're tumbled down, Gods curse'em)
In short, what CHUBB both heard and saw
Amounted to Assault in Law;
GUDGEON assaulted, and attack'd
My Friend, in LAW, if not in fact,
And this is Law his Lordship knows ;
But now, for instance, we'll suppose
The simple Case of A and B,
A is my finger, do ye see,
My adversary's Button, B;
Now, if my finger AI put on
My learned Adversary's button,
It may be Trespass, or a Plea
Of son Assault demesne for B;
And if a little I should shake it,
And pull the button off, I take it
It would be batt'ry, and we say
That B was beat and bruis'd by A;
That A said B did strike and wound,
And in the Pleadings 'twould be found
A knock'd B down upon the ground.
And is not this a sound defence?
Is it not Law, and common sense?
"Tis for you, Gentlemen, to say
Which of these two began the fray;
But a more scandalous transaction,
Paltry, vexatious cause of action,
Or a more lame, more flat, more stale,
Dull and unprofitable tale,
I never met in all my reading,
In the whole course of Law-proceeding,
In study, practice, or in pleading,
Than this same woful trumpt-up story,
My learned Brother has just laid before ye.—
And now, my Lord, I say no more,
My Lord than what I said before-
But thus much I'll make bold to say,
If all that I've advanc'd this day,
Be not good Law, my Lord, and sound
As e'er was broach'd on legal ground,
Soon as to chambers I return,
All my Black-Letter'd books I'll burn.-
"Hold, hold, (quoth Both'rum) 'twould be
cruel
To turn your fixtures into fuel,
Those precious Tomes, with cobwebs spread,
Which sleep so peaceful o'er your head!
E'er yet that sentence is decreed 'em,
Do read 'em, Mr. BORE'UM, read 'em."-
Thus they, as when attun'd to sprightly strain,
Bass-viols grumble, and Bassoons complain,
Or humble Bees their drowzy notes prolong,
With Drones contending in alternate song,
Incontinently held their vain contest In taunting mirth, and spleen-provoking jest; 'Till tir'd at length, (when each had rack'd his brain,
Oft rose and hem'd, and hem'd, and rose again)
As those fam'd Heroes on the Phrygian shore, Ajax, and bold Priamides of yore,
Turn'd peaceful friends,' when they could fight no more,
These gen'rous Chiefs, resolv'd awhile to end
The doubtful conflict, and the suit suspend,
Both lovingly agreed at once to draw
A Special Case, and save the point in Law,
That so the Battle, neither lost nor won,
Continued, ended, and again begun
4 Η μὲν ἐμαρνάσθην ἔριδος πέρι θυμοβόροιο
Η δ ̓ αὖτ ̓ εν φιλότητι διέμαγεν αρθμήσαντε.
"Continued, ended, and again begun"-See the order of legal Proceedings in point of practice, in the first Book of these Lectures, Lect. 4. page 41.
Might still survive, and other suits succeed, For future Heroes of the Gown to lead, And future Bards in loftier verse to PLEAD.
Printed by W. Flint, Old Bailey.
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