XXIII. THE HENPECK'D HUSBAND. CURS'D be the man, the poorest wretch in life, Who dreads a curtain lecture worse than hell! Were such the wife had fallen to my part, I'd break her spirit, or I'd break her heart; It is related that one day the lady of a house where the Poet dined expressed herself with less civility than he expected about the depth of her husband's potations and his habits of extravagance. Her freedom of tongue was rewarded by these sharp verses. XXIV. WRITTEN AT INVERARY. WHOE'ER he be that sojourns here, The Lord their god, his Grace. There's naething here but Highland pride, 'Twas surely in an anger. During the first Highland tour of the Poet, he halted at Inverary; but on finding himself neglected by the innkeeper, whose house was filled with visiters to his Grace the Duke of Ar gyll, he expressed in these verses his sense of the incivility with which he was treated. Tradition speaks of a pursuit which took place on the part of "The Campbell," and of a determination not to be soothed on the part of the Poet XXV. ON ELPHINSTONE'S TRANSLATIONS OF MARTIAL'S EPIGRAMS. O THOU, whom poesy abhors, Burns has himself related the origin of this sally: 'Stopping at a merchant's shop, a friend of mine, in Edinburgh, one day put Elphinstone's Translation of Martial into my hand, and desired my opinion of it. I asked permission to write my opinion on a blank leaf of the book; which being granted, I wrote this epigram." XXVI. INSCRIPTION ON THE HEADSTONE OF FERGUSSON. Here lies ROBERT FERGUSSON, Poet. No sculptured marble here, nor pompous lay, Some social friends of both bards have added monumental iron-work to the simple head-stone which Burns erected over Fergusson's grave. The taste cannot be commended-though done for the purpose of preserving, it is more likely to destroy, the precious memorial. XXVII. ON A SCHOOLMASTER. HERE lie Willie Michie's banes; Gi' him the schoolin' o' your weans, Willie Michie was schoolmaster of Cleish parish, in Fifeshire, and became acquainted with Burns during his visit to Edinburgh, in 1787. His name is not mentioned in all the correspondence of the Poet, nor is he numbered amongst his admirers or friends. XXVIII. A GRACE BEFORE DINNER. O THOU, who kindly dost provide We bless thee, God of Nature wide, For all thy goodness lent: And, if it please thee, Heavenly Guide, May never worse be sent; But, whether granted or denied, Lord, bless us with content! Amen. The distinction of this Grace has been given to several houses. It was a favorite practice to ask the Poet for a blessing, even where he was a guest. His readiness was generally known; and whatever he said was gratefully remembered. XXIX. ON WAT. SIC a reptile was Wat, A starv'd reptile cries; Another replies. The name of the person on whom this terrible epitaph was composed is not known. I heard the late Mr. Cromek recite it, and say that he had sought in vain to discover who the Walter was against whom it was directed. The name might be found; but, in gratifying idle curiosity, much pain would be inflicted. XXX. ON CAPTAIN FRANCIS GROSE. THE devil got notice that Grose was a-dying, And saw each bed-post with its burden a-groaning, It is related that one evening, at table, when wine and wit were flowing, Grose, delighted with some of the sallies of Burns, requested the honor of a couplet upon himself. The Poet eyed the corpulent antiquarian for a minute's space or so, and then repeated this epigram amid roars of laughter. XXXI. THE KIRK OF LAMINGTON. As cauld a wind as ever blew, The Poet was stopped by a storm once in Clydesdale, and on Sunday went to Lamington Kirk: the day was so rough, the kirk so cold, and the sermon so little to his liking, that he left his poetic protest on the window. XXXII. THE LEAGUE AND COVENANT. THE Solemn League and Covenant Cost Scotland blood-cost Scotland tears: This was spoken in reply to a gentleman who sneered at the sufferings of Scotland for conscience' sake, and called the Solemn League and Covenant of the Lords and People ridiculous and fanatical. |