from infancy, and, though long deferred, is still present and affording me comfort. I promise myself this day, 1. To be more temperate, in the largest acceptation of the term; yet I will not forsake pleasure, for my maxim is, "God is paid when man receives to enjoy is to obey." Excess in every thing is to be avoided; moderation is allowable, and the power to moderate constitutes true wisdom. 2. To be industrious in my profession, in acquiring knowledge, and in writing. 3. In all that I possibly can to perform my duty to God and to my neighbor. I am not religious, but I will, if possible, become rationally So. As for your thorough-going religious man, he always seemed to me a devil more than a saint,-more fit for hell than for heaven. Brandy and wine, but they are enemies; and he who obeys toward them the divine injunction, "Love your enemies," should nevertheless "keep a red eye out," lest his dear enemies should get the better of him. Three potations are enough in the twenty-four hours. I have a hankering for snuff and tobacco and a love for cigars: surely two pinches, two chews, and two fumigations per diem can do no great harm. I'll make the experiment, however, and then we shall see. I am not a luxurious eater, although I like good things. Moderate breakfasts, hearty dinners, no suppers, and seidlitz, bathing and the flesh-brush, will serve to keep me wound up during the month. Oct. 13, 1831.-What changes have been wrought by one little year! When this journal was discontinued, I was a husband, and expecting to be the father of another child. Now, when nearly a year afterward I put pen to these pages, I am desolate! Children there are, to-besure; but the light of my life has been extinguished, and I am left in darkness! I am now upward of forty-two years of age; and how, upon examination, close and rigorous examination,-do I find myself? Worse in circumstances, worse in habits, worse in feelings! Nothing can excuse my downward course but absolute madness,-madness occasioned by misfortune,-excess of misfortune! God help me! I am most unworthy even to offer a prayer to the great and mysterious Being by whom I have been sorely and justly chastened. March 4, 1832.-Woke the same miserable being as when I went to bed. I am obliged to stifle thought,-unrestrained thought; and an unbroken view of all the ills I endure and have endured, and all the woes in prospect, would kill me! Augusta, June 24, 1832.-It is meet that I commune a little with myself. My health and constitution are impaired. I must adopt a course different from that I have pursued, in order to preserve SANITY of mind and body! First, then, my mind. I must devote all leisure time that I can to the improvement of my mind. History, law, politics, science, are yet unlearned; and their order and my application to them must be regulated by rules hereafter to be adopted, when I get to the place of my new destination, [East Florida.] 1833, Jan. 31.-Passed the day at Tallahassee, and employed for the most part in business. Nervously inclined. Shall I never get rid of feelings which make earth a hell while they last? Took Rob to town with me, the best and purest boy upon the face of the earth! Shall the time come when his kind heart will become corrupt and his innocence give way to guilt? God forbid! Somehow or other, there is a charm in Florida which attaches me to the country. In St. Augustine it was the Moresco-Spanish architecture, the venerable castle, the orange-groves, the bright moon and stars. Оп the way he sees the beautiful St. John's, the extensive pine-lands, the deep gloom of Black Creek, the magnificent Lake Kingsley, the dark Suwannee, the subterranean rivers, and the lime-sinks. Here, the lofty live-oaks, and the mossy hammocks, and the rural city, or rather forest-city, of Tallahassee, wind the spell about me. After all, the chief reason of my fondness for Florida may be that it brings me no unpleasant associations. It is true I am tracing these lines near the grave of a kind-hearted and talented youth whose relationship to me made him very dear to my heart. I think of his virtues, intelligence, enterprise, and early doom, and am melancholy; but 'tis not the melancholy which came from the contemplation of scenes in which I had met injustice and ingratitude in their worst forms; where I had encountered the loss of a wife, a lovely, highly-gifted, extraordinary woman. No, no! Had I remained in Georgia I had gone crazy. I may yet, for I often feel the madness coming to my brain; but I'll strive for my own sake, my children,-for Florida. Feb. 1.-Spent the day at my daughter's plantation, roaming through the forest, indulging dark and desponding thoughts, reflecting on the ingratitude of, of those who should have sustained me. Oh, friendship! Then writing a long letter to Gov. Forsyth and reading Silliman's Travels,-good book, but sometimes makes one think of the first two syllables of the author's name. Thus has the day been made out; but it has been an unpleasant day, though my solitude has been unbroken,-and God knows how grateful solitude is to me. But my affairs-those of my child, for whose arrival here I am anxiously looking out, my prospects in this world and no prospects in another-are all gloomy, and fill me with doubt and dismay. Would I were a Christian! but I cannot be a hypocrite. Weather pleasant, and, while I write, the moon and stars are shining with surpassing lustre upon the high oaks that lift their branches over my log cabin. This is the fatal 1st of February. What will the Nullifiers do? Some think the storm will blow over. The disciples of Mr. Calhoun do not wish it to do so: a settlement of the Tariff would be death to the hopes of him and Mr. Clay. I think we shall have a row; but the Union will weather it, no thanks to the South Carolina aspirants. Feb. 2.-I hear by letter from Augusta (newspapers I can get none) that South Carolina's ordinance is suspended to the adjournment of Congress. That is well; it will now never be enforced. I wept this evening at poor Charles's* grave! Poor young fellow! how soon were all his hopes cruelly blighted! The moon is shining brightly, though light clouds are driven across the heavens by the wind. "I'll forth and walk a while." Feb.-19. Set out after breakfast in a stanhope, having traded my gig for it. Like all my trades, bad; but the vehicle more convenient than the I gave for it. But the boot,-I could not afford to give it, and should one * Charles Black, his son in law. have been satisfied with what I possessed. Extravagance is indeed my besetting sin, and I should strive and master it. Feb. 20.-The old man [Mr. McGehee, at whose house he stayed the previous night] has been an instructor of youth, and would yet take delight, he says, in teaching. In the morning I found him seated on the steps of his house and feeding his chickens. One was a rooster of spirit, that ate from his hand. "This," said he, "I raised from a chicken, and taught him to eat as you see, and even to light on my knee and my shoulder; but when he began to crow he took up with this young hen, and refused to eat what I offered him until he had first clucked to her, and invited her to partake." I offered the old lady a pinch of snuff: she said "'twas the first she had seen since her arrival in Florida." I gave her half the contents of my box, and she produced, to receive it, an old family snuff-box, silver, lined with gold. It had been nearly one hundred years in the family, and its top was composed of one centre-stone, a beautiful blue, with a rich vein of gold and dove color. I looked at the sun through the stone: he was as red as blood. The old man told me the box was in request in Carolina at the time of the spots in the sun, and more spots had been discovered through this stone than by the best telescopes. Feb. 26.-Pass the St. John's; but my horses, carriage, and servant can't pass the river. Waves running high, wind high, tide strong. Flat, freighted with the said horses, carriage, and servant, gets two-thirds over, and obliged to put back, all in danger; but get over late in afternoon. Stay at old Hendrick's: quite sick at night. Feb. 27. For St. Augustine! Reach home delighted. The City of the Saint covered with orange-blossoms and redolent of sweets: more satisfied with it than ever. Meet my dear Flora and Rosalie, and my kind servants, all pleased! May 3.-It is proper that I should frame a course or scheme of life and adhere to it. Order and regularity are the main-springs of existence. What objects must I have in view? Health, comfort, amusement. Improve in law and history; cultivate a taste for poetry; exercise in composition and oratory. Acquire a knowledge of the Spanish, and improve myself in belles-lettres studies, performing at the same time the duties of a father, master, neighbor, and friend. Doctor and I took a walk round the Fort, my head as big as a bushel; told him my complaints; asked him to take my case in hand. He is a young man deep in consumption, but, I think, pretty good physician. We came to my house, talked with the ladies,-several there. The doctor professed to dislike the interference of preachers with sick people. Think he is wrong. Their motive is a mixed one, duty and vanity combined. If one ever attacks me, I shall see what he knows more than I do upon that grand and important subject. Doctor attempts, by way of beginning, to bleed me. Expresses surprise at my arm,-not rough and sinewy, but plump, round, and lady-like; not a vein to be found; blood all up in my head. I am in a bad way; but I am not alarmed. God's will be done! May 22.-Getting on (in court) pretty well; only one skirmish, and that with one of the bar, whose temper and habits and manner unfit him for social life. What shall we think of one whose literary attainments are not inconsiderable, whose physical and mental powers are, perhaps, extraordinary, whose industry and energy are vigorous and indefatigable, and yet whose love of self and ambition are unbounded, who is impatient of VOL. II.-14 $ to all restraint, suspicious, angry, and revengeful, with a spice of magnanimity and a gloss of good breeding, to which may be added violent passions, irritable feelings, and unbounded craft? All these qualities belong and make him a strange, lofty, and repulsive character. When we look to his gigantic stature, lofty brow, the deep furrows of passion around his eyes and on his cheeks, his surly mouth, formed not even for sneers, but full of bitterness, rank bitterness,-and, lastly, his black eyes, in which you look as into deep and dark fountains of sin and remorse,— eyes which may be characterized by the word " luciferian" more than any other, we behold a being from whom we must stand apart, who can have no sympathy with us, and who, if we approach too near him, will certainly do us harm. May 29.-Read a chapter of the Revelation on Horned Beasts, and a Lesson from Sturm on the economy of bees, some of which, he says, are employed in bringing materials, others in labor within the hive, and a third class in feeding the laborers. Bees are indeed wonderful creatures: they have an intelligence and an art which man in vain might struggle to acquire, with all his boasted wisdom. I think, too, it is true that there are persons to whom they have antipathy and will attack, and others toward whom they entertain opposite or friendly feelings. Some persons may handle them with impunity; others suffer if they go near them. This must be owing to their delicate olfactories and the superior fragrance of some of our species to others. I owned bees once: they left old women say, a sign of decay and ruin,-but too well verified in my fortunes. Prayed feebly to God to help me to restrain appetite and to enable me to improve in good works. me; DINNER FROM THE BAR. June 3, 1833.-Since I last journalized, there have been events. The most conspicuous was the Feast of Shells, to which the members of my bar invited me. To me, all unsuspicious of the honor intended, came a letter fairly written upon yellow paper, informing me that the gentlemen of the long robe thought very well of my conduct, both public and private, and wished to testify their respect by giving me a public dinner. Now, be it known that I am of suspicious temper, and, well knowing the jarring elements that abound here, and the inflammable materials around me, Ï conned the said letter upon the fine yellow paper aforesaid, over and over again, as sorely puzzled as was poor Tony Lumpkin when the letter from Hastings met his astonied gaze. True, I read not only the superscription, but the inside of the epistle, perfectly well; but the intention and design, the object in view and the end to be effected, I could not unravel. "This," said I, "looks well, sounds well: what the d--1 does it mean? I know I'm no Mansfield or Hale, and don't deserve a jot of such an honor; and, what's more, there are those among us who participate in this thing, and are of the same opinion. "They have no desire to do me honor; and the rest, why-why-there are not more than one or two who would not be willing to see me supplanted to-morrow! How, then, shall I act? Shall I decline and make a courtly excuse, or accept the invitation, hazarding all consequences?" The devil, in the shape of vanity and good-nature, made me adopt the latter alternative. Well, I returned a very complimentary letter, and the time, Friday, three P.M., (Friday is an unlucky day with me,) came. As no place was mentioned, I waited until half-past three o'clock, expecting an escort, of course; but none came. So I sallied forth in search of my dinner, and wended toward Loring's, where I understood the viands had been prepared. (N.B. As the occasion was to be a public one, I thought I could not do less than prepare a speech, which was done during the morning, to be delivered after the removal of the cloth, and in which every thing that could be agreeable to the bar was carefully infused. "As they treat me," thought I, "why should I not treat them in return?" As well as I remember, 'twas a pretty good speech, with several clever flights!) Well, I arrived; but no porter received me; my knock was unattended to. Thinks I, "They are all so busy-the servants, that is to say-that they don't hear. I'll go in without waiting longer." In I went. A little black fellow looked at me, and ran away with some precipitation. Thinks I, "He scents my judicial dignity." On I moved, and entered the parlor. There was no table, and but three chairs, in the vacant room. Says I, "I'm under some mistake as to the house;" but my cogitations were interrupted by approaching steps, and Mr. entered and gave me a cordial greeting. Said I, "The hour mentioned in my invitation had passed, so I thought I would come round; but I fear I'm too early." "No," he coldly answered, "but the dinner is too late." "Well," said I, "I'll return home, and come back again!" "Well, perhaps," said he, "it might be as well, and better than to stay here alone." So I was preparing to abscond, when in came a few gentlemen; and, other chairs being brought, we seated ourselves in a piazza, and a conversation commenced, during which some one or two other gentlemen dropped in. "This," said I to myself, "is not a very promising beginning; but who knows how well it may end?" So we talked of the heat of the weather, alligators, the Greek pun for laughter, &c. &c., when Messrs. made their appearance and asked us up to dinner. The dinner was plentiful,―ham, poultry, ducks, a half turtle-soup,-every thing rough and coarse; Judge at the head and Mr. tail, and the guests few and far between, and vacant chairs scattered from right to left. The bar and officers of court consisted of [Here follow the initials of seven names present and seven absent, and the initials of five gentlemen, invited guests.] at the Numerous invited guests did not attend. Well, round went the turtlesoup, and we began to masticate. But few words were said; all seemed wrapped in their own gloomy thoughts. "I wish," said I to myself, "I had been in Guinea before I accepted this invitation. Here is evidently something wrong. The President is cold and the Vice solemn; the guests few and reserved; the lawyers more silent than ever lawyers were before. Did the bar send me a cordial invitation to a public dinner that I might be thus entertained? The finger of the intriguer has been at work, and he has succeeded! It was intended to honor me: he has prevented it. It was intended to give éclat to a party given to me: he has made it cold and cheerless. Be it so. The gulled are to be pitied, the envious and malignant to be despised. I will be on my guard; and, while I do not show my discontent, I will neither say or do any thing to prove that I am gratified. That, indeed, would be a practical lie." At length wine was introduced. "This," said a commissary's man, "is the gift of our friend, Mr. —, who left us this morning, in the 'Agnes,' for Charleston." "Come, gentlemen, fill your glasses," said the President. "Now," thought I, "he'll drink my health; and how shall I demean myself so as neither to be civil nor offensive?" I resolved |