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To make a fine gentleman several trades broad their faces ! how very short their are required, but chiefly a barber. You noses ! how very little their eyes ! how have undoubtedly heard of the Jewish very thin their lips ! how very black their champion, whose strength lay in his hair. teeth! the snow on the tops of Bao is not One would think that the English were for fairer than their cheeks ; and their eye. placing all wisdom there. To appear wise brows are small as the line by the pencil nothing more is requisite here than for a of Quamsi. Here a lady with such perman to borrow hair from the heads of all fections would be frightful. Dutch and his neighbours, and clap it like a bush on Chinese beauties, indeed, have some rehis own. The distributors of law and phy- emblance, but English women are entirely sic stick on such quantities, that it is almost different : red cheeks, big eyes, and teeth impossible, even in idea, to distinguish of a most odious whiteness, are not only between the head and the hair.
seen here, but wished for; and then they Those whom I have now been describing have such masculine feet, as actually serve affect the gravity of the lion ; those I am some for walking ! going to describe more resemble the pert Yet, uncivil as nature has been, they seem vivacity of smaller animals. The barber, resolved to outdo her in unkindness: they who is still master of the ceremonies, cuts use white powder, blue powder, and black their hair close to the crown ; and then, powder for their hair, and a red powder with a composition of meal and hog's-lard, for the face on some particular occasions. plasters the whole in such a manner as to They like to have the face of various make it impossible to distinguish whether colours, as among the Tartars of Koreki, the patient wears a cap or a plaster : but, frequently sticking on, with spittle, little to make the picture more perfectly striking, black patches on every part of it, except conceive the tail of some beast, a grey on the tip of the nose, which I have never hound's tail, or a pig's tail, for instance, seen with a patch. You'll have a better appended to the back of the head, and idea of their manner of placing these reaching down to the place where tails in spots when I have finished a map of an other animals are generally seen to begin : English face patched up to the fashion, thus betailed and bepowdered, the man of which shall shortly be sent to increase your taste fancies he improves in beauty, dresses curious collection of paintings, medals, up his hard-featured face in smiles, and and monsters. attempts to look hideously tender. Thus But what surprises more than all the equipped, he is qualified to make love, rest is what I have just now been credibly and hopes for success more from the pow- informed of by one of this country.
Most der on the outside of his head than the ladies here,” says he, “have two faces; sentiments within.
one face to sleep in, and another to show Yet when I consider what sort of a crea in company. The first is generally reture the fine lady is to whom he is supposed served for the husband and family at home; to pay his addresses, it is not strange to find the other prion to please strangers abroad : him thus equipped in order to please. She the family face is often indifferent enough, is herself every whit as fond of powder, and but the out-door one looks something tails, and hog's-lard, as he. To speak my better; this is always made at the toilet, secret sentiments, most reverend Fum, the where the looking-glass and toad-eater sit ladies here are horribly ugly; I can hardly in council, and settle the complexion of endure the sight of them; they no way the day.” resemble the beauties of China: the I cannot ascertain the truth of this Europeans have quite different idea of remark : however, it is actually certain, beauty from us. When I reflect on the that they wear more clothes within doors small-footed perfections of an Eastern than without; and I have seen a lady, beauty, how is it possible I should have who seemed to shudder at a breeze in her eyes for a woman whose feet are ten inches own apartment, appear half naked in the long? I shall never forget the beauties of streets. -Farewell. my native city of Nangfew. How very
To the same.
our freedom ; if the French should conquer, what would become of English liberty?
My dear friends, liberty is the Englishman's The English seem as silent as the Japan. prerogative; we must preserve that at the ese, yet vainer than the inhabitants of Siam. expense of our lives ; of that the French Upon my arrival I attributed that reserve shall never deprive us. It is not to be exto modesty, which, I now find, has its ori- pected that men who are slaves themselves gin in pride. Condescend to address them would preserve our freedom should they first, and you are sure of their acquaintance; happen to conquer.” “Ay, slaves,” cries stoop to flattery, and you conciliate their the porter, “they are all slaves, fit only to friendship and esteem. They bear hunger, carry burdens, every one of them. Before cold, fatigue, and all the miseries of life, I would stoop to slavery may this be my without shrinking; danger only calls forth poison ! (and he held the goblet in his their fortitude; they even exult in cala- hand,) may this be my poison !—but I mity: but contempt is what they cannot would sooner list for a soldier." bear. An Englishman fears contempt The soldier, taking the goblet from his more than death; he often flies to death friend with much awe, fervently cried out, as a refuge from its pressure; and dies “ It is not so much our liberties, as our rewhen he fancies the world has ceased to ligion, that would suffer by such a change: esteem him.
ay, our religion, my lads. May the devil Pride seems the source not only of their sink me into flames, (such was the solemnational vices, but of their national virtues nity of his adjuration,) if the French should also. An nglishman is taught to love come over, but our religion would be his king as his friend, but to acknowledge utterly undone !”-So saying, instead of no other master than the laws which him- a libation, he applied the goblet to his self has contributed to enact. He despises lips, and confirmed his sentiments with those nations who, that one may be free, a ceremony of the most persevering are all content to be slaves; who first lift devotion. a tyrant into terror, and then shrink under In short, every man here pretends to be his power as if delegated from Heaven.
a politician; even the fair sex are someLiberty is echoed in all their assemblies : times found to mix the severity of national and thousands might be found ready to offer altercation with the blandishments of love, up their lives for the sound, though per- and often become conquerors by more haps not one of all the number understands weapons of destruction than their eyes. its meaning. The lowest mechanic, how- This universal passion for politics is ever, looks upon it as his duty to be a gratified by daily gazettes, as with us in watchful guardian of his country's freedom, China. But as in ours the emperor enand often uses a language that might seem deavours to instruct his people, in theirs haughty even in the mouth of the great the people endeavour to instruct the emperor who traces his ancestry to the administration. You must not, however, Moon.
imagine, that they who compile these A few days ago, passing by one of their papers have any actual knowledge of the prisons, I could not avoid stopping, in politics, or the government, of a state ; order to listen to a dialogue which I thought they only collect their materials from the might afford me some entertainment. The oracle of some coffeehouse, which oracle conversation was carried on between a has himself gathered them the night before debtor through the grate of his prison, a from a beau at a gaming-table, who has porter, who had stopped to rest his burden, pillaged his knowledge from a great man's and a soldier at the window. The subject porter, who has had his information from was upon a threatened invasion from the great man's gentleman, who has inFrance, and each seemed extremely anxious vented the whole story for his own amuse. to rescue his country from the impending ment the night preceding. danger. “For my part,” cries the prisoner, The English, in general, seem fonder "the greatest of my apprehensions is for of gaining the esteem than the love of
those they converse with. This gives a formality to their amusements : their gay
LETTER V. est conversations have something too wise
To the same. for innocent relaxation : though in company you are seldom disgusted with the I HAVE already informed you of the absurdity of a fool, you are seldom lifted singular passion of this nation for politics. into rapture by those strokes of vivacity, An Englishman, not satisfied with finding, which give instant, though not permanent, by his own prosperity, the contending pleasure.
powers of Europe properly balanced, deWhat they want, however, in gaiety, sires also to know the precise value of they make up in politeness. You smile every weight in either scale. To gratify at hearing me praise the English for their this curiosity, a leaf of political instruction politeness; you who have heard very dif- is served up every morning with tea: when ferent accounts from the missionaries at our politician has feasted upon this, he Pekin, who have seen such a different be- repairs to a coffeehouse, in order to rumihaviour in their merchants and seamen at nate upon what he has read, and increase home. But I must still repeat it, the English his collection ; from thence he proceeds seem more polite than any of their neigh to the ordinary, inquires what news, and bours: their great art in this respect lies in treasuring up every acquisition there, hunts endeavouring, while they oblige, to lessen about all the evening in quest of more, the force of the favour. Other coun- and carefully adds it to the rest. Thus at tries are fond of obliging a stranger ; but night he retires home, full of the important seem desirous that he should be sensible advices of the day : when lo ! awaking of the obligation. The English confer next morning, he finds the instructions their kindness with an appearance of of yesterday a collection of absurdity indifference, and give away benefits with or palpable falsehood. This one would an air as if they despised them.
think a mortifying repulse in the pursuit Walking, a few days ago, between an of wisdom ; yet our politician, no way English and a French man, into the suburbs discouraged, hunts on, in order to collect of the city, we were overtaken by a heavy fresh materials, and in order to be again shower of rain. I was unprepared ; but disappointed. they had each large coats, which defended I have often admired the commercial them from what seemed to me a perfect spirit which prevails over Europe ; have inundation. The Englishman, seeing me been surprised to see them carry on a shrink from the weather, accosted me thus: traffic with productions that an Asiatic “Psha, man, what dost shrink at? Here, stranger would deem entirely useless. It take this coat; I don't want it; I find it is a proverb in China that an European no way useful to me; I had as lief be suffers not even his spittle to be lost; the without it." The Frenchman began to maxim, however, is not sufficiently strong, show his politeness in turn. “My dear since they sell even their lies to great friend,” cries he, “why won't you oblige advantage. Every nation drives a conme by making use of my coat? you see siderable trade in this commodity with how well it defends me from the rain ; their neighbours. I should not choose to part with it to An English dealer in this way, for others, but to such a friend as you I instance, has only to ascend to his workcould even part with my skin to do him house, and manufacture a turbulent speech
averred to be spoken in the senate; or a From such minute instances as these, report supposed to be dropped at court ; most reverend Fum Hoam, I am sensible a piece of scandal that strikes at a popular your sagacity will collect instruction. mandarine; or a secret treaty between two The volume of nature is the book of neighbouring powers. When finished, knowledge; and he becomes most wise these goods are baled up, and consigned who makes the most judicious selection. to a factor abroad, who sends in return two --Farewell.
battles, three sieges, and a shrewd letter
filled with dashes blanks and turn these debates may take time only stars *** of great importance.
can discover. However, certain it is, we Thus you perceive that a single gazette shall be able to bring into the field, at the is the joint manufacture of Europe; and he opening of the next campaign, seventywho would peruse it with a philosophical five armed men, a commander-in-chief, eye might perceive in every paragraph and two drummers of great experience. something characteristic of the nation to SPAIN.— Yesterday the new kingshowed which it belongs. A map does not ex- himself to his subjects, and, after having hibit a more distinct view of the boun- stayed half an hour in his balcony, retired daries and situation of every country, than to the royal apartment. The night conits news does a picture of the genius and cluded, on this extraordinary occasion, the morals of its inhabitants. The super with illuminations and other demonstrastition and erroneous delicacy of Italy, the tions of joy. formality of Spain, the cruelty of Portugal, The queen is more beautiful than the the fears of Austria, the confidence of rising sun, and reckoned one of the first Prussia, the levity of France, the avarice wits in Europe. She had a glorious opporof Holland, the pride of England, the tunity of displaying the readiness of her absurdity of Ireland, and the national invention and her skill in repartee lately partiality of Scotland, are all conspicuous at court. The Duke of Lerma coming up in every page.
to her with a low bow and a smile, and But, perhaps, you may find more satis- presenting a nosegay set with diamonds, faction in a real newspaper, than in my Madam,” cries he, “I am your most description of one; I therefore send a obedient humble servant.”—“O sir,” respecimen, which may serve to exhibit the plies the queen, without any prompter, or manner of their being written, and distin- the least hesitation, “I'm very proud of the guish the characters of the various nations very great honour you do me. which are united in its composition. which she made a low courtesy, and all the
NAPLES. -We have lately dug up here a courtiers fell a-laughing at the readiness curious Etruscan monument, broke in two and the smartness of her reply. in the raising. The characters are scarce LISBON. — Yesterday we had an auto visible; but Nugosi, the learned antiquary, da fé, at which were burned three young supposes it to have been erected in honour women accused of heresy, one of them of Picus, a Latin king, as one of the lines of exquisite beauty, two Jews, and an old may be plainly distinguished to begin with woman, convicted of being a witch : one a P. It is hoped this discovery will pro- of the friars who attended this last reports, duce something valuable, as the literati of that he saw the devil. fly out of her at our twelve academies are deeply engaged the stake in the shape of a flame of fire. in the disquisition.
The populace behaved on this occasion Pisa. --Since Father Fudgi, prior of St. with great good-humour, joy, and sincere Gilbert's, has gone to reside at Rome, no devotion. miracles have been performed at the shrine Our merciful sovereign has been for of St. Gilbert : the devout begin to grow some time past recovered of his fright: uneasy, and some begin actually to fear though so atrocious an attempt deserved that St.Gilbert has forsaken them with the to exterminate half the nation, yet he reverend father.
has been graciously pleased to spare the LUCCA. - The administrators of our lives of his subjects, and not above five serene republic have frequent conferences hundred have been broke upon the wheel, upon the part they shall take in the present or otherwise executed, upon this horrid commotions of Europe. Some are for occasion. sending a body of their troops, consisting VIENNA. - We have received certain of one company of foot and six horsemen, advices that a party of twenty thousand to make a diversion in favour of the Austrians, having attacked a much superior empress-queen; others are as strenuous body of Prussians, put them all to Alight, assertors of the Prussian interest : what I and took the rest prisoners of war.
BERLIN.- We have received certain advices that a party of twenty thousand
LETTER VI. Prussians, having aitacked a much supe. Fum Hoam, First Presidert of the Ceremonial rior body of Austrians, put them to flight, Academy at Pekin, to Lien Chi Altangi, the and took a great number of prisoners,
discontented Wanderer; by the way of Moscow. with their military chest, cannon, and WHETHER sporting on the flowery banks baggage.
of the river Irtis, or scaling the steepy Though we have not succeeded this cam mountains of Douchenour; whether tra. paign to our wishes, yet, when we think of yersing the black deserts of Kobi, or giving him who commands us, we rest in security : 1 lessons of politeness to the savage inhawhile we sleep, our king is watchful for bitants of Europe; in whatever country, our safety.
whatever climate, and whatever circumPARIS. - We shall soon strike a signal stances, all hail ! May Tien, the Universal blow. We have seventeen flat-bottomed Soul, take you under his protection, and boats at Havre. The people are in excel inspire you with a superior portion of lent spirits, and our ministers make no himself difficulty in raising the supplies.
How long, my friend, shall an enthusiasm We are all undone; the people are dis- for knowledge continue to obstruct your contented to the last degree ; the ministers happiness, and tear you from all the conare obliged to have recourse to the most nexions that make life pleasing? How rigorous methods to raise the expenses of long will you continue to rove from climate the war.
to climate, circled by thousands, and yet Our distresses are great ; but Madame without a friend, feeling all the inconPompadour continues to supply our king, veniences of a crowd, and all the anxiety who is now growing old, with a fresh lady of being alone ? every night. His health, thank Heaven, I know you will reply, that the refined is still pretty well ; nor is he in the least pleasure of growing every day wiser is a unfit, as was reported, for any kind of royal sufficient recompense for every inconveniexercitation. He was so frightened at the ence. I know you will talk of the vulgar affair of Damiens, that his physicians were satisfaction of soliciting happiness from apprehensive lest his reason should suffer; sensual enjoyment only; and probably but that wretch's tortures soon composed enlarge upon the exquisite raptures of the kingly terrors of his breast.
sentimental bliss. Yet, believe me, friend, ENGLAND.--Wanted an usher to an ' you are deceived; all our pleasures, though academy. – N. B. He must be able to seemingly never so remote from sense, read, dress hair, and must have had the derive their origin from some one of the small-pox.
The most exquisite demonstraDUBLIN.-We hear that there is a be- tion in mathematics, or the most pleasing nevolent subscription on foot among the disquisition in metaphysics, if it does not nobility and gentry of this kingdom, who ultimately tend to increase some sensual are great patrons of merit, in order to assist satisfaction, is delightful only to fools, or Black and All Black, in his contest with to men who have by long habit contracted the Paddereen mare.
a false idea of pleasure; and he who We hear from Germany that Prince separates sensual and sentimental enjoy. Ferdinand has gained a complete victory, ments, seeking happiness from mind and taken twelve kettle-drums, five stand alone, is in fact as wretched as the naked ards, and four waggons of ammunition, inhabitant of the forest, who places all prisoners of war.
happiness in the first, regardless of the EDINBURGH.-We are positive when latter. There are two extremes in this we say that Saunders M‘Gregor, who was respect: the savage, who swallows down lately executed for horse-stealing, is not a the draught of pleasure without staying Scotsman, but born in Carrickfergus.- to reflect on his happiness; and the sage, Farewell.
who passeth the cup while he reflects on the conveniences of drinking.