Brag works wal at fust, but it ain't jes' the thing
For a stiddy inves❜ment the shiners to bring,
An' votin' we 're prosp'rous a hundred times over
Wun't change bein' starved into livin' in clover.
Manassas done sunthin' tow'rds drawin' the wool
O'er the green, antislavery eyes o' John Bull :
Oh, warn't it a godsend, jes' when sech tight fixes
Wuz crowdin' us mourners, to throw double-sixes!
I wuz tempted to think, an' it wuz n't no wonder,
Ther' wuz reelly a Providence, over or under,
When, all packed for Nashville, I fust ascertained
From the papers up North wut a victory we'd

gained.

't wuz the time for diffusin' correc' views abroad Of our union an' strength an' relyin' on God; An', fact, when I'd gut thru my fust big surprise, I much ez half b'lieved in my own tallest lies, An' conveyed the idee thet the whole Southun popperlace

Wuz Spartans all on the keen jump for Thermopperlies,

Thet set on the Lincolnites' bombs till they bust,
An' fight for the priv❜lege o' dyin' the fust;
But Roanoke, Bufort, Millspring, an' the rest
Of our recent starn-foremost successes out West,
Hain't left us a foot for our swellin' to stand on,
We've showed too much o' wut Buregard calls
abandon,

For all our Thermopperlies (an' it's a marcy
We hain't hed no more) hev ben clean vicy-varsy,
An' wut Spartans wuz lef' when the battle wuz done
Wuz them thet wuz too unambitious to run.

Oh, ef we hed on'y jes' gut Reecognition,

Things now would ha' ben in a different position! You'd ha' hed all you wanted: the paper blockade

Smashed up into toothpicks; unlimited trade

In the one thing thet's needfle, till niggers, I

SWOW,

Hed ben thicker 'n provisional shin-plasters now; Quinine by the ton 'ginst the shakes when they seize ye;

Nice paper to coin into C. S. A. specie ;

The voice of the driver 'd be heerd in our land,
An' the univarse scringe, ef we lifted our hand:
Would n't thet be some like a fulfillin' the prophe-
cies,

With all the fus' fem'lies in all the fust offices?
't wuz a beautiful dream, an' all sorrer is idle,
But ef Lincoln would ha' hanged Mason an' Sli-

dell!

For would n't the Yankees hev found they 'd ketched Tartars,

Ef they'd raised two sech critters as them into martyrs ?

Mason wuz F. F. V., though a cheap card to win

on,

But t' other was jes' New York trash to begin on; They ain't o' no good in Európean pellices,

But think wut a help they'd ha' ben on their gallowses!

They'd ha' felt they wuz truly fulfillin' their mission,

An', oh, how dog-cheap we'd ha' gut Reecognition!

But somehow another, wutever we 've tried, Though the the'ry 's fust-rate, the facs wun't coin

cide:

Facs are contrary 'z mules, an' ez hard in the

mouth,

An' they allus hev showed a mean spite to the South.

Sech bein' the case, we hed best look about For some kin' o' way to slip our necks out: Le''s vote our las' dollar, ef one can be found, (An', at any rate, votin' it hez a good sound,) Le''s swear thet to arms all our people is flyin', (The critters can't read, an' wun't know how we 're lyin',)

Thet Toombs is advancin' to sack Cincinnater, With a rovin' commission to pillage an' slahter,— Thet we've throwed to the winds all regard for wut's lawfle,

An' gone in for sunthin' promiscu'sly awfle.

Ye see, hitherto, it's our own knaves an' fools
Thet we've used, (those for whetstones, an' t' others
ez tools,)

An' now our las' chance is in puttin' to test
The same kin' o' cattle up North an' out West,
Your Belmonts, Vallandighams, Woodses, an' sech,
Poor shotes thet ye could n't persuade us to tech,
Not in ornery times, though we 're willin' to feed
'em

With a nod now an' then, when we happen to need

'em ;

Why, for my part, I'd ruther shake hands with a nigger

Than with cusses that load an' don't darst dror a

trigger;

They're the wust wooden nutmegs the Yankees perdooce,

Shaky everywheres else, an' jes' sound on the

goose;

They ain't wuth a cuss, an' I set nothin' by 'em, But we're in sech a fix thet I s'pose we mus' try

'em.

I- But, Gennlemen, here's a despatch jes' come

in

Which shows thet the tide 's begun turnin' agin',
Gret Cornfedrit success! C'lumbus eevacooated!
I mus' run down an' hev the thing properly stated,
An' show wut a triumph it is, an' how lucky
To fin❜lly git red o' thet cussed Kentucky, -
An' how, sence Fort Donelson, winnin' the day
Consists in triumphantly gittin' away.

No. V.

SPEECH OF HONOURABLE PRESERVED DOE IN SECRET CAUCUS

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY

JAALAM, 12th April, 1862. GENTLEMEN,- As I cannot but hope that the ultimate, if not speedy, success of the national arms is now sufficiently ascertained, sure as I am of the righteousness of our cause and its consequent claim on the blessing of God, (for I would

not show a faith inferior to that of the Pagan historian with his Facile evenit quod Dis cordi est,) it seems to me a suitable occasion to withdraw our minds a moment from the confusing din of battle to objects of peaceful and permanent interest. Let us not neglect the monuments of preterite history because what shall be history is so diligently making under our eyes. Cras ingens iterabimus æquor; to-morrow will be time enough for that stormy sea; to-day let me engage the attention of your readers with the Runick inscription to whose fortunate discovery I have heretofore alluded. Well may we say with the poet, Multa renascuntur quæ jam cecidere. And I would premise, that, although I can no longer resist the evidence of my own senses from the stone before me to the ante-Columbian discovery of this continent by the Northmen, gens inclytissima, as they are called in a Palermitan inscription, written fortunately in a less debatable character than that which I am about to decipher, yet I would by no means be understood as wishing to vilipend the merits of the great Genoese, whose name will never be forgotten so long as the inspiring strains of "Hail Columbia" shall continue to be heard. Though he must be stripped also of whatever praise may belong to the experiment of the egg, which I find proverbially attributed by Castilian authors to a certain Juanito or Jack, (perhaps an offshoot of our giant-killing mythus,) his name will still remain one of the most illustrious of modern times. But the impartial historian owes a duty likewise to