'By God! I'll not be seen behint them,
Nor 'mang the sp'ritual core present them,
Without at least ae honest man

To grace this damn'd infernal clan.'
By Adamhill a glance he threw,
Lord God!' quoth he, 'I have it now,
There's just the man I want, i' faith!'
And quickly stoppit Rankine's breath.

EXTEMPORANEOUS EFFUSION,

ON BEING APPOINTED TO THE EXCISE.

SEARCHING auld wives' barrels,—

Ochone the day!

That clarty barm should stain my laurels ;
But-what'll ye say?

These movin' things, ca'd wives and weans,
Wad move the very hearts o' stanes!

ON HEARING THAT THERE WAS FALSEHOOD IN THE REV. DR. BABINGTON'S VERY LOOKS.

THAT there is falsehood in his looks

I must and will deny ;

They say their master is a knave-
And sure they do not lie.

POVERTY.

IN politics if thou wouldst mix,
And mean thy fortunes be;

Bear this in mind, be deaf and blind,
Let great folks hear and see.

EPITAPH ON A SCHOOLMASTER.

IN CLEISH PARISH, KINROSS-SHIRE.

HERE lie Willie Michie's banes;
O Satan, when ye tak him,
Gie him the schoolin' of your weans,
For clever deils he'll mak them!

EPITAPH ON WILLIAM NICOL,

OF THE HIGH SCHOOL, EDINBURGH.

YE maggots, feed on Nicol's brain,
For few sic feasts ye've gotten,
And fix your claws in Nicol's heart,
For deil a bit o't's rotten.

EPITAPH ON A HENPECKED COUNTRY SQUIRE.

As father Adam first was fooled
(A case that's still too common),
Here lies a man a woman ruled,
--The Devil ruled the woman.

EPITAPH ON A SUICIDE.

EARTHED up, here lies an imp of hell
Planted by Satan's dibble:

Poor silly wretch, he's damned himsel
To save the Lord the trouble.

EPITAPH ON MY FATHER.

O YE, whose cheek the tear of pity stains,
Draw near with pious rev'rence and attend!
Here lie the loving husband's dear remains,
The tender father, and the gen'rous friend.

The pitying heart that felt for human woe;
The dauntless heart that fear'd no human pride;

The friend of man, to vice alone a foe;

For ev'n his failings lean'd to virtue's side.'

EPITAPH ON JOHN DOVE,

INNKEEPER, MAUCHLINE.

HERE lies Johnny Pidgeon;

What was his religion?

Wha e'er desires to ken,

To some other warl'

Maun follow the carl,

For here Johnny Pidgeon had nane!
Strong ale was ablution,

Small beer persecution,

A dram was memento mori ;

But a full flowing bowl

Was the saving his soul,

And port was celestial glory.

EPITAPH ON JOHN BUSHBY,

WRITER, DUMFRIES.

HERE lies John Bushby, honest man!
Cheat him, Devil, if you can.

10

EPITAPH ON A WAG IN MAUCHLINE.

LAMENT him, Mauchline husbands a',
He aften did assist ye;

For had ye staid whole weeks awa,
Your wives they ne'er had miss'd ye.

Ye Mauchline bairns, as on ye pass
To school in bands thegither,
O tread ye lightly on his grass;
Perhaps he was your father.

HERE lies a mock Marquis whose titles were shamm'd. If ever he rise, it will be to be damn'd.

EPITAPH ON WALTER RIDDELL.

SIC a reptile was Wat,

Sic a miscreant slave,

That the worms ev'n damn'd him

When laid in his grave.

'In his flesh there's a famine,'

A starv'd reptile cries;

'An' his heart is rank poison,'
Another replies.

EPITAPH ON GABRIEL RICHARDSON.

HERE brewer Gabriel's fire's extinct,
And empty are his barrels ;

He's blest, if as he brewed he drink,-
This man of honest morals!

EPITAPH FOR GAVIN HAMILTON, ESQ.

THE poor man weeps here Gavin sleeps,
Whom canting wretches blam'd:
But with such as he, where'er he be,
May I be sav'd or damn'd!

EPITAPH FOR ROBERT AIKEN, ESQ.

KNOW thou, O stranger to the fame
Of this much lov'd, much honour'd name,
(For none that knew him need be told)
A warmer heart death ne'er made cold.

EPITAPH ON A CELEBRATED RULING ELDER.

HERE Souter Hood in Death does sleep;

To Hell, if he's gone thither,

Satan, gie him thy gear to keep,
He'll haud it weel thegither.