THE BAGMAN'S TALE. Some few months ago I was carried by the course of my journeys into Liverpool, to which the other members of this circuit were not expected to travel for a fortnight or three weeks. I cannot express to you the solitude of my condition. After my professional labours were over, I had no friendly circle to retire to, in which to while away the memory of the disagreeable incidents which beset the path of every person in business-and none more than persons in our callingcomplaints of orders not fulfilled-want of punctuality in executing an order apparent differences between the sample and the article sent and other most unfounded and unpleasant observations I had no place in which, by the kind influences of friendship and sociality, the wrinkles could be smoothed from the brow of care, and the wig, as it were, fitted on the bald head of disappointment. No - for there is no congeniality between us and the gentlemen of any other occupation. I spent whole days in work, and whole evenings in loneliness. I put up at the Saracen's Head. The barmaid was a man, and the chambermaid dreadfully ugly. In short, she might have supplied the place of the signboard at the door, if time or bad weather had obliterated its paint. A masculine compounder of punch, and a frightful maker of beds, are the two greatest misfortunes that can befall a commercial gent. Other things may be borne, but these are intolerable. Under these circumstances, it will not be surprising that I hailed the advances towards an acquaintance made to me by a gentleman in the next box, with no little satisfaction. He had sat in the same seat for several nights, and gradually his face assumed a more friendly expression, till when he actually spoke, we both felt as if we had already been acquainted for a long time. He was a man about forty years of age, but retaining, by a considerable effort, the appearances of youth. His hat was always set fashionably on one side of his head-his hair scrupulously brushed his waist very much tied in by an exceedingly tight surtout, and his trowsers firmly fixed down by the help of bright polished straps. His hair was not red, but certainly not very far removed from it; his face was very fat, his eyes very small, his nose large, and altogether he gave you the idea of a person who was considerably too big for his clothes, and who, instead of enlarging his habiliments, brought matters into correct proportion by diminishing the size of his body. But the effort, though well intended, was in vain; for wherever the button allowed an escape, a protuberance was sure to make its appearance, and his figure had consequently the look of a pillow tied round with a number of strings. He opened his mouth, and smiling so as to show his white teeth, offered me his snuff-box, and said the weather was very hot. As we agreed in opinion, we resolved to prove that we were in earnest in what we said, by calling for two tumblers of cold without. "I p'rceive you've been in this c'ffee-room every night for a week," he began. " I think you've hit on the extent of my sojourn here exactly." " Oh, by dad, I'm the wonderfullest fellow for taking notice of things! he said. Nothing escapes me; all my friends agree I'm the terriblest hand for keeping my eyes open.. Then it won't be very safe," I said, «to have a secret in the company of such an Argus. n Argus is a fire insurance; uncle Bob has some shares in it. Oh, you don't know half the things I've wormed out of people, just by using my own quickness; I'll be bound you never met with such a fellow. Your name's Smith, isn't it? » « Yes. » « Told you so; nothing escapes me; I saw it on your bag, and asked the waiter. Smith's rather a common name, I think. » power of observation I have; ready? » You'll soon see what a p'r'aps you perceive it al Yes, I think your remarks hitherto have shown great quickness. You have said the weather was hot, that my name was Smith, and that the name of Smith was common. » "What a memory you have! Now it's the only thing I fail in, that memory. I never recollect things-never could; I was always the cleverest boy in the school for getting up my lessons at home, but somehow I always forgot them when I had to say them to the master. It's a sign of genius, they say, to forget things-I do always. » " but when a man has bril I said; It's a misfortune, liant natural abilities "Ah, that's the very thing! there's no use for memory, then; but it's sometimes a misfortune, too, to have those brilliant natural abilities. 'Pon my soul, I sometimes wish I was an ass. » « Indeed! » "Twould be such a relief. There ain't a fellow of my acquaintance that doesn't apply to me now whenever he's in a difficulty. I'm the boy for getting them out of scrapes; there's no end of five-pound notes I've lent fellows, and given them such advice; 'pon my honour, I wish they didn't all think me so clever. They all thought I wrote 'Cicely, or the Adventures of a Coxswain,' but I didn't. It's a fact. I didn't, upon my honour. » "You mean Cecil, I suppose ? » . Exactly; but I told you I always forgot things. But it's the girls I'm such a fellow with. There ain't a girl in Liver VOL. IV. 17 pool that doesn't make me her confidant. I know the secrets of every one of them ;-'pon my soul I could make you laugh for a month. > But is it only as confidant they employ you? I enquired; for though it's a very honourable post, still it strikes me to be of rather second-rate importance compared to the object of their attachment. » "You think they ain't in love with me,» replied my friend; stop till you've been a while in the town, you'll soon see whether they're in love with me or not. Some ain't-of course they can't all be-I confess that; for I hate boasting; but somehow I like to be second fiddle in these matters - I like to help people off; I daresay I've been the cause of marrying forty couples in this very town. Only last month I got William Snivett married to a girl with six thousand pounds. » Indeed! how did you manage ? » I took away her character, I spread reports among all my friends of what I had seen-though I never saw any thingI shook my head mysteriously when she was mentioned, and said Snivett was a rascal if he didn't marry that poor deluded girl; her father came to me and threatened to prosecute for defamation; a great coarse beast of a fellow, a cousin from Aberdeenshire, came up to me in Lord Street, and held a stick over me, and begged me to consider myself horse-whipped; but I bound him over to keep the peace, and offered to spar with the old governor for fifty pounds; and the end of it was that the old fellow was devilish glad to hush it up, and gave his consent and all the money. They were married a month ago; and that ungrateful fellow, William Snivett, has made me write an apology in the newspapers, and threatened to kick me wherever we meet. Wasn't that a clever trick? 'pon my soul I wish I was a little stupider. think it would be better? » Don't you Oh no! I admire clever people of all things. » "Do you?" said my friend;-« literary people? fellows that write books ? » Oh, of course! I think an author the first of men. » « Women! women! I mean women! We've got an uncommon stock of literary ladies in our town. Hanged if I don't know half-a-dozen myself. » "And their secrets? I enquired laughing. My companion seemed absorbed in thought, and after a long pause suddenly asked me, Were you ever in Bristol, sir? » I have lived many years in the neighbourhood.» « You have? That's all right. What a fellow I am for finding out things: there ain't such a nose in England. He seemed so delighted with himself for having made the profound discovery, that he went on for a long time drinking bumpers and making speeches in praise of his own acumen. His egotism and vanity were very amusing, and, as he seemed very good-natured and obliging, I took rather a fancy to my new acquaintance. When we had sat a long time together, counterbalancing the extreme heat of the weather by the process I have already described, he proposed a walk into the streets before separating for the night. On a table at the door of the coffee-room was a tray filled with dirty tumblers, empty decanters, biscuit-plates, and other relics of an entertainment. The good-nature of my friend could not resist the opportunity of displaying itself. « That poor fellow, the waiter, has got tired with his day's work, he said. I think I'll just carry these things to his pantry for him. It's in our way to the front door. » He accordingly lifted the tray and proceeded towards the street. My old enemy, the hideous chambermaid, hearing our steps, concluded it was somebody requiring her aid, and rushed forth from a corner with a bed-candle in her hand. But the amateur waiter not perceiving her approach, pushed against her with such force that in the recoil he tumbled fairly on his back, while tumblers, plates, and decanters fell in broken fragments on his face. He was a most hideous sight to see. Blinded with the dregs of so many jugs and bottles, and perhaps stunned with his fall and the shower of crockery on his head, he lay mute and motionless; and the waiter, on his arrival, was no less obstreperous in condemnation of his in |