Outcant old Efdras, or outdrink his heir,
Out-ufure Jews, or Irishmen out-fwear;
Wicked as pages, who in early years
Acts fins which Prifca's confeffor fcarce hears.
Ev'n those I pardon, for whole finful fake
Schoolmen new tenements in hell must make;
Of whole ftrange crimes no canonist can tell
In what commandment's large contents they dwell.
One, one man only breeds my just offence,
Whom crimes gave wealth, and wealth gave impu-
Time, that at laft matures a clap to pox,
Whofe gentle progrefs makes a calf an ox,
And brings all natural events to pafs,
Hath made him an Attorney of an Afs.
No young divine, new-benefic'd, can be
More pert, more proud, more politive, than he.
What further could I with the fop to do
But turn a wit, and fcribble verses too?
Pierce the foft lab'rinth of a lady's ear
With rhymes of this per cent. and that per year?
But thefe do me no harm, nor they which use
Το
out-ufure Jews,
T'out-drink the fea, t' outfwear the Litany,
Who with fins all kinds as familiar be
As confeffors, and for whofe finful fake,
Schoolmen new tenements in hell muft make;
Whofe ftrange fins canonifts could hardly tell
In which commandment's large receipt they dwell.
But thefe punish themselves. The infolence
Of Cofcus only breeds my just offence,
Whom time (which rots all, and make botches pox,
And plodding on must make a calf an ox)
Hath made a lawyer which (alas!) of late,
But fcarce a poet, jollier of this ftate
Than are new-benefic'd minifters: he throws,
Like nets or lime-twigs, wherefo'er he goes,
His title of Barrister on every wench,
And wooes in language of the Pleas and Bench * *
Words, words which would tear
The tender labyrinth of a maid's foft ear,
Or court a wife, fpread out his wily parts,
Like nets, or lime-twigs, for rich widows' hearts;
Call himfelf Barrister to ev'ry wench,
1 And wooe in language of the Pleas and Bench?
Language which Boreas might to Auster hold,
More rough than forty Germans when they fcold.
Curs'd be the wretch, fo venal and fo vain,
Paltry and proud as drabs in Drury-Lane.
'Tis fuch a bounty as was never known,
If Peter deigns to help you to your own:
What thanks, what praife, if Peter but fupplies!
And what a folemn face if he denies !
Grave, as when pris'ners fhake the head, and fwear
'Twas only furetyfhip that brought 'em there.
His office keeps your parchment fates entire,
He starves with cold to fave them from the fire;
For you he walks the streets thro' rain or duft,
For not in chariots Peter puts his trust:
For you he fweats and labours at the laws,
Takes God to witness he affects your
And lies to ev'ry lord in ev'ry thing,
Like a king's favourite-or like a king.
These are the talents that adorn them all,
From wicked Waters ev'n to godly * *
More, more than ten Sclavonians fcoldings, more
Than when winds in our ruin'd abbys roar.
When fick with poetry, and poffefs'd with Mufe
Thou waft, and mad, I hop'd; but men which chufe
Law-practice for meer gain, bold fouls repute
Worfe than imbrothell'd ftrumpets prostitute.
Now like an owl-like watchman he must walk,
His hand still at a bill; now he must talk
Idly, like pris'ners, which whole months will fwear
That only furetyship hath brought them there,
And to every fuitor lie in ev'ry thing,
Like a king's favourite, or like a king:
Like a wedge in a block wring to the bar,
Bearing like affes, and more fhameless far
Than carted whores, lye to the grave judge;
Bastardy abounds not in kings' titles, nor
VOL. III.
Not more of Simony beneath black gowns,
Not more of bastardy in heirs to crowns.
In fhillings and in pence at firft they deal,
And steal fo little, few perceive they steal;
Till like the fea, they compaís all the land,
From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover Strand :
And when rank widows purchafe luscious nights,
Or when a duke to Janffen punts at White's,
Or city-heir in mortgage melts away,
Satan himself feels far lefs joy than they.
Piece-meal they win this acre first, then that,
Glean on, and gather up the whole estate ;
Then ftrongly fencing ill-got wealth by law,
Indentures, cov'nants, articles, they draw,
Large as the fields themselves, and larger far
Than Civil codes, with all their gloffes, are;
So vaft, our new divines, we must confefs,
Are fathers of the church for writing lefs.
But let them write, for you each rogue impairs
The deeds, and dext'rously omits fes heires:
No commentator can more flily pafs
O'er a learn'd unintelligible place;
Simony and Sodomy in churchmen's lives,
As these things do in him; by these he thrives.
Shortly (as th' fea) he'll compafs all the land,
From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover Strand ; And spying heirs melting with luxury,
Satan will not joy at their fins as he :
For (as a thrifty wench fcrapes kitchen stuff,
And barrelling the droppings and the snuff
Of wafting candles, which in thirty year,
(Reliquely kept) perchance buys wedding chear)
Piece-meal he gets lands, and spends as much time
Wringing each acre as maids pulling prime.
In parchment then, large as the fields, he draws
Affurances big as glofs'd civil laws;
So huge, that men (in our time's forwardness)
Are fathers of the church for writing lefs.
Or in quotation fhrewd divines leave out
Those words that would against them clear the doubt.
So Luther thought the Pater-nofter long,
When doom'd to lay his beads and even fong;
But having caft his cowl, and left thofe laws,
Adds to Chrift's pray'r the Pow'r and Glory clause.
The lands are bought; but where are to be found
Those ancient woods that fhaded all the ground? 110
We fee no new built palaces afpire,
No kitchens emulate the Veftal fire.
Where are thofe troops of poor that throng'd of yore
The good old landlord's, hofpitable door?
Well, I could wish that ftill, in lordly domes,
Some beafts were kill'd, tho' not whole hecatombs
That both extremes were banish'd from their walls,
Carthufian fafts and fulfome Bacchanals;
And all mankind might that just mean observe,
In which none e'er could furfeit, none could starve.
These he writes not, nor for these written pays,
Therefore fpares no length; (as in thofe firft days
When Luther was profeft, he did defire
Short Pater-nofters, faying as a fryer
Each day his beads; but having left thofe laws, Adds to Chrift's pray'r the Power and Glory claufe ;) But when he fells or changes land, h' impairs
His writings, and (unwatch'd) leaves out fes heires, And flily, as any commentor, goes by
Hard words or fente; or in divinity
As controverters in vouch'd texts leave out
Shrewd words, which might against them clear the
Where are thofe fpread woods which cloth'd heretofore Thofe bought lands? not built, nor burnt within door. Where the old landlord's troops and alms? In halls Carthufian fafts and fulfome Bacchanals
Equally I hate. Means bleft. In rich men's homes Ibid kill fome beafts, but no hecatombs;
These are good works, 'tis true, we all allow,
But, oh! thefe works are not in fashion now:
Like rich old wardrobes, things extremely rare,
Extremely fine, but what no man will wear.
Thus much I've faid, I truft without offence; 125 Let no court fycophant pervert my sense,
Nor fly informer watch, thefe words to draw
Within the reach of treafon or the law.
None ftarve, none furfeit fo. But (oh!) w' allow
Good works as good, but out of fashion now,
Like old rich wardrobes. But my words none draws
Within the vast reach of th' huge ftatute-laws.
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