DUTIES OF THE MARRIED STATE. 341 frequently repeated distinctions of MINE and THINE; for this has caused all the laws, and all the suits, and all the wars in the world. Let those who have but one person, have also but one interest. Instances may occur, in which there may, and must be, a separate investiture of property, and a sovereign and independent right of disposal in the woman: in this case, the most anxious care should be taken by the husband not to attempt to invade that right; and by the wife, neither ostentatiously to speak of it, nor rigidly to claim it, nor selfishly to exercise it. (2.) Mutual respect is a duty of married life; for though the Scriptures enjoin on the wife especial reverence toward the husband, yet is respect due from the husband also. But that each may be respected, each much possess a character, and so act, as to be really respectable, or worthy of respect. It is, and ought to be, a more dreadful thing for a married couple to lose their mutual respect, than to lose the respect of the world. (3.) Mutual attachment to each other's society is a duty common to husband and wife. They are united, in order to be companions. It is absurd for those who have no prospect of dwelling together, to enter this state; and those who are already in it should not be unnecessarily abroad. When from home, they cannot discharge the duties they owe to their household. There are some husbands who seem fonder of any society than the company of their wives, as appears from the disposal of their leisure hours. How few of these are appropriated to the wife! It is a sad reflection upon a man when he is fond of spending his evenings abroad. It implies something bad, and it predicts something worse. And then, to insure, as far as possible, the society of her husband, at his own fireside, let the wife be " a keeper at home," and do all in her power to render that fireside as attractive as good temper, neatness, and cheerful, affectionate conversation, can make it. But the pleasures of home must not be allowed to interfere with the calls and claims of public duty. Wives must not ask, and husbands must not give, that time which is demanded for the cause of God and man. (4.) Mutual forbearance is another duty. This we owe to all, not excepting the stranger or an enemy; and most certainly it must not be denied to our nearest and dearest earthy friend. Wherever sin or imperfection exists, there is room for the forbearance of love. There is no perfection on earth. (5.) Mutual assistance, is the duty of husbands and wives. The wife should be willing to help the husband by her counsel in matters of business; while he should be willing to share with her the burden of domestic anxieties and fatigues. They should be helpful to each other also in the concerns of personal religion. The highest end of the connubial state is lost if it be not rendered helpful to our piety, and yet this end is too generally neglected, even by professors of religion. This mutual help should extend to the maintenance of all the habits of domestic order, discipline, and picty. They must also be helpful to each other, in works of humanity and religious benevolence. (6.) Mutual sympathy' is required, not only in reference to their sicknesses, but to all their afflictions, whether personal or relative: all their sorrows should be common. 715. There are special duties which the husband owes to the wife, and again those which the wife owes to the husband, for the understanding of which "James's Guide to Domestic Happiness" may be consulted. We shall furnish from that admirable work an illustration of two or three duties which are especially important to be exhibited in the wife. The first of these is (1.) Meekness, which the apostle Peter enjoins upon every wife to cultivate. He speaks of the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. No one stands in greater need of this disposition than the female head of a family; either the petulance and waywardness of children, or the neglect and misconduct of servants, or the sharp words of a husband, are almost sure, if she be easily provoked, to keep her in a state of painful irritation all the day long. (2.) The strength of woman lies not in resisting, but in yielding; her power is in her gentleness: there is more of real defense, and more of that aggressive operation too, which disarms a foe, in one mild look, or one soft accent, than in hours of flashing glances, and of angry tones. DUTIES OF A WIFE. 343 (3.) The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, is enjoined by an apostle in contrast with outward adorning of the person, which he forbids-which teaches us that less attention should be paid to the decoration of the person; more to that of the mind. 1 Tim. ii. 9, 10; 1 Pet. iii. 3, 4. 716. The evils of an improper attention to dress, are the following: (1.) Much precious time is wasted in the study, and arrangements, and decision of this matter. (2.) The attention is taken off from the improvement of the mind and the heart, to the decoration of the person. (3.) The mind is filled with pride and vanity, and love of display, and the true dignity of the soul is degraded. (4.) Money is wasted which is wanted for relieving the misery, and improving the condition of mankind. "We sacrifice to dress, till household joys And comforts cease. Dress drains our cellar dry, And keeps our larder lean; puts out our fires; Where peace and hospitality might reign." 717. ECONOMY and ORDER in the management of her personal and domestic expenditure, is the obvious duty of a wife. A showy, luxurious, and expensive taste is almost universally cherished in this age, where there are no means at the same time to support it. 718. A wife should be most attentive to all that concerns the welfare and comfort of the family. 66 For this purpose she must be a keeper at home;" otherwise she cannot discharge the duties that devolve upon her. Whoever has leisure for gossiping, she has none. A mother's place is in the midst of her family; a mother's duties, are to take care of them. Even a taste for literature must be kept within due bounds, and not be allowed to interfere with her household duties. Much less must a taste for company be allowed to draw a wife too much out of the circle of her cares and duties, leaving the family at home to themselves, or to the care of servants. Even attention to the public duties of religion must be regulated by a due regard to domestic claims. Yet many go to an opposite extreme, and make these claims an excuse for neglecting almost entirely the public duties of religion. IV. Benefits of the Marriage Institution. 719. That God regards the marriage institution as highly beneficial, appears, from its early institution by him; from his guarding the invasion of it by an express precept in the Decalogue; from the severity of Jewish laws requiring the punishment of its violation; and from the threatenings of eternal vengeance for the same crime. 720. There are several benefits which it is adapted to bestow : (1.) The private comfort of individuals; especially of the female sex. Though all persons are not concerned in this reason, yet it is a reason for abstaining from any conduct which tends in its general consequence to obstruct marriage. "Licentious men," says Dr. Dwight, "both of ancient and modern times, have carried on a course of open and incessant hostility against this institution, as they have indeed against all the real interests of mankind. In the progress of this warfare they have arraigned the wisdom, and denied the benefits of it; charged upon it evils which it does not produce, and enhanced those which are incident to the marriage state." Having admitted the fact that there are many unhappy marriages, from an imprudent selection of partners; from entering into the married state without real love and esteem for the other party, for the sake of property perhaps; and from conduct inconsistent with the duties of the married state, he proceeds to say,-"I have lived in very many families; and these, often in plain, as well as polished life. With very many more, extensively diversified in character and circumstances, I have been intimately acquainted. By the evidence arising from these facts, I am convinced that the great body of married persons are rendered more happy by this union; and are as happy, as their character and their circumstances could permit us to expect." (2.) The preservation and comfort of children, their better education, and the making of due provision for their settlement in life. (3.) The peace of human society, in cutting off a principal source of contention-existing where this institution is not observed. POLYGAMY-ITS EVILS. 345 (4.) The better government of society, by distributing the community into separate families, and appointing over each the authority of a master of a family, which has more actual influence than all civil authority put together. (5.) The same end, in the additional security which the state receives for the good behavior of its citizens, from the solicitude parents feel for the welfare of their children, and from their being confined to permanent habitations. (6.) The encouragement of industry and economy. (7.) The promotion of religion in the world. V. Subjects collateral to Marriage. 721. Of these we shall notice only Polygamy and Divorce-referring the student to Paley or Wayland for a discussion of other kindred topics. (a.) Polygamy. 722. Not only the Scripture account of the creation of mankind is a proof, to as many as believe in Scripture, that the union of one man with one woman was the original design and will of Heaven; but the remarkable equality of males and females born into the world, is an evidence of it to all men. Yet we know that polygamy was introduced at an early period; that it was practiced by the patriarchs and other pious men; and that it was recognized by the law of Moses, and subjected to regulation. If it was not properly approved, it was tolerated; and we must conclude, that at that period there was not such moral evil in it, if it was at all sinful, as was inconsistent with a state of salvation. Yet it ought to be considered that all the instances of polygamy mentioned in Scripture history were attended with great calamities to the children and parents, a fact that seems to prove that polygamy is opposed by God in his providence. 723. There are other reasons for considering polygamy unlawful. It is attended usually with the following bad effects to the parties and to the public: (1.) It is inconsistent with a due degree of mutual affection in the parties, and a due care in the education of their children. (2.) It introduces contests and jealousies among the wives of the same husband; keeps a multitude of females in |