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on 't

A man thet lets all sorts o' folks git a sight Then, comin' to order, they squabble awile

An' let off the speeches they 're ferful 'll Ough' to hev it all took right away, every spile; mite on 't;

Then Resolve, Thet we wunt hey an Ef he can't keep it all to himself wen it 's inch o’slave territory; wise to,

Thet Presidunt Polk's holl perceedins air He aint one it's fit to trust nothin' so nice to.

very tory;

Thet the war is a damned war, au' them Besides, ther 's a wonderful power in lati

thet enlist in it tude

Should hev a cravat with a dreffle tight To shift a man's morril relations an' atti

twist in it; tude;

Thet the war is a war fer the spreadin' o' Some flossifers think thet a fakkilty 's slavery; granted

Thet our army desarves our best thanks The minnit it 's proved to be thoroughly fer their bravery; wanted,

Thet we 're the original friends o' the Thet a change o' demand makes a change nation, o' condition,

All the rest air a paltry an' base fabricaAn' thet everythin' 's nothin' except by tion; position;

Thet we highly respect Messrs. A, B, Ez, fer instance, thet rubber-trees fust be

an' C,

An' ez deeply despise Messrs. E, F, an' G. Wen p’litikle conshunces come into wear- In this way they go to the eend o' the in',

chapter, Thet the fears of a monkey, whose bolt An' then they bust out in a kind of a rapchanced to fail,

tur Drawed the vertibry out to a prehensile About their own vartoo, an’ folks's stonetail;

blindness So, wen one 's chose to Congriss, ez soon ez To the men thet 'ould actilly do 'em a he 's in it,

kindness, A collar grows right round his neck in a The American eagle, - the Pilgrims thet minnit,

landed, An' sartin it is thet a man cannot be strict Till on ole Plymouth Rock they git finally Iu bein' himself, wen he gits to the Dees

stranded. trict,

Wal, the people they listen an’ say, “Thet's Fer a coat thet sets wal here in ole Massa

the ticket; chusetts,

Ez fer Mexico, 't aint no great glory to Wen it gits on to Washinton, somehow

lick it, askew sets.

But 't would be a darned shame to go pull

in' o' triggers Resolves, do you say, o' the Springfield To extend the aree of abusin' the nig

Convention ? Thet 's percisely the pint I was goin' to mention;

So they march in percession, an’git up Resolves air a thing we most gen’ally keep hooraws,

An' tramp thru the mud fer the good o' the They ’re a cheap kind 'o dust fer the eyes

cause, o'the people;

An' think they ’re a kind o' fulfillin' the A parcel o' delligits jest git together

prophecies, An' chat fer a spell o' the crops an’ the Wen they're on'y jest changin' the holders weather,

of offices;

Ware A sot afore, B is comf'tably seated, oxclaim with Donatus (if Saint Jerome's tutor may

One humbug 's victor'ous an' t other destand sponsor for a curse), Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerint ! - H. W.





Each honnable doughface gits jest wut he

Now all o' these blessin's the Wigs might axes,

enjoy, An' the people,

their annooal soft-sodder Ef they'd gumption enough the right means an' taxes.

to imploy;?

Fer the silver spoon born in Dermoc'acy's Now, to keep unimpaired all these glorious

mouth feeturs

Is a kind of a scringe thet they hev to the Thet characterize morril an' reasonin' cree

South; turs,

Their masters can cuss 'em an’ kick 'em an' Thet give every paytriot all he can cram,

wale 'em, Thet oust the untrustworthy Presidunt An' they notice it less 'an the ass did to BaFlam,

laam; An' stick honest Presidunt Sham in his In this way they screw into second-rate place,

offices To the manifest gain o' the holl human

Wich the slaveholder thinks 'ould substract

too much off his ease; race, An' to some indervidgewals on 't in par

The file-leaders, I mean, du, fer they, by tickler,

their wiles,
Who love Public Opinion an' know how to Unlike the old viper, grow fat on their files.
tickle her,-

Wal, the Wigs hev been tryin' to grab all
I say thet a party with gret aims like these this prey frum 'em
Must stick jest ez close ez a hive full o' An' to hook this nice spoon o' good fortin'

away frum 'em,

An' they might ha' succeeded, ez likely ez I'm willin’a man should go tollable strong

not, Agin wrong in the abstract, fer thet kind In lickin' the Demmercrats all round the

lot, Is ollers unpop'lar an’ never gits pitied,

Ef it warn't the't, wile all faithful Wigs Because it's a crime no one never com

were their knees on, mitted;

Some stuffy old codger would holler out, But he mus' n't be hard on partickler sins,

“ Treason! Coz then he 'll be kickin' the people's own

You must keep a sharp eye on a dog thet shins;

hez bit you once, On'y look at the Demmercrats, see wut An' I aint agoin' to cheat my constitoothey 've done

unts, Jest simply by stickin' together like fun;

Wen every fool knows thet a man repreThey've sucked us right into a mis’able


Not the fellers thet sent him, but them on Thet no one on airth aint responsible for;

the fence, They've run us a hundred cool millions in Impartially ready to jump either side debt

An' make the fust use of a turn o' the (An' fer Demmercrat Horners ther's good

tide, plums left yet);

The waiters on Providunce here in the city, They talk agin tayriffs, but act fer a high


compose wut they call a State Centeri one,

Committy. An' so coax all parties to build up their

Constitoounts air hendy to help a man in,

But arterwards don't weigh the heft of a To the people they're ollers ez slick ez mo- pin. lasses,

Wy, the people can't all live on Uncle Sam's An' butter their bread on both sides with

pus, The Masses,

So they ’ve nothin' to du with 't fer better Half o' whom they've persuaded, by way

or wus; of a joke, Thet Washinton's mantelpiece fell upon

1 That was a pithy saying of Persius, and fits our Polk.

politicians without a wrinkle, - Magister artis, ingeniique largitor venter. – H. W.

o' wrong


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Wence some gret filologists judge primy

fashy Thet M. C. is M. T. by paronomashy; An' these few exceptions air loosus naytury Folks 'ould put down their quarters to stare

at, like fury.

upon her;

It's the folks thet air kind o' brought up

to depend on 't Thet hev any consarn in 't, an' thet is the

end on't. Now here wuz New England abevin' the

honor Of a chance at the Speakership showered Do you say, “She don't want no more

Speakers, but fewer; She's hed plenty o' them, wut she wants is

a doer "? Fer the matter o' thet, it's notorous in town Thet her own representatives du her quite

brown. But thet 's nothin' to du with it; wut right

hed Palfrey To mix himself up with fanatical small

fry? Warn't we gittin' on prime with our hot

an' cold blowin', Acondemnin' the war wilst we kep' it

agoin'? We'd assumed with gret skill a command

in' position, On this side or thet, no one could n't tell

It 's no use to open the door o' success,
Ef a member can bolt so fer nothin' or less;
Wy, all o' them grand constitootional pillers
Our fore-fathers fetched with 'em over the

billers, Them pillers the people so soundly hev

slep' on, Wile to slav'ry, invasion, an' debt they were

swep' on, Wile our Destiny higher an' higher kep'

mountin' (Though I guess folks 'll stare wen she

hends her account in), Ef members in this way go kickin' agin ’em, They wunt hev so much ez a feather left in


An', ez fer this Palfrey, we thought wen

we'd gut him in, He'd go kindly in wutever barness we put

wich one,

him in;

Supposin' we did know thet he wuz a peace

man ?

So, wutever side wipped, we'd a chance at

the plunder An' could sue fer infringin' our paytented

thunder; We were ready to vote fer whoever wuz

eligible, Ef on all pints at issoo he'd stay unintelli

gible. Wal, sposin' we hed to gulp down our per

fessions, We were ready to come out next mornin'

with fresh ones; Besides, ef we did, 't was our business alone, Fer could n't we du wut we would with our

own ? An' ef a man can, wen pervisions hev riz so, Eat up his own words, it's a marey it is so. Wy, these chaps frum the North, with back

bones to 'em, darn 'em, 'Ould be wuth more 'an Gennle Tom Thumb

is to Barnum: Ther's enough thet to office on this very

plan grow, By exhibitin' how very small a man can

grow; But an M. C. frum here ollers hastens to

state he Belongs to the order called invertebraty,

Doos he think he can be Uncle Sammle's

policeman, An' wen Sam gits tipsy an kicks up a riot, Lead him off to the lockup to snooze till

he 's quiet ? Wy, the war is a war thet true paytriots

can bear, ef It leads to the fat promised land of a

tayriff; We don't go an' fight it, nor aint to be driv

on, Nor Demmercrats nuther, thet hev wut to

live on;

Ef it aint jest the thing thet 's well pleasin'

to God, It makes us thought highly on elsewhere

abroad; The Rooshian black eagle looks blue in his

eerie An' shakes both his heads wen he hears o'

Monteery; In the Tower Victory sets, all of a fluster,

1 There is truth yet in this of Juvenal,

“Dat veniam corvis, vexat censura columbas."-H. W

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an' savages;

in' in peace,

An' reads, with locked doors, how we won Agin holdin' o' slaves, though he knows Cherry Buster;

it's the corner An' old Philip Lewis- thet come an' kep' Our libbaty rests on, the mis’able scorner! school here

In short, he would wholly upset with his Fer the mere sake o' scorin' his ryalist ravages ruler

All thet keeps us above the brute critters On the tenderest part of our kings in futuro

An' pitch into all kinds o'briles an' conHides his crown underneath an old shut in

fusions his bureau,

The holl of our civerlized, free instituBreaks off in his brags to a suckle o' merry

tions; kings,

He writes fer thet ruther unsafe print, the How he often hed hided young native Courier, Amerrikins,

An' likely ez not hez a squintin' to Foorier; An' turnin' quite faint in the midst of his I 'll be thet is, I mean I 'll be blest, fooleries,

Ef I hark to a word frum so noted a pest; Sneaks down stairs to bolt the front door I sha'n't talk with him, my religion 's too o' the Tooleries.1

fervent. You say, “We'd ha' scared 'em by grow- Good mornin', my friends, I 'm your most

humble servant. A plaguy sight more then by bobberies like these " ?

[Into the question whether the ability to exWho is it dares say thet our naytional press ourselves in articulate language has been eagle

productive of more good or evil, I shall not

here enter at large. The two faculties of speech Wun't much longer be classed with the birds thet air regal,

and of speech-making are wholly diverse in

their natures. By the first we make ourselves Coz theirn be hooked beaks, an' she, arter intelligible, by the last unintelligible, to our this slaughter,

fellows. It has not seldom occurred to me (not'll bring back a bill ten times longer 'n

ing how in our national legislature everything

runs to talk, as lettuces, if the season or the she 'd ough' to ?

soil be unpropitious, shoot up lankly to seed, Wut 's your name? Come, I see ye, you instead of forming handsome heads) that Babel up-country feller,

was the first Congress, the earliest mill erected You ’ve put me out severil times with your

for the manufacture of gabble. In these days,

what with Town Meetings, School Committees, beller;

Boards (lumber) of one kind and another, ConOut with it! Wut? Biglow ? I say no- gresses, Parliaments, Diets, Indian Councils, thin' furder,

Palavers, and the like, there is scarce a village Thet feller would like nothin' better 'n a which has not its factories of this description murder;

driven by milk-and-water power. I cannot

conceive the confusion of tongues to have been He's a traiter, blasphemer, an' wut ruther

the curse of Babel, since I esteem my ignorance worse is,

of other languages as a kind of Martello-tower, He puts all his ath'ism in dreffle bad verses; in which I am safe from the furious bombardSocity aint safe till sech monsters air out

ments of foreign garrulity. For this reason I

have ever preferred the study of the dead lanon it,

guages, those primitive formations being AraRefer to the Post, ef you hev the least rats upon whose silent peaks I sit secure and doubt on it;

watch this new deluge without fear, though it Wy, he goes agin war, agin indirect taxes, rain figures (simulacra, semblances) of speech Agin sellin' wild lands 'cept to settlers

no thanks to Beelzebub neither! That of Seneca in


with axes,

Medea will suit here:

1 Jortin is willing to allow of other miracles besides those recorded in Holy Writ, and why not of other prophecies? It is granting too much to Satan to suppose him, as divers of the learned have done, the inspirer of the ancient oracles. Wiser, I esteem it, to give chance the credit of the successful ones. What is said here of Louis Philippe was verified in some of its minuto particulars within a few months' time. Enough to have made the fortune of Delphi or Hammon, and

* Ranida fortuna ac levin Præcepeque regno eripuit, exsilio dedit." Let us allow, even to richly deserved misfortune, our commiseration, and be not over-hasty meanwhile in our censure of the French people, left for the first time to govern themselves, remembering that wise sentence of Æschylne, —

"Απας δε τραχύς όστις αν νέον κρατή. – H. W.

forty days and nights together, as it not uncommonly happens. Thus is my coat, as it were,

No. V without buttons by which any but a vernacular wild bore can seize me. Is it not possible that THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT the Shakers may intend to convey a quiet reproof and hint, in fastening their outer gar

SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME ments with hooks and eyes ?

This reflection concerning Babel, which I [The incident which gave rise to the debate find in no Commentary, was first thrown upon

satirized in the following verses was the unsucmy mind when an excellent deacon of my con- cessful attempt of Drayton and Sayres to give gregation (being infected with the Second Ad- freedom to seventy men and women, fellowvent delusion) assured me that he had received beings and fellow-Christians. Had Tripoli, ina first instalment of the gift of tongues as a stead of Washington, been the scene of this small earnest of larger possessions in the like undertaking, the unhappy leaders in it would kind to follow. For, of a truth, I could not have been as secure of the theoretic as they now reconcile it with my ideas of the Divine justice are of the practical part of martyrdom. I quesand mercy that the single wall which protected tion whether the Dey of Tripoli is blessed with people of other languages from the incursions a District Attorney so benighted as ours at the of this otherwise well-meaning propagandist seat of government. Very fitly is he named should be broken down.

Key, who would allow himself to be made the In reading Congressional debates, I have instrument of locking the door of hope against fancied, that, after the subsidence of those sufferers in such a cause. Not all the waters of painful buzzings in the brain which result from the ocean can cleanse the vil smutch of the such exercises, I detected a slender residuum of jailer's fingers from off that little Key. Ahenea valuable information. I made the discovery clavis, a brazen Key indeed! that nothing takes longer in the saying than Mr. Calhoun, who is made the chief speaker anything else, for as ex nihilo nihil fit, so from this burlesque, seems to think that the light one polypus nothing any number of similar ones

of the nineteenth century is to be put out as may be produced. I would recommend to the soon as he tinkles his little cow-bell curfew. attention of viva voce debaters and controver- Whenever slavery is touched, he sets up his sialists the admirable example of the monk scarecrow of dissolving the Union. This may Copres, who, in the fourth century, stood for do for the North, but I should conjecture that half an hour in the midst of a great fire, and something more than a pumpkin-lantern is rethereby silenced a Manichæan antagonist who quired to scare manifest and irretrievable Deghad less of the salamander in him. As for tiny out of her path. Mr. Calhoun cannot let those who quarrel in print, I have no concern go the apron-string of the Past. The Past is a with them here, since the eyelids are a divinely good nurse, but we must be weaned from her granted shield against all such. Moreover, I sooner or later, even though, like Plotinus, we have observed in many modern books that the should run home from school to ask the breast, printed portion is becoming gradually smaller, after we are tolerably well-grown youths. It and the number of blank or fly-leaves (as they will not do for us to hide our faces in her lap, are called) greater. Should this fortunate ten- whenever the strange Future holds out her dency of literature continue, books will grow arms and asks us to come to her. more valuable from year to year, and the whole But we are all alike. We have all heard it Serbonian bog yield to the advances of firm said, often enough, that little boys must not arable land.

play with fire ; and yet, if the matches be taken The sagacious Lacedæmonians, hearing that away from us, and put out of reach upon the Tesephone had bragged that he could talk all shelf, we must needs gets into our little corner, day long on any given subject, made no more and scowl and stamp and threaten the dire

reado, but forthwith banished him, whereby they venge of going to bed without our supper. The supplied him a topic and at the same time took world shall stop till we get our dangerous playcare that his experiment upon it should be tried thing again. Dame Earth, meanwhile, who has out of earshot.

more than enough household matters to mind, I have wondered, in the Representatives' goes bustling hither and thither as a hiss or a Chamber of our own Commonwealth, to mark sputter tells her that this or that kettle of hers how little impression seemed to be produced by is boiling over, and before bedtime we are glad that emblematic fish suspended over the heads to eat our porridge cold, and gulp down our dig. of the members. Our wiser ancestors, no doubt, nity along with it. hung it there as being the animal which the Mr. Calhoun has somehow acquired the name Pythagoreans reverenced for its silence, and of a great statesman, and, if it be great stateswhich certainly in that particular does not so manship to put lance in rest and run a tilt at well merit the epithet cold-blooded, by which the Spirit of the Age with the certainty of naturalists distinguish it, as certain bipeds, af- being next moment hurled neck and heels into flicted with ditch-water on the brain, who take the dust amid universal langhter, he deserves occasion to tap themselves in Faneuil Halls, the title. He is the Sir Kay of our modern meeting-houses, and other places of public re- chivalry. He should remember the old Scansort. - H. W.]

dinavian mythus Thor was the strongest of

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