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Brought forward . . . 100

Then there air other good hooraws to dror

on ez you need 'em, Sech ez the ONE-EYED SLARTERER, the

BLOODY BIRDOFREDUM: Them 's wut takes hold o' folks thet think,

ez well ez o' the masses, An' makes you sartin o' the aid o' good

men of all classes.

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There 's one thing I'm in doubt about; in

order to be Presidunt, It 's absolutely ne'ssary to be a Southern

residunt; The Constitution settles thet, an' also thet

a feller Must own a nigger o' some sort, jet black,

or brown, or yeller. Now I haint no objections agin particklar

climes, Nor agin ownin' anythin' (except the truth

sometimes), But, ez I haint no capital, up there among

ye, maybe, You might raise funds enough fer me to

buy a low-priced baby, An' then to suit the No’thern folks, who

feel obleeged to say They hate an' cus the very thing they vote

fer every day, Say you ’re assured I go full but fer Lib

baty's diffusion An' made the purchis on’y jest to spite the

Institootion; But, golly ! there 's the currier's boss upon

the pavement pawin'! I 'll be more 'xplicit in my next.



It should appear that Mr. Sawin found the actual feast curiously the reverse of the bill of fare advertised in Faneuil Hall and other places. His primary object seems to have been the making of his fortune. Quærenda pecunia primum, virtus post nummos. He hoisted sail for Eldorado, and shipwrecked on Point Tribulation. Quid non mortalia pectora cogis, auri sacra fames? The speculation has sometimes crossed my mind, in that dreary interval of drought which intervenes between quarterly stipendiary showers, that Providence, by the creation of a money-tree, might have simplified wonderfully the sometimes perplexing problem of human life. We read of bread-trees, the butter for which lies ready-churned in Irish bogs. Milk-trees we are assured of in South America, and stout Sir John Hawkins testifies to water-trees in the Canaries. Boot-trees bear abundantly in Lynn and elsewhere; and I have seen, in the entries of the wealthy, hat-trees with a fair show of fruit. A family-tree I once cultivated myself, and found therefrom but a scanty yield, and that quite tasteless and innutritious. Of trees bearing men we are not without examples; as those in the park of Louis the Eleventh of France. Who has for gotten, moreover, that olive-tree, growing in the Athenian's back-garden, with its strange uxorious crop, for the general propagation of which, as of a new and precious variety, the philosopher Diogenes, hitherto uninterested in arboriculture, was so zealous? In the sylra of our own Southern States, the females of my family have called my attention to the chinatree. Not to multiply examples, I will barely add to my list the birch-tree, in the smaller branches of which has been implanted so miraculous a virtue for communicating the Latin and Greek languages, and which may well, therefore, be classed among the trees producing necessaries of life, venerabile donum fatalis virgæ. That money-trees existed in the golden age there want not prevalent reasons for our believing. For does not the old proverb, when it asserts that money does not grow on every bush, imply a fortiori that there were certain bushes which did produce it? Again, there is another ancient saw to the effect that

[We have now a tolerably fair chance of estimating how the balance sheet stands between our returned volunteer and glory. Supposing the entries to be set down on both sides of the account in fractional parts of one hundred, we shall arrive at something like the following result: B. SAWIN, Esq., in account with (BLANK)

By loss of one leg.

20 То
one 675th


cheers in Fanfour fingers

euil Hall ...:

30 one eye


do do. " the breaking of six

casion of presenribs


tation of sword * having served un

to Colonel der Colonel Cush

Wright ..... 25 ing one month . . 44



one arm


do. « do.



money is the root of all evil. From which two matter of argument. Enough that I found that adages it may be safe to infer that the afore- signboard to be no other than a bait to the trap said species of tree first degenerated into a of a decayed grocer. Nevertheless, I bought a shrub,

then absconded underground, and finally, pound of dates (getting short weight by reason in our iron age, vanished altogether. In favor of immense flights of harpy flies who pursued able exposures it may be conjectured that a and lighted upon their prey even in the very specimen or two survived to a great age, as in scales), which purchase I made not only with an the garden of the Hesperides; and, indeed, eye to the little ones at home, but also as a figwhat else could that tree in the Sixth Æneid urative reproof of that too frequent habit of my have been, with a branch whereof the Trojan mind, which, forgetting the due order of chrohero procured admission to a territory, for the nology, will often persuade me that the happy entering of which money is a surer passport sceptre of Saturn is stretched over this Astræathan to a certain other more profitable and too forsaken nineteenth century. foreign kingdom? Whether these speculations Having glanced at the ledger of Glory under of mine have any force in them, or whether the title Sawin, B., let us extend our investigathey will not rather, by most readers, be tions, and discover if that instructive volume deemed impertinent to the matter in hand, is a does not contain some charges more personally question which I leave to the determination of interesting to ourselves. I think we should an indulgent posterity. That there were, in be more economical of our resources, did we more primitive and happier times, shops where thoroughly appreciate the fact, that, whenever money was sold, - and that, too, on credit and Brother Jonathan seems to be thrusting his at a bargain, - I take to be matter of demon- hand into his own pocket, he is, in fact, picking stration. For what but a dealer in this article ours. I confess that the late muck which the was that Æolus who supplied Ulysses with country has been running has materially changed motive-power for his fleet in bags ? what that my views as to the best method of raising Ericus, King of Sweden, who is said to have revenue. If, by means of direct taxation, the kept the winds in his cap? what, in more re- bills for every extraordinary outlay were brought cent times, those Lapland Nornas who traded in under our immediate eye, so that, like thrifty favorable breezes ? * All which will appear the housekeepers, we could see where and how fast more clearly when we consider, that, even to the money was going, we should be less likely this day, raising the wind is proverbial for rais- to commit extravagances. At present, these ing money, and that brokers and banks were things are managed in such a hugger-mugger invented by the Venetians at a later period. way, that we know not what we pay for; the

And now for the improvement of this digres- poor man is charged as much as the rich ; and, sion. I find a parallel to Mr. Sawin's fortune while we are saving and scrimping at the spigot, in an adventure of my own. For, shortly after the government is drawing off at the bung. If I had first broached to myself the before-stated we could know that a part of the money we natural-historical and archæological theories, as expend for tea and coffee goes to buy powder I was passing, hæc negotia penitus mecum revol- and balls, and that it is Mexican blood which vens, through one of the obscure suburbs of our makes the clothes on our backs more costly, it New England metropolis, my eye was attracted would set some of us athinking. During the by these words upon a signboard, CHEAP present fall, I have often pictured to myself a CASH-STORE. Here was at once the confirma- government official entering my study and handtion of my speculations, and the substance of my ing me the following bill: hopes. Here lingered the fragment of a happier past, or stretched out the first tremulous organic

WASHINGTON, Sept. 30, 1848. filament of a more fortunate future. Thus glowed the distant Mexico to the eyes of Sawin,

Rev. HOMER WILBUR to Uncle Samuel, as he looked through the dirty pane of the recruiting-office window, or speculated from the

To his share of work done in Mexico on partnersummit of that mirage-Pisgah which the imps

ship account, sundry jobs, as below. of the bottle are so cunning to raise up. Al- " killing, maiming and wounding about 5,000 ready had my Alnaschar-fancy (even during


$2.00 that first half-believing glance) expended in vari

“ slaughtering one woman carrying water to ous useful directions the funds to be obtained


.10 by pledging the manuscript of a proposed vol

"extra work on two different Sabbaths (one

bombardment and one assault), whereby ume of discourses. Already did a clock ornament the tower of the Jaalam meeting-house, a

the Mexicans were prevented from defiling

themselves with the idolatries of high mass 3.50 gift appropriately, but modestly, commemorated “ throwing an especially fortunate and Protin the parish and town records, both, for now

estant bombshell into the Cathedral at Vera many years, kept by myself. Already had my Cruz, whereby several female Papists were son Seneca completed his course at the Univer

.50 sity. Whether, for the moment, we may not be

slain at the altar

“ his proportion of cash paid for conquered territory

1.75 considered as actually lording it over those Ba- " do. do. for conquering do.

1.50 ratarias with the viceroyalty of which Hope in- “ manuring do. with new superior compost vests us, and whether we are ever so warmly

called " American Citizen" housed as in our Spanish castles, would afford

$9.85 To run unannermously fer the Preserdenshould seem that the character of the ancient


“ glory


Brought forward

$9.85 Dictator had become part of the recognized To extending the area of freedom and Protes- stock of our modern political comedy, though, tantism.


as our term of office extends to a quadrennial .01

length, the parallel is not so minutely exact as $9.87

could be desired. It is sufficiently so, however, Immediate payment is requested.

for purposes of scenic representation. An hum

ble cottage (if built of logs, the better) forms N. B. Thankful for former favors, U. S. the Arcadian background of the stage. This requests a continuance of patronage. Orders rustic paradise is labelled Ashland, Jaalam, executed with neatness and despatch. Terms

North Bend, Marshfield, Kinderbook, or Bâton

Rouge, as occasion demands. Before the door as low as those of any other contractor for the

stands a something with one handle (the other same kind and style of work.

painted in proper perspective), which represents,

in happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this I can fancy the official answering my look of the defeated candidate rushes with delirious horror with "Yes, Sir, it looks like a high joy, welcomed as a father by appropriate groups charge, Sir; but in these days slaughtering is of happy laborers, or from it the successful one slaughtering.' Verily, I would that every one is torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a understood that it was; for it goes about obtain

noble sense of public duty. Only, I have ob ing money under the false pretence of being served, that, if the scene be laid at Bâton glory. For me, I have an imagination which Rouge or Ashland, the laborers are kept careplays me uncomfortable tricks. It happens to fully in the background, and are heard to shout me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way from behind the scenes in a singular tone rehome from his day's work, and forth with my sembling ululation, and accompanied by a sound imagination puts a cocked-hat upon his head and

not unlike vigorous clapping. This, however, epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets him up may be artistically in keeping with the habits as a candidate for the Presidency. So, also, on of the rustic population of those localities. The a recent public occasion, as the place assigned to the "Reverend Clergy” is just behind that

precise connection between agricultural pursuits

and statesmanship I have not been able, after of Officers of the Army and Navy" in pro- diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my incessions, it was my fortune to be seated at the

vestigations may not be barren of all fruit, I dinner-table over against one of these respecta- will mention one curious statistical fact, which ble persons. He was arrayed as (out of his own I consider thoroughly established, namely, that profession) only kings, court-officers, and foot- no real farmer ever attains practically beyond a men are in Europe, and Indians in America. Now seat in the General Court, however theoretwhat does my over-officious imagination but set ically qualified for more exalted station. to work upon him, strip him of his gay livery, It probable that some other prospect has and present him to me coatless, his trousers been opened to Mr. Sawin, and that he has not thrust into the tops of a pair of boots thick with made this great sacrifice without some definite clotted blood, and a basket on his arm out of understanding in regard to a seat in the cabinet which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby de- or a foreign mission. It may be supposed that stroying my relish for the temporal mercies we of Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of upon the board before me!- H. W.)

villatic pride in beholding our townsman occnpying so large a space in the public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications necessary

to a candidate in these frugal times, those of No. IX

Mr. S. seemed peculiarly adapted to a successful

campaign. The loss of a leg, an arm, an eye, A THIRD LETTER FROM and four fingers reduced him so nearly to the B. SAWIN, ESQ.

condition of a voz et præterea nihil that I could

think of nothing but the loss of his head by (Upon the following letter slender comment

which his chance could have been bettered. will be needful, In what river Selemnus has

But since he has chosen to balk our suffrages, Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has become so

we must content ourselves with what we can swiftly oblivious of his former loves ? From an

get, remembering lactucas non esse dandas, dum ardent and (as befits a soldier) confident wooer

cardui sufficiant. - H. W.] of that coy bride, the popular favor, we see him subside of a sudden into the (I trust not jilted) I SPOSE you recollect thet I explained my Cincinnatus, returning to his plough with a goodly sized branch of willow in his hand; fig

gennle views uratively returning, however, to a figurative In the last billet thet I writ, 'way down plough, and from no profound affection for that frum Veery Cruze, honored implement of husbandry (for which, Jest arter I'd a kin' o' ben spontanously indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection), but in order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more congenial labors. It

sot up

tial cup;


O'course it worn't no wish o' mine,'t wuz By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar ferflely distressin',

names attackted; But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty ’T would save holl haycartloads o' fuss an'

three four months o' jaw, Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an' fussed an' sorrered,

an' withdraw; There did n't seem no ways to stop their So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like bringin' on me forrerd:

like ole (I swow, Fact is, they udged the matter so, II dunno ez I know his name) - I'll go could n't help admittin'

back to my plough. The Father o' his Country's shoes no feet Wenever an Amerikin distinguished polibut mine 'ould fit in,

tishin Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to Begins to try et wut they call definin' his succeed,

posishin, Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair'd Wal, I, fer one, feel sure he aint gut nothin' be more 'n I need;

to define; An', tell ye wut, them shoes 'll want a It's so nine cases out o' ten, but jest that thund'rin sight o' patchin',

tenth is mine; Ef this ere fashion is to last we've gut into An''t aint no more 'n is proper 'n' right in o' hatchin'

sech - sitooation A pair o' second Washintons fer every new To hint the course you think 'll be the election,

savin' o' the nation; Though, fer ez number one's consarned, I To funk right out o' p'lit'cal strife aint don't make no objection.

thought to be the thing,

Without you deacon off the toon you want I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust I saw your folks should sing; The masses would stick to 't I wuz the So I edvise the noomrous friends thet 's in Country's father-'n-law,

one boat with me (They would ha' hed it Father, but I told To jest up killick, jam right down their 'em 't would n't du,

hellum hard alee, Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they Haul the sheets taut, an', layin' out upon could n't split in tu,

the Suthun tack, An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid | Make fer the safest port they can, wich, I fairly to his door,

think, is Ole Zack. Nor dars n't say't worn't his’n, much ez sixty year afore,)

Next thing you'll want to know, I

spose, But 't aint no matter ez to thet; wen I wuz wut argimunts I seem nomernated,

To see thet makes me think this ere 'll be 'T worn't natur but wut I should feel con

the strongest team; sid’able elated

Fust place, I've ben consid’ble round in An' wile the hooraw o' the thing wuz kind bar-rooms an' saloons o' noo an' fresh,

Agetherin' public sentiment, 'mongst DemI thought our ticket would ha' caird the mercrats and Coons, country with a resh.

An' 't aint vely offen thet I meet a chap

but wut goes in Sence I've come hum, though, an' looked Fer Rough an’ Ready, fair an' square, hufs, round, I think I seem to find

taller, horns, an' skin; Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make I don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I

me change my mind; It's clear to any one whose brain aint fur I did n't like at fust the Pheladelphy nom

gone in a phthisis, Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' I could ha' pinted to a man thet wuz, I thru a crisis,

guess, a peg An''t would n't noways du to her the Higher than him, a soger, tu, an' with a people's mind distracted

wooden leg;

could see,


But every day with more an' more o' Tay- Turn all his pockets wrong side out an' lor zeal I'm burnin',

quick ez lightnin' clean 'em; Seein' wich way the tide thet sets to office To nary one

on 'em I'd trust a secon'. is aturnin';

handed rail Wy, into Bellers’s we notched the votes No furder off 'an I could sling a bullock down on three sticks,

by the tail. 'T wuz Birdofredum one, Cass aught, an' Taylor twenty-six,

Webster sot matters right in thet air MashAn' bein' the on'y canderdate thet wuz fiel' speech o' his'n; – upon the ground,

“ Taylor," sez he, “aint nary ways the one They said 't wuz no more 'n right thet I thet I'd a chizzen,

should pay the drinks all round; Nor he aint fittin' fer the place, an' like Ef I'd expected sech a trick, I would n't

ez not he aint ha' cut my foot

No more 'n a tough ole bullethead, an' no By goin' an' votin' fer myself like a con

gret of a saint; sumed coot;

But then,” sez he, "obsarve my pint, be's It did n't make no deff'rence, though; I jest ez good to vote fer wish I may be cust,

Ez though the greasin' on him worn't a Ef Bellers wuz n't slim enough to say be thing to hire Choate fer; would n't trust!

Aint it ez easy done to drop a ballot in a

box Another pint thet influences the minds o' Fer one ez 't is fer t' other, fer the bull-dog sober jedges

ez the fox ?" Is thet the Gin'ral hez n't gut tied hand an' It takes a mind like Dannel's, fact, ez big foot with pledges;

ez all ou' doors, He bez n't told ye wut he is, an' so there To find out thet it looks like rain arter it aint no knowin'

fairly pours; But wut he may turn out to be the best I'gree with him, it aint so dreffle troublethere is agoin';

some to vote This, at the on'y spot thet pinched, the shoe Fer Taylor arter all, - it's jest to go an' directly eases,

change your coat; Coz every one is free to 'xpect percisely Wen he's once greased, you 'll swaller him wut he pleases:

an never know on’t, scurce, I want free-trade; you don't; the Gin'ral Unless he scratches, goin' down, with them is n't bound to neither;

'ere Gin'ral's spurs. I vote my way; you, yourn; an' both air I've ben a votin' Demmercrat, ez reg'lar sooted to a T there.

as a clock, Ole Rough an' Ready, tu, 's a Wig, but But don't find goin' Taylor gives my narves without bein' ultry;

no gret 'f a shock; He's like a holsome hayin' day, thet 's Truth is, the cutest leadin' Wigs, ever sence warm, but is n't sultry;

fust they found He's jest wut I should call myself, a kin' Wich side the bread gut buttered on, hev o scratch ez 't ware,

kep' a edgin' round; Thet aint exacly all a wig nor wholly your They kin' o' slipt the planks frum out th' own hair;

ole platform one by one I've ben a Wig three weeks myself, jest o' An' made it gradooally noo, 'fore folks this mod'rate sort,

know'd wut wuz done, An' don't find them an' Demmercrats so Till, fur ’z I know, there aint an inch thet defferent ez I thought;

I could lay my han' on, They both act pooty much alike, an' push But I, or any Demmercrat, feels comf’table an’ scrouge an' cus;

to stan' on, They're like two pickpockets in league fer An' ole Wig doctrines act'lly look, their Uncle Samwell's pus;

occ'pants bein' gone, Each takes a side, an' then they squeeze Lonesome ez steddles on a mash without no the ole man in between 'em,

hayricks on.

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