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Holl farm, - a cross of stripëd pig an' one

o' Jacob's lambs; 'T wuz Dannil in the lions' den, new an'

enlarged edition, An' everythin' fust-rate o' 'ts kind; the’

warn't no impersition. People 's impulsiver down here than wut

our folks to home be, An' kin' o' go it 'ith a resh in raisin' Hail

Columby: Thet 's so: an' they swarmed out like bees,

for your real Southun men's Time is n't o' much more account than an

ole settin' hen's; (They jest work semioccashnally, or else

don't work at all, An' so their time an' 'tention both air at

saci'ty's call.) Talk about hospatality! wut Nothun

town d' ye know Would take a totle stranger up an' treat

him gratis so? You'd better b’lieve ther''s nothin' like

this spendin' days an' nights Along 'ith a dependent race fer civerlizin'


When I come out, the folks behaved mos'

gen’manly an' harnsome; They 'lowed it would n't be more 'n right,

ef I should cuss 'n' darn some: The Cunnle he apolergized; suz he, “ I'll

du wut's right, I'll give ye settisfection now by shootin'

ye at sight, An' give the nigger (when he's caught), to

pay him fer his trickin' In gittin' the wrong man took up, a most

H fired lickin', It 's jest the way with all on 'em, the in

consistent critters, They 're 'most enough to make a man blas

pheme his mornin' bitters; I'll be your frien’ thru thick an' thin an'

in all kines o' weathers, An' all you'll hev to pay fer 's jest the

waste o' tar an' feathers: A lady owned the bed, ye see, a widder, tu,

Miss Shennon; It wuz her mite; we would ha' took another,

ef ther'd ben one: We don't make no charge for the ride an'

all the other fixins. Le’'s liquor; Gin’ral, you can chalk our

friend for all the mixins." A meetin' then wuz called, where they

“RESOLVED, Thet we respec' B. S. Esquire for quallerties of heart an'

intellec' Peculiar to Columby's sile, an' not to no

one else's, Thet makes European tyrans scringe in all

their gilded pel'ces, An' doos gret honor to our

Southun institootions : (I give ye jest the substance o' the leadin'

resolootions:) “RESOLVED, Thet we revere in him a

soger 'thout a flor, A martyr to the princerples o' libbaty an'

lor : RESOLVED, Thet other nations all, ef sot

’longside o' us, For vartoo, larnin', chivverlry, ain't noways

wuth a cuss.” They gut up a subscription, tu, but no gret

come o' thet; I ’xpect in cairin' of it roun' they took a

leaky bat; Though Southun genelmun ain't slow at

puttin' down their name,

But this wuz all prelim’nary; it's so Gran'

Jurors here Fin' a true bill, a hendier way than ourn,

an' nut so dear; So arter this they sentenced me, to make

all tight ’n' snug, Afore a reg'lar court o' law, to ten years

in the Jug. I did n't make no gret defence : you don't

feel much like speakin', When, ef you let your clamshells gape, a

quart o'tar will leak in: I hev bearn tell o' wingëd words, but pint

o' fact it tethers The spoutin' gift to hev your words tu thick

sot on with feathers, An' Choate ner Webster would n't ha'

made an A 1 kin' o' speech Astride a Southun chestnut horse sharper

’n a baby's screech. Two year ago they ketched the thief, 'n'

seein' I wuz innercent, They jest uncorked an'le' me run, an' in

my stid the sinner sent To see how he liked pork 'n' pone

flavored with wa’nut saplin', An' nary social priv'ledge but a one-hoss,

starn-wheel chaplin.

race an'

poorer for 't.

(When they can write,) fer in the eend it They ’re wuth ez much ez wut they wuz comes to jes' the same,

afore ole Mem'nger signed 'em, Because, ye see, 't is the fashion here to An'


off middlin' wal for drinks, when sign an' not to think

ther''s a knife behind 'em; A critter'd be so sordid ez to ax 'em for We du miss silver, jes' fer thet an' ridin'in the chink:

a bus, I did n't call but jest on one, an' he drawed Now we've shook off the desputs thet tooth-pick on me,

wuz suckin' at our pus; An' reckoned he warn't goin' to stan' no An' it's because the South 's so rich; 't sech dog-gauned econ’my;

wuz nat'ral to expec' So nothin' more wuz realized, 'ceptin' the Supplies o' change wuz jes' the things we good-will shown,

should n't recollec'; Than ef't had ben from fust to last a regu- We'd ough' to ha' thought aforehan', lar Cotton Loan.

though, o'thet good rule o' CrockIt's a good way, though, come to think, ett's, coz ye enjy the sense

For 't's tiresome cairin' cotton-bales an' O’ lendin' lib'rally to the Lord, an' nary niggers in your pockets, red o’’xpense:

Ner 't ain't quite hendy to pass off one o' Sence then I've gut my name up for a your six-foot Guineas gin'rous-hearted man

An' git your halves an' quarters back in By jes' subscribin’ right an' left on this gals an' pickaninnies: high-minded plan;

Wal, 't ain't quite all a feller 'd ax, but I've gin away my thousans so to every

then ther 's this to say, Southun sort

It's on'y jest among ourselves thet we O' missions, colleges, an' sech, ner ain't no expec' to pay;

Our system would ha' caird us thru in any

Bible cent'ry, I warn't so bad off, arter all; I need n't 'fore this onscripterl plan come up o' books hardly mention

by double entry; That Guv'ment owed me quite a pile for We

go the patriarkle here out o' all sight my arrears o' pension,

an' hearin', I mean the poor, weak thing we hed: we For Jacob warn't a suckemstance to Jeff run a new one now,

at financierin'; Thet strings a feller with a claim up ta the He never 'd thought o' borryin' from Esau nighes' bough,

like all nater An' prectises the right o' man, purtects An' then cornfiscatin' all debts to sech a down-trodden debtors,

small pertater; Ner wun't hev creditors about ascrougin' There 's p’litickle econ’my, now, combined o' their betters:

'ith morril beauty Jeff 's gut the last idees ther' is, poscrip', Thet saycrifices privit eends (your in'my's, fourteenth edition,

tu) to dooty ! He knows it takes some enterprise to run Wy, Jeff'd ha' gin him five an’ won his an oppersition;

eye-teeth 'fore he knowed it, Ourn 's the fust thru-by-daylight train, An', stid o' wastin' pottage, he'd ha' eat it with all ou'doors for deepot;

up an' owed it. Yourn goes so slow you'd think ’t wuz But I wuz goin' on to say how I come here drawed by a las' cent’ry teapot;

to dwall ; Wal, I gut all on 't paid in gold afore our 'Nough said, thet, arter lookin'roun', I State seceded,

liked the place so wal, An' done wal, for Confed'rit bonds warn't Where niggers doos a double good, with us jest the cheese I needed:

atop to stiddy 'em, Nut but wut they're ez good ez gold, but By bein' proofs o' prophecy an' suckleatin' then it's hard a-breakin' on 'em,

medium, An' ignorant folks is ollers sot an' wun't Where a man's sunthin' coz he's white, git used to takin' on 'em;

an' whiskey 's cheap ez feas,

An' the financial pollercy jes' sooted my

idees, Thet I friz down right where I

wuz, merried the Widder Shennon, (Her thirds wuz part in cotton-land, part

in the curse o' Canaan,) An' here I be ez lively ez a chipmunk on a

wall, With nothin' to feel riled about much later

'n Eddam's fall.

His brother Asaph picked her up an' tied

her to a tree, An' then she kicked an hour 'n' a half afore

she'd let it be: Wal, Miss S. doos hev cuttins-up an' pourins

out o' vials, But then she hez her widder's thirds, an'

all on us hez trials. My objec', though, in writin' now warn't to

allude to sech, But to another suckemstance more dellykit

to tech, I want thet you should grad'lly break my

merriage to Jerushy, An' there's a heap of argymunts thet 's

emple to indooce ye: Fust place, State's Prison, - wal, it 's true

it warn't fer crime, o' course, But then it's jest the same fer her in gittin'

a disvorce; Nex' place, my State 's secedin' out hez

leg'lly lef' me free To merry any one I please, pervidin' it's a

she; Fiu'lly, I never wun't come back, she need

n't hev no fear on 't, But then it's wal to fix things right fer

fear Miss S. should hear on 't; Lastly, I've gut religion South, an' Rushy

she's a pagan

Ez fur ez human foresight goes, we made

an even trade: She gut an overseer, an'I a fem'ly ready

made, The youngest on 'em 's 'mos' growed up,

rugged an’ spry ez weazles, So 's't ther''s no resk o' doctors' bills fer

hoopin'-cough an' measles. Our farm 's at Turkey-Buzzard Roost,

Little Big Boosy River, Wal located in all respex,

fer 't ain't the chills 'n' fever Thet makes my writin' seem to squirm; a

Southuner 'd allow I'd Some call to shake, for I've jest hed to

meller a new cowhide. Miss S. is all 'f a lady; th' ain't no better on

Big Boosy Ner one with more accomplishmunts 'twixt

here an' Tuscaloosy; She's an F. F., the tallest kind, an' prouder

’n the Gran' Turk, An' never hed a relative thet done a stroke

o' work; Hern ain't a scrimpin' fem’ly sech ez you

git up Down East, Th' ain't a growed member on 't but owes

his thousuns et the least: She is some old; but then agin ther''s draw

backs in my sheer: Wut's left o’me ain't more 'n enough to

make a Brigadier: Wust is, thet she hez tantrums ; she's like

Seth Moody's gun (Him thet wuz nicknamed frum his limp

Ole Dot an' Kerry One); He'd left her loaded up a spell, an' hed to

git her clear, So he onhitched, - Jeerusalem ! the middie

Thet sets by th’ graven imiges o' the gret

Nothun Dagon; (Now I hain't seen one in six munts, for,

sence our Treashry Loan, Though yaller boys is thick anough, eagles

hez kind o' flown;) An' ef J wants a stronger pint than them

thet I hev stated, Wy, she's an aliun in'my now, an' I've

been cornfiscated, For sence we've entered on th' estate o'

the late nayshnul eagle, She hain't no kin' o'right but jes' wut I

allow ez legle: Wut doos Secedin' mean, ef 't ain't thet

nat'rul rights hez riz, 'n' Thet wut is mine 's my own, but wut's

another man's ain't his'n?

o'last year

Wuz right nex’ door compared to where she

kicked the critter tu (Though jest where he brought up wuz wut

no human never knew);

Besides, I could n't do no else; Miss S. suz

she to me, “You've sheered my bed,” [thet 's when I

paid my interduction fee To Southun rites,] “an' kep' your sheer,”

[wal, I allow it sticked

So's 't I wuz most six weeks in jail afore I We hain't no settled preachin' here, ner gut me picked,]

ministeril taxes ; “Ner never paid no demmiges; but thet The min'ster's only settlement 's the carpetwun't do no harm,

bag he packs his Pervidin' thet you 'll ondertake to oversee Razor an soap-brush intu, with his hymthe farm:

book an' his Bible, (My eldes' boy he's so took up, wut with But they du preach, I swan to man, it's the Ringtail Rangers

puf’kly indescrib'le ! An'settin' in the Jestice-Court for welcomin' They go it like an Ericsson's ten-hosso' strangers ;")

power coleric ingine, [He sot on me;] “an’so, ef you 'll jest on- An' make Ole Split-Foot winch an' squirm, dertake the care

for all he's used to singein'; Upon a mod’rit sellery, we 'll up an' call it Hawkins's whetstone ain't a pinch o'primin' square;

to the innards But ef you can't conclude,"suz she, an' give To hearin' on 'em put free grace t'a lot o' à kin' o' grin,

tough old sinhards! “Wy, the Gran' Jurymen, I ’xpect, 'll hev But I must eend this letter now: 'fore long to set agin.”

I'll send a fresh un ; That 's the way metters stood at fust; now I've lots o' things to write about, pertickwut wuz I to du,

lerly Seceshun : But jes’ to make the best on 't an' off coat I'm called off now to mission-work, to let an' buckle tu ?

a leetle law in Ther' ain't a livin' man thet finds an income To Cynthy's hide : an’so, till death, necessarier

Yourn, Than me, - bimeby I 'll tell ye how I

BİRDOFREDUM SAWIN. fin’lly come to merry her.

No. II





She hed another motive, tu: I mention of it

here T' encourage lads thet 's growin' up to

study 'n' persevere, An' show 'em how much better 't pays to

mind their winter-schoolin' Than to go off on benders 'n' sech, an’ waste

their time in foolin'; Ef 't warn't for studyin' evenins, why, I

never 'd ha' ben here A orn'ment o’ saciety, in my approprut

spear: She wanted somebody, ye see, o'taste an’

cultivation, To talk along o' preachers when they stopt

to the plantation ; For folks in Dixie th't read an' rite, onless

it is by jarks, Is skurce ez wut they wuz among th' ori

genle patriarchs ; To fit a feller f' wut they call the soshle

higherarchy, All thet you've gut to know is jes' beyund

an evrage darky; Schoolin''s wut they can't seem to stan',

they 're tu consarned high-pressure, An' knowin' t' much might spile a boy for

bein' a Secesher.

JAALAM, 6th Jan., 1862. GENTLEMEN, — I was highly gratified by the insertion of a portion of my letter in the last number of your valuable and entertaining Miscellany, though in a type which rendered its substance inaccessible even to the beautiful new spectacles presented to me by a Committee of the Parish on New Year's Day. I trust that I was able to bear your very considerable abridgment of my lucubrations with a spirit becoming a Christian. My third granddaughter, Rebekah, aged fourteen years, and whom I have trained to read slowly and with proper emphasis (a practice too much neglected in our modern systems of education), read aloud to me the excellent essay upon “Old Age,” the author of which I cannot help suspecting to be a young man who has never yet known what it was to have snow sentiments and expressions), while it is also (canities morosa) upon his own roof. Dis- descriptive of real scenery and manners. solve frigus, large super foco ligna reponens, Yet it must be admitted that the producis a rule for the young, whose wood-pile is tion now in question (which here and there yet abundant for such cheerful lenitives. bears perhaps too plainly the marks of my A good life behind him is the best thing to correcting hand) does partake of the nature keep an old man's shoulders from shiver- of a Pastoral, inasmuch as the interlocutors ing at every breath of sorrow or ill-fortune. therein are purely imaginary beings, and But methinks it were easier for an old man the whole is little better than καπνού σκιάς to feel the disadvantages of youth than the ovap. The plot was, as I believe, suggested advantages of age. Of these latter I reckon by the “Twa Briggs” of Robert Burns, a one of the chiefest to be this : that we at- Scottish poet of the last century, as that tach a less inordinate value to our own pro- found its prototype in the “Mutual Comductions, and, distrusting daily more and plaint of Plainstanes and Causey" by Fermore our own wisdom (with the conceit gusson, though the metre of this latter be whereof at twenty we wrap ourselves away different by a foot in each verse. Perhaps from knowledge as with a garment), do the Two Dogs of Cervantes gave the first reconcile ourselves with the wisdom of hint. I reminded my talented young paGod. I could have wished, indeed, that rishioner and friend that Concord Bridge room might have been made for the residue bad long since yielded to the edacious tooth of the anecdote relating to Deacon Tink- of Time. But he answered me to this effect : ham, which would not only have gratified a that there was no greater mistake of an natural curiosity on the part of the publick authour than to suppose the reader had no (as I have reason to know from several fancy of his own ; that, if once that faculty letters of inquiry already received), but was to be called into activity, it were better would also, as I think, have largely in- to be in for the whole sheep than the shoulcreased the circulation of your Magazine in der ; and that he knew Concord like a book, this town. Nihil humani alienum, there is a - an expression questionable in propriety, curiosity about the affairs of our neighbors since there are few things with which he is which is not only pardonable, but even not more familiar than with the printed commendable. But I shall abide a more page. In proof of what he affirmed, he fitting season.

showed me some verses which with others As touching the following literary effort he had stricken out as too much delaying of Esquire Biglow, much might be profite the action, but which I communicate in this ably said on the topick of Idyllick and Pas- place because they rightly define “punkintoral Poetry, and concerning the proper dis- seed" (which Mr. Bartlett would have a tinctions to be made between them, from kind of perch,

-a creature to which I have Theocritus, the inventor of the former, to found a rod or pole not to be so easily Collins, the latest authour I know of who equivalent in our inland waters as in the has emulated the classicks in the latter books of arithmetic), and because it constyle. But in the time of a Civil War veys an eulogium on the worthy son of an worthy a Milton to defend and a Lucan to excellent father, with whose acquaintance sing, it may be reasonably doubted whether (eheu, fugaces anni!) I was formerly honthe publick, never too studious of serious oured. instruction, might not consider other objects more deserving of present attention. Con- “But nowadays the Bridge ain't wut they show, cerning the title of Idyll, which Mr. Biglow So much ez Em’son, Hawthorne, an' Thoreau. has adopted at my suggestion, it may not

I know the village, though; was sent there once be improper to animadvert, that the name

A-schoolin', 'cause to home I played the dunce ;

An' I've ben sence a visitin' the Jedge, properly signifies a poem somewhat rustick

Whose garding whispers with the river's edge, in phrase (for, though the learned are not Where I've sot mornin's lazy as the bream, agreed as to the particular dialect employed Whose on'y business is to head up-stream, by Theocritus, they are universanimous both

e call 'em punkin-seed,) or else in chat as to its rusticity and its capacity of rising More wit an' gumption an' shrewd Yankee sense

Along 'th the Jedge, who covers with his hat now and then to the level of more elevated Than there is mosses on an ole stone fence."

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