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An' they allus hev showed a mean spite to To fin'lly git red o' thet cussed Kentucky, the South.

An' how, sence Fort Donelson, winnin' the Sech bein' the case, we hed best look about

day For some kin' o' way to slip our necks out : Consists in triumphantly gittin' away. Le''s vote our las' dollar, ef one can be found,

No. V (An', at any rate, votin' it hez a good sound,)

SPEECH OF HONOURABLE PRELe''s swear thet to arms all our people is


CUS (The critters can't read, an' wun't know how we 're lyin',)

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC Thet Toombs is advancin' to sack Cincin

nater, With a rovin' commission to pillage an’

JAALAM, 12th April, 1862. slahter,–

GENTLEMEN, — As I cavnot but hope Thet we've throwed to the winds all regard that the ultimate, if not speedy, success of for wut's lawfle,

the national arms is now sufficiently ascerAn' gone in for sunthin' promiscu’sly awfle. tained, sure as I am of the righteousness of Ye see, hitherto, it's our own knaves an our cause and its consequent claim on the fools

blessing of God, (for I would not show a Thet we've used, (those for whetstones, faith inferior to that of the Pagan historian an' t'others ez tools,)

with his Facile evenit quod Dis cordi est,) it An' now our las' chance is in puttin' to test seems to me a suitable occasion to withdraw The same kin' o' cattle up North an' out our minds a moment from the confusing din

of battle to objects of peaceful and perYour Belmonts, Vallandigbams, Woodses, manent interest. Let us not neglect the an' sech,

monuments of preterite history because Poor shotes thet ye could n't persuade us what shall be history is so diligently makto tech,

ing under our eyes. Cras ingens iterabimus Not in ornery times, though we're willin' æquor ; to-morrow will be time enough for to feed 'em

that stormy sea ; to-day let me engage the With a nod now an' then, when we happen attention of your readers with the Runick to need 'em ;

inscription to whose fortunate discovery I Why, for my part, I'd ruther shake hands have heretofore alluded. Well may we say with a nigger

with the poet, Multa renascuntur quce jam Than with cusses that load an' don't darst cecidere. And I would premise, that, aldror a trigger;

though I can no longer resist the evidence They 're the wust wooden nutmegs the of my own senses from the stone before Yankees perdooce,

me to the ante-Columbian discovery of this Shaky everywheres else, an' jes' sound on continent by the Northmen, gens inclytissima,

as they are called in a Palermitan inscripThey ain't wuth a cuss, an' I set nothin' by tion, written fortunately in a less debatable ’em,

character than that which I am about to But we ’re in sech a fix thet I s'pose we decipher, yet I would by no means be unmus' try 'em.

derstood as wishing to vilipend the merits I- But, Gennlemen, here 's a despatch of the great Genoese, whose name will jes' come in

never be forgotten so long as the inspiring Which shows thet the tide 's begun turnin' strains of “Hail Columbia" shall continue agin',

to be heard. Though he must be stripped Gret Cornfedrit success! C'lumbus eeva- also of whatever praise may belong to the cooated!

experiment of the egg, which I find proverI mus' run down an' hev the thing properly bially attributed by Castilian authors to a stated,

certain Juanito or Jack, (perhaps an offAn' show wut a triumph it is, an' how lucky shoot of our giant-killing mythus,) his name

the goose;


will still remain one of the most illustrious open to cavil, I first of all attempted the of modern times. But the impartial histo- elucidation of this remarkable example of rian owes a duty likewise to obscure merit, lithick literature by the ordinary modes, and my solicitude to render a tardy justice but with no adequate return for my labour. is perhaps quickened by my having known I then considered myself amply justified those who, had their own field of labour in resorting to that heroick treatment the been less secluded, might have found a felicity of which, as applied by the great readier acceptance with the reading publick. Bentley to Milton, had long ago enlisted I could give an example, but I forbear: my admiration. Indeed, I had already made forsitan nostris ex ossibus oritur ultor. up my mind, that, in case good fortune

Touching Runick inscriptions, I find that should throw any such invaluable record they may be classed under three general in my way, I would proceed with it in the heads: 1o. Those which are understood by following simple and satisfactory method. the Danish Royal Society of Northern An- After a cursory examination, merely suftiquaries, and Professor Rafn, their Secre- ficing for an approximative estimate of its tary; 2°. Those which are comprehensible length, I would write down a hypothetical only by Mr. Rafn; and 3°. Those wbich inscription based upon antecedent probabilneither the Society, Mr. Rafn, nor anybody ities, and then proceed to extract from the else can be said in any definite sense to un- characters engraven on the stone a meaning derstand, and which accordingly offer pe- as nearly as possible conformed to this a culiar temptations to enucleating sagacity, priori product of my own ingenuity. The These last are naturally deemed the most result more than justified my hopes, inasvaluable by intelligent antiquaries, and to much as the two inscriptions were made this class the stone now in my possession without any great violence to tally in all fortunately belongs. Such give a pictur- essential particulars. I then proceeded, esque variety to ancient events, because not without some anxiety, to my second susceptible oftentimes of as many interpre- test, which was, to read the Runick letters tations as there are individual archæologists; diagonally, and again with the same success. and since facts are only the pulp in which With an excitement pardonable under the the Idea or event-seed is softly imbedded circumstances, yet tempered with thankful till it ripen, it is of little consequence what humility, I now applied my last and severcolour or flavour we attribute to thein, est trial, my experimentum crucis. I turned provided it be agreeable. Availing myself the stone, now doubly precious in my eyes,

. of the obliging assistance of Mr. Arphaxad with scrupulous exactness upside down. Bowers, an ingenious photographick artist, The physical exertion so far displaced my whose house-on-wheels has now stood for spectacles as to derange for a moment the three years on our Meeting-House Green, focus of vision. I confess that it was with with the somewhat contradictory inscrip- some tremulousness that I readjusted them tion, — "our motto is onward,– I have upon my nose, and prepared my mind to sent accurate copies of my treasure to bear with calmness any disappointment many learned men and societies, both na- that might ensue. But, Ő albo dies notanda tive and European. I may hereafter com- lapillo ! what was my delight to find that municate their different and (me judice) the change of position had effected none in eqnally erroneous solutions. I solicit alsó, the sense of the writing, even by so much Messrs. Editors, your own acceptance of as a single letter! I was now, and justly, as the copy herewith enclosed. I need only I think, satisfied of the conscientious exactpremise further, that the stone itself is a ness of my interpretation. It is as follows: goodly block of metamorphick sandstone, and that the Runes resemble very nearly the ornitbichnites or fossil bird-tracks of Dr. Hitchcock, but with less regularity or apparent design than is displayed by those remarkable geological monuments. These that is, drew smoke through a reed stem. are rather the non bene junctarum discordia In other words, we have here a record of semina rerum. Resolved to leave no door the first smoking of the herb Nicotiana Ta




bacum by an European on this continent. with the aid of my own glasses (he having The probable results of this discovery are by accident left his at home) and in my 80 vast as to baffle conjecture. If it be own study. The heathen ancients might objected, that the smoking of a pipe would have instructed this Christian minister in hardly justify the setting up of a memorial the rites of hospitality; but much is to be stone, I answer, that even now the Moquis pardoned to the spirit of self-love. He must Indian, ere he takes his first whiff, bows indeed be ingenious who can make out the reverently toward the four quarters of the words hèr hvilir from any characters in the insky in succession, and that the loftiest scription in question, which, whatever else monuments have been reared to perpetuate it may be, is certainly not mortuary. And fame, which is the dream of the shadow of even should the reverend gentleman succeed smoke. The Saga, it will be remembered, in persuading some fantastical wits of the leaves this Bjarna to a fate something like soundness of his views, I do not see what usethat of Sir Humphrey Gilbert, on board a ful end he will have gained. For if the Engsinking ship in the “wormy sea,” having lish Courts of Law hold the testimony of generously given up his place in the boat to gravestones from the burial-grounds of Proà certain Icelander. It is doubly pleasant, testant dissenters to be questionable, even therefore, to meet with this proof that the where it is essential in proving a descent, brave old man arrived safely in Vinland, I cannot conceive that the epitaphial asserand that his declining years were cheered tions of heathens should be esteemed of by the respectful attentions of the dusky more authority by any man of orthodox denizens of our then uninvaded forest. sentiments. Most of all was I gratified, however, in At this moment, happening to cast my thus linking forever the name of my native eyes upon the stone, whose characters a town with one of the most momentous transverse light from iny southern window occurrences of modern times. Hitherto brings out with singular distinctness, anJaalam, though in soil, climate, and geo- other interpretation has occurred to me, graphical position as highly qualified to be promising even more interesting results. I the theatre of remarkable historical inci- hasten to close my letter in order to follow dents as any spot on the earth's surface, at once the clue thus providentially sughas been, if I may say it without seem- gested. ing to question the wisdom of Providence, I inclose, as usual, a contribution from almost maliciously neglected, as it might Mr. Biglow, and remain, appear, by occurrences of world-wide inter- Gentlemen, with esteem and respect, est in want of a situation. And in matters

Your Obedient Humble Servant, of this nature it must be confessed that

HOMER WILBUR, A. M. adequate events are as necessary as the vates sacer to record them. Jaalam stood

I THANK ye, my frien's, for the warmth o’ always modestly ready, but circumstances

your greetin': made no fitting response to her generous Ther''s few airthly blessin's but wut's vain intentions. Now, however, she assumes her an' fleetin'; place on the historick roll. I have hitherto But ef ther' is one thet hain't no cracks an' been a zealous opponent of the Circean herb,

flaws, but I shall now reëxamine the question An' is wuth goin' in for, it 's pop’lar apwithout bias.

plause; I am aware that the Rev. Jonas Tutchel, It sends up the sperits ez lively ez rockets, in a recent communication to the “Bogus An' I feel it - wal, down to the eend o' my Four Corners Weekly Meridian,” has en- pockets. deavored to show that this is the sepulchral | Jes' lovin' the people is Canaan in view, inscription of Thorwald Eriksson, who, as But it's Canaan paid quarterly thev 'em is well known, was slain in Vinland by the natives. But I think he has been misled by It's a blessin' thet 's breakin' out ollus in a preconceived theory, and cannot but feel

fresh spots; that he has thus made an ungracious return It 's a-follerin' Moses 'thout losin' the fleshfor my allowing him to inspect the stone pots.


love you;

raw cus

away ?

North wrong,


But, Gennlemen, 'scuse me, I ain't sech a By the fault o' the North in misplacin' the

switch. Ez to go luggin' ellerkence into a caucus, Things wuz ripenin' fust-rate with Buchanan Thet is, into one where the call compre- to nuss 'em; hen's

But the People - they would n't be MexiNut the People in person, but on'y their

cans, cuss 'em! frien's;

Ain't the safeguards o’ freedom upsot, 'z I'm so kin' o' used to convincin' the masses

you may say, Of th' edvantage o' bein' self-governin' Ef the right o' rev’lution is took clean

asses, I forgut thet we ’re all o' the sort thet pull An' doos n't the right primy-fashy include wires

The bein' entitled to nut be subdued ? An' arrange for the public their wants an' The fect is, we'd gone for the Union so desires,

strong, An' thet wut we hed met for wuz jes' to When Union meant South ollus right an'

agree Wut the People's opinions in futur' should Thet the People gut fooled into thinkin' it be.


Worry on middlin' wal with the North in Now, to come to the nub, we've ben all the right. disappinted,

We might haben now jest ez prosp'rous ez An'our leadin'idees are a kind o’ disjinted,

France, Though, fur ez the nateral man could Where p’litikle enterprise hez a fair chance, discern,

An' the People is heppy an' proud et this Things ough' to ha' took most an oppersite

hour, turn.

Long ez they hev the votes, to let Nap hev But The'ry is jes' like a train on the rail,


power; Thet, weather or no, puts her thru without But our folks they went an' believed wut fail,

we'd told 'em While Facy's the ole stage thet gits An', the flag once insulted, no mortle could sloughed in the ruts,

hold 'em. An' bez to allow for your darned efs an’ ’T wuz pervokin' jest when we wuz cert'in buts,

to win, An' so, nut intendin' no pers'nal reflections, An' I, for one, wun't trust the masses agin: They don't — don't nut allus, thet is, – For a People thet knows much ain't fit to make connections:

be free Sometimes, when it really doos seem thet In the self-cockin', back-action style o' they'd oughter

J. D. Combine jest ez kindly ez new rum an' water,

I can't believe now but wut half on 't is Both 'll be jest ez sot in their ways ez a

lies; bagnet,

For who'd thought the North wuz agoin' Ez ctherwise-minded ez th' eends of a mag

to rise, net,

Or take the pervokin'est kin' of a stump, An' folks like


thet ain't ept to 'thout 't wuz sunthin' ez pressin' ez Gabe sold,

br'el's las' trump? Git somehow or 'nother left out in the cold. Or who'd ha' supposed, arter sech swell

an' bluster I expected 'fore this, 'thout no gret of a row, 'bout the lick-ary-ten-on-ye fighters they'd Jeff D. would ha' ben where A. Lincoln is

muster, now,

Raised by hand on briled lightnin', ez With Taney to say 't wuz all legle an' fair, opʼlent 'z you please An' a jury o’ Deemocrats ready to swear In a primitive furrest o’ femmily-trees, Tbet the ingin o' State gut throwed into Who'd ha' thought thet them Southunthe ditch

ers ever 'ud show

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Starns with pedigrees to 'em like theirn to An' felt kind o’’z though they wuz bavin' the foe,

their wills, Or, when the vamosin' come, ever to find Which kep''em ez harmless an' cherfle ez Nat'ral masters in front an' mean white

crickets, folks behind ?

While all we invested wuz names on the By ginger, ef I'd ha' known half I know

tickets : now,

Wal, ther' 's nothin', for folks fond o' When I wuz to Congress, I would n't, I

lib'ral consumption Swow,

Free o' charge, like democ'acy tempered Hev let 'em cair on so high-minded an' with gumption !

sarsy, 'thout some show o' wut you may call vicy- Now warn't thet a system wuth pains in varsy.

presarvin', To be sure, we wuz under a contrac' jes' then Where the people found jints an' their To be drefile forbearin' towards Southun frien's done the carvin', men ;

Where the many done all o' their thinkin' We hed to go sheers in preservin' the bel

by proxy, lance :

An' were proud on 't ez long ez 't wuz An' ez they seemed to feel they wuz wastin' christened Democ'cy, – their tellents

Where the few let us sap all o’ Freedom's 'thout some un to kick, 't warn’t more 'n foundations, proper, you know,

Ef you call it reformin' with prudence an' Each should funnish his part ; an' sence patience, they found the toe,

An' were willin' Jeff's snake-egg should An' we wuz n't cherubs — wal, we found

hetch with the rest, the buffer,

Ef you writ “ Constitootional

over the For fear thet the Compromise System

nest ? should suffer.

But it 's all out o'kilter, ('t wuz too good to

last,) I wun't say the plan hed n't onpleasant An' all jes' by J. D.'s perceedin' too fast ; featurs,

Ef he'd only hung on for a month or two For men are perverse an' onreasonin' crea

more, turs,

We'd ha' gut things fixed nicer ’n they hed An' forgit thet in this life 't ain't likely to

ben before : heppen

Afore he drawed off an' lef' all in confuTheir own privit fancy should ollus be sion, cappen,

We wuz safely entrenched in the ole ConBut it worked jest ez smooth ez the key of stitootion, a safe,

With an outlyin', heavy-gun, casemated An' the gret Union bearin's played free

fort from all chafe.

To rake all assailants, -I mean th’S. J. They warn't hard to suit, ef they hed their

Court. own way,

Now I never 'll acknowledge (nut ef you An' we (thet is, some on us) made the should skin me) thing pay:

wuz wise to abandon sech works to the 't wuz a fair give-an’-take out of Uncle

in'my, Sam's heap;

An' let him fin' out thet wut scared him so Ef they took wut warn't theirn, wut we long, give come ez cheap ;

Our whole line of argyments, lookin' so The elect gut the offices down to tide- strong, waiter,

All our Scriptur an' law, every the’ry an' The people took skinnin' ez mild ez a fac', tater,

Wuz Quaker -guns daubed with Pro-slaSeemed to choose who they wanted tu, footed the bills,

Why, ef the Republicans ever should git

very black.

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