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" Attend, ye dunces, and ye zanies all, “ 'Tis Folly's birth-day, come at Folly's call; “ To sound her fame the sons of dulness meet “ At seven o'clock precisely in Hart-street ; “ Come when the hooting Owls begin their flight, • For Folly keeps her holiday at night.
Close by that theatre of high repute
High o'er her ear, light-wavering to the gale,
But hark! what sounds my trembling ears dismay; The screech-owls hoot, the long-ear'd brethren
bray; Loud squeal the cat-calls with discordant strain, "The sport of Folly, but the poet's pain. Thie signal given, all boobies hear the call, (The feast of Folly is a feast for all) Tittering they run-tall Taylor heads the rout, And swells his high harangue with many a-round
" Most potent Queen, with heart-di!ating glee “ I greet the day benign to You and Me“ That dire Glaucoma which your eye bedims, “ This hand deterges, dispumates and skims. “ Thanks to my stars that sent me here to-day “ To purge from films opaque your visual ray ; “ Pay but ten pieces—that my constant rate is; “ One shilling and this syllabus comes gratis, • Great in the art no falshoods I maintain ; " In France I'm honour'd, and adored in Spain: “ In Prussia, Poland, Portugal I'm known ; “ Sweden, and Denmark ring with my renown: “Of me strange things all Germany relates, “ For I'm admired thro' all her hundred states : “ Bohemia, Muscovy I've travellid o'er, “: Kingdoms where Doctors never went before : “ Full well these foreign courts my pains requite, “ They chuse me member, and they dub me
Knight; " The Patents of the Dignities I've won, “ Are all lodged safely with my darling son. “ Your gracious Majesty has heard I hope, “ I'm Oculist-Physician to the Pope, “ Besides (think not I dare your Highness hum) “ To every Sovereign Prince in Christendom:
“ So well all Europe knows me and my works, “ Next month I'll shew my parts among the Turks; “ Now, now's the lucky tinie to cure your sight, “ This wonder-working needle sets it right : “ Consult with me, great Queen, nor more regard “ That cursed tar-water, or the pills of Ward.
He spoke, and turning carelessly display'd
“ Go on, and prosper, great exotick knight, " Yet shew some reverence for thy mother's sight:
Tho' of that glittering pendant justly vain, “ In France tho' honour'd, and adored in Spain ; “Tho'Germans, Goths, and Huns, thy skill admire, • And many a nurse, and many a rural Squire,
Yet I the greatest of all fools should be, “ Tho' Queen of Dupes, to trust my eyes with
Next came, resolved the Goddess to trepan,
Expressive thrice he shook his empty head,
“How blest am I, illustrious Queen, to think " You deign to tip your own dear son the wink? “Lo! here I stand, obsequious to your call, “Great patron, friend, and mother of us all : “So keen your piercer, and so sweet your smile, * You charm us at the distance of a mile. " To crown with high festivity the night, “ If jest, and farce, and mimickry delight, " The stingless satire, and the ideot sneer, “ I'll mount my rostrum, and turn Auctioneer, “My taste consists of foolery and fun; “Without your succour I had been undone : “ To you 'tis owing that I please the great; .*Thro' you I cat to live, and live to eat : “ That I the chattering of maccaws exceed, ** And learn queer faces from the monkey breed, “ Like Proteus boast dexterity of limb“ To you I owe it all, and not to him : " Yours be the praise, that from my infant state “You taught your son to move, to grin, to prate." He ended, and prepared to take his stand, As Auctioneer, with hammer in his hand: The Goddess watch'd him sly, and at his head Hurling her Plautus, thus indignant said;