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Attend, ye dunces, and ye zanies all,

""Tis Folly's birth-day, come at Folly's call; "To sound her fame the sons of dulness meet "At seven o'clock precisely in Hart-street; "Come when the hooting Owls begin their flight, • For Folly keeps her holiday at night.

Close by that theatre of high repute

Where Quin so well perform'd the part of Brute;
Where Macklin, late the stage's dullest tool,
Once play'd old Shylock, but now plays the Fool;
A fabrick rose, magnificent of frame,

Which from this grand projector took its name:
As to the music of the damn'd that fell,
Rose Pandemonium on the plains of hell;
So of this pile, 'tis thought, in some ill weather,
Rich's Orchestra fiddled it together.
Here on a sofa of goose-feathers made,
Lo! half-supine luxurious Folly laid :
Powerful to lull the most enliven'd sense,
This sofa was the gift of Indolence:
Her little left eye twinkles to the light,
But open'd wide, and goggling is her right:
Down from her collar to her bosom bare,
Her bells hung pendant like a solitainą:

High o'er her ear, light-wavering to the gale,
She wore the plumage of a peacock's tail,
Which, nodding o'er her round unmeaning face,
Gave to her front the French fantastick grace.
Full fat and fair she waddles in her gate,
And lisps so pretty that she loves to prate;
Her ears she pricks up to herself to list,
And sputters all her meaning in a mist.
Wise in conceit she seems, for all the while
Her face is dimpled with a foolish smile.
A painted fan her fickleness declares,
Which waving gives the ideot Goddess airs;
She flirts it to a sceptre of command;
And grasps an English Plautus in her hand.

But hark! what sounds my trembling ears dismay; The screech-owls hoot, the long-ear'd brethren

bray;

Loud squeal the cat-calls with discordant strain,

The sport of Folly, but the poet's pain.

The signal given, all boobies hear the call,

(The feast of Folly is a feast for all)

Tittering they run-tall Taylor heads the rout,

And swells his high harangue with many a-round

about:

"Most potent Queen, with heart-dilating glee "I greet the day benign to You and Me'That dire Glaucoma which your eye bedims, "This hand deterges, dispumates and skims. "Thanks to my stars that sent me here to-day ་་ Το purge from films opaque your visual ray ; "Pay but ten pieces-that my constant rate is; "One shilling and this syllabus comes gratis. "Great in the art no falshoods I maintain; "In France I'm honour'd, and adored in Spain: "In Prussia, Poland, Portugal I'm known;

"

Sweden, and Denmark ring with my renown: "Of me strange things all Germany relates,

"For I'm admired thro' all her hundred states: "Bohemia, Muscovy I've travell'd o'er,

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Kingdoms where Doctors never went before:

"Full well these foreign courts my pains requite,

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The Patents of the Dignities I've won,

"Are all lodged safely with my darling son. "Your gracious Majesty has heard I hope, "I'm Oculist-Physician to the Pope,

"Besides (think not I dare your Highness hum) "To every Sovereign Prince in Christendom :

"So well all Europe knows me and my works,
"Next month I'll shew my parts among the Turks;
"Now, now's the lucky time to cure your sight,
"This wonder-working needle sets it right:
"Consult with me, great Queen, nor more regard
"That cursed tar-water, or the pills of Ward.

He spoke, and turning carelessly display'd
His golden badge of honour, and brocade.
The simpering Queen embraced her wondrous

son,

And thus with sneer sarcastical begun :

"Go on, and prosper, great exotick knight, "Yet shew some reverence for thy mother's sight: "Tho' of that glittering pendant justly vain, "In France tho' honour'd, and adored in Spain; "Tho' Germans, Goths, and Huns, thy skill admire, "And many a nurse, and many a rural Squire, "Yet I the greatest of all fools should be,

"Tho' Queen of Dupes, to trust my eyes with thee.

Next came, resolved the Goddess to trepan,
Something betwixt a Monkey and a Man,
(Not far behind in impudence the first)

Who aped all characters, and wore the worst:

Expressive thrice he shook his empty head,
Pertly address'd the dame, and thus he said:

"How blest am I, illustrious Queen, to think "You deign to tip your own dear son the wink? "Lo! here I stand, obsequious to your call, "Great patron, friend, and mother of us all : "So keen your piercer, and so sweet your smile, "You charm us at the distance of a mile. "To crown with high festivity the night, "If jest, and farce, and mimickry delight, "The stingless satire, and the ideot sneer, "I'll mount my rostrum, and turn Auctioneer. "My taste consists of foolery and fun "Without your succour I had been undone : "To you 'tis owing that I please the great; "Thro' you I cat to live, and live to eat : "That I the chattering of maccaws exceed, "And learn queer faces from the monkey breed, "Like Proteus boast dexterity of limb

;

"To you I owe it all, and not to him :

"Yours be the praise, that from my infant state
"You taught your son to move, to grin, to prate.”
He ended, and prepared to take his stand,
As Auctioneer, with hammer in his hand :

The Goddess watch'd him sly, and at his head
Hurling her Plautus, thus indignant said;

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