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Malvolio. My prayers, minx!
things; I am not of your element. You shall know more hereafter.
He leaves them (C.]. Sir Toby. Is't possible? Fabian. If this were played upon a stage now, I could con
demn it as an improbable fiction. Sir Toby. His very guardian angel hath taken the infection
of the trick, man. Fabian. Why, we shall make him mad indeed. Maria. The house will be the quieter. Sir Toby. Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound.
My niece is already in the belief that he's mad. We may
Episode 2. Dusk.
Maria and Clown appear (at R. 1].
thou art Sir Topas the curate. Do it quickly; I'll call Sir Toby.
[Exit R. 1.] Clown. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in it.
[He puts on the monk's gown and pulls the cowl up over his fool's cap.]
Sir Toby and Maria appear (at R. 1]. 1 dark room and bound. It was contemporary practice to put the insane into a quiet, dark place.
? Malvolio looking out of cellar window. A dim spot light, turned on Malvolio's face, makes him easy to discern, but the rest of the stage is much in shadow, except for the wing R. 1, which Malvolio cannot see.
Sir Toby. Heaven bless thee, master Parson!
that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to the niece of King Gorboduc, “That that is is”; so I being master Parson, am master Parson; for, what is “that” but “that,”
and “is” but “is”? Sir Toby. To him, Sir Topas. Clown. (Approaching Malvolio.] What, ho, I say! Peace
in this prison! Malvolio. (Within.] Who calls there? Clown. Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
the lunatic. Malvolio. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my
lady. Clown. Out fiend! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies? Malvolio. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Do
not think I am mad. They have laid me here in hideous
darkness. Clown. Fie, thou dishonest Satan! - Sayest thou that house
is dark? Malvolio. As hell, Sir Topas. Clown. Why, it hath bay windows. Malvolio. I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you, this house
is dark. Clown. Madman, thou errest. I say, there is no darkness
but ignorance. Malvolio. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never
man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are. Clown. Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness.
1 Gorboduc (gôr/bo-důk): the king in an old play of that name. However the monk and niece were invented by the clown, on the spot, to make the joke.
Malvolio. Sir Topas, Sir Topas!
now in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him. I am now so far in offence with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come to me by and by.
[Exeunt Sir Toby and Maria R. 1.) Clown. (Singing.]
"Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does."
“My lady is unkind.”
“Alas, why is she so?” Malvolio. Fool, I say! Clown.
"She loves another." Malvolio. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my
hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee
for it. Clown Master Malvolio? Malvolio. Ay, good fool. Clown. Alas, sir, how fell you beside your five wits? Malvolio. I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art. Clown. Then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in
your wits than a fool. Malvolio. They have here chained me up; keep me in darkness,
send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me
out of my wits. Clown. Be careful what you say; the minister is here. Mal
volio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! Endeavor
to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble. Maliolio. Sir Topas!
Clown. [Speaking as Sir Topas.] Maintain no words with
him, good fellow. (As himself.) Who, I, sir? Not I, sir.
God be with you,' good Sir Topas! [As Sir Topas.] Amen. Malvolio. Fool, fool, fool, I say! Clown. (As himself.] Alas, sir, be patient. What say you,
sir? I am blamed for speaking to you. Malvolio. Good fool, help me to some light and some paper.
I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria. Clown. I would you were, sir! Malvolio. Good fool, convey what I will write to my lady. Clown. I will help you to it. - But tell me true, are you not
mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit? Malvolio. Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true. Clown. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his brains.
I will fetch you light and paper and ink. Malvolio. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree. I
prithee, be gone. Clown. (Singing.]
I am gone, sir,
Cries, ah, ha! to the devil,
Adieu, goodman devil. [Exit R. 3.] 1 God be with you. We now say good-bye.
2 Vice: A stock comic character in the old morality plays, in which he played tricks and cracked jokes upon the devil and sometimes beat him with his wooden dagger, or threatened to pare his sharp nails. At the end the devil always carried him off to hell on his back.
[Enter the Clown and Fabian C.] Fabian. Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter. Clown. Good Master Fabian, grant me another request. Fabian. Anything. Clown. Do not desire to see this letter. Fabian. This is to give you a dog and in recompense desire my dog again.
Olivia enters (C.).
Now I remember
[To Clown.] How does he? Clown. Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the stave's
end as well as a man in his case may do. Has here writ a letter to you. I should have given't you today morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels, so it matters
not much when they are delivered. Olivia. Open it, and read it. Clown. [Reads.) "By the Lord, madam,' Olivia. How now, art thou mad? Clown. No, madam, I do but read madness. Olivia. [To Fabian.] Read it you, sir. Fabian. [Reads.) "By the Lord, madam, you wrong me,
and the world shall know it. Though you have put me into darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of and speak out of my injury.