ODE TO THE SUBLIME PORTE.

GREAT Sultan, how wise are thy state compositions !

And oh, above all, I admire that decree,
In which thou command'st that all she politicians

Shall forthwith be strangled and cast in the sea.
'Tis my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster-

A maid, who her faith in old Jeremy puts ;
Who talks, with a lisp, of the last new Westminster,'.

And hopes you're delighted with ‘Mill upon Gluts ;'
Who tells you how clever one Mr. F-nbl-nque is,

How charming his Articles 'gainst the Nobility ;-
And assures you, that even a gentleman's rank is,

In Jeremy's school, of no sort of utility.
To see her, ye Gods, a new Number devouring-

Art. 1, On the Needle's variations.' by Snip;
Art. 2, On the Bondage of Greece,' by John B-r-ng

(That eminent dealer in scribbling and scrip);
Art. 3, · Upon Fallacies,' Jeremy's own

(The chief fallacy being his hope to find readers);
Art. 4, Upon Honesty'--author unknown;

Art. (by the young Mr. M-), 'Hints to Breeders.'
Ob Sultan, oh Sultan, though oft for the bag

And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to call-
Though drowniny's too good for each blue-stocking bag,

I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all!
Ay, and-lest she should ever again lift her head

From the watery bottom, her clack to renew,-
As a clog, as a sinker, far better than lead,

I would hang round her neck her own darling Reviev

6

Ovid.

see,

THE GHOST OT MILTIADES. And he found the scrip of Greece so

high, Ah quoties dubius Scriptis exarsit amator !

That it tired his blood, it flushed his eye;

And oh ! 'twas a sight for the ghost to The ghost of Miltiades came at night, And he stood by the bed of the Ben. For there never was Greek more Greek thamite;

than he ! And he said in a voice that thrilled the And still, as the premium higher went, frame,

His ecstasy rose—so much per cent. If ever the sound of Marathon's name (As we see, in a glass that tells the Bath fired thy blood, or flushed thy

weather, brow,

The heat and the silver rise together), Lover of liberty, rouse thee now!'

And Liberty sung from the patriot's lip, The Benthamite, yawning, left his bed-While a voice from his pocket whispered Away to the Stock Exchange he sped, *Scrip!

6

morn

The ghost of Miltiades came again :- Thus saying, the ghost, as he took his He smiled, as the pale moon shines flight, through rain,

Gave a parting kick to the Benthamite, For his soul was glad at that patriot Which sent him, whimpering, off to strain :

Jerry(And, poor dear ghost, how little he And vanished away to the Stygian knew

ferry! The jobs and tricks of the Philhellene

crew !) * Blessings and thanks !' was all he said,

CORN AND CATHOLICS. Then melting away, like a night dream,

Utrum horum fled !

Dirius borum ?-Incerti Auctores.

What! still those two infernal questions, The Benthamite hears-amazed that

That with our meals, our slumbers ghosts

mixCould be such fools-andaway he posts, That spoil our tempers and digestionsA patriot still! Ah no, ah noGoddess of Freedom, thy scrip is low,

Eternal Corn and Catholics! And, warm and fond as thy lovers are, Gods! were there ever two such bores ? Thou triest their passion when under Nothing else talked of, night or

par. The Benthamite's ardour fast decays,

Nothing in doors, or out of doors, By turns he weeps, and swears, and But endless Catholics and Corn!

prays, And wishes the d—l had crescent and Never was such a brace of pests— cross,

While Ministers, still worse than Ere he had been forced to sell at a loss. either, They quote him the stock of various Skilled but in feathering their nests, nations,

Bore us with both, and settle neither. But, spite of his classic associations, Lord! how he loathes the Greek So addled in my cranium meet quotations !

Popery and Corn, that oft I doubt "Who'll buy my scrip? Who'll buy Whether, this year, 'twas bonded wheat my scrip?

Or bonded papists they let out.
Is now the theme of the patriot's lip,
As he runs to tell how hard his lot is

Here landlords, here polemics, nail you, To Messrs. Orlando and Luriottis,

Armed with all rubbish they can rake And says, 'Oh Greece, for liberty's

up;

Prices and texts at once assail you-. sake,

From Daniel these and those from Do buy my scrip, and I vow to break Those dark, unholy bonds of thine

Jacob. If you'll only consent to buy up mine!' | And when you sleep, with head still

torn The ghost of Miltiades came once Between the two, their shapes you

mix, His brow, like the night, was lowering Till sometimes Catholics seem Corn,

Then Corn again seem Catholics. And he said, with a look that flashed dismay,

Now Dantzic wheat before you floatsOf liberty's foes the worst are they Now, Jesuits from California Who turn to a trade her cause divine, Now Ceres, linked with Titus Oats, And gamble for gold on Freedom's Comes dancing through the Porta shrine !

Cornca.

more ;

o'er;

ever.

Oft, too, the Corn grows animate, So, on they went, a prosperous crew,

And a whole crop of heads appears, The people wise, the rulers clever, Like Papists, bearding Church and And God help those, like me and State

you, Themselves together by the ears ! Who dared to doubt (as some now

do) While, leaders of the wheat, a row That the Periwinkle Revenue Of Poppies, gaudily declaiming,

Would thus go flourishing on for Like Counsellor O'Bric and Co., Stand forth, somniferously flaming !

Hurra! hurra! I heard them say, In short, their torments never cease ;

And oft I wish myself transferred off And they cheered and shouted all the To some far, lonely land of peace,

way, Where Corn or Papists ne'er were

As the Great Panurge in glory went

To heard of.

open

his own dear Parliament. Oh waft me, Parry, to the Pole ; But folks at length began to doubt

For-if my fate is to be chosen What all this conjuring was about; 'Twixt bores and icebergs-on my soul, For, every day, more deep in debt I'd rather, of the two, be frozen! They saw their wealthy rulers get :

• Let's look (said they) the items

through,

And see if what we're told be true
THE PERIWINKLES AND THE

Of our Periwinkle Revenue.'
LOCUSTS.

But, lord, they found there wasn't a

tittle A SALMAGUNDIAN HYMN.

Of truth in aught they heard before; *To Panurge was assigned the Lairdship of For they gained by Periwinkles little, Salmagundi, which was yearly worth 6,789,106,789 ryals, besides the revenue of the Locusts and Pe.

And lost by Locusts ten times more! riwinkles

, amounting one year with another to These Locusts are a lordly breed the value of 2,425,768,' etc. etc.-Rabelais. Some Salmagundians love to feed. ‘HURRA ! Hurra!' I heard them say,

Of all the beasts that ever were born, And they cheered and shouted all the Your Locust most delights in corn;

And though his body be but small, way, As the Laird of Salmagundi went

To fatten him takes the devil and all ! To open in state his Parliament.

Nor this the worst, for, direr still,
The Salmagundians once were rich, Alack, alack, and well-a-day !
Or thought they were — no matter Their Periwinkles-once the stay
wbich-

And prop of the Salmagundian till — For, every year, the Revenue?

For want of feeding, all fell ill ! From their periwinkles larger grew; And still, as they thinned and died And their rulers, skilled in all the trick,

away, And legerdemain of arithmetic, The Locusts, ay, and the Locusts' Bill, Knew how to place 1, 2, 3, 4,

Grew fatter and fatter every day! 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 and 10, Such various ways, behind, before, • Oh fie! oh fie !' was now the cry, That they made a unit seem a score, As they saw the gaudy show go by, And proved themselves most wealthy And the Laird of Salmagundi weut men!

To

open his Locust Parliament !

Accented as in Swift's line

Not so a nation's revenues are paid.'

he ran,

A CASE OF LIBEL.

The press, the impartial press, that snubs

Alike a fiend's or an angel's capers — A CERTAIN old Sprite, who dwells Miss Paton's soon as Beelzebub's— below

Fired off a squib in the morning ('Twere a libel, perhaps, to mention

papers : where), Came up incog., some winters ago,

"We warn good men to keep aloof To try, for a change, the London air. From a grim old Dandy, seen about

With a fire-proof wig and a cloven hoof, So well he looked, and dressed, and Through a neat cut Hoby smoking talked,

out. And hid his tail and his horns so

Now, the Devil being a gentleman, handy, You'd hardly have known him, as he

Who piques himself on his well-bred

dealings, walked,

You may guess, when o'er these lines From or any other Dandy. (N.B. -His horns, they say, unscrew ;

How much they hurt and shocked

his feelings So he has but to take them out of the socket,

Away he posts to a man of law, And—just as some fine husbands do- And oh, 'twould make you laugh Conveniently clap them into his to 've seen 'em, pocket.)

As paw shook hand, and hand shook

paw, In short, he looked extremely natty, And 'twas ‘Hail, good fellow, wel' And even contrived - to his own met,' between 'em.

great wonder By dint of sundry scents from Gattie, Straight an indictment was preferred

And much the Devil enjoyed the jest. To keep the sulphurous hogo under.

When, looking among the judges, he

heard And so my gentleman hoofed about,

That, of all the batch, his own was Unknown to all but a chosen few

Best. At White's and Crockford's, where, no doubt,

In vain Defendant proffered proof He had many post obits falling due. That Plaintiff s self was the Father

of Evil Alike a gamester and a wit,

Brought Hoby forth to swear to the At night he was seen with Crock- hoof, ford's crew;

And Stultz to speak to the tail of the At morn with learned dames would Devil.

sit-
So passed his time 'twixt black and

The Jury-saints, all snug and rich,
And readers of virtuous Sunday

papers Some wished to make him an M.P.;

Found for the Plaintiff; on hearing

which But, finding W-lks was also one, he Was heard to say he'd be dd if he

The Devil gave one of his loftiest Would ever sit in one house with

capers Johnny.

For oh, it was nuts to the father of lies

(As this wily fiend is named in the At length, as secrets travel fast,

Bible), And devils, whether he or she, To find it settled by laws so wise, Are sure to be found out at last, That the greater the truth, the woist

The affair got wind most rapidly. the libel !

blue.

LITERARY ADVERTISEMENT.

WANTED—Authors of all-work, to job for the season,

No matter which party, so faithful to neither :-
Good hacks, who, if posed for a rhyme or a reason,

Can manage, like -, to do without either.
If in gaol, all the better for out-o'-door topics ;

Yoar gaol is for travellers a charming retreat;
They can take a day's rule for a trip to the Tropics,

And sail round the world, at their ease, in the Fleet.
For Dramatists, too, the most useful of schools-

They may study high life in the King's Bench community :
Aristotle could scarce keep them more within rules,

And of place they're at least taught to stick to the unity.
Any lady or gentleman come to an age

To have good · Reminiscences' (threescore, or higher),
Will meet with encouragement-so much per page,

And the spelling and grammar both found by the buyer.
No matter with what their remembrance is stocked,

So they'll only remember the quantum desired ;-
Enough to fill handsomely Two Volumes, oct.,

Price twenty-four shillings, is all that's required.
They may treat us, like Kelly, with old jeux-d'esprits,

Like Reynolds, may boast of each mountebank frolic,
Or kindly inform us, like Madame Genlis,

That gingerbread cakes always give them the colic.
There's nothing at present so popular growing

As your Autobiographers-fortunate elves,
Who manage to know all the best people going,

Without having ever been heard of themselves !
Wanted, also, a new stock of Pamphlets on Corn,

By' Farmers' and 'Landholders'-(gemmen, whose lands
Enclosed all in bow-pots, their attics adorn,

Or whose share of the soil may be seen on their hands).
No-Popery Sermons, in ever so dull a vein,

Sure of a market;- should they, too, who pen 'em,
Be renegade Papists, like Murtagh O'S-11-v-n,

Something extra allowed for the additional venom.
Funds, Physic, Corn, Poetry, Boxing, Romance,

All excellent subjects for turniug a penny ;-
To write upon all is an author's sole chance

For attaining, at last, the least knowledge of any. i This lady, in her Memoirs, also favours us with her; always desiring that the pills should prith the address of those apothecaries who have be ordered 'comme pour elle.'

.: A gentleman who distinguished himself by from time to time given her pills that agreed his evidence before the Irish Committees,