Слике страница
PDF
ePub

was sent from thence to Westminster, and continued there till the age of eighteen, when he went into the office of a London solicitor. His account of himself in this situation candidly acknowledges his extreme idleness. "I did actually live," he says, in a letter to Lady Hesketh, "for three years with Mr. "Chapman, a solicitor; that is to say, I slept three "years in his house. I spent my days in South"ampton-Row, as you very well remember. There

was I, and the future Lord Chancellor Thurlow, "constantly employed in giggling and making "giggle." From the solicitor's house he went into chambers in the Temple; but seems to have made no application to the study of the law. "Here he "rambled," says Mr. Hayley, "to use his own "colloquial expression, from the thorny road of "jurisprudence to the primrose paths of literature," a most uncolloquial expression indeed, and savouring much more of Mr. Hayley's genius than his own. At this period, he wrote some verse translations from Horace, which he gave to the Duncombes; and assisted Lloyd and Colman with some prose papers for their periodical works. It was only at this time, that Cowper could ever be said to have lived as a man of the world. Though shy to strangers, he was highly valued, for his wit and pleasantry, amidst an intimate and gay circle of men of talents. But though he was then in the focus of convivial society, he never partook of its intemperance.

[ocr errors]

*

His patrimony being well nigh spent, a powerful friend and relation obtained for him the situation of Clerk to the Committees of the House of Lords; but, on account of his dislike to the publicity of the situation, the appointment was changed to that of Clerk of the Journals of the same House. The path to an easy maintenance now seemed to lie open before him; but a calamitous disappointment was impending, the approaches of which are best explained in his own words. "In the beginning," (he says) "a strong opposition to my friend's right "of nomination began to shew itself. A powerful "party was formed among the Lords to thwart it. Every advantage, I was told, would be sought for, and eagerly seized to disconcert us. "I was bid to expect an examination at the bar of "the house, touching my sufficiency for the post I "had taken. Being necessarily ignorant of the na"ture of that business, it became expedient that I "should visit the office daily, in order to qualify "myself for the strictest scrutiny. All the horror "of my fears and perplexities now returned. A "thunderbolt would have been as welcome to me "as this intelligence. I knew to demonstration, "that upon these terms the Clerkship of the Journals "was no place for me. To require my attendance "at the bar of the house, that I might there publicly "entitle myself to the office, was, in effect, to ex"clude me from it. In the mean time, the interest "of my friend, the honour of his choice, my own

[ocr errors]

"reputation and circumstances, all urged me for"ward, all pressed me to undertake that which I "saw to be impracticable. They whose spirits are "formed like mine, to whom a public exhibition of "themselves, on any occasion, is mortal poison, may "have some idea of the horrors of my situation— "others can have none. My continual misery at "length brought on a nervous fever; quiet forsook "me by day, and peace by night; a finger raised "against me was more than I could stand against. "In this posture of mind I attended regularly at the "office, where, instead of a soul upon the rack, the "most active spirits were essentially necessary for "my purpose. I expected no assistance from any "body there, all the inferior clerks being under the "influence of my opponent, and accordingly I re"ceived none. The Journal books were indeed "thrown open to me; a thing which could not be "refused, and from which perhaps a man in health, "and with a head turned to business, might have "gained all the information he wanted; but it was "not so with me. I read without perception; and

was so distressed, that had every clerk in the office "been my friend, it could have availed me little ; "for I was not in a condition to receive instruction, "much less to elicit it out of MSS. without direc"tion. Many months went over me thus employed; "constant in the use of means, despairing as to the "issue. The feelings of a man, when he arrives at "the place of execution, are probably much like

"mine every time I set my foot in the office, which

66

was every day for more than half a year together." These agonies at length unsettled his brain. When his benevolent friend came to him, on the day appointed for his examination at Westminster, he found him in a dreadful condition. He had, in fact, the same morning, made an attempt at selfdestruction; and shewed a garter, which had been broken, and an iron rod across his bed, which had been bent, in the effort to accomplish his purpose by strangulation. From the state of his mind, it became necessary to remove him to the house of Dr. Cotton, of St. Albans, with whom he continued for about nineteen months. Within less than the half of that time, his faculties began to return; and the religious despair, which constituted the most tremendous circumstance of his malady, had given way to more consoling views of faith and piety'. On

1 The crisis of his recovery seems to have been accelerated by the conversation of his brother, who visited him at Dr. Cotton's. "As soon as we were left alone," (he says) "my brother asked "me how I found myself. I answered,' as much better as despair can make me.' We went together into the garden. "Here, on expressing a settled assurance of sudden judgment, "he protested to me that it was all a delusion, and protested so "strongly, that I could not help giving some attention to him. "I burst into tears, and cried out, If it be a delusion, then I "am one of the happiest of beings! Something like a ray of hope was shot into my heart, but still I was afraid to indulge "it. We dined together, and spent the afternoon in a more "cheerful manner *. I went to bed, and slept well. In

[ocr errors]

his recovery, he determined to renounce London for ever; and, that he might have no temptation to return thither, gave up the office of commissioner of bankrupts, worth about 60l. a year, which he had held for some years. He then, in June 1765, repaired to Huntingdon, where he settled in lodgings, attended by a man servant, who followed him from Dr. Cotton's out of pure attachment. His brother, who had accompanied him thither, had no sooner left him, than being alone among strangers, his spirits began again to sink; and he found himself, he says, "like a traveller in the midst of an "inhospitable desart, without a friend to comfort, or "a guide to direct him." For four months he continued in his lodging. Some few neighbours came to see him; but their visits were not very frequent, and he rather declined than sought society. At length, however, young Mr. Unwin, the son of the clergyman of the place, having been struck by his interesting appearance at church, introduced himself to his acquaintance, and brought him to visit at his father's house. A mutual friendship was very soon formed between Cowper and this amiable

"the morning I dreamt that the sweetest boy I ever saw came "dancing up to my bed-side; he seemed just out of leading"strings; yet I took particular notice of the firmness and stea"diness of his tread. The sight affected me with pleasure, and "served at least to harmonize my spirits. So that I awoke for "the first time with a sensation of delight on my mind.”—Memoir published in 1816.

« ПретходнаНастави »