phere. Lady Churchill was Jennie Jerome of New York. Her daddy had so many scads that Jennie couldn't find an American sovereign quite good enough to share her boudoir, so bought a British subject of the Marlborough breed, and at once proceeded to cut a swath in "Lunnon " society as wide as a McCormick reaper. One day Lord Randolph caught her in the company of Prince Collarsand-Cuffs, and they were not holding a sacred song service nor engaged in silent prayer. Instead of creating a hiatus in the royal family, the " injured husband," like J. Coleman Drayton, preferred to go bury his sorrow. He took a trip around the world, and after hitting every opium joint en route, gave up the ghost. He is supposed to have died of a broken heart, but I much doubt whether any of the spawn of old John Churchill and Sarah Jennings were gifted with such an organism. But Lord Randolph was the best of the breed. If he didn't kill his wife's paramour, he was at least one titled cuckold not proud of his horns. Willy Wally has wealth, but he smells of the butchershop and the hidehouse. He wants a coat-of-arms; but it would never do to adopt therefor a calf's head regardant, a raccoon couchant and a bottle of rum rampant. Lady Churchill has a title that will gild the wooden shoes of old Johann Jakob and transform the effluvia of his hidehouse into odors of Araby the Blest. They are both selfexpatriated Americans, ashamed of their country. And it may be remarked, en passant, that their country is heartily ashamed of them. It is a case of true reciprocity, of that fair exchange which is no robbery. Willy Wally wants a wife; or thinks he does, which amounts to the same thing, and does not object to accepting one who has hung on princes' favors. Collars-andCuffs having died of a disease frequently mentioned in the advertising columns of religious weeklies, Lady Churchill

must make other arrangements. By all means let 'em marry. They can then invite Mrs. J. Coleman Drayton, nee Astor, to take up her abode with them. She would make a fine running-mate for the erstwhile Jennie Jerome.

***

THE CUBAN STRUGGLE.

I Do not know what kind of political moon-calf or economic monstrosity the ides of next November will foist upon the nation; but sincerely trust that the animal will possess sufficient sense to see the folly of permitting Cuba, the key to the Mexican Gulf, remaining longer under a foreign flag. Uncle Sam might as wisely turn the combination of his strong box over to aliens. The law of selfpreservation is paramount even to the international code. While Spain holds Cuba as a province she has the right to transfer it to Great Britain or any other first-class power, hence it is imperative that we confiscate if we cannot purchase it at a fair price. Spain has already forfeited all right to the island by unbounded rapacity and unbridled oppression. Columbia poses as the patron of liberty, the champion of the world's oppressed; yet, while she is forcing herself into a petty boundary dispute two thousand miles distant, and bulldozing the unspeakable Turk because of Armenian atrocities, she suffers a semisavage European nation to plunder and oppress a brave and spirited people at her very door. Albeit they are our friends and neighbors, she does not so much as recognize their right to wield the sword in their own defense. She patrols her ports lest American citizens should do for Cuba what Lafayette, DeKalb and a thousand other brave souls did for us in our darkest hour-draw around her infant flag the fiery circle of Freedom! Yet, Columbia is

the patron of human liberty-when not busy planting hogs!

***

SALMAGUNDI.

FOR governor, George Clark. Platform, "All things to all men and nothing to nobody."

The French Republic is in the throes of another "crisis." Even Barney Gibbs has his troubles.

The A. P. Apes appear to have climbed a telegraph pole by mistake, instead of the political cocoanut palm.

Senator Tillman appears to have completely paralyzed those flunkeys who take for their motto, “The king can do no wrong.

James J. Corbett has adopted Dr. Riddle's plan of longrange fighting. It is much the safest, but not very productive of glory.

Governor Ahumada of Chihuahua can give Governor Culberson of Texas pointers in the gentle art of making grandstand plays.

It is difficult to determine whether Cleveland or Corbett can make the rawest war-talk. Yet when called upon to fight they both sent substitutes.

It is noticeable that Cleveland's "popular loan” didn't drop many plums beyond the sacred precincts of Wall Street. But the big bond clippers had to pay a better

price than when the president permitted them to fix it— as the reward of patriotism.

Benjamin Harrison declares that he will not be a presidential candidate. An old man wedded to a young woman is apt to have troubles enough without puttering around in politics.

Rev. Sam Jones says that Bob Ingersoll fears to meet him in joint debate. Doubtless. A self-respecting pointer pup would dodge what Dan Malven calls "the pole-cat of the pulpit."

The wraith of the "dead and buried free silver fallacy appears to be revisiting the pale glimpses of the moon, and causing Chairman Hardy's hair to stand on end like quills upon the fretful porcupine.

If this reading out of the party continues, there'll be nobody left inside the Democratic citadel, but Gov. Culberson and the ICONOCLAST. And Charlie cannot play even a reasonably interesting game of poker.

With the assistance of Gen. Mabry and the rangers, Governor Culberson was able to get back from El Paso without shedding his diamond stud. The rangers come a trifle high, but we must have 'em.

Miss Rebecca Merlindy Johnson, of the governor's staff, did not accompany her chief to the El Paso battlefield. They have no side-saddles on the frontier, and Rebecca is far too modest to straddle a bucking cayuse.

The googoo press is inexpressibly shocked by Quay's presidential aspirations. He is not more corrupt than Deacon Wanamaker and Brother Harrison, who profited by his chicanery. And he has infinitely more brains.

The Gal-Dal has Geo. Clark by the collar and is trying to pull him out of the party, while the " sound money committee is holding him back by the coat-tails. Easy gents; don't spill the sawdust out of our political doll.

The Dallas preachers will lend their valuable endorsement to the semi-centennial project, if guaranteed the exclusive privilege of "working the crowd" on Sunday.

The Chicago Tribune congratulates the Woman's Club of that city upon the admission of a colored woman to full membership. Having thus conceded intellectual and social equality to the odoriferous coon, the Tribune editor cannot consistently object to wedding a coal-black wench and rearing a brood of half-breeds.

After all the mugwumps and Anglo-maniacs had 、urned up their little proboscides at President Cleveland's position in the Venezuelan matter, the Queen steps to the front, supported by Salisbury and Chamberlain, and announces that our Grover was eminently correct. Slow curtain, sneaking music and watery moonlight.

If Nansen has discovered the North Pole it simply demonstrates that "some things can be done as well as others." That is the world's reward for feeding its fools to the polar bears for the past forty years. Now that we have the pole, we cannot utilize it to prop a clothesline