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At this writing Judge George Clark has not been able for several days to secure his consent to a type-written "interview" anent the political situation. Georgie is a very shy bird, and experiences considerable difficulty in throwing salt on his own coattails.

Dr. Cyrus Edson has discovered a "cure" for incurable consumption, and calls it pilocarppinphenylhydroxide. The doctor doubtless argues that with such a name cavorting around inside a patient, the bacilli tuberculosis must either emigrate or get run over.

An exchange assures us that, although Cleveland entered the presidency a poor man, and is now a seven-figure plutocrat, he made his millions " in legitimate speculation.” In other words, the gilded thieves found him useful and let him into their nefarious schemes on the ground floor.

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Evangelist Abe Mulkey has been at Cleburne preaching on Restitution," and one man was so affected that he returned $80, of which he had bilked a bank. Bro. Mulkey continues, however, to hang to the thousands of dollars which he has coaxed from the pockets of the poor in the name of Christ.

A phrenologist, who made a chart of Doc Cranfill's truly wonderful head, marked his "bump of love as very much inflamed." That is provokingly inexplicit. Is it his love of lucre, liquor or libidnosity that needs lancing? I know not, but opine that a mush poultice on his bump of selfesteem would not be misapplied.

General Coxey continues to travel about the country telling it what to do to be saved. The fact that so foolish

a Peter the Hermit can secure a hearing argues that there is something radically wrong—something that is breeding a robust, red-headed revolution. Drowning men will grasp at straws, and a desperate people give heed to cranks.

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It really makes no difference whether this State elevates a "goldbug or or "silverite" to the chief magistracy, if he be an honest and able man; but Texas wants no more political Judases, flash gamblers and chippy-chasers posing before the world as her "heroic young christian governor." She has soured on pug-nosed hypocrites who have the will to "work" her, but lack the ability.

Psychologists have not yet informed us why the study of medicines causes so many murders, and abnormal religious fervor in women almost invariably leads to fornication. It is a notorious fact that the most horrible homicides have been perpetrated by men having a smattering of medicines, that the most shameless old "cats" in the country never forego an opportunity to boycott Bob Ingersoll.

The "Apostle" desires to return his heartfelt thanks to that devoted band of Christian ladies who canvassed Temple in the mud and rain to advertise his lecture in that charming city. The "Apostle" is not at all pretty, but his fervent piety makes him a prime favorite with the fair sex whithersoever he may wander. Even Paderewski's hirsute sunrise pales its ineffectual fires, and "purity" preachers lose their hypnotic powers in the presence of the "Apostle."

Rev. E. B. Sutton, an A. P. Ape evangelist who is gadding over the great northwest at the expense of idiots, and

stirring up religious strife, is a representative member of that ridiculous order. Having failed to make a living in the ministry, he became a Prohibition campaigner. That panned out no better, so he tried scandal-mongering and got rotten-egged. Placed between the devil of starvation and the deep sea of honest labor, he climbed a tree with the other "apes," and is now serving the respectable citizens as the yahoos did Gulliver.

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BRER. JONES ABILIN'.

I HAVE received a copy of a Cumberland Presbyterian paper which purports to be published at Hutto and Dallas, Texas. Just why it is published anywhere I am unable to determine, unless it be to give certain Christian brethren an opportunity to work off their bile without the expense of pills. Carpet tacks are used for type, and the presswork consists of throwing a sponge full of soot at a sheet of blank paper. Its mental pabulum is even wilder than its typography. The place of honor in this issue is occupied by H. A. Jones, of Gainesville, who strikes from the shoulder with both hands, kicks out front and rear, bucks and butts all at one and the same time. Brer. Jones is a funnel-shaped verbal cyclone who is steering himself down the "Katy" road, twisting the rails into corkscrews and telescoping the right-of-way. Wherever he hits the solid earth he leaves a hole as big as an Iowa barn. He is relentless as a tax-collector, terrible as a Salvation Army with banners. He has discovered that some of the soulless railway corporations insist that preachers pay full fare or find other methods of transportation, and he wants them boycotted with a big B. Brer. Jones should be calm. He really has no kick coming-at

least none that he can effectively deliver himself. The world would probably wag along just as well if the preachers gadded less and labored more. It might even be some gain to this long-suffering country if Sam Jones, Abe Mulkey and other peripatetic blatherskites were compelled to imitate the example set by old Peter Cartwright and hoof it to their appointments, instead of flying about in luxurious palace cars at half price. They would have time for reflection as they toiled down the plank turnpike, and might give us sermons that were not elevensevenths slang-as a prelude to taking up a collection. Furthermore, if the railways have revoked the ministerial half rate, the act, according to Presbyterian theology, was foreordained—the poor passenger agents are helpless in the hands of Providence. There is really no more reason why the railways should carry ministers at half-rates, and thereby present them with some hundreds of thousands of dollars annually, than that the butcher and baker should supply them with provisions at half price. Teachers are far more necessary to society than are preachers, yet are expected to pay full fare. We could do without doctors of divinity much better than without doctors of medicine, yet the latter demand no special concession. The fact is that the average preacher has profited by quasi-pauper concessions so long that he imagines himself possessed of certain prescriptive rights not enjoyed by others, and when these are called in question he becomes actually impudent. Brer. Jones calls upon all Protestant churches to organize a relentless boycott against such railroads as decline to place ministers in the mendicant class, and adds: "I am informed that some railroads in the state discriminate against Protestant preachers by granting free transportation to Roman priests, monks, nuns and every Papist roaming through the country." Who gave him this in

formation? and what steps did he take to verify it before attempting to use it to the injury of the companies? Does he not know that at least three-fourths of the stock of Texas roads is owned by Protestants? He singles out the M. K. & T. as the especial object of Protestant wrath, yet that road is practically owned by John D. Rockefeller, a most devout Baptist. Brer. Jones has successfully boycotted the shade of Lindley Murray; but a live railway company can strike back, while a dead grammarian can't. I fear that Brer. Jones' crop of Christian charity is sadly in the grass, that the heat of his holy zeal has caused his milk of human kindness to curdle. No man who is either a consistent Christian or a good American citizen ever did or ever will have any connection with a boycott. It is the weapon of the inherently vicious, is resorted to only by men who hold the laws of their country in contempt and would deprive the citizen of his constitutional prerogative. If the Gainesville guy possessed sufficient gumption to teach an infant Sunday-school class, he would know that he has embarked in an unlawful conspiracy that may put him on the rock-pile-perhaps breaking ballast for the object of his boycott.

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POLITICAL PARTIES.

THE prediction of Washington has been fulfilled,—partisan politics has become the curse of this country.

In a government by the people, political partisanship, as exemplified by the existing parties, is born of Ignorance and nursed by Knavery. Instead of helping, it hinders the perpetuation of equality, liberty and fraternity. It is a constant menace to good government. It promotes discord and disunion. It is a breeder of bitterness and the

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