Слике страница
PDF
ePub
[ocr errors]

Upon my word this is something like a description of an Irish bull," interrupted the Hibernian.

Scotchman." For instance, it has been said Equitare in arundine longa-to ride on horseback on a stick. Reason condemns the contradiction, but necessity has allowed it, and use has made it intelligible. The same trope is employed in the following metaphorical expression-the seeds of the Gospel have been watered with the blood of the martyrs."

Englishman-" That does seem an absurdity, I grant, but you know how great orators trample on impossibilities."* Scotchman. And great poets get the better of them. You recollect Shakspeare says,

66

"Now bid me run,

And I will strive with things impossible,
Yea, get the better of them."

Englishman." And Corneille, in the Cid, I believe, makes his hero a compliment upon his having performed impossibilities-Vos mains seules ont le droit de vaincre un invincible."* Scotchman." Ay, that would be a bull in an Irishman, but it is only an hyperbole in a Frenchman."

:

6

Irishman." Indeed this line of Corneille's out hyperboles the hyperbole, considered in any but a prophetic light; as a prophecy, it exactly foretells the taking of Bonaparte's invincible standard by the glorious forty-second regiment of the British Your hands alone have a right to vanquish the invincible.'-By the by, the phrase ont le droit cannot, I believe, be literally translated into English, but the Scotch and Irish —have a right—-translates it exactly. But do not let me interrupt my country's defence, gentlemen; I am heartily glad to find, that Irish blunderers may shelter themselves in such good company in the ancient sanctuary of the hyperbole. But I am afraid you must deny admittance to the poor mason, who said, this house will stand as long as the world, and longer.'"

Scotchman." Why should we shut the gates of mercy' upon him, when we pardon his betters for more flagrant sins; for instance, Mr. Pope, who in his Essay on Criticism, makes a blunder, or rather uses an hyperbole, stronger than that of your poor Irish mason.

"When first young Maro in his noble mind

A work t' outlast immortal Rome designed."

And to give you a modern case, I lately heard an English shopkeeper say to a lady in recommendation of his goods,

* Lord Chatham.

+ Your hands alone have a right to conquer the unconquerable.

6

Ma'am, it will wear for ever, and make you a petticoat afterwards."

Irishman." Upon my word I did not think you could have found a match for the mason; but what will you say to my countryman, who, on meeting an acquaintance, accosted him with this ambiguous compliment-When first I saw you I thought it was you, but now I see it is your brother.'

[ocr errors]

Scotchman." If I were not afraid you would take me for a pedant, I should quote a sentence from Cicero, that is not far behind this blunder."

Irishman." I can take you for nothing but a friend-pray let us have the latin."

Scotchman." It is one of Cicero's compliments to Cæsar,'Qui, cum ipse imperator in toto imperio populi Romani unus esset, esse me alterum passus est."Perhaps," continued the Scotchman, "my way of pronouncing latin sounds strangely to you, gentlemen ?"

Irishman." And perhaps ours would be unintelligible to Cicero himself, if he were to overhear us; I fancy we are all so far from right, that we need not dispute about degrees of wrong."

The coach stopped at this instant, and the conversation was interrupted.

CHAPTER XIII.

BATH COACH CONVERSATION.

AFTER Our travellers had dined, the conversation was renewed by the English gentleman's repeating Goldsmith's celebrated lines on Burke

"Who too deep for his hearers, still went on refining,
And thought of convincing, whilst they thought of dining,
In short 'twas his fate unemployed or in place, sir,
To eat mutton cold, and cut blocks with a razor.”

[ocr errors]

"What humour and wit there are in that poem of Goldsmith! and where is there any thing equal to his Traveller?" Irishman.—“ Yet this is the man who used to be the butt of the company for his bulls."

* And when Cæsar was the only emperor within the dominion of Rome, he suffered me to be another.

Englishman." No, not for his bulls, but for blurting out opinions in conversation, that could not stand the test of Dr. Johnson's critical powers. But what would become of the freedom of wit and humour, if every word that came out of our mouths were subject to the tax of a professed critic's censure, or if every sentence were to undergo a logical examination ? It would be well for Englishmen, if they were a little more inclined, like your open-hearted countrymen, to blurt out their opinions freely."

Scotchman." I cannot forgive Dr. Johnson for calling Goldsmith an inspired idiot; I confess I see no idiotism, but much inspiration in his works."

Irishman." But we must remember, that if Johnson did laugh at Goldsmith, he would let no one else laugh at him, and he was his most sincere and active friend. The world would perhaps, never have seen the Vicar of Wakefield, if Johnson had not recommended it to a bookseller; and Goldsmith might have died in jail, if the Doctor had not got him a hundred pounds for it, when poor Goldsmith did not know it was worth a shilling. When we recollect this, we must forgive the Doctor for calling him, in jest, an inspired idiot.”

Scotchman." Especially as Goldsmith has wit enough, to bear him up against a thousand such jests."

Englishman." It is curious to observe how nearly wit and absurdity are allied. We may forgive the genius of Ireland

if he sometimes

'Leap his light courser o'er the bounds of taste.'

Even English genius is not always to be restrained within the strict limits of common sense. For instance, Young is witty when he says,

'How would a miser startle, to be told

Of such a wonder as insolvent gold!'

But Johnson is, I am afraid, absurd, when he says—

66

'Turn from the glittering bribe your scornful eye,

Nor sell for gold what gold can never buy.'

"One case to be sure must be excepted," said the Irishman; a patriot may sell his reputation, and the purchaser get nothing by it. But, gentlemen, I have just recollected an example of an Irish bull in which are all the happy requisites, incongruity, confusion, and laughable confusion, both in thought and expression. When Sir Richard Steele was asked how it happened, that his countrymen made so many bulls, he replied It is the effect of climate, sir; if an Englishman were born in Ireland, he would make as many.'

[ocr errors]

Scotchman." This is an excellent bull, I allow, but I think I can match it.”

Englishman." And if he can, you will allow yourself to be fairly vanquished?"

Irishman." Most willingly."

Scotchman." Then I shall owe my victory to our friend, Dr. Johnson, the Leviathan of English literature. In his celebrated preface to Shakspeare he says, that he has not only shown human nature, as it acts in real exigences, but as it would be found in situations to which it cannot be exposed.' These are his own words, I think I remember them accurately."

6

The English gentleman smiled, and our Hibernian acknowledged, that the Scotchman had fairly gained the victory."My friends," added he, "as I cannot pretend to be convinced against my will,' I certainly am not of the same opinion still.' But stay, there are such things as practical bulls. Did you never hear of the Irishman, who ordered a painter to draw his picture, and to represent him standing behind a

tree ?"

Englishman." No; but I have heard the very same story told of an Englishman. The dealers in good jokes give them first to one nation and then to another, first to one celebrated character and then to another, as it suits the demand and fashion of the day: just as our printsellers, with a few touches, change the portrait of General Washington into the head of the King of France, and a capital print of Sir Joshua Reynolds into a striking likeness of the Monster.

"But I can give you an instance of a practical bull that is not only indisputably English, but was made by one of the greatest men that England ever produced, Sir Isaac Newton, who, after he had made a large hole in his study door for his cat to creep through, made a small hole beside it, for the kitten. You will acknowledge, sir, that this is a good practical

bull."

"Pardon me," said the Hibernian, "we have still some miles farther to go, and if you will give me leave, I will relate 'an Hibernian tale,' which exemplifies some of the opinions held in this conversation.'

The Scotch and English gentlemen begged to hear the story, and he began in the following manner.

CHAPTER XIV.

THE IRISH INCOGNITO.

SIR JOHN BULL was a native of Ireland, bred and born in the city of Cork. His real name was Phelim O'Mooney, and he was by profession a stocah or walking gentleman; that is, a person who is too proud to earn his bread, and too poor to have bread without earning it. He had always been told, that none of his ancestors had ever been in trade or business of any kind, and he resolved, when a boy, never to demean himself and family, as his elder brother had done, by becoming a rich merchant. When he grew up to be a young man, he kept this spirited resolution, as long as he had a relation or friend in the world, who would let him hang upon them; but when he was shaken off by all, what could he do but go into business; he chose the most genteel, however-he became a wine merchant. I'm only a wine merchant, said he to himself, and that is next door to being nothing at all. His brother furnished his cellars; and Mr. Phelim O'Mooney, upon the strength of the wine that he had in his cellars, and of the money he expected to make of it, immediately married a wife, set up a gig, and gave excellent dinners to men who were ten times richer than he even ever expected to be. In return for these excellent dinners, his new friends bought all their wine from Mr. O'Mooney, and never paid for it; he lived upon credit himself, and gave all his friends credit, till he became a bankrupt. Then nobody came to dine with him, and every body found out that he had been very imprudent; and he was obliged to sell his gig, but not before it had broken his wife's neck; so that when accounts came to be finally settled, he was not much worse than when he began the world, the loss falling upon his creditors, and he being as he observed, free to begin life again, with the advantage of being once more a bachelor.' He was such a good natured, free hearted fellow, that every body liked him, even his creditors. His wife's relations made up the sum of five hundred pounds for him, and his brother offered to take him into his firm as partner; but O'Mooney preferred, he said, going to try,or rather to make, his fortune in England, as he did not doubt but he should by marriage, being, as he did not scruple to acknowledge, a personable, clever looking man, and a great favourite with the sex.

[ocr errors]
« ПретходнаНастави »