"Man strives to climb the earth in his ambition, "Till death, the monitor that flatters not, "Points to the grave where all his hopes are laid.'" "What do you think of Ada?" said he, looking earnestly at his daughter's miniature, that hung by the side of his writing-table. "They tell me she is like me-but she has "her mother's eyes. 66 66 "It is very odd that my mother was an only child;-I am an only child; my wife is an only child; and Ada is an only child. It is a singular coincidence; that is the least "that can be said of it. I can't help thinking it was des"tined to be so; and perhaps it is best. I was once anxious "for a son; but, after our separation, was glad to have had 66 a daughter; for it would have distressed me too much to “have taken him away from Lady Byron, and I could not "have trusted her with a son's education. I have no idea "of boys being brought up by mothers. I suffered too "much from that myself: and then, wandering about the "world as I do, I could not take proper care of a child; "otherwise I should not have left Allegra, poor little N 66 66 66 thing!* at Ravenna. She has been a great resource to me, though I am not so fond of her as of Ada; and yet I mean to make their fortunes equal-there will be enough for them both. I have desired in my will that Allegra "shall not marry an Englishman. The Irish and Scotch make better husbands than we do. You will think it was an odd fancy, but I was not in the best of humours with my countrymen at that moment-you know the reason. I am told that Ada is a little termagant; I hope not. I shall write to my sister to know if this is the case: perhaps I am wrong in letting Lady Byron have entirely "her own way in her education. in her education. I hear that my name is "not mentioned in her presence; that a green curtain is 66 66 66 always kept over my portrait, as over something forbid"den; and that she is not to know that she has a father, 66 till she comes of age. Of course she will be taught to "hate me; she will be brought up to it. Lady Byron is conscious of all this, and is afraid that I shall some * She appears to be the Leila of his Don Juan : Don Juan, Canto X. Stanza 52. 66 35 day carry off her daughter by stealth or force. I might "claim her of the Chancellor, without having recourse to "either one or the other. But I had rather be unhappy 66 66 myself, than make her mother so; probably I shall never see her again." Here he opened his writing-desk, and shewed me some hair, which he told me was his child's. During our drive and ride this evening, he declined our usual amusement of pistol-firing, without assigning a cause. He hardly spoke a word during the first half-hour, and it was evident that something weighed heavily on his mind. There was a sacredness in his melancholy that I dared not interrupt. At length be said: "This is Ada's birthday, and might have been the happiest day of my life as it is !" He stopped, seemingly ashamed of having betrayed his feelings. He tried in vain to rally his spirits by turning the conversation; but he created a laugh in which he could not join, and soon relapsed into his former reverie. It lasted till we came within a mile of the Argive gate. There our silence was all at once interrupted by shrieks that seemed to proceed from a cottage by the side of the road. We pulled up our horses, to enquire of a contadino standing at the little garden-wicket. He told us that a widow had just lost her only child, and that the sounds proceeded from the wailings of some women over the corpse. Lord Byron was much affected; and his superstition, acted upon by a sadness that seemed to be presentiment, led him to augur some disaster. 66 66 "I shall not be happy," said he, "till I hear that my daughter is well. I have a great horror of anniversaries people only laugh at, who have never kept a register of them. I always write to my sister on Ada's birthday. I did so last year; and, what was very remark"able, my letter reached her on my wedding-day, and her 66 answer reached me at Ravenna on my birthday! Several extraordinary things have happened to me on my birthday; so they did to Napoleon; and a more wonderful "circumstance still occurred to Marie Antoinette." The next morning's courier brought him a letter from England. He gave it me as I entered, and said: "I was convinced something very unpleasant hung over !! 66 66 me last night: I expected to hear that somebody I knew was dead;-so it turns out! Poor Polidori is gone! "When he was my physician, he was always talking of 66 66 66 Prussic acid, oil of amber, blowing into veins, suffocating by charcoal, and compounding poisons; but for a different purpose to what the Pontic Monarch did, for he has pre"scribed a dose for himself that would have killed fifty Miltiades', a dose whose effect, Murray says, was so "instantaneous that he went off without a spasm or struggle. It seems that disappointment was the cause of this rash act. He had entertained too sanguine hopes of literary fame, owing to the success of his 'Vampyre,' which, in consequence of its being attributed to me, was got up as a melo-drame at Paris. The foundation of the story was mine; but I was forced to disown the publica 66 66 66 66 66 66 tion, lest the world should suppose that I had vanity enough, or was egotist enough, to write in that ridiculous manner about myself. Notwithstanding which, the "French editions still persevere in including it with my works. My real Vampyre' I gave at the end of 'Ma 66 * He alluded to the Preface and the Postscript, containing accounts of his residence at Geneva and in the Isle of Mitylene. |