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Or that a nymph, who wild as comet errs,
Can discuss barometers,

Farming tools, statistic histories,
Geography, law, or such like mysteries,
For which she does n't care three skips of
Prettiest flea, that e'er the lips of
Catherine Roache look'd smiling upon,
When bards of France all, one by one,
Declared, that never did hand approach

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Observed likewise in these savannas abundance of the Indicrous

Such a flea as was caught upon Catherine Roache !3 Dionara Muscipula. ---BARTRAM's Travels in North America.

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Sentiment, George, I'll talk, when I've got any,

And botany

Oh! Linnæus has made such a prig o' me,
Cases I'll find of such polygamy

Under every bush,

As would make the shy curcuma 4 blush;
Vice under every name and shape,
From adulterous gardens to fields of rape!

* Σπερμαγοραιολεκιθολαχανοπώλιδες.

sistrata of ARISTOPHANES, V. 458,

For his

description of this carnivorous vegetable, see Introduction, 5, 13. 2 This philosophical Duke, describing the view from Mr Jeffer son's house, says, The Atlantic might be seen, were it not for the greatness of the distance, which renders that prospect impossible. -See his Travels.

Polygnotus was the first painter, says Pliny, who showed the teeth in his portraits. He would scarcely, I think, have been tempted to such an innovation in America.

The Marquis de CHASTELLEX, in his wise letter to Mr Maddison, Professor of Philosophy in the College of William and Mary, at Williamsburgh, dwells with much earnestness on the attention which should be paid to dancing.-See his Trap is. This college, the only one in the state of Virginia, and the first which I saw in America. -From the Ly gave me bat a melancholy idea of republican seats of learning. That

This phrase is taken verbatim from an account of an expedition to Drummond's Pond, by one of those many Americans who profess to think that the English language, as it has been hitherto written, is deficient in what they call republican energy. One of the savans of Washington is far advanced in the construction of a new language for the United States, which is supposed to be a mixture of Hebrew and Mikmak.

Alluding to a collection of poems, called La Puce de grands-jours de Poitiers. They were all written upon a flea, which Stephen Pasquier found on the bosom of the famous Catherine des Roches, one morning during the grund-jours of Poitiers. I ask pardon of the learned Catherine's memory, for my vulgar alteration of her most respectable name.

4 Curcuma, cold and shy.-Darwin.

contempt for the elegancies of education, which the American demo crats affect, is no where more grossly conspicuous than in Virginia: the young men, who look for advancement, study rather to be demagogues than politicians; and as every thing that distinguishes from the multitude is supposed to be invidious and unpopular, the levelling system is applied to education, and has had all the effect which its partisans could desire, by producing a most extensive equality of ignorance. The Abbé RAYNAL, in his prophetic admonitions to the Americans, directing their attention very strongly to learned establishments, says, When the youth of a country are seen depraved, the nation is on the decline. I know not what the Abbé Raynal would pronounce of this tration now, were he alive to know the morals of the young students at Williamsburgh! But when he wrote, his countrymen had not yet introduced the doctrinam deos spernentem into America.

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John Smith, a famous traveller, and by far the most enterprising of the first settlers in Virginia. How much he was indebted to the interesting young Pocahuntas, daughter of King Powhatan, may be seen in all the histories of this colony. In the Dedication of his own work to the Duchess of Richmoud, he thas enumerates his bonnes fortunes:- Yet my comfort is, that heretofore honourable and vertuous Ladies, and comparable but among themselves, have offered me rescue and protection in my greatest dangers. Even in forraine parts I have felt reliefe from that sex. The beauteous Lady Trabigzanda, when I was a slave to the Turks, did all she could to secure me. When I overcame the Bashaw of Nalbrits in Tartaria, the charitable Lady Callamata supplyed my necessities. In the utmost of my extremities, that blessed Pokabuntas, the great Kings daughter of Virginia, oft saved my life..

Davis, in his whimsical Travels through America, has manufactured into a kind of romance the loves of Mr Rolfe with this opaci maxima mundi, Pocahontas.

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SONG.

I NE'ER on that lip for a minute have gazed,
But a thousand temptations beset me,
And I've thought, as the dear little rubies you raised,
How delicious 't would be-if you'd let me!

Then be not so angry for what I have done,

Nor say that you 've sworn to forget me; They were buds of temptation too pouting to shun,

And I thought that—you could not but let me!

When your lip with a whisper came close to my cheek,
Oh think how bewitching it met me!
And, plain as the eye of a Venus could speak,
Your eye seem'd to say-you would let me !

Then forgive the transgression, and bid me remain,
For, in truth, if I go, you regret me;

Or, oh!-let me try the transgression again,
And I'll do all you wish-will you let me ?

Among the West-Indian French at Norfolk, there are some very interesting St Domingo girls, who, in the day, sell millinery, etc., and at night assemble in little cotillon parties, where they dance away the remembrance of their unfortunate country, and forget the miseries which « les amis des noirs have brought upon them.

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Intercepted Letters; or, the Twopenny Post Bag.

DEDICATION.

Elapse manibus cecidere tabellæ.-OVID.

To ST-N W -LR-~E, Esq.
MY DEAR W——E,

It is now about seven years since I promised (and I grieve to think it is almost as long since we met) to dedicate to you the first book, of whatever size or very kind, I should publish. Who could have thought that so many years would elapse without my giving the least signs of life upon the subject of this important promise? Who could have imagined that a volume of doggerel, after all, would be the first offering that Gratitude would lay upon the shrine of Friendship?

my

If, however, you are as interested about me and pursuits as formerly, you will be happy to hear that doggerel is not my only occupation; but that I am preparing to throw my name to the Swans of the Temple of Immortality, leaving it, of course, to the said Swans to determine whether they ever will take

the trouble of picking it from the stream.

In the mean time, my dear W~~s, like a pious Lutheran, you must judge of me rather by my faith than my works, and, however trifling the tribute which I offer, never doubt the fidelity with which I am, and always shall be,

Your sincere and attached friend,
THE AUTHOR.

245, Piccadilly, March 4, 1813.

PREFACE.

THE Bag, from which the following Letters are sclected, was dropped by a Twopenny Postman about two months since, and picked up by an emissary of the Society for the S-pp-ss-n of V-e, who, supposing it might materially assist the private researches of that institution, immediately took it to his employers, and was rewarded handsomely for his trouble. Such a treasury of secrets was worth a whole host of informers; and, accordingly, like the Cupids of the poet (if I may use so profane a simile), who « fell at odds about the sweet-bag of a bee,» those venerable suppressors almost fought with each other for the honour and delight of first ransacking the Post-bag. Unluckily, however, it turned out, upon examination, that the discoveries of profligacy, which it enabled them to make, lay chiefly in those upper regions of society, which their well-bred regulations forbid them to molest or meddle with. In consequence, they gained few victims by their prize, and, after lying for a week or two under Mr II-TCH-D's counter, the Bag, with its violated contents, was sold for a trifle to

but

very

a friend of mine.

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but in a newspaper) to publish something or other in the shape of a book; and it occurred to me that, the present being such a letter-writing era, a few of these two-penny post epistles, turned into casy verse, would be as light and popular a task as I could possibly select for a commencement. I did not think it prudent, however, to give too many letters at first, and, accordingly, have been obliged (in order to eke out a sufficient number of pages) to reprint some of those trifles, which had already appeared in the public journals. As, in the battles of ancient times, the shades of the departed were sometimes seen among the combatants, so I thought I might remedy the thinness of my ranks, by conjuring up a few dead and forgotten ephemerons to fill them.

many

Such are the motives and accidents that led to the present publication; and as this is the first time my muse has ever ventured out of the go-cart of a newspaper, though I feel all a parent's delight at seeing little Miss go alone, I am also not without a parent's anxiety, lest an unlucky fall should be the consequence of the experiment; and I need not point out the living instances there are of Muses that have suffered severely in their heads, from taking too early and rashly to their feet. Besides, a book is so very different a thing from a newspaper!-in the former, your doggerel, without either company or shelter, must stand shivering in the middle of a bleak white page by itself; whereas in the latter, it is comfortably backed by advertisements, and has sometimes even a speech of Mr St-ph-n's, or something equally warm, for a chauffe-pié,-so that, in general, the very reverse of « laudatur et alget» is its destiny.

Ambition, however, must run some risks, and I shall be very well satisfied if the reception of these few Letters should have the effect of sending me to the PostBag for more.

PREFACE TO THE FOURTEENTH EDITION.

BY A FRIEND OF THE AUTHOR.

In the absence of Mr Brown, who is at present on a tour through I feel myself called upon, as his friend, to notice certain misconceptions and misrepresentations, to which this little volume of Tritles has given rise.

In the first place, it is not true that Mr Brown has had any accomplices in the work, A note, indeed, which has hitherto accompanied his Preface, may very naturally have been the origin of such a supposition; but that note, which was merely the coquetry of an author, I have, in the present edition, taken upon myself to remove, and Mr Brown must therefore be considered (like the mother of that unique production, the Centaur, pova na povo) as alone responsible for the whole contents of the volume.

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'Pindar. Pyth. 2.-My friend certainly cannot add out' ev xyδρασι γερασφόρον.

In the next place it has been said, that in consequence of this graceless little book, a certain distinguished Personage prevailed upon another distinguished Personage to withdraw from the author that notice and kindness, with which he had so long and so liberally honoured him. There is not one syllable of truth in this story. For the magnanimity of the former of these persons I would, indeed, in no case answer too rashly; but of the conduct of the latter towards my friend, I have a proud gratification in declaring, that it has never ceased to be such as he must remember with indelible gratitude;a gratitude the more cheerfully and warmly paid, from its not being a debt incurred solely on his own account, but for kindness shared with those nearest and dearest to him.

To the charge of being an Irishman, poor Mr BROWN pleads guilty; and I believe it must also be acknowledged that he comes of a Roman Catholic family: an avowal which, I am aware, is decisive of his utter reprobation in

the eyes of those exclusive patentees of Christianity, so worthy to have been the followers of a certain enlightened Bishop, DONATUS,' who held « that God is in Africa, and not elsewhere.» But from all this it does not necessarily follow that Mr BROWN is a Papist; and, indeed, I have the strongest reason for suspecting that they who say so are totally mistaken. Not that I presume to have ascertained his opinions upon such subjects; all I know of his orthodoxy is, that he has a Protestant wife and two or three little Protestant children, and that he has been seen at church every Sunday, for a whole year together, listening to the sermons of his truly reverend and amiable friend, Dr▬▬▬▬ and behaving there as well and as orderly as most people.

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Off at once to papa, in a flurry, he flies-
For papa always does what these statesmen advise,
On condition that they'll be, in turn, so polite
As in no case whate'er to advise him too right-
« Pretty doings are here, sir, (he angrily cries,
While by dint of dark eyebrows he strives to look wise),
"T is a scheme of the Romanists, so help me God!
To ride over your most Royal Highness rough-sbod-
Excuse, sir, my tears, they're from loyalty's source-
Bad enough 't was for Troy to be sack'd by a llorse,

There are a few more mistakes and falsehoods about
Mr BROWN, to which I had intended, with all becoming
gravity, to advert; but I begin to think the task is alto-But for us to be ruined by Ponies, still worse!
gether as useless as it is tiresome. Calumnics and mis-
representations of this sort are, like the arguments and
statements of Dr Duigenan, not at all the less vivacious
or less serviceable to their fabricators for having been
refuted and disproved a thousand times over: they are
brought forward again, as good as new, whenever ma-
lice or stupidity is in want of them, and are as useful as
the old broken lantern, in Fielding's Amelia, which the
watchman always keeps ready by him, to produce, in
proof of riot, against his victims. I shall therefore give
the fruitless toil of vindication, and would even draw
my pen over what I have already written, had 1 not
promised to furnish the Publisher with a Preface, and
know not how else I could contrive to eke it out.

Quick a council is call'd-the whole cabinet sits-
The Archbishops declare, frighten'd out of their wits,
That if vile Popish ponies should eat at my manger,
From that awful moment the Church is in danger!
As, give them but stabling, and shortly no stalls
Will suit their proud stomachs but those of St Paul's.

up

I have added two or three more trifles to this edition, which I found in the Morning Chronicle, and knew to be from the pen of my friend. The rest of the volume remains in its original state. April 20, 1814.

1 Bishop of Case Nigræ, in the fourth century.

* The TRIFLES here alluded to, and others, which have since appeared, will be found in this edition.-Publisher.

3 A new reading has been suggested in the original of the Ode of Horace, freely translated by Lord ELD-N. In the line Sive per Syrteis iter æstuosas, it is proposed, by a very trifling alteration. to read Surtees instead of Syrteis, which brings the Ode, it is said, more home to the noble Translator, and gives a peculiar force and aptness to the epithet ærstuosas. I merely throw out this emendation for the learned, being unable myself to decide upon its merits.

The Doctor, and he, the devout man of Leather,
V-ns-tt-t, now laying their saint-heads together,
Declare that these skittish young a-bominations
Are clearly foretold in chap, vi Revelations-
Nay, they verily think they could point out the one
Which the Doctor's friend Death was to canter upon!

Lord H-rr-by, hoping that no one imputes
To the Court any fancy to persecute brutes,
Protests, on the word of himself and his cronies,
That had these said creatures been Asses, not Ponies,
The Court would have started no sort of objection,
As Asses were, there, always sure of protection.

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