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of what the eloquent authoress affures her at the end, that fhe was her fervant with most ardent devotion. I think this a pattern of a new fort of style, not yet taken notice of by the Criticks, which is above the fublime, and may be called the celeftial; that is, when the most facred praises appropriated to the honour of the Deity, are applied to a mortal of good quality. As I am naturally emulous, I cannot but endeavour, in imitation of this Lady, to be the inventor, or, at least, the first producer of a new kind of Dedication, very different from hers and moft others, fince it has not a word but what the author religiously thinks in it. It may ferve for almost any book either Profe or Verfe, that has, is, or shall be published; and might run in this man
The AUTHOR to Himself.
Moft Honoured Sir,
THESE labours, upon many confiderations, fo properly belong to none as to you: first, that it was your most earnest defire alone that could prevail upon me to make them publick: then, as I am fecure (from that conftant indulgence you have ever shown to all which is mine) that no man will fo readily take them into protection, or fo zealously defend them. Moreover, there's none can fo foon discover the beauties; and there are some parts, which it is poffible few befides yourself are capable of understanding. Sir, the honour, affection, and value I have for you are beyond expreffion; as great, I am fure, or greater, than any man elfe can bear you. As for any defects which others may pretend to difcover in you, I do faithfully declare. I was never able to perceive them; and doubt not but those persons are actuated purely by a spirit of malice
or envy, the infeparable attendants on fhining merit and parts, fuch as I have always esteemed yours to be. It may perhaps be looked upon as a kind of violence to modefty, to say this to you in publick; but you may believe me, it is no more than I have a thousand times thought of you in private. Might I follow the impulse of my foul, there is no fubject I could launch into with more pleafure than your panegyrick: But, fince fomething is due to modefty, let me conclude by telling you, that there is nothing I fo much desire as to know you more thoroughly than I have yet the happiness of doing. I may then hope to be capable to do you some real fervice; but, till then, can only affure you, that I fhall continue to be, as I am more than any man alive,
Your affectionate Friend, and
The greatest of your Admirers.
TUESDAY, March 24, 1713.
Huc propiùs me,
Dum doceo infanire omnes, vos ordine adite.
To the GUARDIAN.
AS you profefs to encourage all those who any way contribute to the Public Good, I flatter
*66 myfelf I may claim your Countenance and Protection,
Hor. Sat. iii. lib. ii. v. 8o.
"I am by Profeflion a Mad Doctor, but of a peculiar "Kind, not of those whofe Aim it is to remove Phrenzies, but one who make it my bufinefs to confer an agreeable Madness on my Fellow-Creatures for their mutual Delight and Benefit. Since it is agreed by "the Philofophers, that Happiness and Mifery confift "chiefly in the Imagination, nothing is more neceffary "to Mankind in general than this pleafing Delirium, "which renders every one fatisfied with himfelf, and perfuades him that all others are equally fo.
"I have for feveral Years, both at home and abroad, "made this Science my particular Study, which I may "venture to say I have improved in almost all the "Courts of Europe; and have reduced it into so safe "and easy a Method, as to practise it on both Sexes, "of what Difpofition, Age, or Quality foever, with "Succefs. What enables me to perform this great "Work, is the Ufe of my Obfequium Catholicon, or the "Grand Elixir, to fupport the Spirits of human Na"ture. This Remedy is of the most grateful Flavour, "in the World, and agrees with all Tastes whatever. ""Tis delicate to the Senfes, delightful in the Opera"tion, may be taken at all Hours without Confine"ment, and is as properly given at a Ball or Play"house, as in a private Chamber. It reftores and vi"vifies the most dejected Minds, corrects and extracts "all that is painful in the Knowledge of a Man's felf. "One Dofe of it will inftantly difperfe itself through "the whole Animal Syftem, diffipate the first Motions " of Diftruft fo as never to return, and so exhilarate "the Brain and rarify the Gloom of Reflection, as to give the Patients a new flow of Spirits, a Vivacity of "Behaviour, and a pleafing Dependance upon their
"Let a Perfon be never fo far gone, I advise hint "not to despair; even though he has been troubled many Years with restless Reflections, which by long "Neglects have hardened into fettled Confideration. "Thofe that have been ftung with Satire may here "find a certain Antidote, which infallibly disperses all "the Remains of Poifon that has been left in the Un
derstanding by bad Cures. It fortifies the Heart "against the Rancour of Pamphlets, the Inveteracy of
Epigrams, and the Mortification of Lampoons; as " has been often experienced by several Persons of both "Sexes, during the Seafons of Tunbridge, and the "Bath.
"I could, as further Inftances of my Succefs, pro"duce Certificates and Teftimonials from the Favour"ites and Ghoftly Fathers of the most eminent Princes "of Europe; but shall content myfelf with the Mention " of a few Cures, which I have performed by this "my Grand Univerfal Reftorative, during the Practice. " of one Month only fince I came to this City..
Cures in the Month of February, 1713.
"George Spondee, Efq; Poet and Inmate of the "Parish of St. Paul's Covent-Garden, fell into violent. "Fits of the Spleen upon a thin Third Night. He "had been frighted into a Vertigo by the. Sound of "Cat-calls on the First Day; and the frequent Hiflings 66 on the Second made him unable to endure the bare "Pronunciation of the Letter S. I fearched into the "Caufes of his Distemper; and by the Prefcription of "a Dofe of my Obfequium, prepared fecundum Artem, "recovered him to his natural State of Madness. I caft "in at proper Intervals the Words, Ill Taste of the Town, « Envy of Criticks, bad Performance of the Actors, and
"the like. He is fo perfectly cured, that he has "promised to bring another Play upon the Stage next "Winter.
"A Lady of profeffed Virtue, of the Parish of St. James's, Weftminster, who hath defired her Name 6.6 may be concealed, having taken Offence at a Phrase "of double Meaning in Converfation, undifcovered "by any other in the Company, fuddenly fell into a "cold Fit of Modefty. Upon a right Application of "Praise of her Virtue, I threw the Lady into an agree"able waking Dream, fettled the Fermentation of her "Blood into a warm Charity, so as to make her look " with Patience on the very Gentleman that offended.
"Hilaria, of the Parish of St. Giles's in the Fields, "a Coquette of long Practice, was by the Reprimand "of an old Maiden reduced to look grave in Compa
ny, and deny herself the Play of the Fan. In short, "fhe was brought to fuch melancholy Circumftances, "that he would fometimes unawares fall into Devo"tion at Church. I advised her to take a few inno"cent Freedoms with occafional Kifjes, prefcribed her "the Exercife of the Eyes, and immediately raised her "to her former State of Life. She on a fudden reco"vered her Dimples, furled her Fan, threw round her "Glances, and for these two Sundays laft paft has not 66 once been seen in an attentive Pofture. This the "Church-Wardens are ready to atteft upon Oath.
"Andrew Terror, of the Middle-Temple, Mohock, was almost induced by an aged Bencher of the fame "Houfe, to leave off bright Converfation, and pore sc over Coke upon Littleton. He was fo ill that his Hat began to flap, and he was feen one Day in the last "Term at Westminster Hall. This Patient had quite "loft his Spirit of Contradiction; I, by the Diftilla"tion of a few of my vivifying Drops in his Ear, drew