You To NESTOR IRONSIDE, Efq. PLAUT. ou are now acquainted with the nature and defign of our inftitution; the Character of the “members, and the topicks of our Conversation, are "what remain for the fubject of this Epiftle. "The most eminent perfons of our affembly are a "little Poet, a little Lover, a little Politician, and a "little Hero. The first of these, Dick Distich by name, we have elected Prefident: not only as he is "the shortest of us all, but because he has entertained "fo juft a fenfe of his ftature, as to go generally in "black, that he may appear yet lefs. Nay, to that "perfection he is arrived, that he ftoops as he walks.. "The figure of the man is odd enough; he is a lively "little creature, with long arms and legs: a Spider is 66 no ill emblem of him: he has been taken at a dif"tance for a fmall Windmill. But indeed what prin 66 cipally moved us in his favour was his talent in "Poetry, for he hath promised to undertake a long "work in fhort verfe to celebrate the heroes of our "fize. He has entertained fo great a respect for Sta"tius, on the score of that Line, Major in exiguo regnabat corpore virtus, "that he once designed to translate the whole Thebaid, "for the fake of little Tydeus. "Tom Tiptoe, a dapper black fellow, is the most "gallant lover of the age. He is particularly nice in "his habiliments; and to the end justice may be done "him that way, conftantly employs the fame artist "who makes attire for the neighbouring Princes and "Ladies of quality at Mr. Powel's. The vivacity of "his temper inclines him fometimes to boast of the "favours of the Fair. He was t'other night excufing "his abfence from the club on account of an affigna"tion with a Lady (and, as he had the vanity to tell us, a tall one too), who had confented to the full accomplishment of his defires that evening: But one "of the company, who was his confident, affured us, "fhe was a woman of humour, and made the agree"ment on this condition, that his toe fhould be tied to hers. 66 "Our Politician is a perfon of real gravity, and "profeffed wifdom: Gravity in a man of this fize, compared with that of one of ordinary bulk, appears "like the Gravity of a Cat, compared with that of a Lion. This gentleman is accuftomed to talk to himfelf, and was once overheard to compare his own perfon to a little cabinet, wherein are locked up all "the fecrets of state, and refined fchemes of Princes. "His face is pale and meagre, which proceeds from "much watching and ftudying for the welfare of Europe, which is alfo thought to have ftinted his growth for he hath deftroyed his own conftitution "with taking care of that of the nation. He is what "Monf. Balzac calls, a great Distiller of the maxims "of Tacitus: when he speaks, it is flowly, and word by "word, as one that is loath to enrich you too fast with "his obfervations; like a limbeck that gives you, drop "by drop, an extract of the little that is in it. "The laft I fhall mention is Tim. Tuck, the Hero. "He is particularly remarkable for the length of his "Sword, which interfects his perfon in a cròfs line, "and makes him appear not unlike a Fly that the "boys have run a pin through, and fet a walking. "He once challenged a tall fellow for giving him a "blow on the pate with his elbow, as he paffed along "the street. But what he especially values himself upon is, that in all the campaigns he has made, he "never once ducked at the whizz of a cannon ball. "Tim. was full as large at fourteen years old as he is This we are tender of mentioning, your little "Heroes being generally cholerick. " now. "These are the gentlemen that most enliven our "converfation. The difcourfe generally turns upon "fuch accidents, whether fortunate or unfortunate, as "are daily occafioned by our fize: these we faithfully "communicate, either as a matter of mirth, or of "confolation to each other. The Prefident had lately "an unlucky fall, being unable to keep his legs on a ftormy day; whereupon he informed us it was no 66 new difafter, but the fame a certain ancient Poet had "been subject to; who is recorded to have been fo "light, that he was obliged to poife himself against "the wind, with lead on one fide, and his own works 66 on the other. The Lover confeffed the other night, "that he had been cured of love to a tall woman, by reading over the legend of Ragotine in Scarron, with his tea, three mornings fucceffively. Our Hero rarely acquaints us with any of his unfuccefsful ad"ventures and as for the Politician, he declares him"self an utter enemy to all kind of burlefque, fo will "never discompofe the austerity of his aspect by laughing at our adventures, much less discover any of his in this ludicrous light. Whatever he tells of any accidents that befal him, is by way of complaint, nor is he ever laughed at but in his Abfence. "We are likewife particularly careful to communi"cate in the club all fuch paffages of history, or cha 66 66 Own "racters of illuftrious perfonages, as any way reflect "honour on little men. Tim. Tuck having but just 66 reading enough for a military man, perpetually enter"tains us with the fame ftories, of little David that "conquered the mighty Goliah, and little Luxembourg "that made Louis XIV. a grand Monarque, never forgetting little Alexander the Great. Dick Diftich ce"lebrates the exceeding humanity of Auguftus, who "called Horace lepidiffimum homunciolum: and is won"derfully pleased with Voiture and Scarron, for having "fo well defcribed their diminutive forms to pofterity. "He is peremptorily of opinion, against a great Reader " and all his adherents, that Æsop was not a jot pro"perer or handsomer than he is represented by the 66 common pictures. But the Soldier believes with the "learned perfon above mentioned; for he thinks none "but an impudent tall author could be guilty of fuch "an unmannerly piece of fatire on little warriors, as "his Battle of the Mouse and the Frog. The Politician "is very proud of a certain king of Egypt, called "Bocchor, who, as Diodorus affures us, was a person "of a very low flature, but far exceeded all that went "before him in difcretion and politicks. "As I am Secretary to the club, 'tis my business, "whenever we meet, to take minutes of the tranfactions: this has enabled me to send you the foregoing particulars, as I may hereafter other memoirs. We have fpies appointed in every quarter of the town, "to give us informations of the mifbehaviour of fuch refractory persons as refufe to be fubject to our sta"tutes. Whatsoever afpiring practices any of these our people fhall be guilty of in their Amours, fingle "Combats, or any indirect means to manhood, we fhall certainly be acquainted with, and publish to the world, for their punishment and reformation.. 86 "For the Prefident has granted me the fole propriety "of expofing and fhewing to the town all fuch intract"able Dwarfs, whofe circumstances exempt them from being carried about in Boxes: referving only to him“self, as the right of a Poet, those smart characters "that will shine in Epigrams. Venerable Neftor, I "falute you in the name of the Club. "BOB, SHORT, Secretary." I Narciffum, aut flexi tacuiffem vimen Acanthi, VIRG. LATELY took a particular friend of mine to my house in the country, not without fome apprehenfion, that it could afford little entertainment to a man of his polite taste, particularly in architecture and gardening, who had so long been converfant with all that is beautiful and great in either. But it was a pleasant surprise to me, to hear him often declare he had found in my little retirement that beauty which he always thought wanting in the most celebrated feats (or, if you will, Villas) of the nation. This he described to me in those verses, with which Martial begins one of his epigrams: Baiana noftra villa, Basse, Fauftini, 5 |