Well, Tom-the road,-what saw you worth discerning?"And how goes study?-What is 't you 're learning?” "Oh! logic, sir; but not the shallow rules "Of Locke and Bacon, antiquated fools!
"Tis wit, and wrangler's logic; thus, d'ye see,
I'll prove at once as plain as A, B, C.
That an eel pie 's a pigeon: To deny it,
"Would be to say black 's white!"—"Come, Tom, let 's try it."
"An eel-pie is a pie of fish!' "Agreed."
"Fish-pie may be a Jack-pie!" "Well, proceed." "A Jack-pie is a John-pie: and 'tis done;
"For every John-pie must be a pie-John! (pigeon.)" "Bravo!" Sir Peter cries, Logic for ever!
"That beats my grandmother, and she was clever!
"But hold, my boy it surely would be hard,
"That wit and learning should have no reward;
“To-morrow, for a stroll, the park we 'll cross,
"And there I'll give thee' -"What?" A chesnut horse!"
"A horse! (cries Tom) bravo! Since that the case is,
"Oh! what a dash I'll cut at Epsom races!"
To bed he went, and wept for downright sorrow,
That night must go before he'd see the morrow;
Dreamt of his boots, and spurs, and leather breeches,
Hunting of cats, and leaping rails and ditches,
Left his warm rest an hour before the lark,
Dragged his old uncle, fasting, to the park.
Halter in hand, each vale he scoured; at loss
To spy a something like a chesnut horse;
But no such animal the meadows cropped.
At length, beneath a tree Sir Peter stopped,
A branch he caught, then shook it, and down fell
A fine horse-chesnut, in its
There, Tom, take that."
"Why, since you 're booted,
"Well, sir, and what beside?" saddle it and ride."
"Ride what?-A chesnut?" "Aye, come get across;
"I tell you, Tom, that chesnut is a horse,
"And all the horse you 'll get; for I can shew,
"As clear as sunshine, that 'tis really so;
Not by the musty fusty worn-out rules
"Of Locke and Bacon,-addle-headed fools!
Nor by old Aristotle's guide to knowledge,
But by the laws of wit and Eton-college;
All axioms but the wranglers' I'll disown,
And stick to one sound argument-your own:
Thus then you proved, your proof I don't deny,
That a pie-John's the same as a John-pie;
What follows thence? but, as a thing of course,
That a horse-chesnut is a chesnut-horse."
MR. BARNEY MAGUIRE'S
ACCOUNT OF THE CORONATION OF QUEEN VICtoria. Extracted by permission of R. Bentley, Esq., from the Ingoldsby Legends.'
ОCH the coronation! what celebration
For emulation can with it compare?
When to Westminster the royal spinster,
And the Duke of Leinster, all in order did repair!
'Twas there you'd see the new polishmen
Making a scrimmage at half after four;
And the lords and ladies, and the Miss O'Grady's,
All standing round before the Abbey door;
Their pillows scorning, that self same morning,
Themselves adorning all by candle light,
With roses and lilies, and daffy down dillies
And gould and jewels, and rich diamonds bright.
And then approaches five hundred coaches
With Giniral Dullbreak ;-Och 'twas mighty fine
To see how asy bould Corporal Casey,
With his sword drawn, prancing, make them kape the line. "Twould have made you crazy to see Esterhazy
All jools from his jasey to his diamond boots,
With Alderman Harmer and that swate charmer,
The famale heiress, Miss Anjaly Coutts.
And Wellington walking, with his sword drawn, talking To Hill and Hardinge, heroes of great fame;
And Sir de Lacy, and the Duke Dalmasey,—
They called him Soult before he changed his name,
Themselves presading, Lord Melbourne lading
The Queen, the darling, to her royal chair,
And that fine old fellow, the Duke of Pelmello,
The Queen of Portugal's chargy-de-fair.
Then the noble Prussians, likewise the Russians,
In fine laced jackets with their golden cuffs,
And the Bavarians and the proud Hungarians,
And everythingarians all in furs and muffs.
Then Misthur Spaker, with Misthur Pays, the Quaker,
All in the gallery you might persave;
But Lord Brougham was missing, and gone a fishing,
Only cross Lord Essex would'nt give him lave.
There was Baron Alter himself exulting,
And Prince Von Swartzenburg, and many more;
Och! I'd be bothered and entirely smothered
To tell the half of them was to the fore!
With the swate peeresses, in their crowns and dresses,
And Aldermanesses, and the Board of Works.
But Mehemet Ali said, quite gentaly,
"I'd be proud to see the likes among the Turks ;"
Then the Queen, heaven bless her! Och they did dress her
In her purple garments and her golden crown,
Like Venus or Hebe, or the Queen of Sheby,
With eight young ladies holding up her gown.
Then the Archbishop held a golden dish up,
For to resave her bounty and great wealth,
Saying, "Plase your glory, great Queen Vict-ory,
You'll give the clergy lave to drink your health.”
Then his Reverence, retrating, discoursed the mating,
Boys, here's your Queen! deny it if you can!
"And if any bould traitor, or infarior crathur,
"Sneezes at that, I'd like to see the man."
Then the nobles kneeling, to the powers appealing,
"Heaven send your Majesty a glorious reign!"
And Sir Claudius Hunter he did confront her
All in his scarlet gown and goulden chain.
Then there was preaching, and good store of speaching,
With Dukes and Marquises on bended knee;
And they did splash her with raal maccasher,
And the Queen said, "Oh! then thank ye all for me." Then the crames and custards, and the beef and mustard, All on the tombstones like a poulterer's shop;
With lobsters and white bait, and other swate-meats,
And wine and nagus, and imperial pop;
There was cakes and apples in all the chapels ;
With fine polonies and rich mellow pears.
Och, the Count Von Shogonoff, sure he got prog enough
That sly old cratur underneath the stairs.
Then the cannons thunder'd, and the people wonder'd,
Crying "God save Victoria our Royal Queen!"
Och! if myself should live to be a hundred,
Sure it's the proudest day that I've seen;
And now I've ended what I pretended,
This narration splendid in swate poetry.
Ye dear bewitcher, just hand the pitcher,
Faith, it's myself that 's getting mighty dry!
MRS. DOBBS AT HOME.
(From "Gaieties and Gravities.")
WHAT! shall the Morning Post proclaim
For every rich or high-born dame,
From Portman Square to Cleveland Row,
Each item-no one cares to know;
Print her minutest whereabouts,
Describe her concerts, balls, or routs,
Enumerate the lamps and lustres,
Shew where the roses hung in clusters,
Tell how the floor was chalked, reveal
The partners in the first quadrille,
How long they danced, till, sharp as hunters,
They sat down to the feast from Gunter's;
How much a quart was paid for peas,
How much for pines and strawberries,
Taking especial care to fix
The hour of parting, half-past six ?
And shall no bard make proclamation
Of routs enjoyed in humble station?
Rise, honest Muse, to Hackney roam,
And sing of Mrs. Dobbs at home.
He who knows Hackney needs must know
That spot enchanting, Prospect Row ;
So called because a view it shews
Of Shoreditch Road, and when there blows
No dust, the folks may one and all get
A peep almost-to Norton Folgate.
Here Mrs. Dobbs, at Number Three,
Invited all her friends to tea;
The Row had never heard before
Such double knocks at any door,
And heads were popped from every casement
Counting the comers with amazement.
Some magnified them to eleven,
While others swore there were but seven,
A point that 's keenly mooted still;
But certain 't is that Mrs. Gill
Told Mrs. Grubb she reckoned ten.
Fat Mrs. Hobbs came second: then
Came Mesdames Jinkins, Dump, and Spriggins,
Tapps, Jacks, Briggs, Hoggins, Crumps, and Wiggins.
Dizen'd in all her best array,
Our melting hostess said her say;
As the souchong repast proceeded,
And, curtseying and bobbing pressed
By turns each gormandizing guest,
To stuff as heartily as she did.
Dear Mrs. Hoggins, what! your cup
Turned in your saucer, bottom up!
Dear me, how soon you I've had your fill!
Let me persuade you-one more cup,
"Twill do you good, indeed it will :-
:-
Psha! now, you're only making game,
Or else you tea'd afore you came.
Stop, Mrs. Jenkins, let me stir it,
Before I pour out any more.-
No, Ma'am, that's just as I prefer it.—
O then, I'll make it as before.
Lawk! Mrs. Dump, that toast seems dry,
Do take and eat this middle bit;
The butter's fresh, you may rely,
And a fine price I paid for it.
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