David. Ay, by the mass! and I would be very careful of it, and I think in return my honour could n't do less than to be very careful of me.

Acres. Odds blades! David, no gentleman will ever risk the loss of his honour.

David. I say, then, it would be but civil in honour never to risk the loss of a gentleman. Look 'ee, master, this honour seems to me to be a marvellous false friend: ay, truly, a very courtier-like servant. Put the case, I was a gentleman (which, thank heaven, no one can say of me); well, my honour makes me quarrel with another gentleman of my acquaintance. So, we fight (pleasant enough that)! Boh! I kill him (the more's my luck). Now, pray who gets the profit of it? Why, my honour. But put the case that he kills me: by the mass! I go to the worms, and my honour whips over to my enemy.

Acres. No, David-in that case, odds crowns and laurels ! your honour follows you to the grave.

David. Now, that 's just the place where I could make a shift to do without it.

Acres. Zounds! David, you are a coward. It does n't become my valour to listen to you. What, shall I disgrace my ancestors? Think of that, David—think what it would be to disgrace my ancestors.

David. Under favour, the surest way of not disgracing them is to keep as long as you can out of their company. Look 'ee now, master, to go to them in such haste-—with an ounce of lead in your brains-I should think might as well be let alone. Our ancestors are very good kind of folks, but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with..

Acres. But, David, now, you don't think there is such very, very, very great danger, hey? Odds life! people often fight without any mischief done.

David. By the mass, I think 't is ten to one against you! Oons! here to meet some lion-headed fellow, I warrant, with his horrid double-barrelled swords, and cut-and-thrust pistols. Bless us! it makes me tremble to think o't. Those be such desperate bloody-minded weapons! Well, I never could abide 'em-from a child, I never could fancy 'em. I suppose there a'nt been so merciless a beast in the world as your loaded pistol.

Acres. Zounds! I won't be afraid!--odds fire and fury! you shan't make me afraid. Here is the challenge, and I have sent for my dear friend Jack Absolute to carry it for

me.

David. Ay, i' the name of mischief, let him be the messenger. For my part, I would n't lend a hand to it for the best horse in your stable. By the mass, it don't look like another letter! It is, as I may say, a designing and malicious-looking letter; and I warrant, smells of gunpowder like a soldier's pouch! Oons! I would n't swear it may n't go off.

Acres. Out, you poltroon! you haʼnt the valour of a grasshopper.

David. Well, I say no more-'twill be sad news, to be sure, at Clod Hall! but I ha' done. How Phillis will howl when she hears of it! Ay, poor bitch, she little thinks what shooting her master 's going after. And I warrant old Crop, who has carried your honour field and road, these ten years, will curse the hour he was born. [Whimpering.

Acres. It won't do, David. I am determined to fightso get along, you coward, while I'm in the mind.

SHERIDAN.

THE RIVALS.

Fourth Selection.

Enter SIR LUCIUS O'TRIGGER and ACRES, with pistols.

Acres. By my valour! Then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims !-I say it is a good

distance.

Sir Luc. Is it for muskets or small field-pieces? Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, you must leave those things to me.-Stay now-I'll show you,—(Measures paces along the floor.) there now, that is a very pretty distance-a pretty gentleman's distance.

Acres. Zounds! we might as well fight in a sentry box! I tell you Sir Lucius, the farther he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim.

Sir Luc. Faith! then I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight!

Acres. No, Sir Lucius; but I should think forty or eightand-thirty yards

Sir. Luc. Pho! pho! nonsense! Three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile.

Acres. Odds bullets, no!-by my valour! there is no merit in killing him so near: do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot :- -a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me!

Sir Luc. Well, the gentleman's friend and I must settle that. But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you?

Acres. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius—but I don't understand

Sir Luc. Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk- and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it-I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters.

Acres. A quietus!

Sir Luc. For instance, now-if that should be the casewould you choose to be pickled and sent home? - or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey ?—I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey.

Acres. Pickled!-Snug lying in the Abbey !-Odds tremors! Sir Lucius, don't talk so?

Sir Luc. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before.

Acres. No, Sir Lucius, never before.

Sir Luc. Ah! that's a pity!—there's nothing like being used to a thing.-Pray now! how would you receive the gentleman's shot?

Acres. Odds files! I've practised that-there, Sir Lucius-there.—(Puts himself in an attitude) A side front, hey? Odd! I'll make myself small enough: I'll stand edgeways.

Sir Luc. Now-you 're quite out-for if you stand so when I take my aim[Levelling at him.

Acres. Zounds! Sir Lucius-are you sure it is not cocked? Sir Luc. Never fear.

Acres. But-but-you don't know-it may go off of its own head!

Sir Luc. Pho! be easy. Well, now if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance-for if it misses a vital part of your right side-'twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left!

Acres. A vital part!

Sir Luc. But, there-fix yourself so-(Placing him)— let him see the broadside of your full front-there—now a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all.

Acres. Clean through me!—a ball or two clean through me!

Sir Luc. Ay-may they—and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain.

Acres. Lookee! Sir Lucius-I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one; so, by my valour! I will stand edgeways.

Sir Luc. (Looking at his watch). Sure they don't mean to disappoint us-Hah!-no, faith-I think I see them coming.

Acres. Hey!-what-coming!

Sir Luc. Ay.-Who are those yonder getting over the stile?

Acres. There are two of them indeed!-well-let them come-hey, Sir Lucius!-we-we-we-we-won't run. Sir Luc. Run!

Acres. No-I say we won't run, by my valour !

Sir Luc. What's the matter with you?

Acres. Nothing-Nothing-my dear friend-my dear Sir Lucius-but I-I-I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as I did.

Sir Luc. O fy!-consider your honor.

Acres. Ay-true-my honor. Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honor. Sir Luc. Well, here they 're coming.

[Looking. Acres. Sir Lucius-if I warn't with you, I should almost think I was afraid.-If my valour should leave me !-Valour will come and go.

Sir Luc. Then pray keep it fast while you have it.

Acres. Sir Lucius-I doubt it is going-yes-my valour is certainly going!-it is sneaking off!-I feel it oozing out as it were at the palms of my hands!

Sir Luc

Your honor-your honor. Here they are. Acres. O mercy!— now-that I was safe at Clod Hall! or could be shot before I was aware!

SHERIDAN.

WHO WANTS A GUINEA ?

Enter SOLOMON GUNDY with a signboard under his arm. Heartly. Now, Solomon Gundy, how are they going on in the village?

Sol. The conflagellation has been dreadful, all smother and rubbish. 'Tis the greatest calamity to our hamlet since my father was schoolmaster.

Hea. Don't get on the old subject now. the schoolmaster till we have more leisure.

We 'll waive

Sol. De toot mong cure, though 't was under him I made all my deficiency in the English tongue, before I went to France and learnt to parly voo.

Hea. Well, well, your father has been dead these eleven years.

Sol. Dead as Malbrook, He's more, as the French say, which in English means, he is no more. So peace to his

remainders!

Hea. Now tell me of the cottagers.

Sol. Most of 'em ruined, and nothing to turn their hands to.

Hea. Poor fellows!

Sol. Ay! all poor indigenous pheasants. Thanks to industry, I've better luck. I snatched the board from over my door, when I was burnt out, and ran off with it under my arm. Here it is. [Reads] "Rats and gentlemen catched and waited on, and all other jobs performed by Solomon Gundy." [Puts the board down.]

Hea. You have still a livelihood, Solomon ?

Sol. Edication and travel fit a man for anything, and make him a jolly garsoon. You'd hardly think it, but at fourteen years I could read.

Hea. You don't say so.

Sol. Fact, upon my patrole; and any sum in arithmetic that didn't demand subtraction, addition, or multiplication, I looked upon as a petty kick shose.