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them for a good while cooking something over the fire. I at first supposed they were assisting their mother ; but little Dick informed me in a whisper, that they were making a wash for the face. Washes of all kinds I had a natural antipathy to; for I knew that instead of mending the complexion they spoiled it. I therefore approached my chair by sy degrees to the fire, and grasping the poker, as if it wanted mending, seemingly by accident, overturned the whole composition, and it was too late to begin another.




A town wit described. The dullest fellows

may learn to be comical for a night or



HEN the morning arrived on

which we were to entertain our young landlord, it may be easily supposed what provisions were exhausted to make an appearance. It may also be conjectured that

my wife and daughters expanded their gayest plumage upon this occasion. Mr. Thornhill came with a couple of friends, his chaplain and feeder. The servants, who were numerous, he politely ordered to the next alehouse: but my wife, in the triumph of her heart, insisted on entertaining them all ; 'for which, by the bye, our family was pinched for three weeks after. As Mr. Burchell had hinted to us the day before, that he was making some proposals of marriage to Miss Wilmot, my son George's former mistress, this a good deal damped the heartiness of his reception : but accident, in fome measure, relieved our embarrassinent; for one of the company happening to mention her name, Mr. Thornhill observed with an oath, that he never knew any thing more absurd than calling fuch a fright a beauty : • For, strike me ugly,' continued he, - if . I should not find as much pleasure in


choosing my mistress by the information • of a lamp under the clock of St. Dunf'tan's.' At this he laughed, and so did we:--the jests of the rich are ever fuccessful. Olivia too could not avoid whifpering, loud enough to be heard, that he had an infinite fund of humour.

After dinner, I began with my usual toast, the Church; for this I was thanked by the chaplain, as he said the church was. the only mistress of his affections.--• Come tell us honestly, Frank,' faid the Squire, with his usual archness,“ suppose

the church, your present' mistress, drest

« in lawn Neeves, on one hand, and Miss s Sophia, with no lawn about her, on the • other, which would you be for ?" . For

both, to be sure,' cried the chaplain.Right, Frank, cried the 'Squire; for

may this glass suffocate me but a fine • girl is worth all the priestcraft in the o creation. For what are tythes and tricks • but an imposition, all a confounded im• posture, and I can prove it.'—- I willa

you would,' cried my fon Moses, - and • I think, continued he, that I should o be able to answer you.- Very well,

Sir,' cried the 'Squire, who immediately smoaked him, and winking on the rest of the company, to prepare us for the sport, • if you are for a cool argument upon

that subject, I am ready to accept • the challenge. And first, whether are

you for managing it analogically,

dialogically? I am for managing it rationally,' cried Moses, quite happy at being permitted to dispute. « Good · again,' cried the 'Squire, and firstly, of the first. I hope you'll not deny that



< whatever is, is. If


grant me that, I can go no further.'-- Why,' returned Moses, ' I think I may grant that,

and make the best of it.'-- I hope too,' returned the other, you'll grant that a part is less than the whole.' 'I grant that too,' cried Mofes, it is but

just and reasonable.'-—'I hope,' cried the 'Squire, you will not deny, that the

two angles of a triangle are equal to two

right ones.'- Nothing can be plainer,' returned t'other, and looked round with his usual importance. Very well, cried the 'Squire, speaking very quick, *

the premises being thus settled, I I pro

ceed to observe, that the concatenation o of self existences, proceeding in a reci

procal duplicate ratio, naturally produce

a problematical dialogism, which in fome • measure proves that the essence of spi

rituality may be referred to the second

predicable.'-- Hold, hold, cried the other, I deny that: Do you think I

can thus tamely submit to such heterodox doctrines?

What,' replied the


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