In the fair daughters of Eve, domestic excellence is he predominating excellence; in comparison with which all the ornaments that literature or manners can bestow, are as tinsel compared with fine gold.

How much soever woman contributes to refining and amplifying the innocent pleasures of health and prosperity, yet still more doth she contribute, when she acts the woman, to alleviate the pains of adversity. In our sickness and sorrows she is indeed as "a ministering angel." What heart is so sympathetic? What hand is so soothing? Who awaits the sick bed with most care, with most assiduity, with the most inexhaustible patience? Who, in spite of feebleness of frame, foregoes sleep, and patiently endures a course of remitless watchings of incredible length? Who, so often, devotes life, and the pleasures of life, to the needs of a helpless parent; to the solitary chamber of decrepit age? It is woman; the well educated, the enlightened, the christian woman.

CHAP. XIX.

Of the use and necessity of small change in social and domestic Commerce.

THE Commerce of neighborly social life is carried on chiefly by small change. Vast favors are seldom bestowed, and heavy obligations as seldom incurred.It is the constant interchange of little obliging attentions, that constitutes connubial happiness. It springs from an uninterrupted series of little acts of mutual kindness, light as air of themselves, and costing little or nothing, but of immeasurable importance in their consequences; as they furnish the only kind of food that will long sustain that delicate kind of friendship, and as the absence of these small attentions occasions, first, coldness, then distrust, and finally alienation. Setting aside the brutish and the dissolute part of the community, wives and husbands disagree oftener about trifles, than about things of real weight. Perhaps nine in ten of

their disputes grow out of little things, such as trivial neglects, petty faults, or a word unkindly spoken. Nay, merely a hard look, sometimes lays the foundation of a hard quarrel. A husband never can please his wife, any longer than his general conduct evinces that he is, in most respects, well pleased with her; and still less perhaps may a wife expect to please or gain her husband otherwise than by treating him with conjugal affection. If, for even his real and gross trespasses, she administers acids rather than sanitives, the oil of vitriol instead of the healing balsam, she will but increase the moral malady that she wishes to cure.

If we extend our view to the larger circle of social intercourse, which comprehends relations, friends, and acquaintance of every kind and degree, we shall find that the frequent interchange of courteous attentions and petty kindnesses, is the thing that keeps them united together and pleased with each other; and that in default of this, they presently lose all relish for one anothers' company. The truth is, as our tempers are oftener ruffled by trifles than by things of moment, so, on the other hand, our affections are more won by a long series of trivial obligations, than by one single obligation, however great.

Man, put him where you will, is a proud hearted little animal. And hence we become attached to those who are in the habit of treating us as if they thought us worthy of their particular notice and regard, and at the same time cold and secretly resentful toward such as habitually neglect us in these little points; even though the former never had done us a single important favor, and the latter, in some one instance or other, have essentially befriended us.

With regard to neglects and trespasses in those little things which constitute the main substance of social life, the worst of it is, that they are incapable of free discussion; and, of course, the wounds from them admit of no healing. We are deeply touched with omissions or slights, for which it would be ridiculous to expostulate or complain. They leave a sting, which secretly rankles in our memories and festers in our imaginations, and inwardly we feel sore, while we are ashamed to fret out

:

wardly the cause of our provocation being an undefinable nameless something, upon which we never can ask for an explanation, and consequently can never obtain any satisfaction.

True enough, all this is often ill-grounded, or the offspring of mere jealousy. But that makes the case the more remediless: for ill-grounded enmities are the most obstinate; because, as their causes exist altogether, or chiefly, in the imagination, the imagination is ever busy in colouring and magnifying them; whereas when the offence, though real, is of a definite form and shape, it may be got over. I have seen two friends dispute and quarrel violently about an affair of moment, and then settle it, and presently become as kind and loving together as ever and I have seen other two friends, who never quarrelled together at all, become first cold, and at last utterly estranged, by reason of a neglect or slight, on the one side or the other, which, of itself, was too trivial to be so much as mentioned to the offending party.

There are those who are willing to oblige, but are unwilling to receive obligations, though ever so small, in any way or in any thing; and they boast of it as a noble quality. But whatever they may think themselves, they violate, in this respect, the general law of social commerce, which requires some degree of reciprocity, or a mutual exchange of commodities. One who is in the way of often receiving from another, little kindnesses which he is never permitted to requite, sinks into a dependant; and his nominal friend, is not indeed a friend, properly speaking, but a patron. The shew of utter averseness from being obliged in any case whatever, is commonly understood aright; it is taken for pride, or contempt, or coldness, and naturally gives displeasure; while on the contrary, to accept of little obligations with frankness, and to be alike willing to oblige and to be obliged, is the proper line of social intercourse.

I will only remark further, that the little daily attentions, upon which social feeling and happiness so much depend, ought to be natural or spontaneous, and not loaded and stiffened with ceremony; and that the only way to make them quite natural or spontaneous, is to have written upon the heart that first of social laws, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

CHAP. XX.

Of the Great Social Law enjoining it upon each to yield place to each.

In the crowded streets of a great city, where multitudes are passing in opposite directions, while some are crossing obliquely, and others at right angles, it is necessary for every one to give way a little to those he meets; by which means they all have a free passage. Were the whole multitude to pass directly onward, without any one's yielding an inch of ground to any body else, all would be obstructed more or less, and confusion must ensue.-Or, if a churlish individual should take it in his head to march forward in a straight line, and in no case make way for man, woman nor child, nor even for a procession, he would be sure to jostle against some or other at almost every step; and would receive many an insult for his obstinacy and impudence.

And considerably so it is in our journey through life, and with respect to our general intercourse with man kind." In the march of life no one's path lies so clear as not in some degree to cross another's; and if each is determined, with unyielding sturdiness, to keep his own line, it is impossible but he must both give and receive many a rude shock." In society, in neighborhoods, and even among close friends, there will spring up rivalries and be sometimes a clashing of opinion, and if all were mutually obstinate, there could be no bounds nor end to contention. Whereas by the exercise of mutual condescension, social harmony is preserved and the pleasures of society enjoyed.

The exercise of condescension is ranked among the precepts of the gospel, and is enjoined as a duty upon christians, who are expressly told from divine authori ty, to be patient towards all men to be courteous. Hence it follows, that the extremely obstinate man, who will not yield an ace in matters of interest or opinion, but runs foul of every thing that chances to cross his path, does really transgress the rules of the gospel, as well as those of decorum.

Here let me not be misunderstood. Condescension has its bounds, and those bounds are strongly marked. One should never yield opinions, much less principles, that are of great and serious importance. One should never sacrifice conscience to please friends, or for fear of foes. One should never "follow a multitude to do evil." One should never suffer himself to be conformed to the world in vicious practices and customs, or in fashions which, though innocent in themselves, are too expensive for him to follow. One should never yield any thing to importunity, which self-justice forbids him to yield at all. In these points the person who would go through the journey of life well, must be firm and inflexible. But in matters of indifference, or of no serious consequence, whether respecting opinion or interest, a yielding, accommodating spirit, is not only desirable, but a moral and christian duty. And even in points which are not to be yielded, one should maintain firmness in such a manner, if possible, as to make it evident that he acts from principle rather than from obstinacy.

It would be easy to apply these observations to the various relations of social life, in all which the custom of well-ordered society imposes upon us a regard for the opinions and feelings of others; but more particularly are they applicable to those in the married state, for it is here that mutual obstinacy of temper meets with daily and hourly opportunities and occasions of collision. "Trifles light as air" are perpetually disputed between them, and with as much warmth and pertinacity as if they were articles of faith.

Courtesy of manners, is the congruous drapery of a benevolent mind, and is both seemly and pleasing at all times, and in every relation of life. Nor does it need any laborious study to attain it; a great part of the essence of courtesy, or of genuine poilteness, is exprest in these three words, "Never prefer yourself." This rule of social intercourse, which is of excellent use, is the more highly to be regarded, as it is drawn, not from the school of pagan philosophy, but from the pure fountain of the gospel. One of the parables of our blessed Saviour begins thus "When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room.” That is, in modern phrase, prefer not thyself.