Sir Ch. Truly, she writes a good masculine fist. Well, let me see what my boy has to say.-(Reads.)

"Dear Father, There is a famous Greek manuscript just come to light. I must have it.-The price is about a thousand dollars. Send me the money by the bearer."

Short and sweet. There's a letter for you, in the true Lacedæmonian style-laconic. Well, the boy shall have it, were it ten times as much. I should like to see this Greek manuscript. Pray, sir, did you ever see it?

Quiz. I can't say I ever did, sir. (Aside.) This is the only truth I have been able to edge in, yet.

Sir Ch. I'll just send to my bankers for the money. In the mean time, we will adjourn to my library. I have been much puzzled with an obscure passage in Livy-we must lay our heads together for a solution. But I am sorry you are addicted to such absence of mind, at times.

Quiz. 'Tis a misfortune, sir; but I am addicted to a greater than that, at times.

Quiz. I am sometimes addicted to an absence of body.
Sir Ch. As how?

Quiz. Why thus, sir.-(Takes up his hat and stick, and walks off.)

Sir Ch. Ha, ha, ha,—that's an absence of body, sure enough an absence of body with a vengeance !-A very merry fellow this. He will be back for the money, I suppose, presently. He is at all events, a very modest man, not fond of expressing his opinion-but that's a mark of merit.

XXII.-DRAMATIC DIALOGUE.-Anonymous.

DIGIT, A MATHEMATICIAN-TRILL, A MUSICIAN-SESQUIPEDALIA, A LINGUIST AND PHILOSOPHER-DRONE, A SERVANT OF MR. MORRELL.

Scene.-In Mr. Morrell's House.

(Digit discovered.)

Digit. If theologians are in want of a proof that mankind are daily degenerating, let them apply to me, Archimedes Digit; I can furnish them with one as clear as any demonstration in

Euclid's third or fifth book; and it is this: the sublime and exalted science of mathematics is falling into general disuse. O that the patriotic inhabitants of this extensive country should suffer so degrading a circumstance to exist! Why, yesterday, I asked a lad of fifteen, which he preferred, algebra or geometry; and he told me, oh, horrible, he told me he had never studied them. I was thunderstruck, I was astonished, I was petrified! Never studied geometry! never studied algebra! and fifteen years old! The dark ages are returning. Heathenish obscurity will soon overwhelm the world, unless I do something immediately to enlighten it; and for this purpose, I have now applied to Mr. Morrell, who lives here, and is cele. brated for his patronage of learning and learned men. (Calls.) Who waits there? (Enter Drone.) Is Mr. Morrell at home? Drone. (Speaking very low.) Can't say; 'spose he is; indeed, I'm sure he is, or was, just now.

Digit. Why, I could solve an equation while you are answering a question of five words. I mean, if the unknown terms were all on one side of the equation. Can I see him? Drone. There's nobody in this house by the name of Quation.

Digit. Now here's a fellow that cannot distinguish between an algebraic term, and the denomination of his master. I wish to see Mr. Morrell, upon an affair of infinite importance.

Drone. O, very likely, sir; I will inform him that Mr. Quation wishes to see him, (mimicing,) on an affair of infinite importance.

Digit. No, no. Digit, Digit. My name is Digit.

Drone. O, Mr. Digy-Digy, very likely. (Exit Drone.) Digit. (Alone.) That fellow is certainly a negative quantity. He is minus common sense. If this Mr. Morrell is the man I take him to be, he cannot but patronize my talents. Should he not, I don't know how I shall obtain a new coat. I have worn this ever since I began to write my theory of sines and co-tangents; and my elbows have so often formed right angles with the plane surface of my table, that a new coat, or a parallel patch, is very necessary. But here comes Mr. Morrell. (Enter Sesquipedalia.) Sir, (bowing low,) I am your most mathematical servant. I am sorry, sir, to give you this trouble, but an affair of consequence, (pulling the rags over his elbows,) an affair of consequence, as your servant informed you

Sesquipedalia. Servus non est mihi, Domine; that is, I

have no servant, sir. I presume you have erred in your calculation; and—

Digit. No, sir, the calculations I am about to present you, are founded on the most correct theorems of Euclid. You may examine them, if you please. They are contained in this small manuscript. (Producing a folio.)

Sesq. Sir, you have bestowed a degree of interruption upon observations. I was about, or, according to the Latins, futurus sum, to give you a little information concerning the luminary who appears to have deceived your vision. My name, sir, is Tullius Maro Titus Crispus Sesquipedalia, by profession, a linguist and philosopher. The most abstruse points in physics or metaphysics, to me, are as transparent as ether. I have come to this house for the purpose of obtaining the patronage of a gentleman who befriends all the literati. Now, sir, perhaps I have produced conviction, in mente tua, that is, in your mind, that your calculation was erroneous.

Digit. Yes, sir, as to your person, I was mistaken; but my calculations, I maintain, are correct to the tenth place of a circulating decimal.

Sesq. But what is the subject of your manuscript? Have you discussed the infinite divisibility of matter?

Digit. No, sir, I cannot reckon infinity; and I have nothing to do with subjects that cannot be reckoned.

Sesq. Why, I can reckon about it. I reckon it is divisible ad infinitum. But perhaps your work is upon the materiality of light? And if so, which side of the question do you espouse? Digit. O, sir, I think it quite immaterial.

Sesq. What! light immaterial! Do you say light is immaterial?

Digil. No, I say it is quite immaterial which side of the question I espouse. I have nothing to do with it. And, besides, I am a bachelor, and do not mean to espouse any thing at present.

Sesq. Do you write upon the attraction of cohesion? You know matter has the properties of attraction and repulsion. Digit. I care nothing about matter, so I can find enough for mathematical demonstration.

Sesq. I cannot conceive what you have written upon, then. O, it must be the centripetal and centrifugal motions.

Digit. (Peevishly.) No, no. I wish Mr. Morrell would come. Sir, I have no motions, but such as I can make with my pencil upon my slate, thus-(figuring upon his hand)—six,

minus four, plus two, equal eight, minus six, plus two. There, those are my motions.

Sesq. O, I perceive you grovel in the depths of arithmetic. I suppose you never soared into the regions of philosophy. You never thought of the vacuum which has so long filled the heads of philosophers?

Digit. Vacuum! (Putting his hand to his forehead.) Let me think.

Sesq. Ha! what! have you got it sub manu, that is, under your hand! ha! ha! ha!

Digit. Eh! under my hand? What, do you mean, sir, that my head is a vacuum? Would you insult me, sir? insult Archimedes Digit? Why, sir, I'll cipher you into infinite divisi bility. I'll set you on an inverted cone. I'll give you a centripetal and centrifugal motion out of the window, sir. I'll scatter your solid contents.

Sesq. Da veniam, that is, pardon me, it was merely a lapsus linguæ, that is

Digit. Well, sir, I am not fond of lapsus linguæs at all, sir. However, if you did not mean to offend, I accept your apology. I wish Mr. Morrell would come.

Sesq. But, sir, is your work upon mathematics?

Digit. Yes, sir. In this manuscript I have endeavored to elucidate the squaring of the circle.

Sesq. But, sir, a square circle is a contradiction in terms. You cannot make one.

Digit. I perceive you are a novice in this sublime science. The object is to find a square which shall be equal to a given circle, which I have done by a rule drawn from the radii of the circle, and the diagonal of the square. And, by my rule, the area of the square will equal the area of the circle.

66

Sesq. Your terms are to me incomprehensible. Diagonal is derived from the Greek dia and gone, that is, through the corner." But I don't see what it has to do with a circle; for, if I understand aright, a circle, like a sphere, has no

corners.

Digit. You appear to be very ignorant of the science of numbers. Your life must be very insipidly spent in poring over philosophy and the dead languages. You never tasted, as I have, the pleasure arising from the investigation of a difficult problem, or the discovery of a new rule in quadratic equations. Sesq. Poh! Poh! (Turns round in disgust, and hits Digit with his cane.)

Digit. O! you villain!

Sesq. I wish, sir

Digit. And so do I wish, sir, that that cane was raised to the fourth power, and laid over your head as many times as there are units in a thousand. Oh! oh!

Sesq. Did my cane come in contact with the sphere of repulsion around your shin! I must confess, sir-(enter Trill,)— O, here is Mr. Morrell, Salve Domine ! Sir, your most obeTrill. Which of you, gentlemen, is Mr. Morrell?

dient.

Sesq. O neither, sir. I took you for that gentleman. Trill. No, sir, I am a teacher of music. Flute, harp, viol, violin, violoncello, organ, or any thing of the kind—any instrument you can mention. I have just been displaying my powers at a concert, and come recommended to the patronage of Mr. Morrell.

Sesq. For the same purpose are that gentlemen and myself here.

Digit. (Still rubbing his shin.) Oh! oh!

Trill. Has the gentleman the gout? I have heard of its being cured by music. Shall I sing you a tune? Hem! hem! Faw

Digit. No, no. I want none of your tunes. I'd make that philosopher sing, though, and dance too, if he hadn't made a vulgar fraction of my leg.

Sesq. In veritate, that is, in truth, it happened forte, that is, by chance.

Trill. (Talking to himself.) If B be flat, me is in E.

Digit. Aye, sir, this is only an integral part of your conduct, ever since you came into this house. You have continued to multiply your insults in the abstract ratio of a geometrical progression, and, at last, have proceeded to violence. The dignity of Archimedes Digit never experienced such a reduction descending, before.

Trill. (To himself.) Twice faw sol law, and then comes me, again.

Digit. If Mr. Morrell does not admit me soon, I'll leave the house, while my head is on my shoulders.

Trill. Gentlemen, you neither keep time nor chord. But, if you can sing, we will carry a trio before we go.

Sesq. Can you sing an ode of Horace or Anacreon? I should like to hear one of them.