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198

Original Anecdotes by the late Horace Walpole.

qu'il n'y a perfonne qui la regrette plus que

moi *.

"

VIII. CONJUGAL WIT. Another French lady wrote this letter to her husband. "Je vous écris, parceque je n'ai rien à faire: je finis, parceque je n'ai rien a dire †.”

IX. MONKS AND FRIARS.

What you fay is perfectly juft. Some degree of learning is neceffary even to compofe a novel. How many modern writers confound monks and friars! Yet they were almost as different as laymen and priefts. Monachifm was an old inftitution for laymen. The friars, freres, or brothers, were first inftituted in the thirteenth century, in order, by their preaching, to oppofe the lollards. They united priesthood with monachifm; but while the monks were chiefly confined to their refpective houfes, the friars were wandering about as preachers and confeffors. This gave great offence to the fecular clergy, who were thus deprived of profits and inheritances. Hence the fatyric and impure figures of friars and nuns, in our old churches. Do you remember any example of retaliation? I fuppofe there were fimilar libels on the fecular clergy in the chapels of friaries now abolished .

X. MR. HOLLIS.

Mr. Hollis is always publishing republican books; and yet profeffes great veneration for our conftitution. I cannot reconcile this; our conftitution being, in its leading parts, an oligarchy, the form perhaps, of all others, the most oppofite to a republic.

Nota. Before the French revolution, Mr. Walpole was fo warm a friend of freedom, that he was almost a republican. The change of his fentiments will be delineated in the clofe of these anecdotes.

XI. SYMPTOMS OF INSANITY.

My poor nephew, Lord ***, was deranged. The firft fymptom that appeared was, his fending a chaldron of coals as

*I affure, you, Sir, no one regrets her more than I."

+I write to you, becaufe I have nothing to do; I end my letter, because I have nothing to fay."

Grofs errors of this kind appear in the writings of Mrs. RADCLIFFE, and Mr. LEWIS. "The Monk" of the latter, both in his book and play, being in fact a friar, a being of a very different defcription. EDIT.

a prefent to the Prince of Wales, on learning that he was loaded with debts. He delighted in what he called book-hunting. This notable diverfion confifted in taking a volume of a book, and hiding it in fome fecret part of the library, among volumes of fimilar binding and fize. When he had forgot where the game lay, he hunted till he found it.

XII. A LONGING WOMAN.

Madame du Chatelet, Voltaire's Emilie) proving with child again, after a long interval, and king Stanislaus joking with her husband on it, he replied," Ab! Sire, elle en avoit fi forte envie !"—" Mon ami," faid the old king, "c'étoit une envie d'une femme grosse *."

XIII. A PRETTY METAPHOR.

loved, and leaving many friends in town, A young lady marrying a man fhe to retire with him into the country, Mrs. and twenty fhillings into a guinea.” D. faid prettily, "She has turned one

XIV. ROYAL FAVOUR.

A low Frenchman bragged that the king had fpoken to him. Being afked what his majefty had faid, he replied, "He bad me ftand out of his way.'

XV. MADAM DU BARRY.

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A great French lady, who was one of the firit to vifit Madain du Barry, after fhe was known to be the royal mistress, justifying hertelf to her niece on that account, faid, "It is reported that the king gave an hundred thousand livres to countenance her; but it is not true.""No, madam," replied the niece nobly, "I dare fay it is not true; for it would have been too little."

XVI. PROOFS OF GENEALOGY.

A lord of the court being prefented for the first time, Louis XIV. faid afterwards, that he did not know the late lord of that name had had a fon, having been reckoned impotent. "Oh Sire!" faid Roquelaure, "ils ont été tous impuissans que pere en fils."

XVII. VOLTAIRE AND ADDISON.

fon at a tavern. A ftory is told of Voltaire and AddiI do not believe Voltaire was in England while Addison was alive.

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XVIII. PRICE

Original Anecdotes by the late Horace Walpoles

XVIII. PRICE OF MAKING A PARK A

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A good pun is not amifs. Let me tell you one I met with in fome book the other day. The Earl of Leicester, that unworthy favourite of Elizabeth, was forming a park about Cornbury, thinking to inclofe it with pofts and rails. As he was one day calculating the expence, a gentleman ftood by, and told the earl that he did not go the cheapest way to work. "Why?" faid my lord. "Be caufe," replied the gentleman, "if your Lordship will find pofts, the country will find railing."

XXI. PASSIONATE TEMPER. General Sutton, brother of Sir Robert Sutton, was very paffionate: Sir Robert Walpole the reverfe. Sutton being one day with Sir Robert, while his valet de chambre was fhaving him, Sir Robert faid, "John, you cut me ;"-and then went on with the converfation. Prefently, he faid again, "John, you cut me"and a third time-when Sutton starting up in a rage, and doubling his fift at the fervant, fwore a great oath, and faid,

If Sir Robert can bear it, I cannot ; and if you cut him once more I'll knock you down."

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what laws," faid his

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opponent, " was he

put to death? Quin replied, "By all the laws he had left them."

XXIII. AN INNOCENT MINISTRY.

He ufed to apply a story to the then miniftry. A mafter of a fhip calls out, "Who is there?" A boy answered, "Will, Sir."-"What are you doing?" "Nothing, Sir."-" Is Tom there?" "Yes," fays Tom. "What are you doing, Tom ?"-" Helping Will, Sir." Act

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XXV. ECCLESIASTIC SQUABBLE.

there was to be a burial, were at variance. A vicar and curate of a village, where The vicar not coming in time, the curate began the fervice, and was reading the the vicar arrived, almost out of breath, words, "I am the refurrection," when and fnatching the book out of the curate's hands, with great feorn, cried, "You the refurrection! I am the refurrection,"and then went on.

Walpole's own hand-writing, is fufpected Nota. This, though copied from Mr. not to be very new. But ever old jefts, that fuch a man thought worthy of writing, or speaking, cannot be unworthy of a place in this lounging compilation; and they often gained by paffing through his hands.

XXVI. WEAK NERVES.

A clergyman at Oxford, who was very nervous and abfent, going to read prayers at St. Mary's, heard a show-man in the High-ftreet, who had an exhibition of wild beafts, repeat often, "Walk in without lofs of time. All alive! alive, ho!" The founds ftruck the abfent man, and ran in his head fo much, that when he began to read the fervice, and came to the words in the first verfe," and doeth that which is lawful and right, he fhall fave his foul alive," he cried out, with a louder voice, "fhall fave his foul alive! All alive! alive ho!" to the astonishment of the congregation. [To be continued regularly.]

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ORIGINAL ANECDOTES AND REMAINS

OF

EMINENT PERSONS.

SOME ACCOUNT of the late STANISLAUS AUGUSTUS (PONIATOWSKY) KING of POLAND.

STA

TANISLAUS Auguftus Poniatowfky, was born on the 17th of January, 1732, O. S. He was the third fon of Count Poniatowsky, a man of fome talents, but of no fanaly; who had been the favourite of Charles XII. of Sweden, and who on the death, or as it is now fuppofed, the affaffination of that prince, retired to, and fettled in his native country.

But if the birth of the father was obfcure*, that of the mother was uncommonly illuftrious. She was the Princefs Ezatoryfka, and boasted the poffeffion of the nobleft blood in the republic, as the traced her descent from the Jagellons, the ancient fovereigns of Lithuania. Their youngest fon, the fubject of thefe memoirs, who was known by the title of Count Poniatowlky, from his earliest youth, was the darling of his mother, a beautiful, accomplished, and ambitious woman. His education was commenced under her own eye, and not only fuperintended, but in part directed by herself. She was indeed admirably calculated for this important charge; for the herself was confidered as poffeffed of extraordinary attainments; that too in a country, where the women are faid to be better inftructed than the men. The young count was attentive to his ftudies, and, at a very early period of life, fortunately imbibed a tafte for letters; to which he has been indebted for confolation during his misfortunes. When about eighteen years of age, he was fent to travel, and received inftructions from his mother, after vifiting Italy and Germany, to pro

* He is reprefented to have been a fortunate adventurer, who, from the humble fituation of a fervant in the family of Mizielky, in Lithuania, paffed into the fervice of Charles XII. and obtained the confidence of that prince. He afterwards attached himfeif to King Staniflaus Lecziníky, whom he is id to have betrayed; having deprived him of the inftrument of abdication, formerly prefented to that prince, by Auguftus II. in piefence of Charles XII. Certain it is, that he repaired to Waraw, with this memorable paper, where Augustus rewarded him with the Pincels Ezatory ika, or Czartoryika.

ceed through France to England. As the profeffed a particular averfion to the court of Verfailles, the enjoined him to remain there but a fhort time; and as the loved the English, the on the contrary, permitted him to stay in Great Britain as long as he pleased."

Immediately on his arrival in this country, he waited on Sir Charles Hanbury Williams, who had been our minifter at Warfaw; and during his refidence there had received many civilities from his family. In the fuite of that minifter, and in no higher capacity than that of a gentleman of the † embaffy, he repaired to St. Petersburgh, and foon entered on a career that conducted him to a crown. Elizabeth was at this period feated on the throne of the Czars. She had married her nephew, the unfortunate Peter III. to an obfcure German princefs; for the frequent revolutions in Ruffia had rendered a match with any of the royal families of Europe too danger ous to become an object of defire. confort of the grand duke was a bold and afpiring woman; fince but too-well known under the name of Catherine II. Their tempers, ftudies, and purfuits, were entirely diffimilar.

The

He was at

His

tached to the Counte's Woronfoff; the
to the chamberlain Soltikoff, a handfome
Ruffian, who had just been sent into an
honourable circle on that very account.
At this critical period, the young Pole
appeared at Petefburgh, and the grand
duchefs inftantly dried up her tears.
Stanislaus Poniatowsky was then one of
the handfomeft men in Europe.
perion was moulded into the most exqui-
fite iymmetry; his air was noble; his
manners fafcinating; in fhort, he pof-
feffed a charming exterior, and his mind
--a circumstance extremely rare-ap-
peared to be full as graceful as his perfon,
He had cultivated a tafte for the arts;
was acquainted with the principal lan-

uages of Europe; and had a certain foftnefs of manners, which afterwards degenerated, perhaps, into weakness; but at that time it appeared to proceed

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Account of the late King of Poland.

from a polished and refined education. Catherine, who was inftantly ftruck with the perfon and accomplishments of the count, became greatly interefted in his behair, and determined to realize the fentiment of the poet :

"Love finds us equal, or it makes us fo." Even at this period, fhe is thought to have formed a party both against Elizabeth and her own hufband. Certain it is, that the Chancellor Beftufcheff was devoted to her, and that by his means, she contrived to inveft Poniatowsky with a public character. Thus powerfully patronized, he returned to Warfaw, with letters to Count de Bruhl, then prime minifter of Poland, and fpeedily came back, adorned with the order of the white eagle, and the important miffion of ambaffador from the king and republic.

to

In this new capacity he did not forget pay his refpects to the little court of Oranienbaum; and the archduchefs was foon after (in February, 1758) delivered of a daughter, who was chriftened by the name of the Princess Anne; but lived only fix weeks. The young plenipotententiary was fortunate enough to be a favourite with the whole of the archducal family. He finoked and drank with the prince; and, at the fame time, continued to be the reigning favourite, during feveral years, with his confort. At length, however, the grand duke,

who is faid to have entertained fome fufpicions relative to the paternity of the Princefs Anne, began to receive the Polifh minifter with coolnefs; and his yifts to the palace were, foon after, wholly interdicted.

This, however, did not deter, but rather ftimulated the romantic spirit of the young Pole, who, concealing the infignia of the white eagle, and difguifing himfelf as a mechanic, frequently repaired to Oranienbaum, and entered the gardens which overlook the Gulph of Cronstadt, by means of a key he had procured for that purpofe. One fummer's evening, as he was paffing through an alley that led to a pavilion, he happened to be feen by the archduke, who initantly recognized, and gave orders to arreft him. On being interrogated, he pretended to pafs for a German taylor, who had come from Peterburgh to measure his highnefs's fervants for fome new liveries; but, when threatened with being committed to the

* A palace at fome diftance from the capital, prefented to the young grand duke by bis aunt, the Empress Elizabeth,

201

guard-houfe, and perhaps dreading the
knout, he at length difcovered himself.
On this, Peter affected to reprimand the
officer of his guards, for his rude treat-
ment of fo diftinguished a perfonage*,
and gave orders for his releafe. This
adventure, however, made so much noise
in the diplomatic circle, that the ambaf-
fadors of France and Auftria, who were
alarmed at the influence of the young mi-
nifter, actually complained to the em-
prefs; and her majefty was prevailed
upon
to folicit the recall of a plenipoten-
tiary, who was fuppofed to have disturbed
the union of perfons fo illuftrious, and sʊ
nearly allied to her.

every thing to, and lofing every thing
It was thus that Poniatowsky, owing
by love, was obliged to diveft himself of
his public character, and return to his
native country and a private station.
A feries of important events, however,
foon fucceeded each other; and by agi-
tating his hopes, confoled him, in fome
meafure, for his difgrace. The Emprefs
Elizabeth, during whofe reign the Ruf-
fian armies ha i encamped on the banks of
the Rhine, and threatened the annihila-
tion of the Pruffian monarchy, died fud-
denly, and was fucceeded by her nephew,
on the 5th of January, 1762. The cha-
racter of the new monarch was well
known to him, and he was aware, from
the mafculine genius, and inordinate am-
bition of his contort, that fome great

It is but candid to obferve, that this adventure is differently related by M. de Rulhieres.

"Le jeune cour commençait donc à être ouvertement divifée, quand une nuit, dans une maifon de compagnie, Poniatowsky, près d'entrer chez la grand ducheffe, fans avoir de prétexte fur le lieu, tomba entre les mains du mari outrage. Cet amant, minitre d'une cour étrangere, reclame, dans le péril qui le menaçait, les droits de fon caractere; & le prince, qui vit dans cette aventure, deux cours compromites, n'ofa rien prendre fur lui-même, fit dépofer Poniatow fky dans un corps de garde, & depecha un courier au favori qui gouvernait l'empire,

"La grande ducheffe, faifant tête au danger, vient trouver fon mari, comanat de tout avec audace, lui reprefenta ce qu'aurait de fâcheux & peut-etre funejte pour lui-meme, la publicite d'une telle aventure. Elle fe juftifa, en lui oppojant la maitresse qu'il avait, au fu de tout l' empire. Elle promit que dornevant, elle traiterait cette fille avec tous les exards que fa fierté lui avait refusés jusqu'alors, &c. Le grand duc tenné par l'afcendant quelle confervait encore fur lui, & en même temps follicité par sa maîtrisse, ferma les yeux, .."

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202

Account of the late King of Poland.

catastrophe was at hand. This was actually the cafe. The Chancellor Beftucheff had been banished to Siberia; his intrigues were pncipally directed towards the nobles. Catherine, however, knew, that in an abfolute government, whoever can cure the military, may command the nation. She accordingly bent her thoughts to that fole object, and actually found means to gain a number of the guards. Her pretexts, fpecious, and admirably fuited to the comprehenfions of a barbarous foldiery, were founded on the innovations occafioned by the Pruffian exercife, and an abolition of the ancient Ruffian uniform; the war in Holftein, the neceffary abfence in confequence of this, from the delights of the capital, but above all, the omiffion of the ceremony of Peter's being crowned at Mofcow, which, according to the popes of the Greek church, made an infurrection ceafe to be a rebellion! Her agents confifted of three brothers of the name of Orloff, two of whom were foldiers; of Paffick and Bibikoff, two fubalterns of the princefs Dafchkaw, who in the bofom of fervitude had conceived fome notions of a republic; of Count Panin, governor to the prefent emperor, who had imbibed favourable ideas of a limited monarchy, during an embaffy to the court of Stockholm; and of Cyril Razoumofffky, who from being peafant of the Ukraine, had become commandant of the guards of Ifmailoff; and Hetman of the Coffacks of Little Ruffia.

The fate of one of the greatest empires in the world, was not only decided in a few hours, but even without a ftruggle. All the crowned heads of Europe were then as eager to recognize a fortunate ufurper, as they have been fince tardy in acknowledging a legitimate government; and minifters flocked from every part to pay their refpects, on the elevation of Catherine! Ope prince only, ftruck with the immorality of her conduct, refufed admiffion to her ambaffadors.This was the emperor of China!

No fooner had the firft intelligence of this fingular event reached the ears of Count Poniatowsky, than he inftantly pofted to the frontiers, and pressed eagerly to be permitted to repair to court. But a revolution had taken place, not

*Orlof le plus bel homme du nord, d'une naiflance mediocre, gentilhomme, l'on veut, par la poffeffion de quelques payfans efclaves, ayant fes frères foldats dans les regimens des gaides, &c."

only in that empire, but in the attachments of its prefent fovereign. Count Orloff, a man equally deftitute of delicacy and education, who poffeffed a herculean form, and who was celebrated for nothing but perfonal bravery, enjoyed the affections of Catherine, and in fome meaiure monopolized her favours. The fame courier who had brought the letter from the count, was accordingly dif patched to him immediatety, with a short note, in which he was enjoined to repair to Warfaw, and expect every thing from the friendship of the emprefs. This unexpected reply at first affected him confiderably, for he was greatly attached to her imperial majefty, and had always confidered his abfence from the court of Ruffia, as a species of exile* Ambition, however, at length proved victorious, and he returned to his native country, pleased with the idea, that if he had loft a miftrefs, he was affured of a crown.

2

His hopes were, indeed, fhortly realized, for Auguftus, king of Poland, died at Drefden, on the 5th of October, 1763; this event was cafily anticipated, for his majesty's health had been for fome time in a declining ftate, and it was forefeen, that a conftitution, enfeebled more by debauchery than age, could not long refift the preffure of disease. The Czarina was accordingly prepared for the occurrence; the had a large body of troops on the confines of the republic, and they entered Poland with equal joy and precipitation; for that unhappy, but fertile country, has always been confidered as the paradife of the Ruffian foldiery. But the court of Petersburgh did not confine its operations to force alone; intrigue was had recourfe to; fplendid promifes were made; threats were employed; and gold was diftributed every where. To complete all, Warfaw was taken poffeffion of by a body of Ruffians, and the imperial ambassador, Count Kayferling, who was omnipotent in that capital, already began to treat Poland like a conquered province.

* Being obliged to leave Ruffia with precipitation, and without being able to procure a portrait of his mistress, in a country where the arts were but little cultivated, the first thing he did on his return to Warsaw, was to supply this deficiency. The painter, on this occafion, worked under the direction of the count, who, as it were, dictated the features. The refemblance is faid to have been. complete, and the emprefs was exceedingly flattered by this novel piece of gallantry.

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