IT T was the eve of the New Year, the Year of Grace 1892, and Mr. PUNCH, musing deeply upon the manifold duties opening upon him with his opening Volume, nodded over his cigar, drowsed, and dreamed a dream of the Old Days and of the New, "in visionary vagueness strangely blent." The substance of that suggestive Vision he thus dramatically sets forth : SCENE-Eastcheap. A Room in the Boar's Head Tavern. Prince. After you, Mr. PUNCH! Enter Prince ALBERT EDWARD and Mr. PUNCH. Punch. Though you be but Prince of WALES, yet are you the King of Courtesy! Prince. Well quoted, i' faith! Verily this shadowy precinct smacks of antiquity, and suggesteth Shakspearian tags. Punch. To a Prince of WALES, and his fidus Achates-naturally! Prince. Yet art thou no POINS! Punch. No more than thou art a madcap Prince HAL. Prince. Thou art perfect! The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, Man, is not able to invent anything that tends to laughter more than thou inventest. "At the old place. my Lord, in Eastcheap." How real it seems! Mahatmas could not outdo this, though they re-incarnated in all his tun of flesh the Fat Knight of SHAKSPEARE'S virile fancy. One fancies one can hear the shout for "FRANCIS!" the drawer's cry of " Anon, anon, Sir!" the shrill addition of the irate treble of Dame QUICKLY, and the stertorous snore of Sir John Sack-and-Sugar from behind yon faded phantom arras! Punch. Would we could, would we could! I am of all humours that have show'd themselves humours, since the old days of goodman ADAM to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight; but, by my faith, the humour of the frolic Fat Knight- Prince. Hist! What is't that fetches breath so hard? Enter Shade of FALSTAFF from behind the Arras. Punch. Welcome, JACK. Where hast thou been? Falstaff. A plague on all spooks! say I. Give me a cup of sack, an ye love me. Is there no hospitality extant? Falstaff. Ah, art there? What doth Gravity out of his bed at midnight? Punch. Looking for Levity, who, at holier hours, may hardly be encountered within the precincts of Cockcrowdom. he a sin, then thou, PUNCH, art but a latter-day plump JACK thyself. Prince. Bating the grossness, and retaining the humour without the humours, thy comparison is not so wholly unapt, Sir JOHN. Falstaff. Sweet Prince, I kiss thy neif! Body o' me how are times changed, and Princes with the times, and Prince's Companions with Princes. No marvel i' faith, that heirs-apparent are so improved, when such a Momus and Mentor in one as PUNCH supersed eth such a Silenus-Mercury as poor old tun-bellied, pottle-pot-loving, though loyal, jocund and japeenjoying JACK FALSTAFF.' Prince. Truly, JACK, we have, as it were, bought thine ancient desideratum, "a commolity of good names." Falstaff. Indeed, you come near to me now, HAL,-beshrew me, I should say ALBERT!-I was, if a man should speak truly, but little better than one of the wicked. A Lord of the Council of your day,-of the County Council to wit,—would indeed rate me roundly, had he the chance, a MCDOUGALL having little more understanding of wild wit than a SHALLOW of civic wisdom. Howbeit I can appreciate a Prince-a true Prince and a dutiful withal-who layeth foundation-stones in lieu of plots with POINS, who openeth exhibitions instead of bottles. Yet would I fain bibe to thy Jubilee-together with that of Mr. PUNCH which it so closely follows-in a cup of that same rememberable sack, my Prince! Prince. Fifty years or so of ceremonials, FALSTAFF! Trust me, I am sometimes exceedingly weary, a little out of love with my greatness, and inclined, amidst the sparkle of champagne and and, loyal addresses, &c., to remember, like my predecessor, the poor creature, small beer! Falstaff. Why, that's my Prince! What say'st, Mr. PUNCH, smacks not that avowal of a larger humanity and, a freer humour than courtiers and County Councillors can compass? Whence hath he it, this Horatian heartiness, this Terentian catholicity? Punch. Partly from the kindly dower of Mother Nature, partly also from the humorous humanities of that same Momus-Mentor of whom you spake erewhile, Sir JOHN, though I say it who Prince. -Has the best right to. He hath a good wit, Sir JOHN, not-as thou saidst of Poiss's-as thick as Tewksbury mustard. That's why the Prince doth love him so! That, Sirrah, is the humour the Prince is of! of old. Falstaff. Very singular good! I would fain share his wit, his conceit, with thee, Prince, as Madcap HAL did mine Punch. And shall, Sir JOHN, an it please thee. I have devised matter enough out of this half-year's doings, to keep Prince HAL-and thee in continual laughter the wearing out of six passions, and ye shall laugh without intervallums. Oh, you shall laugh till your face be like a wet cloak ill laid up! Falstaff. Despatch then, I prithee, PUNCH, for, by this chill, cock-crow approacheth, and I must unwillingly hence, from well-loved ancient haunt, and well-liked new company! Punch. First then a Jubilee Health, and Long Life to our Visible Prince, to his Pearl of Princesses, to his happilyrecovered younger son, and-with three times three-to his newly-betrothed elder one, and his English Merry MAY!!! Falstaff. "The heavens thee guard and keep, most Royal imp of fame! God save thee, my sweet boy! My king, my love! I drink to thee, my heart!" Prince. Best thanks to ye both! Punch. Secondly, TOBIAS mine, illustrate once again the Mysterious Magnetic Force of the Great Fleet Street Magnate, the force that raises and cannot be resisted, the power that sways and is not swayed. Present, TOBY, both to the Prince and the Knight a copy of my One Hundred and First Volume!!! 9 URBI ET ORBI. MR. PUNCH returns thanks for the anticipatory congratulations on the occasion of his Jubilee, and takes this opportunity of informing his friends-which means Everybody Everywhere-that the 50th anniversary of his natal day is July 18 prox., which day Mr. PUNCH hereby gives full and entire permission to the aforesaid Everyone Everywhere to keep as a whole Holiday, and do in a general way, and to the utmost of their ability, just exactly what best pleases them. PUNCH. THE CHANTREY BEQUEST À LA MODE DE LISLE. ["MR. DE LISLE wished the Government to veto any pictures purchased under the Chantrey Bequest that did not meet with their approval."Daily Paper.] SCENE-A Studio in the Royal Academy. The President and several Members of the Council waiting arrival of Government to inspect their most recent purchase. President (with assumed joviality). Well, my dear Colleagues, I do not think exception can be taken to this composition. Simple and effective, is it not? First Member of Council (gloomily). Oh, you never know! I think we ought to have opposed the admission of the Cabinet-what should they know about Art ? Second Mem. (drily). Enough to make speeches at the annual dinner-to which they wouldn't come if we snubbed them. First Mem. What of that? I am sure the President is quite eloquent enough to stand alone. Pres. (with a graceful bow). You are most kind. But, hush! here comes Lord SALISBURY! Enter the PRIME MINISTER. Cordial greetings. Premier (briskly). I am sure you will forgive me if I get through this quickly. Looking at picture.) Hm! Yes, very nice; but did EDWARD the Black Prince wear his Garter ribbon in battle? I am sure I refrain from appearing in mine under similar circumstances. (To Pres.) Do you think the Artist could paint it out? Pres. I feel sure he will do everything in his power to satisfy your Lordship's artistic instincts. Premier. Just so. Pres. (greeting new-comer cordially). Most glad to see you, my dear Right Hon. Sir! First Lord. Very good indeed of you to say so, but am always anxious to do my duty to my Queen and Country. (Gazing at picture.) Hm! Not bad! But, I say, I do know something of yachting, and that isn't the way to brace up the marling-spike to the fokesell yard with the main jibboom three points in a wind with some East in it! If I may venture a suggestion-hope Artist will paint out the gondola. Ta-ta! A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. [Exit. Pres. Well, well, I do not know what our friend will think of the matter, but perhaps the Hansom of Venice is a little superfluous. Why here is the HOME SECRETARY. [Enter that august personage-mutual greeting. Home Sec. (examining picture). Yes, very nice. Just my idea of what a historical picture should be! Sea-view very fair indeed, and I think that the suggestion of the presentation at Court is also extremely neat. The Black Prince, perhaps, a little near OLIVER CROMWELL, but then that is a detail that will not challenge particular attention. I like too the view of Vauxhall Gardens-very good, indeed! But why should a scene of this great historical importance be laid in Charing Cross during a labour demonstration? Pres. frankly). I cannot say that I have looked up all my authorities, but I do not think our friend would allow himself to be wrong on so important a point. Home Sec. Well, I think it would be in better taste if the Artist cut out that stampede of police-it is not true to nature! [Exit. Pres. There may be something in what he says, but I do wish these amateurs would keep their suggestions to themselves. Enter FIRST LORD of the ADMIRALTY. Pres. (cordially). My dear Lord, delighted to see you-what do you think of it?" First Lord. Hm! Yes! Perhaps! But, I say, what right has the Artist to put the white ensign on the top of that light-house? It's against the regulations-they should be flying the Trinity House flag-if anything. That must come out, you know-it really must! [Exit. Pres. Silly blunder, but it can be easily remedied. Ah! the Secretary of State for War! (Enter that official.) Well, Mr. STANHOPE, and how do you like the new purchase? War Minister (after a glance at the canvas). Tol lol. But come, I say, come; the Iron Duke never wore a hat like that! And, I say, as it isn't raining, why has he put up his umbrella? In the cause of historical accuracy that should not be allowed. [Exit. Pres. (drily). I am afraid our friend will have enough to do. (Enter the remainder of the Cabinet together). Well, Gentlemenhope you approve of our purchase? Remainder (together). Not at all. You should have only bought [Exit R. when enter FIRST LORD of the TREASURY, L. the frame! [Scene closes in on the consideration of this new point. |