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Oh! place me midst O'Rourkes, O'Tooles,
The ragged royal-blood of Tara;
Or place me where Dick M-rt-n rules
The houseless wilds of Connemara;

THE

NEW COSTUME OF THE MINISTERS.

Nova monstra creavit.

OVID. Metamorph. 1. i. v. 437.

HAVING sent off the troops of brave Major Camac,
With a swinging horse-tail at each valorous back,
And such helmets, God bless us! as never deck'd
any

Male creature before, except Signor Giovanni-
"Let's see," said the R-g-t, (like Titus, perplex'd
With the duties of empire,) "whom shall I dress
next?"

He looks in the glass-but perfection is there, Wig, whiskers, and chin-tufts all right to a hair; Not a single ex-curl on his forehead he aces For curls are like Ministers, strange as the case is, The falser they are, the more firm in their places. Though ev'n Dick M-rt-n's self should His coat he next views-but the coat who could grumble;

Of Church and State I'll warble still

Sweet Church and State, like Jack and Jill, • So lovingly upon a hill

Ah! ne'er like Jack and Jill to tumble!

pists of Spain, and had translated the words "quæ loca fabulesus lambit Hydaspes" thus-"The fabling Spaniard licks the French;" but, recollecting that it is our interest just now to be respectful to Spanish Catholics, (though there is certainly no earthly reason for our being even commonly civil to Irish ones,) he altered the passage as it stands at present.

1

Namque me silvâ lupus in Sabina,
Dum meam canto Lalagen, et ultra
Terminum curis vagor expeditis,
Fugit inermem.

doubt ?

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I cannot help calling the reader's attention to the peculiar ingenuity with which these lines are paraphrased. Not to mention the happy conversion of the Wolf into a Papist, (seeing that Romulus was suckled by a wolf, that Rome was founded by Romulus, and that the Pope has always reigned at Rome,) there is something particularly neat in supposing "ultra terminum" to mean vacation-time: and then the modest consciousness with which the Noble and Learned Translator has avoided touching upon the words "curis expeditis," (or, as it has been otherwise read, "causis expeditis,") and the felicitous idea of his being "inermis" when "without his wig," are altogether the most delectable specimens of paraphrase in our language.

Quale portentum neque militaris
Daunias latis alit æsculetis,
Nec Jubæ tellus generat leonum
Arida nutrix.

5 There cannot be imagined a more happy illustration of the inseparability of Church and State, and their (what is called) "standing and falling together," than this ancient apologue of Jack and Jill. Jack, of course, represents the State in this ingenious little Allegory.

Jack fell down,
And broke his Crown,

And Jill came tumbling after.

• That model of Princes, the Emperor Commodus, was particularly luxurious in the dressing and ornamenting of his hair. His conscience, however, would not suffer him to trust himself with a barber, and he used, accordingly, to burn off his beard-"timore tonsoris," says Lampridius. (Hist. August. Scriptor.) The dissolute Ælius Verus, too, was equally attentive to the decoration of his wig. (See Jul. Capitolin.)-Indeed, this was not the only princely trait in the character of Verus, as he had likewise a most hearty and dignified contempt for his Wife. See his insulting answer to her in Spartianus.

And kindly invent him more Christian-like shapes For his feather-bed neckcloths and pillory capes. Ah! no-here his ardor would meet with delays,

'Tis a thing, that in every King's reign has been done, too;

Then why should it now be decried?

For the Duke had been lately pack'd up in new Stays, If the Father has done it, why shouldn't the Son, too?

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"While Y-rm-th shall give us, in spite of all HOLD, hold, my good sir, go a little more slowly;

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1 In allusion to Lord Ell-nb-gh.

For, grant me so faithless a bride, Such sinners as we, are a little too lowly, To hope to have Law on our side.

Had you been a great Prince, to whose star shining

o'er 'em

The people should look for their guide, Then your Highness (and welcome!) might kick

down decorum

You'd always have Law on your side.

Were you ev'n an old Marquis, in mischief grown hoary,

Whose heart, though it long ago died

To the pleasures of vice, is alive to its glory-
You still would have Law on your side.

But for you, Sir, Crim. Con. is a path full of troubles; By my advice therefore abide,

And leave the pursuit to those Princes and Nobles Who have such a Law on their side

OCCASIONAL ADDRESS

FOR THE OPENING OF THE NEW THEATRE OF ST. ST-PH-N,

INTENDED TO HAVE BEEN SPOKEN BY THE PROPRIETOR IN FULL COSTUME, ON THE 24TH OF NOVEMBER, 1812.

THIS day a New House, for your edification,
We open, most thinking and right-headed nation!
Excuse the materials though rotten and bad,
They're the best that for money just now could be
had;

And, if echo the charm of such houses should be
You will find it shall echo my speech to a T.

As for actors, we've got the old Company yet, The same motley, odd, tragi-comical set; And consid'ring they all were but clerks t'other day, It is truly surprising how well they can play. Our Manager,1 (he, who in Ulster was nursed, And sung Erin go Brah for the galleries first, But, on finding Pitt-interest a much better thing, Changed his note of a sudden, to God save the King,) Still wise as he's blooming, and fat as he's clever, Himself and his speeches as lengthy as ever, Here offers you still the full use of his breath, Your devoted and long-winded proser till death.

You remember last season, when things went

perverse on,

THE SALE OF THE TOOLS.

Instrumenta regni.-TACITUS.

HERE'S a choice set of Tools for you, Ge'mmen and Ladies,

They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is; (Except it be Cabinet-making;-no doubt, In that delicate service they're rather worn out; Though their owner, bright youth! if he'd had his own will,

Would have bungled away with them joyously still.)

You can see they've been pretty well hack'd-and

alack!

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Who knows but we'll have to announce in the papers,

The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a Chancellor)

Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller. "Grand fight-second time-with additional ca- Though made of pig iron, yet worthy of note 'tis, pers."

Be your taste for the ludicrous, humdrum, or sad, There is plenty of each in this House to be had. Where our Manager ruleth, there weeping will be, For a dead hand at tragedy always was he; And there never was dealer in dagger and cup, Who so smilingly got all his tragedies up. His powers poor Ireland will never forget, And the widows of Walcheren weep o'er them yet.

So much for the actors; -for secret machinery, Traps, and deceptions, and shifting of scenery, Y-rm-th and Cum are the best we can find, To transact all that trickery business behind. The former's employ'd to teach us French jigs, Keep the whiskers in curl, and look after the wigs.

In taking my leave now, I've only to say, A few Seats in the House, not as yet sold away, May be had of the Manager, Pat C-stl-r-gh.

1 Lord C-stl-r-gh.

He had recently been appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer.

"Tis ready to melt at a half minute's notice." Who bids? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou shapest;

'Twill make a good thumb-screw to torture a Papist; Or else a cramp-iron, to stick in the wall

Of some church that old women are fearful will fall;

Or better, perhaps, (for I'm guessing at random,) A heavy drag-chain for some Lawyer's old Tandem.

Will nobody bid? It is cheap, I am sure, SirOnce, twice,-going, going, thrice, gone! it is yours, Sir.

To pay ready money you shan't be distress'd,
As a bill at long date suits the Chancellor best.

Come, where's the next Tool?-Oh! 'tis here in a trice

This implement, Ge'mmen, at first was a Vice; (A tenacious and close sort of tool, that will let Nothing out of its grasp it once happens to get ;)

3 An allusion to Lord Eld-n's lachrymose tendencies.

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Such dull things as these should be sold by the "For as sure as J-cky F-ll-r loves a sup, sup,

gross;

Yet, dull as it is, 'twill be found to shave close,

And like other close shavers, some courage to

gather,

This blade first began by a flourish on leather.

You shall have it for nothing-then, marvel with

me

At the terrible tinkering work there must be, Where a Tool such as this is (I'll leave you to judge it)

Is placed by ill luck at the top of the Budget!

LITTLE MAN AND LITTLE SOUL.

A BALLAD.

To the tune of "There was a little man, and he woo'd a little maid."

DEDICATED TO THE RT. HON. CH-RLS ABB-T.

Arcades ambo

Et cant-are pares.

1813.

THERE was a little Man, and he had a little Soul, And he said, "Little Soul, let us try, try, try, "Whether it's within our reach "To make up a little Speech, "Just between little you and little I, I, I, "Just between little you and little I!"

Then said his little Soul,
Peeping from her little hole,

"I protest, little Man, you are stout, stout, stout,
"But, if it's not uncivil,
"Pray tell me what the devil

"Must our little, little speech be about, bout, bout, "Must our little, little speech be about?"

1 "Of the taxes proposed by Mr. Vansittart, that principally opposed in Parliament was the additional duty on leather."-Ann. Register.

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