We hold it the basest of all base transactions That, as to laws made for the good of the many, We humbly suggest there is nothing less true; As all human laws (and our own, more than any) Are made by and for a particular few ; That much it delights every true Orange brother, That we love to behold, while Old England grows faint, Messrs. Southey and Butler nigh coming to blows, 15 decide whether Dunstan, that strong-bodied Saint, Ever truly and really pull'd the Devil's nose; Whether t'other Saint, Dominic, burnt the Devil's paw Whether Edwy intrigued with Elgiva's old mother' And many such points, from which Southey can draw Conclusions most apt for our hating each other. That 'tis very well known this devout Irish nation That we, your petitioning Cons, have, in right Both the bodies and souls of the sticklers for That we trust to Peel, Eldon, and other such sages, For keeping us still in the same state of mind; Pretty much as the world used to be in those ages, When still smaller syllables madden'd mankind; When the words ex and per served as well, to annoy One's neighbors and friends with, as con and trans now; 1 To such important discussions as these the greater part of Dr. Southey's Vindicia Ecclesiæ Anglicane is devoted. 2 Consubstantiation--the true Reformed belief; at least, the belief of Luther, and, as Mosheim asserts, of Melancthon also. 3 When John of Ragusa went to Constantinople, (at the And Christians, like S-th-y, who stickled for oi, Cut the throats of all Christians who stickled for ou. That, relying on England, whose kindness already That, as to the expense the few millions, or so, Which for all such diversions John Bull has to pay 'Tis, at least, a great comfort to John Bull to know, That to Orangemen ockets 'twill all find its way. For which your petitioners ever will pray, &c. &c. &c. &c &c. COTTON AND CORN. A DIALOGUE. SAID Cotton to Corn, t'other day, "Great Squire, if it isn't uncivil "To hint at starvation before you, "Look down on a poor hungry devil, "And give him some bread, I implore you!" Quoth Corn then, in answer to Cotton, Perceiving he meant to make free"Low fellow, you've surely forgotten "The distance between you and me! "To expect that we, Peers of high birth, "Than to fatten cursed calico-makers! "That Bishops to bobbins should bend"Should stoop from their Bench's sublimity, "Great dealers in lawn, to befriend "Such contemptible dealers in dimity! time this dispute between "ex" and "per" was going on,) he found the Turks, we are told, "laughing at the Christians for being divided by two such insignificant particles." The Arian controversy-Before that time, says Hooker, "in order to be a sound believing Christian, men were not curious what syllables or particles of speech they used." "No-vile Manufacturer! ne'er harbor "No-thanks to the taxes and debt, "And the triumph of paper o'er guineas, "Our race of Lord Jemmys, as yet, "May defy your whole rabble of Jennys!" So saying-whip, crack, and away Went Corn in his chaise through the throng, So headlong, I heard them all say, "Squire Corn would be down, before long." THE CANONIZATION OF SAINT "A Christian of the best edition."-RABELAIS. CANONIZE him!-yea, verily, we'll canonize him; Though Cant is his hobby, and meddling his bliss, Though sages may pity, and wits may despise him, He'll ne'er make a bit the worse Saint for all this. Descend, all ye Spirits, that ever yet spread The dominion of Humbug o'er land and o'er sea, Descend on our B-tt-rw-rth's biblical head, Thrice-Great, Bibliopolist, Saint, and M. P. Come, shade, of Joanna, come down from thy His conceptions and thine being much on a par. Nor blush, Saint Joanna, once more to behold A world thou hast honor'd by cheating so Yea, humbly I've ventured his merits to paint, many; Thou'lt find still among us one Personage old, Who also by tricks and the Seals makes a penny Yea, feebly have tried all his gifts to portray, And they form a sum-total for making a Saint, That the Devil's own Advocate could not gain say. Toad Lane, in Manchester, where Mother Lee was born from the Seals of the Lord's protection which she sold to In her "Address to Young Believers," she says, that "itis a matter of no importance with them from whence the means of their deliverance come, whether from a stable in Bethlehem, or from Toad Lane, Manchester." 1 A great part of the income of Joanna Southcott arose her followers. 2 Mrs. Anne Lee, the "chosen vessel" of the Shakers, and "Mother of all the children of regeneration." 1 Jump high, all ye Jumpers, ye Ranters all roar, While B-tt-rw-rth's spirit, upraised from your eyes, Like a kite made of foolscap, in glory shall soar, With a long tail of rubbish behind, to the skies! AN INCANTATION. SUNG BY THE BUBBLE SPIRIT. Air. Come with me, and we will go Where the rocks of coral grow COME with me, and we will blow Lots of bubbles, as we go; Bubbles, bright as ever Hope Drew from fancy-or from soap; Bright as e'er the South Sea sent From its frothy element! Come with me, and we will blow Lots of bubbles, as we go. Now's the moment-who shall first But, hark, my time is outNow, like some great water-spout, Scatter'd by the cannon's thunder, Burst, ye bubbles, all asunder! [Here the stage darkens-a discordant crash is heard from the orchestra-the broken bubbles descend in a saponaceous but uncleanly mist over the heads of the Dramatis Persone, and the scene drops, leaving the bubble-hunters all in the suds.] Mix the lather, Johnny W-lks, Thou, who rhym'st so well to bilks;1 Mix the lather-who can be Fitter for such task than thee, Great M. P. for Sudsbury! Now the frothy charm is ripe, A DREAM OF TURTLE. But, no 'twas, indeed, a Turtle, wide But now "a change came o'er my dream," As made the Turtle squeak with glee, And own they gave him a lively notion Of what his forced-meat balls would be. So, on the Sec. in his glory went, Are the English forms of Diplomacy. THE DONKEY AND HIS PANNIERS. A FABLE. "fessus jam sudat asellus, "Parce illi; vestrum delicium est asinus." VIRGIL, Copa. A DONKEY, whose talent for burdens was wondrous, So much that you'd swear he rejoiced in a load, One day had to jog under panniers so pond'rous, That-down the poor Donkey fell smack on the road! His owners and drivers stood round in amazeWhat! Neddy, the patient, the prosperous Neddy, 1 Mr Canning. • Wanderings in South America. "It was the first and A certain country gentleman having said in the House "that we must return at last to the food of our ancestors, -"Thistles, I suppose," answered Mr. T. last time (says Mr. Waterton) I was ever on a crocodile's somebody asked Mr. T." what food the gentleman meant?" back." Alluding to an early poem of Mr. Coleridge's, addressed to an Ass, and beginning, "I hail thee, brother!" "Tis my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster-A maid, who her faith in old Jeremy puts; Who talks, with a lisp, of "the last new Westmin ster." And hopes you're delighted with "Mill upon Gluts;" Who tells you how clever one Mr. Fun-blank is, How charming his Articles 'gainst the Nobility;And assures you that even a gentleman's rank is, In Jeremy's school, of no sort of utility. To see her, ye Gods, a new Number perusingART. 1.-"On the Needle's variations, 'by Pl-e;1 ART. 2.-By her fav'rite Fun-blank-so amusing! "Dear man! he makes Poetry quite a Law case." ART. 3.-" Upon Fallacies," Jeremy's own- Breeders." Oh, Sultan, oh, Sultan, though oft for the bag hag, I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all! And, lest she should ever again lift her head From the watery bottom, her clack to renewAs a clog, as a sinker, far better than lead, I would hang round her neck her own darling Review. CORN AND CATHOLICS. Utrum horum Dirius borum ? Incerti Auctoris. WHAT! still those two infernal questions, That with our meals, our slumbers mixThat spoil our tempers and digestionsEternal Corn and Catholics! Gods! were there ever two such bores? 1 A celebrated political tailor. This pains-taking gentleman has been at the trouble of counting, with the assistance of Cocker, the number of metaphors in Moore's " Life of Sheridan," and has found them to amount, as nearly as possible, to 2235-and some fractions. Never was such a brace of pests While Ministers, still worse than either, Skill'd but in feathering their nests, Plague us with both, and settle neither. So addled in my cranium meet Popery and Corn, that oft I doubt, Whether, this year, 'twas bonded Wheat, Or bonded Papists, they let out. Here, landlords, here, polemics nail you, Arm'd with all rubbish they can rake up; Prices and Texts at once assail youFrom Daniel these, and those from Jacob. And when you sleep, with head still torn Between the two, their shapes you mix, Till sometimes Catholics seem CornThen Corn again seems Catholics. Now, Dantzic wheat before you floats Now, Jesuits from CaliforniaNow Ceres, link'd with Titus Oats, Comes dancing through the "Porta Cornea." Oft, too, the Corn grows animate, And a whole crop of heads appears, Like Papists, bearding Church and StateThemselves, together by the ears! In short, these torments never cease ; Where Corn or Papists ne'er were heard of. Yes, waft me, Parry, to the Pole; A CASE OF LIBEL. "The greater the truth, the worse the libel." A CERTAIN Sprite, who dwells below, ('Twere a libel, perhaps, to mention where,) Came up incog., some years ago, To try, for a change, the London air. Author of the late Report on Foreign Corn. The Horn Gate, through which the ancients supposed all true dreams (such as those of the Popish Plot, &c.) to pass. |