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Hurrah then for the Petticoats!

To them we pledge our free-born votes; We'll have all she, and only she

Pert blues shall act as "best debaters,"

Old dowagers our Bishops be,

And termagants our Agitators.

If Vestris, to oblige the nation,

Her own Olympus will abandon, And help to prop th' Administration,

It can't have better legs to stand on. The famed Macaulay (Miss) shall show, Each evening, forth in learn'd oration; Shall move (midst general cries of "Oh !") For full returns of population: And, finally, to crown the whole, The Princess Olive,' Royal soul, Shall from her bower in Banco Regis, Descend, to bless her faithful lieges, And, 'mid our Union's loyal chorus, Reign jollily forever o'er us.

Sir,

TO THE EDITOR OF THE * *

Having heard some rumors respecting the strange and awful visitation under which Lord H-nl-y has for some time past been suffering, in consequence of his declared hostility to "anthems, solos, duets," &c., I took the liberty of making inquiries at his Lordship's house this morning, and lose no time in transmitting to you such particulars as I could collect. It is said that the screams of his Lordship, under the operation of this nightly concert, (which is, no doubt, some trick of the Radicals,) may be heard all over the neighborhood. The female who personates St. Cecilia is supposed to be the same that, last year, appeared in the character of

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Isis, at the Rotunda. How the cherubs are managed, I have Judge Midas tried the same of old,

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And was punish'd, like H-nl-y, for his pains. But worse on the modern judge, alas!

Is the sentence launch'd from Apollo's throne; For Midas was given the ears of an ass,

While H-nl-y is doom'd to keep his own!

As snug in his bed Lord H-nl-y lay,

Revolving much his own renown,

And hoping to add thereto a ray,

By putting duets and anthems down,

Sudden a strain of choral sounds

Mellif 1ous o'er his senses stole ;

A personage, so styling herself, who attained considerable notoriety at that period.

In a work on Church Reform, published by his Lordship in 1832.

s "Asseyez-vous, mes enfans."-"Il n'y a pas de quot, mon Seigneur."

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As, once the thing's well set about, No doubt but we shall hunt him out.

His Lordship's mind, of late, they say,
Hath been in an uneasy way,
Himself and colleagues not being let
To climb into the Cabinet,

To settle England's state affairs,
Hath much, it seems, unsettled theirs ;
And chief to this stray Plenipo
Hath been a most distressing blow.
Already, certain to receive a
Well-paid mission to the Neva,
And be the bearer of kind words

To tyrant Nick from Tory Lords,—
To fit himself for free discussion,

His Lordship had been learning Russian;
And all so natural to him were

The accents of the Northern bear,

That, while his tones were in your ear, you Might swear you were in sweet Siberia. And still, poor Peer, to old and young, He goes on raving in that tongue; Tells you how much you would enjoy a *Trip to Dalnodoubrowskoya ;3 Talks of such places, by the score, on As Oulisfflirmchinagoboron,*

And swears (for he at nothing sticks) That Russia swarms with Raskol-niks Though one such Nick, God knows, must A more than ample quantity.

Such are the marks by which to know

This stray'd or stolen Plenipo ;
And whosoever brings or sends

The unhappy statesman to his friends,

On Carlton Terrace, shall have thanks, And any paper but the Bank's.

P. S. Some think, the disappearance
Of this our diplomatic Peer hence
Is for the purpose of reviewing,
In person, what dear. Mig is doing,
So as to 'scape all tell-tale letters
'Bout B-s-d, and such abettors,-
The only "wretches" for whose aid
Letters seem not to have been made.

4 Territory belonging to the mines of Kolivano-Kosskres

sense.

The name of a religious sect in Russia, "Il existe en Russie plusieurs sectes; la plus nombreuse est celle des Raskol-niks, ou vrai-croyants."-GAMBA, Voyage dans la Russie Méridionale.

"Heaven first taught letters for some wretch's aid."

POPE

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I've had such a dream-a frightful dream-
Though funny, mayhap, to wags 'twill seem,
By all who regard the Church, like us,
"Twill be thought exceedingly ominous !

As reading in bed I lay last night—
Which (being insured) is my delight-
I happen'd to doze off just as I got to
The singular fact which forms my motto.
Only think, thought I, as I dozed away,
Of a party of Churchmen dancing the hay!
Clerks, curates, and rectors, capering all,
With a neat-legg'd Bishop to open the ball!

Scarce had my eyelids time to close,
When the scene I had fancied before me rose-
An Episcopal Hop, on a scale so grand
As my dazzled eyes could hardly stand.
For, Britain and Erin clubb'd their Sees
To make it a Dance of Dignities,

And I saw-oh brightest of Church events!
A quadrille of the two Establishments,
Bishop to Bishop vis-à-vis,
Footing away prodigiously.

There was Bristol capering up to Derry,
And Cork with London making merry;
While huge Llandaff, with a See, so so,
Was to dear old Dublin pointing his toe.
There was Chester, hatch'd by woman's smile,
Performing a chaîne des Dames in style ;
While he who, whene'er the Lords' House dozes,
Can waken them up by citing Moses,
The portly Tuam was all in a hurry
To set, en avant, to Canterbury.

Meanwhile, while pamphlets stuff'd his pockets, (All out of date, like spent sky-rockets,)

1 Written on the passing of the memorable Bill, in the year 1833, for the abolition of ten Irish Bishoprics. 2 Literally, First Dancers.

3" And what does Moses say?"-One of the ejaculations with which this eminent prelate enlivened his famous speech on the Catholic question.

As high on the floor as he doth on paper-
Much like a dapper Dancing Dervise,
Who pirouettes his whole church-service-
Performing, 'midst those reverend souls,
Such entrechats, such cabrioles,
Such balonnés, such-rigmaroles,
Now high, now low, now this, now that,
That none could guess, what the devil he'd be at;
Though, watching his various steps, some thought
That a step in the Church was all he sought.

But alas, alas! while thus so gay,
These reverend dancers frisk'd away,
Nor Paul himself (not the saint, but he
Of the Opera-house) could brisker be,
There gather'd a gloom around their glee-
A shadow, which came and went so fast,
That ere one could say ""Tis there," 'twas past-
And, lo, when the scene again was clear'd,
Ten of the dancers had disappear'd!
Ten able-bodied quadrillers swept
From the hallow'd floor where late they stepp'd,
While twelve was all that footed it still,
On the Irish side of that grand Quadrille !

Nor this the worst:-still danced they on,
But the pomp was sadden'd, the smile was gone;
And again, from time to time, the same
Ill-omen'd darkness round them came-
While still, as the light broke out anew,,
Their ranks look'd less by a dozen or two;
Till ah! at last there were only found
Just Bishops enough for a four-hands-round;
And when I awoke, impatient getting,
I left the last holy pair poussetting!

N. B.-As ladies in years, it seems,
Have the happiest knack at solving dreams,
I shall leave to my ancient feminine friends
Of the Standard to say what this portends.

DICK *

A CHARACTER.

Or various scraps and fragments built, Borrow'd alike from fools and wits,

4 A description of the method of executing this step may be useful to future performers in the same line:-"Ce pas est composé de deux mouvemens différens, savoir, plier, et sauter sur un pied, et se rejeter sur l'autre."—Dictionnaire de Danse, art. Contre-temps.

Dick's mind was like a patchwork quilt,
Made up of new, old, motley bits-
Where, if the Co. call'd in their shares,
If petticoats their quota got,
And gowns were all refunded theirs,

The quilt would look but shy, God wot.

And thus he still, new plagiaries seeking,
Reversed ventriloquism's trick,

For, 'stead of Dick through others speaking,
"Twas others we heard speak through Dick.
A Tory now, all bounds exceeding,

Now best of Whigs, now worst of rats;
One day, with Malthus, foe to breeding,
The next, with Sadler, all for brats.

Poor Dick!-and how else could it be?
With notions all at random caught,

A sort of mental fricassee,

Made up of legs and wings of thought—
The leavings of the last Debate, or

A dinner, yesterday, of wits,
Where Dick sat by, and, like a waiter,
Had the scraps for perquisites.

A CORRECTED REPORT OF SOME LATE
SPEECHES.

"Then I heard one saint speaking, and another saint said unto that saint."

1834.

ST. S-NCL-R rose and declared in sooth,
That he wouldn't give sixpence to Maynooth.
He had hated priests the whole of his life,
For a priest was a man who had no wife,1
And, having no wife, the Church was his mother,
The Church was his father, sister, and brother.
This being the case, he was sorry to say,
That a gulf 'twixt Papist and Protestant lay,'
So deep and wide, scarce possible was it
To say even "how d'ye do?" across it:

1"He objected to the maintenance and education of a clergy bound by the particular vows of celibacy, which, as it were, gave them the church as their only family, making it fill the places of father and mother and brother."-Debate on the Grant to Maynooth College, The Times, April 19.

2 "It had always appeared to him that between the Catholic and Protestant a great gulf intervened, which rendered it impossible," &c.

3"The Baptist might acceptably extend the offices of religion to the Presl yterian and the Independent, or the

And though your Liberals, nimble as fleas,
Could clear such gulfs with perfect ease,
"Twas a jump that naught on earth could make
Your proper, heavy-built Christian take.
No, no,-if a Dance of Sects must be,
He would set to the Baptist willingly,"
At the Independent deign to smirk,
And rigadoon with old Mother Kirk;
Nay even, for once, if needs must be,
He'd take hands round with all the three;
But, as to a jig with Popery, no,-

To the Harlot ne'er would he point his toe.

St. M-n-d-v-le was the next that ruse,-
A Saint who round, as pedler, goes,
With his pack of piety and prose,
Heavy and hot enough, God knows,—
And he said that Papists were much inclined
To extirpate all of Protestant kind,

Which he couldn't, in truth, so much condemn,
Having :ather a wish to extirpate them;
That is, to guard against mistake,—
To extirpate them for their doctrine's sake;
A distinction Churchmen always make,-
Insomuch that, when they've prime control,
Though sometimes roasting heretics whole,
They but cook the body for sake of the soul.

Next jump'd St. J-hust-n jollily forth,
The spiritual Dogberry of the North,*
A right "wise fellow, and, what's more,
An officer," like his type of yore;
And he ask'd, if we grant such toleration,
Pray, what's the use of our Reformation?"
What is the use of our Church and State?
Our Bishops, Articles, Tithe, and Rate?
And, still as he yell'd out "what's the use?"
Old Echoes, from their cells recluse
Where they'd for centuries slept, broke loose,
Yelling responsive, "What's the use?"

member of the Church of England to any of the other three; but the Catholic," &c.

4"Could he then, holding as he did a spiritual office in the Church of Scotland, (cries of hear, and laughter,) with any consistency give his consent to a grant of money?" &c. 5 "I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer." Much Ado about Nothing.

6"What, he asked, was the use of the Reformation? What was the use of the Articles of the Church of England, or of the Church of Scotland ?" &c.

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