Thus armed and caparifoned, and marching in full array, the very breath of their noftrils would be more deftructive than artillery, and sweep myriads of Frenchmen away with the force of a tornado; and if, through unforeseen circumstances, they should be panic-ftruck, and turn their backs on their enemies, they would be more formidable in their retreat, than even were the Parthians-more especially if, like the Duke of Brunfwick's army, they had made free with the new wines of Champagne.

It would be neceffary for the General of fuch an army to pay more attention to Farley and Mrs. Glaffe, than to O'Rourke or Muller; for on fuch knowledge might depend the iffue of the campaign. On the proper seafoning of their fauces would reft the power and nature of their courage; they might be either hot as pepper, fharp as vinegar, active as muftard, or ftrong as garlick, according to the intention of the cook in chief. Their dishes too might determine their military operations; for instance, thofe intended for a defperate enterprife fhonld be fed with falamander; if for a fecret expedition, with fhoulders of mutton, &c. furprised; those for a long quick march to cut off a retreat, with hafty pudding. In compliment to the origin of the war, an eligible difh would be calves head, the German way. I would recommend a frequent repetition of pennyroyal dumplins; but quaking pudding, and French flummery, fhould be ftudiously avoided.

I have now, Sir, only juft given you the outlines of my fyftem of the art of war, which I have no doubt will immediately be adopted by Mr. Pitt, and for which he will, in all probability, with his ufual good nature, offer a finecure place or a penfion. But if fuch an offer be made, I fhall, with the fame difinterested generofity, refufe it, having, like him, much of the pure fpirit of patriotifm, and fhall content myself with the pecuniary emolument and fame which I fhall obtain when our troops have taken poffeffion of Paris, and I have publifhed my royal edition of Epicurean tactics. HELIOGABALU§.

[Chronicle.]

ODE,

BY SIR WILLIAM JONES.

HAT conftitutes a State?

WHA

mound,

Not high-rais'd battlement, or labour'd

Thick wall, or moated gate;

Not cities proud, with spires and turrets crown'd;
Not bays and broad-arm'd ports,

Where, laughing at the ftorm, rich navies ride;
Not ftarr'd and fpangled courts,

Where low-brow'd bafenefs wafts perfume to pride;
No: men, high-minded men,

With powers as far above dull brutes endued,
In foreft, brake, or den,

As beafts excel cold rocks and brambles rude:
Men, who their duties know,

But know their rights, and knowing, dare maintain;
Prevent the long-aim'd blow,

And crush the tyrant, while they rend the chain:
Thefe conftitute a State,

And fovereign law, that State's collected will,
O'er thrones and globes elate

Sits Emprefs, crowning good, repressing ill:
Smit by her facred frown,

The fiend Oppreffion, like a vapour finks,
And e'en th' all-dazzling crown

Hides his faint rays, and at her bidding shrinks.
Such was this heav'n-lov'd ifle,

Than Lefbos fairer and the Cretan fhore !
No more fhall freedom fmile?

Shall Britons languish, and be then no more?
Since all muft life refign,

Those sweet rewards, which decorate the brave,

'Tis folly to decline,

And steal inglorious to the filent grave.

LETTER

I

LETTER OF JOHN BULL.

HAVE long had the happiness of being married,

as I have often faid and fworn, to the best of all poffible wives; but as this beft of all poffible wives has a few fancies, which I fhould be glad fhe were cured of, I have taken the liberty to lay my cafe before you.

My wife, Sir, has been much admired in her time, and ftill is, in my eye, a very defirable woman; but you well know, Sir, that let wives wear as well as you can fuppofe, they will be the worse for wear; and fo it is with my dame; and if I were to say, that I can fee in her neither fpot, nor wrinkle, nor any fuch thing, I fhould belie my own eye-fight. I like her, however, altogether, better than any woman I know; and we fhould jog on quietly enough together, but that, of late, fhe has been pleafed to infift upon my declaring, in all companies, that she is abfolutely the handsomest woman under the fun; and that none of my neighbours' wives are fit to hold the candle to her: and there is one 'Squire Edmund, a hectoring bullying fellow, who, they fay, is a little cracked (a great favourite with my wife, notwithstanding, ever since he has flattered aud fpoke her fair; for it is not long ago that he used to be drawing caricatures of her) he, I fay, goes about every where, telling people that I ought to challenge any one who prefumes to affert to the contrary." Cara Spofa," have I often faid to her, " is it not fufficient if I love thee beft, and that for the beft reason, because thou art my wife? I chofe thee freely, and am content to be to thy faults a little blind, but to be entirely fo, is neither good for thee nor for me.”—She lately made me fign a paper, that fhe was, in all parts, of the exact proportions of the Venus di Medicis; though, heaven knows! I never measured them together; and that not only there never was a more beautiful creature produced upon God's earth, but that it was utterly impoffible for the ima gination of man to conceive a more beautiful, I con

fels,

fefs, I was a good deal afhamed to make fuch boasts; nevertheless, I complied, for the fake of peace. My wife, moreover, entertains an idea, that every man who fees her, is in love with her; and, like Belife in the Femmes Scavantes, he is refolved not to give up the point, though the best compliments fhe has met with of late from her neighbours have been," that fhe looks very well for a woman of her years; that she wears well, confidering; that she has fine remains, and that one may eafily fee fhe has been a handfome woman in her time." These are speeches, one would think, not very apt to feed her vanity; yet, whenever the hears of a match that is likely to take place, she cannot help fancying the lover was attracted by fome remote resemblance to her admired person. "Yes," fhe will cry on fuch occafions, "there was a tint of my complexion, which did the bufinefs; not fo brilliant indeed-fomething of my majestic look,-and an evident imitation of my walk."-With all this opinion of herself, my poor wife, especially of late, has been diftractedly jealous of me. She is continually teafing me with embarraffing queftions; as, "whether I love her as well as I did on my wedding-day; whether I will promise to love her if the fhould be blind, or decrepid, or out of her wits, &c."-A circumstance has occurred lately, which has increased this jealousy tenfold. My next-door neighbour, you must know, is married again; and ever fince that event, fhe watches me as a cat watches a moufe. I cannot look out of the window, or enquire which way the wind fits, but it is in order to admire my neighbour's new wife. She pretends to have found love-letters which have paffed between us; and is fure, fhe fays, I defign to part with her, "falfe-hearted man as I am;" upon which, the other day, fhe threw herself into violent hyfterics, and alarmed the whole family and neighbourhood.

To be fure, the bride did send me a favour, which I wore in my hat, openly; and I do not deny but I may have paid her a few compliments, and written

fome

fome verfes upon her, for fhe is a fhowy, fine-spoken woman; but for all that, I would not marry her, if I were free to-morrow; for, to tell you the truth, I fufpect her to be too much of a termagent for me; and befides, John Bull is not given to change.

My wife has another failing, Sir. She is fond of every thing that is old, because it is old; and she never will give any reason, except a woman's reafon, (which, you know, is no reason at all,) for any one thing the does. If I prefume to hint, things might be better after a different fafhion, I can get no other answer than "that it his her way-that her grandmother and great-grandmother did fo before her; and that it is her maxim never to alter the family management." I can fcarcely ftir about my houfe, it is fo filled with heavy lumbering furniture, half of which is worm-eaten, and of no use but to harbour vermin; but my wife cannot perfuade herself to part with any of it, he has fuch a refpect for a fine piece of antiquity; and then, fays fhe, "old furniture has fuch a creditable look!" "So it might, my dear," fay I, "if it were all of a piece; but, you know, we are continually buying new, and when one article does not fuit with another, you must be fenfible nothing can have a worfe effect. For inftance, now; this difmal old tapestry, how prepofterous it looks along with the Indian matting and painted rout-chairs! I wish you would let it come down, it is fit for nothing but for the rats to play at hide and seek behind it."—" I would not have it down, my dear," fays fhe, "for the world; it is the ftory of the Spanish Armada, and was done in the glorious days of Queen Befs."—" Then give it a thorough cleaning, at leaft," returned I. "If you offer to draw a nail," rejoined fhe, "there are fo many private doors and fecret paffages made in the wall, you will be blinded with duft and mortar; and, for aught I know, pull an old house over your head." "Let me at least, give a brufhing to the beards of the old dons," replied 1.

"A ftroke of the bruth would fhake them to

pieces,"