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Things war n't agoin' ez they'd ough' to be;
So they sent off a deacon to remonstrate Along 'th the wolves an' urge 'em to go on straight;
They did n' seem to set much by the deacon,
Nor preachin' did n' cow 'em, nut to speak on;
Fin'ly they swore thet they'd go out an' stay,
An' hev their fill o' mutton every day; Then dogs an' shepherds, after much hard dammin', [Groan from Deac'n G.] Turned tu an' give 'em a tormented lammin',
An' sez, "Ye sha' n't go out, the murrain rot ye,
To keep us wastin' half our time to watch ye!"
But then the question come, How live together
'thout losin' sleep, nor nary yew nor
Now there wuz some dogs (noways wuth their keep)
That sheered their cousins' tastes an' sheered the sheep;
They sez, "Be gin'rous, let 'em swear right in,
An', ef they backslide, let 'em swear ag'in ;
Jes' let 'em put on sheep-skins whilst they 're swearin';
To ask for more 'ould be beyond all bearin'."
"Be gin'rous for yourselves, where you 're to pay,
Thet 's the best prectice," sez a shepherd gray;
Ez for their oaths they wun't be wuth a button,
They're 'most too much so to be tetched for treason;
They can't go out, but ef they somehow du,
Their sovereignty don't noways go out tu;
The State goes out, the sovereignty don't
But stays to keep the door ajar for her.
Make all this row 'bout lettin' of 'em
In law, p'r'aps nut; but there's a dif-
Long 'z U. S. Texes are sech reg'lar
But, O my patience! must we wriggle
Into th' ole crooked, pettyfoggin' track,
Clean for the cyph'rin' of some nobler
Ez for dependin' on their oaths an' thet,
I heared a fable once from Othniel
That pints it slick ez weathercocks do
Onet on a time the wolves hed certing rights
Inside the fold; they used to sleep there
An', bein' cousins o' the dogs, they took Their turns et watchin', reg'lar ez a book;
But somehow, when the dogs hed gut asleep,
Their love o' mutton beat their love o' sheep,
Till gradilly the shepherds come to see
Long 'z you don't cure 'em o' their taste
Th' ain't but one solid way, howe'er you puzzle:
Tell they're convarted, let 'em wear a muzzle." [Cries of "Bully for you!"]
I've noticed thet each half-baked scheme's abetters
Are in the hebbit o' producin' letters Writ by all sorts o' never-heared-on fellers,
'bout ez oridge'nal ez the wind in bellers;
I've noticed, tu, it's the quack med'- | War's emptin's riled her very dongh An' made it rise an' act improper; 't wuz full ez much ez I could du To jes' lay low an' worry thru, 'thout hevin' to sell out my copper.
cine gits (An' needs) the grettest heaps o' stiffykits; [Two apothekeries goes out. Now, sence I lef off creepin' on all fours, I hain't ast no man to endorse my course; It's full ez cheap to be your own endor
"Afore the war your mod'rit men
[Groan from Deac'n G.]
Reapin' the spiles o' the Freesiler,
Thet tells the story! Thet's wut we shall git
By tryin' squirtguns on the burnin' Pit;
An' seems to say, "Why died we? war n't it, then,
To settle, once for all, thet men wuz
O, airth's sweet cup snetched from us barely tasted,
The grave's real chill is feelin' life wuz wasted!
O, you we lef', long-lingerin' et the door,
Lovin' you best, coz we loved Her the
Thet Death, not we, had conquered, we should feel
Ef she upon our memory turned her
An' unregretful throwed us all away
My frien's, I've talked nigh on to long enough.
I hain't no call to bore ye coz ye 're tough;
My lungs are sound, an' our own vice delights
Our ears, but even kebbige-heads hez rights.
It's the las' time thet I shell e'er ad
But you'll soon fin' some new tormentor: bless ye!
[Tumult'ous applause and cries of "Go on!" "Don't stop!"]
Caleb, a turncoat.
Cass, a person with two lives. Close, clothes.
Cockerel, a young cock.
Cocktail, a kind of drink; also, an ornament peculiar to soldiers.
Convention, a place where people are imposed on a juggler's show.
Coons, a cant term for a now defunct party; derived, perhaps, from the fact of their being commonly up a tree.
Cornwallis, a sort of muster in masquerade; supposed to have had its origin soon after the Revolution, and to commemorate the surrender of Lord Cornwallis. It took the place of the old Guy Fawkes procession. Crooked stick, a perverse, froward person. Cunnle, a colonel.
Cus, a curse; also, a pitiful fellow.
Darsn't, used indiscriminately, either in singular or plural number, for dare not, dares not, and dared not.
Deacon off, to give the cue to; derived from a custom, once universal, but now extinct, in our New England Congregational churches. An important part of the office of deacon was
Humbug, General Taylor's antislavery.
Ollers, olluz, always.
On, of; used before it or them, or at the end of a sentence, as on't, on'em, nut ez ever I
Ossifer, officer (seldom heard).
Quarter, a quarter-dollar.
Queen's-arm, a musket.
Take on, to sorrow. Talents, talons. Taters, potatoes. Tell, till.