brought in an indictment for "winning and losing," and inadvertently had written, "did unlawfully loose." A motion was made to quash, on the ground that the indictment did not charge the commission of a criminal act-as, it was urged, a man might lawfully be as loose as he pleased. "Oh," said the Judge, with a look which almost put you in possession of the joke before he uttered it, "he was probably playing on the 'Double O.'"

GENTLEMEN who wear full beards needn't read this: In the town of M, Massachusetts, where I taught school while in college, there was a clergyman of very light complexion, who was always clean shaven. One Sunday he "exchanged" with a neighboring minister, whose complexion and hair were black as coal. He wore a full beard, quite long, and his locks hid his ears. Scated in the pulpit his head only was seen above the desk by a little girl, who eyed him very sharply, all the while nestling up closer and closer to her mother. After a few moments she raised herself in the seat so as to get her lips hear her mother's ears, and without once removing her eyes from the minister, she eagerly whispered, as though in a great deal of fear, "Mother, mother, is that Satan?"

I

THE first preaching I did was in one of the hilltowns of New Hampshire, where the Society was so feeble that they made no attempt to support preaching except during a few months in the summer. spent my first Seminary vacation with them. Many of the inhabitants had probably never entered a "Meeting-house" a dozen times in their life. Among this number was one who, on a beautiful Sabbath morning, thought it would be a fine idea to go and hear the "young minister." So he arrays himself in his best. But unfortunately he comes late; and, it being a cool day, the doors are closed. But, nothing disconcerted, he walks boldly up to the door, and thinking for the moment that the etiquette of the house is the same as his neighbor's, he gives three loud raps. But he has no sooner rapped than he thinks he has made a mistake, which bewildered him, and his first idea is to take to his heels, which he did. The worshipers were of course startled at the unusual sound of rapping, and one of the deacons near the door started out to see what it was. He was just in time to see a pair of coat-tails flying round the corner, and thinking mischief was brewing, he followed. He soon found the man behind a pile of boards, trembling like an aspen-leaf. The deacon rather angrily demanded what he was about. "I was a-frinking of what I hadn't orter been frinking on!" was his only reply.

lived, a few years ago, a maiden lady who rejoiced in the cognomen of "Aunt Hepsy." She was a very worthy lady, but years had made her very deaf, which gave rise to some ludicrous misunderstandings on her part. One time the minister was making her a pastoral call, and in the course of it asked her how long she had enjoyed religion. His astonishment was not small when she answered, at the top of her voice, as her manner was, "Goin' on fifteen year! Sometimes it's better, and sometimes it's worse!" She thought he had asked her how long she had been deaf.

A FRIEND in the pine woods on the shores of Grand Traverse Bay, Michigan, writes:

In our little would-be-if-it-could city (composed
of two score slab shanties, half that number of
houses, and five hundred stumps), lives a decidedly
original character, of the name of Lawton, commonly
called "Old Lawton" for short. A very estimable
man he is, no doubt, but his peculiarity is slowness;
an earthquake couldn't start him from a walk. One
morning, while he was eating breakfast, his house
was discovered to be on fire on the roof, and the
flames making considerable head-way. No ladder
was to be found on the premises, and old Lawton,
putting on his hat, proceeded deliberately to one of
his neighbors who lived some little distance away in
search of one. Arriving, he knocked, and being ad-
mitted, the following conversation took place:
"Good mo-o-o-rnin', Mr. A—.”

"Good-morning, Mr. Lawton. Walk in."
Pretty cold this mornin'."

"Yes, 'tis rather frosty. Take a chair." "Wa'al, I can't stop long"-taking a seat as he spoke. "I cum to see if I could get that ladder of yourn a little while, Mr. A. My house is on fire, and I hain't no way of gittin' onto the roof." "Take that ladder and start, you fool!" shouted Mr. A-—, springing from his chair and rushing out of the house.

He and the ladder were at Mr. Lawton's before that enterprising individual had measured half the distance. The house was saved, but it wasn't old Lawton's fault.

ONE of our up-the-Sound friends furnishes the following:

"Dead-beat" is the euphonious term applied to any individual who, under the plea of destitution of the needful, seeks to travel by rail or steamer without rendering an equivalent in current funds. A case of this kind recently came to our notice, in which two feminine "dead-beats" were cleverly outwitted.

Not many months since Sam S―, the popular and fun-loving clerk of a favorite river steamer, while collecting tickets from the passengers, discovered that two well-dressed females on deck were not only unsupplied with tickets, but also without money-according to their own story. Sam politely but unsuccessfully attempted to persuade them that they must be wrong; mentioned that he had met with just such cases before, and always found that they were mistaken, etc. But his appeals, though ranging "from grave to gay, from lively to severe," were fruitless; the fair but somewhat unscrupulous travelers continued to affirm impecuniosity. Leaving them for a while, Sam finished his round, and sought in the depths of his office to excogitate a plan for ensnaring the enemy. His inventive and ever-fertile genius soon devised an expedient. One of the woIn the village of Barnettston, Massachusetts, men was Irish, the other native (and probably “to

ONE of my friends, a lady whom the Muses visit sometimes, told me some of her earlier experiences in writing poetry. Two short poems of hers had been printed, entitled respectively, "A Stray Waif," and "Searchings for Truth." Shortly after an aunt of hers visited at her father's, and the poems were duly read, admired, and commented upon. Her uncle coming in before the visit was concluded, the lady remarked, in the course of conversation, "Here's some of Mary's poetry, husband; don't you want to read it?" 'Ah, indeed!" said he; "what is it about?" Oh," replied auntie, abstractedly, "A Stray Wolf,' and 'Stretching the Truth!" Fancy the feelings of the poetess.

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the manner born"), with an infantile "dead-beat" | morning he had commenced services, and proceeded

in her grasp. Seizing a Webster Unabridged, which lay in the office, Sam attached to the cover an improvised paper cross, and with this formidable document under his arm majestically approached the Emeraldine.

"Madam," said Sam, "do you observe this Catholic Bible which I have in my possession ?"

"Sure I do," was the reply.

"Well, then, if you have no money you must swear to it. Put your right hand on that cross, and make oath to the truth of what I repeat to you."

as far as reading in the Scriptures, the lesson happening to be a chapter in Exodus, when two dogs of vicious dispositions meeting in the aisle had a disagreement, and appeared to be on the point of settling matters by a canine duel; which led the minister to interpolate a passage in his reading which was not down in the Book, and with rather curious effect. Imagine the astonishment of a devout New England audience on hearing their pastor read a verse of Scripture like the following:

"And he spake unto Moses saying- Brother Sandford, turn those dogs out of the house!"

An audible smile developed itself among the younger ones; and even some of the "pillars of the church" had no small difficulty in preserving a "Sabba'-day" expression of countenance.

VENANGO COUNTY, Pennsylvania, is the scene and seat of the following incidents, for which we are indebted to a friend:

P, now on the bench, and for five years before one of the foremost practitioners, was very tart, and somewhat addicted in his younger days to profanity, albeit his only vice. He once conducted a cause in ejectment which took some days. The jury brought in the verdict against him. His client was absent from the court-house at the rendition of the verdict, but coming in immediately after found P— with his head down on the counsel-table, much dejected. "You lost it." The client nudged him, and asked how his case went. Said P, without looking up, Said the client, "I will not let it stop there; I have an idea in my head." P- replied, glancing sideIt is some r'asways, without raising his head from the table,

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Keep it there, keep it there. cally one, I warrant you!"

Madam tremblingly placed her hand on the cross. "You do solemnly swear," commenced Sam, in a sepulchral voice, "that the contents of this book are true, to the best of your knowledge and belief; that you haven't got any money now; that you never At this point our Catholic had any, and nev-" friend precipitately withdrew her hand; the oath was getting too strong for her aroused and guilty conscience. The relentless Sam sternly insisted upon the completion of the oath; but the now wailing Hibernian, not daring to comply, vainly endeavored in various ways to evade the issue. Finding her tormentor inexorable, she suddenly recollected that she had "a friend" on board who would perhaps "No doubt of it," lend her the amount needed. said Sam; "never knew it to fail; these friends always happen along just in the nick of time. I'll give you just one minute to see your friend, and shall then call on you for the money. Returning at the expiration of the minute, the dollar and a quarter was handed over, and pocketed in triumph by Sam. The other woman, who had been suspiciously watching the proceedings, was not to be so easily managed. Sam saw at a glance that she was impervious to "oaths" of any description or in any all subsequently on quantity: he must change his tactics. "My friend," P and G- and T said he, "if you haven't any money you must give the bench, were traveling the "Wild Cat Circuit." me some proof of it. Turn your pockets inside out." "But I can't; I have got my baby." "Oh, I'll take The roads were not passable then, and have got no your baby," responded Sam-and take it he did. better since. The night was dark as pitch or stack of black cats, and the storm was wild. The light"Now empty your pockets." The pockets were "Never ning and thunder and crashing of trees were terrible. emptied without revealing any money. couldn't refrain from his habit of swearing. I'll keep the Pmind," remarked Sam, condolingly, was more reverential, and begged P― to baby; my wife has been wanting one for some time, G"I don't care; and will consider this cheap at a dollar and a quar- stop his comments; said he, "We might be struck -road again!" ter. Au revoir!" And off he marched with his down at any moment." Said PThe we would never need to travel this. prize, and intrenched himself in his office. babe, not fully appreciating the desirableness of this change of base, began to squall. Sam trotted it on his knee and tried to assuage its sorrows, but in vain; the more he trotted, the more vehemently did it lament, and clutch at Sam's spectacles. At length, in considerable disgust, he placed it on the floor. A knock at the door interrupted Sam's contemplation Unlocking the door, of his newly-found treasure. he saw (as he expected) the mother of the child, who told him that fortunately she had met a friend who, having known her "in better circumstances,' had kindly loaned her a dollar and a quarter. "Precisely," said Sam, as she handed him the money. "I thought so all the time. Take your infant and band or a third huzband, tha shall not Raceive anny inbe happy. I wouldn't be hired to touch it again!" trist from tha Raille Estaite of the first huzband; and if The discomfited female retired with her offspring, she be Maried to a third huzband she shall not Raceive and Sam, lighting a cigar, smoked in calm satisfac-anny intrust from hur sacond huzbands Raille Estaite, tion at the result of his strategy.

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WHEN in the Legislature a constituent sent me the following bill to have passed. It does not occur to me that it ever became a law; but of that, from circumstances daily occurring, I ought not to be too sure. The author of it "still lives," and if he knew I sent it to you my days might not be "prolonged Here it is: in the land."

-"Be it anacted by the Sanate and House of Representatives of the Commonwealth of Pannsylvaney, in general Assambly mat, and it is hereby anacted by the authority

of the same:

"That All wemin that is now Maried to a sacond huz

and tha Monney that those Maried wemin is drawing the intrist of shall be Davided Among the Airs that is intitled

SOME twelve or fifteen years ago, away down into it. But all wamin Maried and thare huzband Dye, tha Vermont, lived a minister, a most excellent man-as Down East ministers are wont to be-but somewhat nervous withal, and easily annoyed by any interruption when he was in the pulpit. One Sabbath

shall Raceive thaire shaire of tha persannall Estaite and tha intrist tha may have in Raille Estaite so long as tha Ramain thaire widow Acording to tha prasant act of Asambly of Pansylvainy and this shall be in full force from this Daite."

Fashions for July.

Furnished by Mr. G. BRODIE, 300 Canal Street, New York, and drawn by VOIGT from actual articles of Costume.