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things-they are the biggest part-ugh--they make me sick."
"Mein poy, you trinks dem fast to-day! Looks, Pillya man he trinks all dese pad dings mix up in vater, ant call peer. Ach! he gets redt in hees faces-he gets pig in hees poddy-he gets shaky in hees hands, he gets clumsy on hees toes, he gets veak in hees eyes, he gets pad in hees breat, he gets mean in hees manners. Vy? Pilly, you sees vy. All dese dings on mein dable ees vy!”
Happy Billy! Few boys get so good a temperance lecture, such home thrusts, such practical experiments as fall to your lot. Billy was satisfied on the beer question.
“He ees all goot now," said Zende. “I hafs no more droubles mit mein Pilly.”
- A Strange Sea Story.
THE SPELLING BEE AT ANGELS.-BRET HARTE.
REPORTED BY TRUTHFUL JAMES.
Waltz in, waltz in, ye little kids, and gather round my knee, And drop them books and first pot-hooks, and hear a yarn
from me. I kin not sling a fairy tale of Jinny's* fierce and wild, For I hold it is unchristian to deceive a simple child ; But as tiom school yer driftin' by I thowt ye'd like to hear Of a “Spellin' Bee" at Angels that we organized last year. It warn't made up of gentle kids--of pretty kids-- like you, But gents ez hed their reg'lar growth, and some enough for
two. There woz Lanky Jim of Sutter's Fork and Bilson of La
grange, And“ Pistol Bob,” who wore that day a knife by way of
change. You start, you little kids, you think these are not pretty
names, But each had a man behind it, and—my name is Truthful
James. Thar was Poker Dick from Whisky Flat and Smith of Shoot. Three-Fingered Jack-yes, pretty dears—three fingers -you
er's Bend, And Brown of Calaveras-which I want no better friend.
have five, Clapp cut off two--it's sing’lar, too, that Clapp ain't now
alive. "Twas very wrong, indeed, my dears, and Clapp was much to
blame; Likewise was Jack, in after years, for shootin' of that same. The nights was kinder lengthenin' out, the raius had jest
begun, When all the camp came up to Pete's to have their usual
fun; But we all sot kinder sad-like around the bar-room stove, Till Smith got up, permiskiss-like, and this remark he hove: "Thar's a new game down in Frisco, that ez far ez I kin see, Beats euchre, poker and van-toon, they calls the 'Spellin'
Bee.'" Then Brown of Calaveras simply hitched his chair and
spake: " Poker is good enough for me," and Lanky Jim sez "Shake!" And Bob allowed he warn’t proud, but he “must say right
thar That the man who tackled euchre hed his education sqar." This brought up Lenny Fairchild, the school-master, who
said, He knew the game and he would give instructions on that
head. “For instance, take some simple word," sez he, “like 'sepa
rat Now who can spell it ?" Dog my skin, ef there was one in
eight. This set the boys all wild at once. The chairs was put in row, And at the head was Lanky Jim, and at the foot was Joe, And high upon the bar itself the school-muster was raised, And the bar-keep put his glasses down, and sat and silent
gazed. The first word out was “parallel," and seven let it be, Till Joe waltzed in his double “1” betwixt the "a" and "e"; For, since he drilled them Mexicans in San Jacinto's fight, There warn't no prouder man got up than Pistol Joe tha!
nightTill " rhythm" came! He tried to smile, then said, “ they
had him there," And Lanky Jim, with one long stride, got up and took his
chair. O little kids! my pretty kids, 'twas touchin'to survey These bearded men, with weppings on, like school-boys at
They'd laugh with glee, and shout to see each other lead the
van, And Bob sat up as monitor with a cue for a rattan, Till the chair gave out “incinerate," and Brown said he'd
be durned If any such blamed word as that in school was ever learned. When “phthisis” came they all sprang up, and vowed the
man who rung Another blamed Greek word on them be taken out and hung. As they sat down again I saw in Bilson's eye a flash, And Brown of Calaveras was a-twistin' his mustache, And when at last Brown slipped on “gneiss” and Bilson
took his chair, He dropped some casual words about some folks who dyed
their hair. And then the Chair grew very white, and the Chair said
he'd adjourn, But Poker Dick remarked that he would wait and get his
turn; Then with a tremblin' voice and hand, and with a wanderin'
eye, The Chair next offered "eider-duck,” and Dick began with “I," And Bilson smiled-then Bilson shrieked! Just how the
fight begun I never knowed, for Bilson dropped and Dick he moved
up one. Then certain gents arose and said “they'd business down in
camp, And "ez the road was rather dark, and ez the night was damp, They'd -” here got up Three-fingered Jack and locked
the door and yelled : 'No, not one mother's son goes out till that thar word is
spelled!" But while the words were on his lips, he groaned and sank
in pain, And sank with Webster on his chest and Worcester on his
brain. Below the bar dodged Poker Dick, and tried to look ez he Was huntin' up authorities ihet no one else could see; And Brown got down behind the stove, allowin' he
cold," Till it upsot and down his legs the cinders freely rolled, And several gents called “ Order!” till in his simple way Poor Smith began with “O” “R”—“or”—and he was dragged
away. () little kids, my pretty kids, down on your knees and pray! You've got your eddication in a peaceful sort of way;
And bear in mind thar may be sharps ez slings their spellin'
square, But likewise slings their bowie-knives without a thought or You wants to know the rest, my dears? Thet 's all! In me
you see The only gent that lived to tell about thet Spellin' Bee!" He ceased and passed, that truthful man; the children went With downcast heads and downcast hearts—but not to sport
or play, For when at eve the lamps were lit, and supperless to bed, Each child was sent, with tasks undone and lessons all un
said, No man might know the awful woe that thrilled their
youthful frames, As they dreamed of Angels' Spelling Bee and thought of Truthful James.
WARDEN, KEEP A PLACE FOR ME.
AN INCIDENT OF PRISON LIFE IN THE KINGS COUNTY PENITEN
Discharged again! Yes, I am free,
Drunk and disorderly" I came,
The gates clang to with dreadful sound,
But I've a little baby dress-