F. The infupportable dearnefs of provifions

R. Stop! Mr. Wilberforce will turn up his eyes, and vow it is high treafon to inflame the people, by mentioning that fubject.

F. Well, then, the bills

R. A thousand treafons! Would you allow the people to fpeak, when they can fcarcely get food?— Would you permit them to open their mouths, when they have nothing with which to fill them? Mr. Wilberforce would move my committal to the Tower for ftirring up rebellion.

F. He would?

R. Yes, indeed, he would; and Lord Dillon, repeating Mr. Wilberforce's fpeeches, would fwear it was all true, that a Jacobin, a rebel, a regicide, &c.I fhould be attacked in the fame manner in which Mr. Fox has been fo falfely calumniated.

F. Then is it feditious to find fault with any meafure of Government?

R. High treafon! According to Mr. Wilberforce, it is high treafon to prefume to advife a heaven-born minifter, or to dare to fay the people are difcontented. F. Dare you not speak your mind in Parliament on any fubject?

R. Oh yes! We debate with the utmost freedom, and may vote with the utmost independence, on Canal bills.

F. Oh Lord!

R. I am very forry for your fituation. times are particularly diftreffing to you. Canal bill of yours through the Houfe, other little job to serve you?

I know the Can I help a or do any

F. Oh Lord! I never till now was convinced of the neceffity of a Parliamentary Reform.

(Exit.)

THE

THR

THE THREE CURSES.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

HREE Curfes, in three diff'rent ages born,
Have held our nation up to public scorn :-
First War-bafe Civil War in one great flood,
Delug'd the nation with its native blood.
Next Superftition came, with holy air,
Bedeck'd with relics, and pretending pray'r:
This then became a prieft-rid, pious nation,
Till haughty Henry wrought a reformation;
Next fee a monster, arm'd with harpy claw,
And peftilential breath, ycleped Law --
In parchment wrapp'd he came, all fcribbled o'er
With words of dire import and horrid lore:
Parents with children met in wordy war,'
And all men bow'd before the wrangling bar.
The force of Vengeance could no farther go-
To make a third, the join'd the former two.

I

A NEW SYSTEM OF EDUCATION.
[From the St. James's Chronicle.]

MR. BALDWIN,

OBSERVED lately, in fome of the papers (whether in yours, or not, I do not at prefent remember), a kind of fatirical piece, in which a Frenchman recommends to the Parifians to feed their children with goat's milk, to render them expert and active dancers, dancing being to the French the whole duty of man. But, Sir, as I am one of thofe who confider the prefent generation as only apes of those which are paft, I have difcovered that this advice, which is given in jeft, was formerly a matter of very ferious experience.-Father Verani, who publifhed three huge volumes on education and morality, in the year 1710, gravely mentions a child, who having been nurfed with goat's milk, could not forbear leaping at all times, when he grew in years; and another, who, having been nurfed with fow's milk, took always great delight in wallowing in the mire.

2 2

Now,

Now, Sir, as I confider this as very refpectable authority, (for who can doubt the veracity of a man who has written three folio volumes ?) I have been wondering that a fchenie which promifed to be very useful, could not have been extracted from the hints of Father Verani. The expense of keeping animals of all kinds is now very great; but if we can make men perform all the bufinefs of animals, how vast a faving would it be? I do not mean that it would be proper to fatten men for the markets, because I am afraid we could not eafily overcome the prejudices we have against devouring one another. But, according to the plan hinted above, we might certainly find fubftitutes for those domeftic animals, the keep of which is now a matter of very ferious expenfe.

We might, for inftance, by nurfing a child upon mare's milk, give it, when grown up, fuch a portion of agility, as to fupply Newmarket with a kind of twolegged bits of blood, capable of running races, and deciding the bets of thofe wife men who carry their fortunes to that celebrated place of barter. I would try the experiment firft with fome of the young jockies; and if there be truth in what Father Verani has afferted, I fhould not have the leaft doubt of qualifying them in the courfe of a few months to win the plate. Perhaps, it might be enough, if they could fupply the place of mail-coach borfes, or decide a bet of fifteen miles in the hour on the Whitechapel road; but having performed that, it would be unreaforable to doubt of their full performance of all the duties of a horse. hope it is quite needlefs to add the many advantages that would refult from this fcheme, not to point out, that as there are many who neglect the bulinefs of a ufeful man, it would be highly politic to bring them up to the bufinefs of a ufeful beaft.

I

Having provided a cheap ftud in this way, there could be no great difficulty in furnishing our kennels with packs of hounds, terriers, &c. who might fupply

the

the place of those animals, properly fo called, which are fo expensive, and again which the common complaint is, that they eat the bread that should be given to children. There are hundreds of idle, blackguard children, continually running about this great town, who are burdens upon fociety, and a grief and affliction to their parents, because they learn nothing but pilfering and stealing, and fo come to the gallows, where they are hanged like dogs, without any of the merit of thofe animals. How much better would they not be employed, in following thofe animals, which furnish the most delicious of our food? We might then be faid to procure it dag cheap or by cheap dogs. The dreadful accidents alfo which happen from the bite of mad dogs, would be avoided, as we fhould then only keep enough to act as nurfes, and the breed would not have half the occafion to run mad which they have at prefent.

I fhall not now infifi farther on this fubject, as I am juft about to make an experiment which will realize the doctrine. I have purchased from a friendly Overfcer, a couple of brats from the neighbouring workhoufe, whom I propofe to breed up to catch rats and mice, and if I fucceed, you thall hear from me. Meantime, I am, Sir, Sec.

AN EXPERIMENTAL PHILOSOPHER. P. S. Can any of your readers inform me, whether Rope-dancers propagate their species?

A FAST-DAY HYMN,

TO BE SUNG BY A

CHORUS OF PLACEMEN, &c.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

"O God, of thy goodness flay mine enemies, and destroy all them that vex my foul; for I am thy fervant."

A

LTHOUGH we never pray'd before,.
Yet now we're bid to pray;

To thee, O Lord, we raise our voice,

On this molt folemn day.

Fain

Fain would we murder all our foes;
O grant our pious with,
For, lo! this day have we refolv’d
To dine on falted fish.

Oh! 'tis a goodly found to hear
Of tens of thousands flain,
While at a distance from the scene
We fafe at home remain.

To thee, the God of Love and Peace,
We pray to whet our fword;
Grant we may cut a thousand throats-
All for thy holy word!

O God of Mercy, grant that those
With us who do not think,
May, of the bitter cup of wrath,
Be ever doom'd to drink!

So fhall we laud thy holy name,

If thou wilt grant our with;

Since 't is for this we have refolv'd
To dine on falted fish.

J.B.

AGRICULTURE.

Minutes of the Report of the Board of Agriculture, for the Year 1795

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

THE Apoftates planted last year have thriven wonderfully; and fo generally does the foil favour fuch productions, that the more places we plant them in, they thrive the better. A hard fony foil appears, however, to be preferable. The bark is valuable, and generally fells at a high price; the wood being rotten and hollow, is of much lefs repute.

Petitions and Remonftrances have been very plenty; but, from their not having been attended to in the earlier ftages, the nation is not likely to reap fo much benefit from them as was expected. Notwithstanding this

neglect,