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'Will's Coffee-house, August 26. 80 readily : for we may take it for granted, There is not any thing in nature so extra
that he will be esteemed as a very cold lover, vagant, but that you will find one man or
who discovers to his mistress that he is in bis other that shall practise or maintain it; other-enses.' wise Harry Spondee could not have made so From my own Apartment, August 26. long an barangue as he did here this evening,
The following letter came to my hand, with concerning the force and efficacy of well-ap- a request to have the subject recommended to plied nonsense. Among ladies, he positively our readers, particularly the Smart Fellows; averred, it was the most prevailing part of who are desired to repair to major Touch-hole, eloquence ; and had so little complaisance as to who can help them to firelocks that are only
a woman is never taken by her reason, fit for exercise. but always by her passion. He proceeded to assert, 'the way to move that, was only to as
Just ready for the press. tonish ber. I know,' continued he, ‘ a very late instance of this; for being by accident in
‘Mars Triumphant; or London's Glory: he room next to Strephon, I could not help
Being the whole art of encampment, with over-bearing him, as he made love to a certain the method of embattling armies, marching great lady's woman. The true method in your
them off, posting the officers, forming hollow application to one of this second rank of un. squares, and the various ways of paying the derstanding, is not to elevate and surprise, salute with the half-pike ; as it was performed but rather to elevate and amaze. Strephon by the trained-bands of London this year, one is a perfect master in this kind of persuasion: thousand seven hundred and nine, in that nurhis way is, to run over with a soft air a mul-sery of Bellona, the Artillery Ground. Wherein titude of words, without meaning or connexion; you have a new method how to form a strong but such as do each of them apart give a pleas- line of foot, with large intervals between each ing idea, though they have nothing to do with platoon very useful to prevent the breaking in each other as he assembles them. After the of horse. A civil way of performing the milicommon phrases of salutation, and making his tary ceremony; wherein the inajor alights from entry into the room, I perceived he had taken bis horse, and, at the head of his company, sathe fair nymph's hand, and kissing it said, lutes the lieutenant-colonel; and the lieutenant
Witness to my happiness, ye groves! be still, colonel, to return the compliment, courteously ye rivulets! Oh! woods, caves, fountains, trees,
dismounts, and after the same manner salutes dales, mountains, hills, and streams! uh! fairest! bis major : exactly as it was performed, with could you love me?" To which I overheard ber abundance of applause, on the fifth of July last. answer, with a very pretty lisp, "Ob! Strephon, Likewise an account of a new invention, made you are a dangerous creature: why do you talk use of in the red regiment, to quell mutineering these tender things to me? but you men of captains ; with several other things alike useful wit—""Is it then possible," said the enamoured for the public. To which is added, an appenStrephon, " that she regards my sorrows! Ob! dix by major Touch-hole; proving the method pity, thou balmy cure to a heart over-loaded ! of discipline now used in our armies to be very If rapture, solicitation, soft desire, and pleasing
defective : with an essay towards an amenaanxiety-But still I live in the most afficting ment. Dedicated to the lieutenant-colonel of of all circumstances, doubt-Cannot my char
the first regiment.'
Mr. Bickerstaff has now in the press, “A mer name the place and moment?
defence of Awkward Fellows against the class " There all those joys insatiably to prove,
of the Smarts: with a dissertation upon the With wh'ch rich beanty feeds the glution love."
gravity which becomes weighty persons. Il“Forgive me, madam; it is not that my heart is lustrated by way of fable, and a discourse on weary of its chain, but-" This incoherent stuff the nature of the elephant, the cow, the dray. was answered by a tender sigh,“ Why do horse, and the dromedary, which have motions you put your wit to a weak woman?" Strephon equally steady and graye. To this is added saw he bad made some progress in her heart, a treatise written by an elephant, according and pursued it, by saying that “ He would cer- to Pliny, against receiving foreigners into the tainly wait upon her at such an hour near Rotorest. Adapted to some present circumstances, samom's pond; and then the sylvan deities, Together with allusions to such beasts as deand rural powers of the place, sacred and in- clare against the poor Palatines.' violable to love, love, the mover of all noble hearts, shoull bear bis vows repeated by the streams and echoes." The assignation was ac- No. 61.] Tuesday, August 30, 1709. cordingly made. This style he calls the un
Quicquid agunt hominesintelligible method of speaking his mind; and
- Dostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat i. 85, 86. I will engage, had this gallant spoken plain
Whate'er meo do, or say, or think, or dream, English, she bad never understood him half
Our motley paper seizes for its theme.
and dull, and saying of every fool of their While's Chocolate-house, August 29.
order, 'Such a one has Fire.' There is colonel AMONG many phrases which have crept into Truncheon, who marches with divisions really conversation, especially of such company as on all occasions; a hero who never doubted frequent this place, there is not one which in his life, but is ever positively fixed in the misleads me more, than that of a 'Fellow of wrong, not out of obstinate opinion, but invina great deal of fire. This metaphorical term, cible stupidity. Fire, has done inuch good in keeping coxcombs It is very unbappy for this latitude of London, in awe of one another; but, at the same time, that it is possible for such as can learn only it has made them troublesome to every body fashion, babit, and a set of common phrases else. You see in the very air of a “Fellow of salutation, to pass with no other accomplishof Fire,' something so expressive of what he ments, in this nation of freedom, for men of would be at, that if it were not for self-pre. conversation and sense. All these ouglit to servation, a man would laugh out.
pretend to is, not to offend; but they carry it I had last night the fate to drink a bottle so far, as to be negligent whether they offend with two of these Firemen, who are indeed dis. or not; for they have Fire.' But their force persed like the myrmidons in all quarters, and differs from true spirit, as much as a vicious to be met with among those of the most dif- from a mettlesome horse. A man of Fire is a ferent education. One of my companions was general enemy to all the waiters where you a scholar with fire; and the other a soldier drink; is the only man affronted at the comof the same complexion. My learned man pany's being neglected ; and makes the drawers would fall into disputes, and argue without abroad, his valet de chambre and footman at any manner of provocation or contradiction : home, know he is not to be provoked without tbe other was decisive without words, and would danger. give a shrug or an oath to express his opinion. This is not the Fire that animates the noble My learned man was a mere scholar, and my Marinus, a youth of good nature, affability, man of war as mere a soldier. The particularity and moderation. He commands his ship as of the first was ridiculous, that of the second, an intelligence moves its orb : he is the vital terrible. They were relations by blood, which life, and his officers the limbs of the machine. in some measure moderated their extravagances His vivacity is seen in doing all the offices of towards each other: I gave myself up merely life with readiness of spirit, and propriety in as a person of no pote in the company; but as the manner of doing them. To be ever active if brought to be convinced that I was an in- in laudable pursuits, is the distinguishing chacousiderable thing, any otherwise than that racter of a inan of merit; wbile the common they would show each otber to me, and make behaviour of every gay coxcomb of Fire is, to me spectator of the triumph they alternately be confidently in the wrong, and dare to persist enjoyed. The scholar has been very conver- in it. sant with books, and the other with men only; which makes them both superficial : for the
Will's Coffec-house, August 29. taste of books is necessary to our behaviour It is a common objection against writings of in the best company, and the knowledge of a satirical mixture, that they hurt men in their men is required for a true relish of books : but reputations, and consequently in their fortunes they have both Fire, wbich makes one pass for and possessions : but a gentleman who frea man of sense, and the other for a fine gentle- quents this room declared he was of opinion it man. I found I could easily enough pass my ought to be so, provided such performances time with the scholar: for, if I seemed not to had their proper restrictions. The greatest do justice to his parts and sentiments, he pitied evils in human society are such as no law can me, and let me alone. But the warrior could come at; as in the case of ingratitude, where not let it rest there; I must know all that the manner of obliging very often leaves the bappened within bis shallow observations of benefactor without means of demanding justice, the nature of the war: to all which he added though that very circumstance should be the an air of laziness, and contempt of those of his more binding to the person who has received companions who were eminent for delighting the henefit. On such an occasion, shall it be in the exercise and knowledge of their duty. possible for the malefactor to escape ? and is it Thus it is that all the young fellows of much not lawful to set marks upon persons who live animal life, and little understanding, who re- within the law, and do base things ? shall not pair to our armies, usurp upon the conversation we use the same protection of those laws to of reasonable men, under the notion of having punish them, which they have to defend themFire. .
selves ? We shall therefore take it for a very The word has not been of greater use to moral action to find a good appellation for of. shallow lovers, to supply them with chat to fenders, and to turn them into ridicule under their mistresses, than it has been to pretended feigned names. men of pleasure, to support tiem in being pert I am advertised by a letter of August 23,
that the name of Coppersmith bas very much education among women, as well as men; and wanted explanation in the city, and by that the merit lasts accordingly. She, therefore, means is unjustly given, by those who are that is bred with freedom, and in good company, conscious they deserve it themselves, to an considers men according to their respective honest and worthy citizen belonging to the characters and distinctions ; while she that is Copper-office; but that word is framed out of locked up from such observations, will consider a moral consideration of wealth amongst men her father's butler, not as a butler, but as a whereby he that has gotten any part of it by man. In like manner, when men converse injustice and extortion, is to be thought in the with women, the well-bred and intelligent are eye of virtuous men so much the poorer for looked upon with an observation suitable to such gain. Thus, all the gold which is torn their different talents and accomplishments, from our neighbours, by making advantage of without respect to their sex; while a mere their wants, is Copper ; and I authorise the woman can be observed under no consideration Lombards to distinguish themselves accord- but that of a woman; and there can be but ingly. All the honest, who make a reasonable one reason for placing any value upon her, or profit both for tbe advantage of themselves losing time in her company. Wherefore, I am and those they deal with, are Goldsmiths; but of opinion, that the rule for pleasing long is, those who tear unjustly all they can, Copper to obtain such qualifications as would make smiths. At the same time, I desire him who them so were they not women. is most guilty, to sit down satisfied with Let the beauteous Cleomira then show us riches and contempt, and be known by the her real face, and know that every stage of title of 'The Coppersmith ;' as being the life has its peculiar charms, and that there is chief of that respected, contemptible fraternity. no necessity for fifty to be fifteen. That child.
This is the case of all others mentioned in ish colouring of her cheeks is now as ungrace. our lucubrations; particularly of Stentor, who ful, as that shape would have been when her goes on in his vociferations at St. Paul's with face wore its real countenance. She has sense, so much obstinacy, that he has received admo- and ought to know, that if sbe will not follow nition from St. Peter's for it, from a person of nature, nature will follow her. Time, then, has eminent wit and piety; but who is by old age made that person which had, when I visited reduced to the infirmity of sleeping at a service her grandfather, an agreeable bloom, sprightly to which he had been fifty years attentive ; and air, and soft utterance, now no less graceful in whose death, whenever it happens, may, with a lovely aspect, an awful manner, and materthat of the saints, well be called ' Falling asleep:' nal wisdom. But ber heart was 80 set upon for the innocence of his life makes him expect her first character, that she neglects and reit as indifferently as he does his ordinary rest. pines at her present; not that she is against This gives him a cheerfulness of spirit to rally a more stayed conduct in others, for she reon his own weakness, and hath made him commends gravity, circumspection, and seve write to Stentor to hearken to my admonitions. rity of countenance to her daughter. Thus, ‘Brother Stentor,' said he,' for the repose of against all chronology, the girl is the sage, the the church, hearken to Bickerstaff; and con- mother the fine lady. sider, that, while you are so devout at Saint • But these great evils proceed from an unPaul's, we cannot sleep for you at St. Peter's,' accountable wild method in the education of
the better half of the world, the women. We From my own Apartment, August 29.
have no such thing as a standard for good
breeding. I was the other day at my lady There has been lately sent me a much harder Wealthy's, and asked one of her daughters how question than was ever yet put to me, since I she did ? She answered, 'She never conversed professed astrology; to wit, how far, and to with men. The same day I visited at lady what age women ought to make their beauty Plantwell's and asked her daughter the same their chief concern? The regard and care of question. She answers, ' What is that to you, their faces and persons are as variously to be you old thief?' and gives me a slap on the considered, as their complexions themselves shoulders. differ; but if one may transgress against the I defy any man in England, except he knows careful practice of the fair sex so much as to the family before be enters, to be able to judge give an opinion against it, I humbly presume, whether he shall be agreeable or not when he that less care, better applied, would increase comes into it. You find either some odd old their empire, and make it last as long as life. woman, who is permitted to rule as long as she Whereas now, from their own example, we lives, in hopes of her death, and to interrupt
take our esteem of their merit from it; for it all things; or some impertinent young woman * is very just that she who values herself only on who will talk sillily upon the strength of look
her beauty, should be regarded by others on ing beautifully. I will not answer for it, but no other consideration.
it may be, that I (like all other old fellows) There is certainly a liberal and a pedantic I have a fondness for the fashions and man
Ders which prevailed when I was young and in measures were taken to prevent surprize in the fashion myself. But certain it is, that the taste rear of his arms, that even Pallas herself, in of grace and beauty is very much lowered. The the shape of rust, conld not invade them. They fine women they show me now-a-days are at were drawn into close order, firmly embobest but pretty girls to me who have seen died, and arrived securely without touch-holes. Sacharissa, wben all the world repeated the Great and national actions deserve popular poems she inspired; and Villaria,* when a applause; and as praise is no expense to the youthful king was her subject. The Things I public, therefore dearest kinsman, I communiyou follow, and make songs on now, should be cate this to you, as well to oblige this nursery sent to knit or sit down to hobbios or bone- of heroes, as to do justice to my native counlace : : they are iodeed neat, and so are their try. sempstresses; they are pretty, and so are their
Your most affecionate kinsman, hand-maids. But that graceful motion, that
* OFFSPRING TWIG!' awful mien, and that winning attraction, which grew upon them from the thoughts and con- A war-horse, belonging to one of the coloversations they met with in my time, are now
nels of the artillery, to be let or sold. He may no more seen. They tell me I am old: I am be seen adorned with ribbands, and set forth glad I am so; for I do not like your present to the best advantage, the next training day.' young ladies.
Those among us who set up for any thing of decorum, do so mistake the matter, tbat No. 62.) Thursday, September 1, 1709. they offend on the other side.
Quicquid agunt borainesladies, why are of no small fame for their great
- uostri est farrago libelli. severity of manners, and exemplary behaviour,
Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. would lately go do where with their lovers but Whatever good is clone, whatever ill to an organ-left in a church; where they bad By human kind, shall this collection fill. a cold treat, and some few opera songs, to their
White's Chocolate-house, August 31. great refreshment and edification. Whether these prudent persons had not been as much Tuis place being frequented by persons of so if this bad been done at a tavern, is not very condition, I am desired to recommend a dog. hard to determine. It is such silly starts and kennel to any who shall want a pack. It lies iocoberences as these, which undervalue the pot far from Suffolk-street, and is kept by two beauteous sex, and puzzle us in our choice of who were formerly dragoons in the French sersweetness of temper and simplicity of man- vice; but left plundering for the more orderly pers, which are the only lasting charms of wo
life of keeping dogs : besides that, according to man. But I must leave this important subject, their expectation, they find it more profitable, at present, for some matters which press for as well as more conducing to the safety of their publication; as you will observe in the fol- skin, to follow this trade, than the beat of lowing letter:
drum. Their residence is very convenient for London, August 26,
the dogs to whelp in, and bring up a right Artillery Ground.
breed to follow the scent. The most eminent • DEAR SIR,
of the kennel are blood-bounds, which lead the 'It is natural for distant relations to claim van, and are as follow: kindred with a rising fainily; though at this time zeal to my country, not interest, calls me out. The city forces being shortly to take the
Jowler, of a right Irish breed, called Captain. field, all good protestants would be pleased Rockwood, of French race, with long hair, by that their arms and valour should shine with the courtesy of England, called also Captain. equal lustre. A council of war was lately held, Pumpey, a tall hound, kennelled in a con. the honourable colonel Mortar being presi- vent in France, and knows a rich soil. dent. After many debates, it was unanimously These two last bunt in couple, and are folresolved, That major Blunder, a most expert lowed by officer, should be detached for Birmingham, to
Ringwood, a French black wbelp of the same buy arms, and to prove his firelocks on the breed, a fine open-mouthed dog; and an old spot, as well to prevent expense, as disappoint- sick hound, always in kennel, but of the true ment in the day of battle. The major, being blood, with a good nose, French breed. a person of consummate experience, was in- There is also an Italian greyhound, with good vested with a discretionary, power. He knew legs, and knows perfectly the ground from from ancient story, that securing the rear, and Ghent to Paris. making a glorious retreat, was the most cele- Ten setting-dogs, right English. brated piece of conduct. Accordingly sucb Four mongrels of the same nation.
And twenty whelps, fit for any game. • 'I hc dutchess of Cleveland.
These curs are so extremely hungry, that
A LIST OF THE DOGS.
they are too keen at the sport, and worry their
Wili's Coffee-house, August 31. game before the keepers can come in. The other day a wild boar from the north rushed This evening was spent at our table in dismto the kennel, and at first, indeed, defended course of propriety of words and thoughts, kimself against the whole pack; but they which is Mr. Dryden's definition of wit; but a proved at last too many for him, and tore very odd fellow, who would intrude upon us, twenty-five pounds of Aesh from off his back, and has a briskness of imagination more like with which they filled their bellies, and made madness than regular thoughts, said, that so great a noise in the neighbourbood, that the Harry Jacks was the first who told him of keepers are obliged to hasten the sale. That the taking of the citadel of Tournay; and,' says quarter of the town where they are kennelled he, ‘Harry deserves a statue more than the is generally inhabited by strangers, whose blood boy who ran to the senate with a thorn in his the hounds have often sucked in such a man- foot, to tell of a victory.' We were astonished ner, that many a German count, and other vir- at the assertion; and Spondee asked him ‘Wbat tuosi, who came from the continent, have lost affinity is there between that boy and Harry, the intention of their travels, and been unable that you say their merit has so near a resem. to proceed on their journey.
blance as you just now told us ?' 'Why,' says If these hounds are not very soon disposed of he, ‘Harry, you know, is in the French interto some good purchaser, as also those at the est; and it was more pain to him to tell the kennels nearer St. James's, it is humbly pro story of Tournay, than to the boy to run upon posed, that they may be all together trans- a thorn to relate the victory which he was glad ported to America, where the dogs are few, and of. The gentleman, who was in the chair upon the wild beasts many: or that, during their the subject of propriety of words and thoughts, stay in these parts, some eminent justice of the would by no means allow, that there was wit peace may have it in particular direction to in this comparison; and urged, that 'to have visit their harbours; and that the sheriff of any thing gracefully said, it must be natural; Middlesex may allow him the assistance of the but that whatsoever was introduced in comcommon hangman to cut off their ears, or part mon discourse with so much premeditation, was of them, for distinction-sake, that we may insufferable.' That critic went on : ' Had know the blood-hounds from the mongrels and Mr. Jacks,' said he, told him the citadel was setters. Until these things are regulated, you takey, and another had answered,“ he demay enquire at a house belonging to Paris, at serves a statue as well as the Roman boy, for the upper end of Suffolk-street, or a house he told it with as much pain," it might have belonging to Ghent, opposite to the lower end passed for a sprightly expression; but there is of Pall Mall, and know further.
a wit for discourse, and a wit for writing. The · It were to be wished that these curs were easiness and familiarity of the first is not to sadisposed of; for it is a very great nuisance to vour in the least of study; but the exactness of have them tolerated in cities. That of London the other is to adinit of something like the takes care, that the 'Common Hunt,' assisted freedom of discourse, especially in treatises of by the serjeants and bailiffs, expel them wben- humanity, and what regards the belles lettres. ever they are found within the walls ; though I do not in this allow, that Bickerstaff's Tatit is said, some private families keep them, to lers, or discourses of wit by retail, and for the the destruction of their neighbours: but it is penny, should come within the description of desired, that all who know of any of these curs, writing. I bowed at his compliment, and or have been bit by them, would send me their But he would not let me proceed. marks, and the houses where they are bar- You see in no place of conversation the perhoured; and I do not doubt but I shall fection of speech so much as in an accomplished aları the people so well, as to have them used woman. Whether it be, that there is a parlike mad dogs wherever they appear. In the tiality irresistible when we judge of that sex, or incan time, I advise all such as entertain this whatever it is, you may observe a wonderful kind of vermin, that if they give me timely no- freedom in their utterance, and an easy flow rice that their dogs are disinissed, I shall let of words, without being distracted (as we often them go upregarded; otherwise am obliged to are who read much) in the choice of dictions admonish my fellow-subjects in this behalf, and phrases. My lady Courtly is an ivstance and instruct ihem how to avoid being worried, of this. She was talking the other day of dress, when they are going about their lawful profes- and did it with so excellent an air and gesture, sious and callings. There was lately a young that you would have sworn she had learned her gentleman bit to the bone; who has now in- action from our Demosthenes. Besides which, deed recovered his health, but is as lean as a her words were so particularly well adapted to ikeleton. It grieved my heart to see a gentle che matter she talked of, that though dress was fian's son run among the hounds; but he is, a new thing to us men, she avoided the terms they tell me, as feet and as dangerous as the of art in it, and described an unaffected garb best of the pack.
and manner in su proper terms, that she came