remarked when they proposed to skin him alive; this here yarn comes to me at fust hand.

"Afore I cut my painter and run away to sea, I were odd lad like at a 'public' in Camden Town; and a fairish berth I had, too, only I were a young fool and wanted to see the warld. One Christmas-time I begged off and went to see my old uncle Joe. Father and mother died when I were no bigger than a bullytin, and Uncle Joe he'd brought me up and 'tended to my eddication hisself, and got me taken on at the inn. Well, when I reached uncle's house I found quite a Christmas party; friends of his and folk I knowed; so ye may judge I were right down pleased. Uncle Joe, he moored me alongside of him, and made as much of me as if he'd been my own parient, or a steam-tug lookin' after a wessel, There was all his old chums, a backin' and fillin', and tackin' and yarnin' about, and everybody had something to say to everybody else as they smoked and swiped. You see, I'd got there just in the nick of time for supper; and afore supper-time they were passing a con-wivial hour in the kitchen, with the fire blazin' up the chimbly, as though it was mad with injyment. By and bye I missed my cousin Jack,-him and me was about of a age, say fourteen or fifteen, and he were uncle's only lad, and a fine sperited lad, too, but allers running some rig or other, and getting hisself punished.

"Where's Cousin Jack? Is he ill, Uncle ?' said I.

"No,' says uncle; he's not ill, Bob, but he has been misbehavin' of hisself, and I've sent him to bed as I threatened.'

"Won't you let him come down, Uncle ?' says I.

"No, I won't,' says Uncle Joe; and it's no good asking me, Bob. I've been too indulgent to Jack, and I must master him, somehow. I've spiled him in many things, but I made him promise he'd give up smokin' until he were seventeen; 'baccy, Bob, isn't a 'olesome thing for growin lads; and I've found to-day that Jack has been running me in debt for it for the week past, and getting Hankey the grocer to put it down in my bill as "lump!" There, when I went over it this morning, I found "lump, 3d.," "lump, 3d.," until I said, "Bless my body and soul! we can't have used so much sugar this week!! And then, when I paid Hankey, I asked what it meant; and I got the truth out of him... Jack had carnied him over somehow, he's a sharp young scoundrel, is Jack,' said Uncle, with a certain degree of admiration which he could not conceal, 'and got the grocer to put down each ounce of 'baccy as sugar, thinking I shouldn't notice it! You see, Bob, it's not the money I care about, it's the principle; it's his breaking a solemn promise. A lad should never give his word unless he means to keep it, leastways to his own father; and so, Bob, Jack's punished hisself by being put to bed and losing his Christmas. And so we'll say no more about it,' said Uncle, He'll be all the better for his lesson.'

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By and bye the servant gal came to tell us that supper was ready. You see," said Bob, "Uncle was a widower, and being comfor'ble off like, he could afford a gal to do his housework. And so we all went upstairs. Uncle's house was queerly built. It had one big long bedroom and three little ones, and Uncle Joe used the big room as a sort of 'partickler-day' place; he were rather curious in his idees, what people call 'hens-egg-trick'; and this here big room was always kept clean and shut up save when company came to see him on Christmas nights, and so forth. One of the three little bedrooms had an extra door as opened through a bulkhead into this big one; and as we sat down to supper (two tables being anchored end on to each other to accommydate us all) Uncle Joe pointed to the door at the end, and said 'He's in there, is Jack; sound asleep, I dare say!'

"Now," continued Bob, "I'm going to tell you all about that Christmas party, and what came of it. Uncle Joe and the servant gal had deckyrated it for the 'casion. I've told you as how he were a eggs-hentrick charickter, and he'd a way of making things out of his own 'ead. Same time, wise copies as he'd larned at school stuck in his memory and muddled him like, espeshally when he mixed 'em up with his own consaits and inwentions. And so we all saw when we'd got sat down to supper, and brought our selves to an anchor, and looked round the room. There was ink-scriptions drawed on coloured paper, cut out and glued up everywhere, with berries and holly between 'em, and nice they looked, too. But they wer'n't' God Save the Queen!' or 'Consider your latter end,' or ' A Merry Christmas to you!' or sich like things as you see in Sailors 'omes and can buy in shops. Not a bit of it! Uncle Joe had writ 'em out of his own 'ead, and wery 'stonishin' some of them was! Let's see," said Bob, with a hitch of his ducks, as though his memory could be literally shaken up; "I remembers some of them there inkscriptions, 'case I read 'em through arterwards, and got a shillin' from Uncle for admiring of 'em,-for mark ye, mates," continued Bob, with an air of profound learning, a horther and a hartis is nat'rally wain of his own pet comp-ositions, 'speshally of them as has given him most trouble; and Uncle Joe were a Horther and a Hartis, and told me private as he'd been above a week shapin' out some of these bu-tiful speciments of natyve po'try and Penmanship:

NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF ENWENTION,

AND LOTS OF THINGS TOO NUMEROUS TO MENTION! “A CONTENTED IND IS A CONTINUAL FEAST;

A REGULAR BLOW-OUT IS GOOD FOR MAN, aND BEaSt." "WHEN POVERTY ENTERS 10VE FLIES OUT Of tHE COTTAGE; ESAU MADE A FOOL OF HISSELF FOr A mEss oF PotTAGe."

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There's wonderful wisdom in that," said Bob," but indeed my Uncle were a wonderful man, though I says it. Why, listen here!" and he went on with the ink-scriptions, while the whole fok's'le seemed impressed :A dor R18 "READING IS TO The MIND WHAT HOOD IS TO THE BODy; SCOTCHMEN ARE THE WERY DEUCE TO DRINK TODAY !! "WELCOME THE ComING; SPEED THE PARTING GUEST; NEVER SAY "I'LL Bẻ dd!" buT aLWAYS "I'LL BE BIEST!" "DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS AFORE THEY'RE WATCHED; TROUSER SEATS NEVER LOOKS WELL IF THEY'RE PATCHEd.' "What a 'ed Uncle Joe must have had!" ejaculated Tom Joyce; 'but howsomdever I'm a-stoppin' of the yarn. Ax pardon, Bob!" Ah," said Bob, with conscious family pride, "I think he were a born pote, like him as writ the play of Hot-'ell-o, or what's-his-name as made the Pair-o'-dice Lost; but I've porpoisely kept the best of Uncle's inkscriptions to the last, as the Jews did their good wine. Talk of being a scholard! why, listen to these here motteys. I think Uncle took wery partickler pleasure in 'em, 'case he'd printed some of the words in speshal big letters, and given 'em a hextra lot of ink. I don't know," said Bob, thoughtfully, if it mightn't be worth the while of Goverment to put up these here motteys in them 'ere schoolrooms as I heerd on when I were last in Liverpool; leastways they'd help young folk through the marsh of intelleck!

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IT'S BETTER TO BE BORN LUCKY THAN RICH;

IT'S BETTER TO HAVE THE MEASLES THAN THE ITCH!''

Bray-vo!" cried Sheky; " Year! year! that's what I say! Year! year! Why, when I were ashore at

"Belay there, my lad !" said Bob; "your yarn will be good when mine's out. No intryrupshuns! Well, yes; there is a powerful lot în that there ink-scription; but the very last one as I remember puts a stopper over all. It's so ter-rue to Natur an' so helligantly worded:

“‹ WHEN THOU ART SMITTEN TURN THE OTHER CHEEK; . IF HE HITS THEE GALY KNOCK HIM INTO THE MIDDLE OF NEXT

WEEK!! bs p A Roerexi Îng movie di qlri, qe bertena There! I considers as how that's a Hiccup Pome of itself. I've heerd on the O.D.C. an' the ILL LAD,'-scholard chaps do say as how's Hirishman named O'Mer wrote 'am but I'm cock sártain as he never did nothing half so fine as that there inkscription of my Uncle Joe. How somdever, to heave ahead :

:

.79W

"The long room were set out bu-tiful, with Christmas boughs and leaves, and berries, and looked like the first-class saloon in a steamer, got up to receive the directors; and when we sat down to supper, you never saw a merrier party; and a jolly supper it were sure-lye, for Uncle never did things by halves., I'll tell you about the spread first, and the company arterwards. There was a big goose over agin the starn of the table, and a fine sparerib of pork at the head, and such a round of beef on the starboard side, about midships, as you never see. I can't remember one half of the good things, but I knows there was them there, 'case sarcumstances fixed 'em on my mem'ry like; and then there was a square table in one corner, aside like, with a happle pie on it, and a lump of cheese and salary. Uncle Joe hadn't provided a plum puddin' 'case, you see, his domestick arrangings was limitted; as they say, he worn't in the family line like! And a really fust-rate Christmas puddin'," said Bob, with the thoughtful air of an Alexis Soyer, "re-requires as much care as a babby... And it takes a power of knowlidge to sarve it up as it oughter, with sperrit sauce, pipin' hot, an' smellin' like the Spicey Islands. So, as Uncle had only his sarvant gal to help him, he'd substitooted the happle pie, 'case it were good cold, wheeras," and Bob looked a whole library of Cookery Books, “a Christmas puddin' is nowt to speak on 'cept its lot!

"I'll just tell you such of the company as I remembers. There was others, but they're no part of my yarn; case, d'ye see, in a mixed company there's allers some as sits like stones and eats like croccydiles; as dumb as swash tubs, and as hintent on the grub and licker as ground sharks on one of them pearl-divers as I've seen off S'cotra.

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"Chief man there, and what I may call Capt'n of the Mess, was Mister Sullivan. His Christ'en name were a jaw-breaker: I once seed it at the fut of a letter of hisn to Uncle, Patrick O'Donnell O'Shawn Terence Fits-jeerall Sullivan! He hailed from the Kings of Munster, so he said; and he'd practysed fizzic on other people, and had a surg'ry; but somehow he couldn't steer aright, and he were forced to steer his vessel aground. So he'd got whiterwashed in the Bankrupcy Court, and giv'n up fizzicking, and lived I don't know how,maybe a bit on his own wits, and maybe a great deal out of others; but he were allers re-garded as a won'erfully cute parsonage, and everybody giv' way to him, and dubbed him Doctor Sullivan. His word were law so fur as Uncle were consarned, specially in aliments and diz-eases. And all Uncle's frens looked on the Doctor as a sort of horrycle; and nat'rally he took the cheer... The of equal bubb"Then there were Mister Giles, a deaf little man, as kept a sweetstuff shop over the way. He were besides a sorter Cock-washerwoman, he were."

"A Cock-washerwoman," repeated Bob, emphatically; "a man as goes out by the double Tides, yer know, to wash linen up in a swash tub with a dolly."

"Never mind Sheky a interruptin' on yer," said a voice from one of the lower Bunks. "Stow your jaw, Sheky! git under weigh again, Bob." Bob continued, "There was also Penshunner Smuff-he'd fot at Waterloo, and was said to have nearly captured Bony with his own 'and; leastways both of 'em was there, and in course the Penshunner had as good a chance of makin' Bony pris'ner as anybody else, d'ye see! and he'd lost a Hi. Fretful pe'ple did say as Jem, the barman at the Admiral Benbow,' knocked it out once in a turn up; but the Penshunner he claimed to have lost it in a haffray with three French Hussyars, killing two with his bagnet, an' losing his Hi while shooting the tother one. I never met Wellington," said Bob," or I'd have axed him, 'case in coorse he could have told how the wind lay! Well, then there were Mister Wiggins; he were a dried-up old chap, with a crook in his neck, and had a circle-latin' libe'ry round the corner. I recollecks," said Bob, "readin' Tops'l Sheet Blocks' from there; also the Harrythewsa' and Philip Squall' (or some such title); yarns as took a 'old on me, and shaped my coorse for the sea, as I'd a fancy to meet with adwentur's an' perform with my 'ands what folks calls feets: also one of the company were a master carpenter, with a stammer as fairly took a feller's breath away to hear him. But Uncle Joe never put his friends aside becase Natur' had distressed 'em; he were too kind for that, and if anybody had a failin' or a misfortun' Uncle Joe were sure to stick to him if it weren't his own fault. There's not many Uncle Joes now-adays," said Bob; "rule seems to be to temper the wind to the shorn lamb' by paying it over the head and ears as the bosun did the monkey! Way of the world now is to give poor folk a lift by liftin' 'em-overboard!

"Yis! them was the company; leastways the speshall ones; and I remembers two women-frens also. One was Missis Cheedle; she'd a nose like our capt'ins speakin'-trumpet, and she were a widder greengrocery female as had been a old ackquaintance of Uncle's wife afore she died. Last as I recollecks," said Bob, "was a cu'rosity; Uncle's sisterin-law. She'd niver been married, and I expecks (if she's livin' still) she's not likely to be. Her name were Hobbs; Miss Terpsy Hobbs; but she was allers called Miss Terpsy. Ye see, messmates," said Bob, "her gran'fathers an' gran'mothers at her baptizm," he delivered himself of this Biblical extract as though it were the Articles of War or the Creed of St. Athanasius," had chosen to christen her Terpsichorey (I once sailed in a man-o'-war o' that name), and when that there jaw