fome verfes upon her, for fhe is a fhowy, fine-fpoken woman; but for all that, I would not marry her, if I were free to-morrow; for, to tell you the truth, I fufpect her to be too much of a termagent for me; and befides, John Bull is not given to change.

My wife has another failing, Sir. She is fond of every thing that is old, becaufe it is old; and fhe never will give any reason, except a woman's reafon, (which, you know, is no reafon at all,) for any one thing fhe does. If I prefume to hint, things might be better after a different fashion, I can get no other answer than "that it his her way-that her grandmother and great-grandmother did fo before her; and that it is her maxim never to alter the family management." I can fcarcely ftir about my house, it is fo filled with heavy lumbering furniture, half of which is worm-eaten, and of no ufe but to harbour vermin; but my wife cannot perfuade herself to part with any of it, fhe has fuch a refpect for a fine piece of antiquity; and then, fays she, "old furniture has fuch a creditable look!" "So it might, my dear," say I, "if it were all of a piece ; but, you know, we are continually buying new, and when one article does not fuit with another, you must be fenfible nothing can have a worfe effect. For inftance, now; this difmal old tapeftry, how prepofterous it looks along with the Indian matting and painted rout-chairs! I wifh you would let it come down, it is fit for nothing but for the rats to play at hide and feek behind it."- "I would not have it down, my dear," fays fhe, " for the world; it is the ftory of the Spanish Armada, and was done in the glorious days of Queen Befs."" Then give it a thorough cleaning, at leaft," returned I. "If you offer to draw a nail," rejoined fhe, "there are fo many private doors and fecret paffages made in the wall, you will be blinded with duft and mortar; and, for aught I know, pull an old house over your head." "Let me at least, give a brushing to the beards of the old dons," replied I.

"A ftroke of the bruth would fhake them to

pieces,"

pieces," infifted my wife; they are as tender as a tob web; I tell you, and I pofitively will not have them meddled with. Nobody, who has any regard for his ancestors, would think of pulling down a venerable set of hangings, made in the glorious days of Queen Elizabeth." Now, I care little when a thing was made; the queftion is, what is it good for? and I know nothing fo much ufelefs lumber is good for, but to oblige us to keep a great many fupernumerary fervants, at high wages to look after it.

I have ftill another grievance, Sir. If you are a married man, you may chance to know, that it is often as much as a man can do to manage his wife; but to manage one's wife and mother too, is a tafk too hard for any mortal. Now, my mother, Sir, lives with us, and I am fure I have always behaved myself as a dutiful and obedient fon; her arm-chair is always set in the best place by the fire; fhe eats of the best, and drinks of the beft, neither do I grudge it her, though the poor children's bellies are often pinched, while fhe is feafting upon nice bits: but with all this, I have much ado to keep her in good humour. If Í ftir about a little more brifkly than ordinary, my mcther has weak nerves, and the noife I make over her head, will throw her into fits. If I offer but to duft the books in my ftudy, my mother is afraid fome of them fhould fall upon her head. Indeed, the old lady did get an unlucky blow with one or two of them, which has fhaken her not a little. Befides which, fhe infifts, and my wife ftands by her in it, that I fhould confult her in all matters of bufinefs; and if I do not, I am cried out against as a graceless atheistical wretch; and a thousand idle reports are raised, that I am going to ftrip and turn my poor old mother out of doors. Then, my mother is rather particular in her drefs; and the children fometimes will be tittering and making game, when she is difplaying fome of her old fallals; upon which, my wife always infifts, I fhould whip them, which I used to do pretty feverely, though, of late, I

confefs,

confefs, I have only hung the rod up over the chimney, in terrorem-on fuch occafions, my wife never fails to obferve," how becoming it is in one of my mother's age to keep the fame fashion in her drefs."-This, by the way, is not true, for I remember my mother stuck all over with croffes and embroidery to her very fhoes, with ftrings of beads and fuch trumpery; yet the fays, as well as my wife, that she never changes any thing.

I am, myself, Mr. Editor, an easy, peaceable, plainspoken man as any that exists; and am a man of little or no expence for my own gratification: yet fo it is, that, what with the large establishment of fervants, which we are obliged to have, and the continual drains upon my purse, to fupply my extravagant neighbours, I run out every year, and cannot help having many ferious thoughts and melancholy forebodings where all this may end. But I apprehend, the firft ftep ought to be, for my wife and I to confult together, and make a reform in the family management wherever there may be occafion. If, therefore, you can perfuade her to lay afide her groundless jealoufies, and talk a little reafon, I fhall be highly obliged to you, and am your humble fervant, JOHN BULL. [Monthly Magazine.]

AN ARABIAN TALE.

T is very well known throughout the Eaft, that Haroun Al Rafchid, Caliph of Damafcus, accompanied by Mifnou, his favourite Vizier, frequently walked through the streets and suburbs of the city by night, and in difguife. Thus he became acquainted with, and was able to correct various irregularities, which would otherwife have escaped the vigilance of his inferior Officers of Juftice. One evening, the light of the moon enabled him to discover, beneath a portico, three men, whofe drefs and appearance difcovered them to be of middle rank, in clofe end ferious conference. He approached them without being perceived, and

heard

heard them making the bittereft exclamations against their evil fortunes, which each, speaking of himself, declared to be without parallel."Can any Muffulman," said the first, "be so great a wretch as I am? May the Prophet never again favour his chofen tribe, if from morning till night I am not the victim of forrow and difquietude!—I have a neighbour, whose only` ftudy is to perplex me in my dealing, to injure me in my reputation and property, and whom Alla feems to have infpired with extraordinary vigour of mind and body, for no other purpose than to counteract my prospects of intereft or defigns of pleasure." "Ah!"

faid the fecond, "your condition is indeed pitiable; but how much more fo is mine?—Your days alone are diftreffing to you; at night you can recline on your pillow, and find confolation in grateful flumber, forgetting your perplexities, your neighbour, and yourfelf; I, on the contrary, know no interval of peace-my days are harraffing, and my nights worfe.-Alas! I have a wife who eternally torments me-at my bufinefs, my meals, nay, even in my bed, her prefence difturbs, and her tongue wounds me.-I live in inceffant irritation, and have no hope of tranquillity but from death, which I am often tempted to anticipate, from the conviction that to Paradife no woman comes. "Well!" faid the third, "I have patiently liftened to you both, but am ftill convinced that my caufes of affliction are still more aggravating than either than both of your's. I have an extravagant, profligate, worthlefs fon: in fpite of remonftrance or punishment, I have feen him advance progreflively from vice to vice, till I now fee him a difgrace to human nature, and every hour am expecting that the vengeance of Mahomet, or the laws of our country, will tremendoufly overtake him." On this, the three complainers bade each other adieu, and fe parated for the evening.

"Mifnou," faid the Caliph to his favourite, " be it your care to find out who these men are, and fee that

P

they

Mit they fulfil my orders in full Divan to-morrow." nou obeyed his mafter; and the three trembling Muffulmen were conducted to the Seraglio, when each, though ignorant of their imputed crime, expected the bow-ftring, or, at least, the baftinado.

When the Divan was affembled, and the Caliph on his throne was furrounded by the Imans, the Emirs, and the Grandees of his Court, with a loud voice he commanded the three miferables to be brought forth."Friend," said Haroun Al Rafchid to the first, "it feems thou fayeft of thyfelf, that thy condition is eminently unfortunate; relate the caufes of thy griefs to "" The the wife men whom thou feeft here before me. man at first was inclined to equivocate, but the Vizier pointing to the mutes, who stood prepared with the bow-ftring, he declared that he, indeed, was of all men the moft miferable, inafmuch as a wicked neighbour continually perfecuted him. As foon as he had finished his narrative" Take that fellow," faid the Caliph, in an angry tone, to his attendants," and give him five hundred baftinadoes." The Imans, the Emirs, the Grandees, and the Court looked at each other in aftonifhment, but faid nothing. The Caliph, whofe compofure was not in the leaft difturbed, called for the fecond miferable." Well, friend," exclaimed Haroun Al Rafchid, "and what fayeft thou? Thou art alfo, it appeareth, one of thofe whom Mahomet refufes to fmile upon." The man; having witneffed his neighbour's punishment, knew not how to act, and would willingly have held his peace; but being urged in a commanding voice, and fearing that even worse than the baftinado would attend his obftinacy, acknowledged, with a faultering accent, that his evil genius, in the fhape of a termagent wife, made his days and nights "Take that fellow," faid infupportably vexatious. the Caliph to his fervants, "and give him inftantly five hundred baftinadoes." The Imans, the Emirs, the Grandees, and the Court, a fecond time looked at each

other,