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(Job xxxi. 13, 14.) On this text Wal, I've ben where a litt'ry taste don't I preached a discourse on the last day of somebow seem to git Fasting and Humiliation with general ac- Th' encouragement a feller'd think, thet 's ceptance, though there were not wanting used to public schools, one or two Laodiceans who said that I An' where sech things ez paper 'n' ink air should have waited till the President an- clean agin the rules: nounced his policy. But let us hope and A kind o' vicyvarsy house, built dreffle pray, remembering this of Saint Gregory, strong an' stout, Vult Deus rogari, vult cogi, vult quâdam im- So 's 't honest people can't get in, ner portunitate vinci.
t'other sort git out, We had our first fall of snow on Friday An' with the winders so contrived, you 'd last. Frosts have been unusually backward prob’ly like the view this fall. A singular circumstance occurred Better alookin' in than out, though it seems in this town on the 20th October, in the
sing’lar, tu; family of Deacon Pelatiah Tinkham. On But then the landlord sets by ye, can't bear the previous evening, a few moments be- ye out o' sight, fore family prayers,
And locks ye up ez reg'lar ez an outside
door at night. [The editors of the “ Atlantic" find it neces
This world is awfle contrary: the rope may sary here to cut short the letter of their valued correspondent, which seemed calculated rather
stretch your neck on the rates of longevity in Jaalam than for less Thet mebby kep' another chap frum washin' favored localities. They have every encourage
off a wreck; ment to hope that he will write again.]
An' you may see the taters grow in one poor With esteem and respect,
feller's patch, Your obedient servant,
So small no self-respectin' hen thet vallied HOMER WILBUR, A. M.
time 'ould scratch,
So small the rot can't find 'em out, an' then It's some consid'ble of a spell sence I agin, nex' door, hain't writ no letters,
Ez big ez wut hogs dream on when they're An' ther''s gret changes hez took place in
'most too fat to snore. all polit’cle metters;
But groutin' ain't no kin' o' use; an' ef the Some canderdates air dead an' gone, an'
fust throw fails,
сорWhich 'mounts to pooty much the same;
ain't all tails, fer it's ben proved repeated
Though I hev seen 'em when I thought they A betch o' bread thet hain't riz once ain't
hed n't no more head goin' to rise agin,
Than 'd sarve a nussin' Brigadier thet gits An' it's jest money throwed away to put
some ink to shed. the emptins in: But thet's wut folks wun't never larn; When I writ last, I'd ben turned loose by they dunno how to go,
thet blamed nigger, Pomp, Arter you want their room, no more 'n a Ferlorner than a musquash, ef you 'd took bullet-headed beau;
an' dreened his swamp: Ther''s ollers chaps a-hangin' roun' thet But I ain't o' the meechin' kind, thet sets can't see peatime's past,
an' thinks fer weeks Mis'ble as roosters in a rain, heads down The bottom 's out o'th' univarse coz their an' tails half-mast:
own gillpot leaks. It ain't disgraceful bein' beat, when a holl I hed to cross bayous an' criks, (wal, it did nation doos it,
beat all natur',) But Chance is like an amberill, — it don't Upon a kin' o' corderoy, fust log, then take twice to lose it.
Luck’ly, the critters warn't sharp-sot; I I spose you 're kin' o' cur'ous, now, to know
guess 't wuz overruled why I hain't writ.
They 'd done their mornin's marketin' an' You ’ll think you'd better ha' gut among gut their hunger cooled;
a tribe o' Mongrel Tartars, Fer missionaries to the Creeks an' runaways
'fore we've done showin' how we raise our are viewed
Southun prize tar-martyrs; By them an' folks ez sent express to be A moultin' fallen cherubim, ef he should their reg'lar food;
see ye,'d snicker, Wutever 't wuz, they laid an' snoozed ez Thinkin' he warn’t a suckemstance. Come, peacefully ez sinners,
genlemun, le''s liquor; Meek ez disgestin' deacons be at ordination An', Gin'ral, when you've mixed the drinks dinners;
an' chalked 'em up, tote roun' Ef any on 'em turned an' snapped, I let 'em An' see ef ther' 's a feather-bed (thet 's kin' o' taste
borryable) in town. My live-oak leg, an' so, ye see, ther' warn't We'll try ye fair, ole Grafted-Leg, an' ef no gret o' waste;
the tar wun't stick, Fer they found out in quicker time than ef Th' ain't not a juror here but wut 'll 'quit they 'd ben to college
ye double-quick." 'T warn't heartier food then though 't wuz To cut it short, I wun't say sweet, they gi' made out o' the tree o' knowledge.
me a good dip, But I tell you my other leg hed larned wut (They ain't perfessin' Bahptists here,) then pizon-nettle meant,
give the bed a rip, An' various other usefle things, afore I The jury 'd sot, an' quicker thin a flash reached a settlement,
they hetched me out, a livin' An' all o' me thet wuz n't sore an' sendin' Extemp’ry mammoth turkey-chick fer a prickles thru me
Fejee Thanksgivin'. Wuz jest the leg I parted with in lickin' Thet I felt some stuck up is wut it's Montezumy:
nat'ral to suppose, A useful limb it's ben to me, an' more of a When poppylar enthusiasm hed funnished support
me sech clo'es; Than wut the other hez ben, - coz I dror (Ner 't ain't without edvantiges, this kin' my pension for 't.
o'suit, ye see,
It's water-proof, an’ water 's wut I like Wal, I gut in at last where folks wuz civer. kep' out o' me;) lized an' white,
But nut content with thet, they took a kerEz I diskivered to my cost afore 't warn't ridge from the fence hardly night;
An' rid me roun' to see the place, entirely Fer 'z I wuz settin' in the bar a-takin' sun
free 'f expense, thin' hot,
With forty-'leven new kines o' sarse withAn' feelin' like a man agin, all over in one out no charge acquainted me, spot,
Gi' me three cheers, an' vowed thet I wuz A feller thet sot oppersite, arter a squint at. all their fahncy painted me; me,
They treated me to all their eggs; (they Lep' up an' drawed his peacemaker, an', keep 'em I should think, Dash it, Sir," suz he,
Fer sech ovations, pooty long, for they “I'm donbledashed ef you ain't him thet wuz mos' distinc' ;) stole my yaller chettle,
They starred me thick 'z the Milky-Way (You're all the strănger thet’s around,) so with indiscrim'nit cherity, now you ’ve gut to settle;
Fer wut we call reception eggs air sunthin' It ain't no use to argerfy ner try to cut up
of a rerity; frisky,
Green ones is plentifle anough, skurce wuth I know ye ez I know the smell of ole chain
a nigger's getherin', lightnin' whiskey;
But your dead-ripe ones ranges high fer We're lor-abidin' folks down here, we 'll fix treatin' Nothun bretherin; ye so 's 't a bar
A spotteder, ring streakeder child the Would n' tech ye with a ten-foot pole;
warn't in Uncle Sam's (Jedge, you jest warm the tar;)
Holl farm, - a cross of stripëd pig an' one When I come out, the folks behaved mos' o' Jacob's lambs;
gen'manly an' harnsome; 'T wuz Dannil in the lions' den, new an' They 'lowed it would n't be more 'n right, enlarged edition,
ef I should cuss 'n' darn some: An' everythin' fust-rate o' 'ts kind; the The Cunnle he apolergized; suz he, “I'll warn't no impersition.
du wut's right, People 's impulsiver down here than wut I'll give ye settisfection now by shootin' our folks to home be,
ye at sight, An' kin' o' go it Äith a resh in raisin' Hail An' give the nigger (when he's caught), to Columby:
pay him fer his trickin' Thet 's so: an' they swarmed out like bees, In gittin' the wrong man took up, a most for your real Southun men's
H fired lickin', Time is n't o' much more account than an It 's jest the way with all on 'em, the inole settin' hen's;
consistent critters, (They jest work semioccashnally, or else They ’re 'most enough to make a man blasdon't work at all,
pheme his mornin' bitters; An' so their time an''tention both air at I'll be your frien' thru thick an' thin an' saci'ty's call.)
in all kines o' weathers, Talk about hospatality! wut Nothun An' all you ’ll hev to pay fer 's jest the town d' ye know
waste o' tar an' feathers: Would take a totle stranger up an' treat A lady owned the bed, ye see, a widder, tu, him gratis so?
Miss Shennon; You'd better b’lieve ther''s nothin' like It wuz her mite; we would ha' took another, this spendin' days an' nights
ef ther 'd ben one: Along 'ith a dependent race fer civerlizin' We don't make no charge for the ride an' whites.
all the other fixins.
Le''s liquor; Gin'ral, you can chalk our But this wuz all prelim'nary; it's so Gran'
friend for all the mixins." Jurors here
A meetin' then wuz called, where they Fin' a true bill, a hendier way than ourn, “RESOLVED, Thet we respec' an' nut so dear;
B. S. Esquire for quallerties o' heart an' So arter this they sentenced me, to make
intellec' all tight ’n’ snug,
Peculiar to Columby's sile, an' not to no Afore a reg'lar court o' law, to ten years one else's, in the Jug.
Thet makes European tyrans scringe in all I did n't make no gret defence : you don't their gilded pel'ces, feel much like speakin',
An' doos gret honor to our
race an' When, ef
Southun institootions :"
(I give ye jest the substance o' the leadin' I hev hearn tell o'wingëd words, but pint
resolootions:) o' fact it tethers
“RESOLVED, Thet we revere in him a The spoutin' gift to hev your words tu thick
soger 'thout a flor, sot on with feathers,
A martyr to the princerples o' libbaty an' An' Choate ner Webster would n't ha'
lor : made an A 1 kin' o' speech
RESOLVED, Thet other nations all, ef sot Astride a Southun chestnut horse sharper ’longside o' us, ’n a baby's screech.
For vartoo, larnin”, chivverlry, ain't
noways Two year ago they ketched the thief, 'n'
wuth a cuss." seein' I wuz innercent,
They gut up a subscription, tu, but no gret They jest uncorked an' le’ me run, an’ in come o' thet; my stid the sinner sent
I 'xpect in cairin' of it roun' they took a To see how he liked pork 'n' pone flavored leaky bat; with wa’nut saplin',
Though Southun genelmun ain't slow at An' nary social priv'ledge but a one-hoss, puttin' down their name,
poorer for 't.
(When they can write,) fer in the eend it They ’re wuth ez much ez wut they wuz comes to jes' the same,
afore ole Mem’nger signed 'em, Because, ye see, 't 's the fashion here to An' go off middlin' wal for drinks, when sign an' not to think
ther''s a knife behind 'em; A critter'd be so sordid ez to ax 'em for We du miss silver, jes' fer thet an' ridin' in the chink:
a bus, I did n't call but jest on one, an'he drawed Now we've shook off the desputs thet tooth-pick on me,
wuz suckin' at our pus; An' reckoned he warn't goin' to stan’ no An' it's because the South 's so rich; 't sech dog-gauned econ’my;
wuz nat'ral to expec' So nothin' more wuz realized, 'ceptin' the Supplies o' change wuz jes' the things we good-will shown,
should n't recollec'; Than ef't had ben from fust to last a regu- We'd ough to ha' thought aforehan', lar Cotton Loan.
though, o' thet good rule o' CrockIt 's a good way, though, come to think, ett's, coz ye enjy the sense
For 't's tiresome cairin' cotton-bales an' O'lendin' lib'rally to the Lord, an' nary niggers in your pockets, red o’’xpense:
Ner 't ain't quite hendy to pass off one o' Sence then I've gut my name up for a your six-foot Guineas gin'rous-hearted man
An' git your halves an' quarters back in By jes' subscribin' right an' left on this gals an' pickaninnies: high-minded plan;
Wal, 't ain't quite all a feller 'd ax, but I've gin away my thousans so to every
then ther 's this to say, Southun sort
It's on'y jest among ourselves thet we O' missions, colleges, an' sech, ner ain't no expec' to pay;
Our system would ha' caird us thru in any
Bible cent’ry, I warn't so bad off, arter all; I need n't 'fore this onscripterl plan come up o' books hardly mention
by double entry; That Guv'ment owed me quite a pile for We
go the patriarkle here out o' all sight my arrears o' pension,
an' hearin', I mean the poor, weak thing we hed: we For Jacob warn’t a suckemstance to Jeff run a new one now,
at financierin'; Thet strings a feller with a claim up ta the He never 'd thought o' borryin' from Esau nighes' bough,
like all nater An' prectises the right o' man, purtects
An' then cornfiscatin' all debts to sech a down-trodden debtors,
small pertater; Ner wun't hev creditors about ascrougin' | There's p'litickle econ’my, now, combined o their betters:
'ith morril beauty Jeff 's gut the last idees ther' is, poscrip', Thet saycrifices privit eends (your in'my's, fourteenth edition,
tu) to dooty ! He knows it takes some enterprise to run Wy, Jeff'd hagin him five an' won his an oppersition;
eye-teeth 'fore he knowed it, Ourn 's the fust thru-by-daylight train, An', stid o' wastin' pottage, he'd ha' eat it with all ou’doors for deepot;
up an' owed it. Yourn goes so slow you'd think’t wuz But I wuz goin' on to say how I come here drawed by a las' cent’ry teapot;
to dwall ; Wal, I gut all on 't paid in gold afore our ’Nough said, thet, arter lookin' roun', I State seceded,
liked the place so wal, An' done wal, for Confed'rit bonds warn't Where niggers doos a double good, with us jest the cheese I needed:
atop to stiddy 'em, Nut but wut they're ez good ez gold, but By bein' proofs o' prophecy an' suckleatin' then it's hard a-breakin' on 'em,
medium, An' ignorant folks is ollers sot an' wun't Where a man's sunthin' coz he's white, git used to takin' on 'em;
an' whiskey 's cheap ez fleas,
An' the financial pollercy jes' sooted my His brother Asaph picked her up an' tied idees,
her to a tree, Thet I friz down right where I wuz, mer- An' then she kicked an hour 'n' a half afore ried the Widder Shennon,
she 'd let it be: (Her thirds wuz part in cotton-land, part Wal, Miss S. doos hev cuttins-up an' pourinsin the curse o' Canaan,)
out o' vials, An' here I be ez lively ez a chipmunk on a But then she hez her widder's thirds, an' wall,
all on us hez trials. With nothin' to feel riled about much later My objec', though, in writin' now warn't to 'n Eddam's fall.
allude to sech,
But to another suckemstance more dellykit Ez fur ez human foresight goes, we made
to tech, an even trade:
I want thet you should grad’lly break my She gut an overseer, an’I a fem'ly ready- merriage to Jerushy, made,
An' there 's a heap of argymunts thet ’s The youngest on 'em 's 'mos' growed up, emple to indooce ye: rugged an' spry ez weazles,
Fust place, State's Prison, wal, it 's true So's 't ther''s no resk o' doctors' bills fer
it warn't fer crime, o' course, hoopin'-cough an' measles.
But then it's jest the same fer her in gittin' Our farm 's at Turkey-Buzzard Roost,
a disvorce; Little Big Boosy River,
Nex' place, my State 's secedin' out bez Wal located in all respex,
fer 't ain't the leg'lly lef' me free chills 'n' fever
To merry any one I please, pervidin' it's a Thet makes my writin' seem to squirm; a
she; Southuner 'd allow I'd
Fiu'lly, I never wun't come back, she need Some call to shake, for I've jest hed to n't hev no fear on't, meller a new cowhide.
But then it's wal to fix things right fer Miss S. is all 'f a lady; th' ain't no better on
fear Miss S. should hear on 't; Big Boosy
Lastly, I've gut religion South, an' Rushy Ner one with more accomplishmunts 'twixt here an' Tuscaloosy;
Thet sets by th’ graven imiges o' the gret She's an F. F., the tallest kind, an' prouder Nothun Dagon; ’n the Gran' Turk,
(Now I hain't seen one in six munts, for, An' never hed a relative thet done a stroke sence our Treashry Loan, o' work;
Though yaller boys is thick anough, eagles Hern ain't a scrimpin' fem'ly sech ez you
hez kind o' flown;) git up Down East,
An' ef J wants a stronger pint than them Th' ain't a growed member on 't but owes
thet I hev stated, his thousuns et the least:
Wy, she 's an aliun in'my now, an' I've She is some old; but then agin ther' 's draw
been cornfiscated, backs in my sheer:
For sence we've entered on th' estate o' Wut's left o' me ain't more 'n enough to the late nayshnul eagle, make a Brigadier:
She hain't no kin' o' right but jes' wat I Wust is, thet she hez tantrums ; she's like allow ez legle: Seth Moody's gun
Wut doos Secedin' mean, ef 't ain't thet (Him thet wuz nicknamed frum his limp nat'rul rights bez riz, ’n’ Ole Dot an' Kerry One);
Thet wut is mine 's my own, but wut's He'd left her loaded up a spell, an' hed to
another man's ain't his'n ? git her clear, So he onhitched, - Jeerusalem ! the middie Besides, I could n't do no else; Miss S. suz
she to me, Wuz right nex'door compared to where she “ You've sheered my bed,” [thet 's when I kicked the critter tu
paid my interduction fee (Though jest where he brought up wuz wut To Southun rites,] “an' kep' your sheer,” no human never knew);
[wal, I allow it sticked
she's a pagan
o' last year