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No. IX.


[UPON the following letter slender comment will be needful. In what river Selemnus has. Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has become so swiftly oblivious of his former loves? From an ardent and (as befits a soldier) confident wooer of that coy bride, the popular favor, we see him subside of a sudden into the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning to his plough with a goodly-sized branch of willow in his hand; figuratively returning, however, to a figurative plough, and from no profound affection for that honored implement of husbandry, (for which, indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection,) but in order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more congenial labors. It would seem that the character of the ancient Dictator had become part of the recognized stock of our modern political comedy, though, as our term of office extends to a quadrennial length, the parallel is not so minutely exact as could be desired. It is sufficiently so, however, for purposes of scenic representation. An humble cottage (if built of logs, the better) forms the Arcadian background of the stage. This rustic paradise is labelled Ashland, Jaalam, North Bend, Marshfield, Kinderhook, or Bâton Rouge, as occasion demands. Before the door stands a something with one handle (the other painted in proper perspective), which represents, in happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this the defeated candidate rushes with delirious joy, welcomed as a father by appropriate groups of happy laborers, or from it the successful one is torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a noble sense of public duty. Only I have observed, that, if the scene be laid at Bâton Rouge or Ashland, the laborers are kept carefully in the background, and are heard to shout from behind the scenes in a singular tone resembling ululation, and accompanied by a sound not unlike vigorous clapping. This, however, may be artistically in keeping with the habits of the rustic population of those localities. The precise connection between agricultural pursuits and statesmanship I have not been able, after diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my investigations may not be barren of all fruit, I will mention one curious statistical fact, which I consider thoroughly established, namely, that no real farmer ever attains practically beyond a seat in General Court, however theoretically qualified for more exalted station.

It is probable that some other prospect has been opened to Mr. Sawin, and that he has not made this great sacrifice without some definite understanding in regard to a seat in the cabinet or a foreign mission. It may


supposed that we of Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of villatic pride in beholding our townsman occupying so large a space in the public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications necessary to a candidate in these frugal times, those of Mr. S. seemed peculiarly adapted to a successful campaign. The loss of a leg, an arm, an eye, and four fingers, reduced him so nearly to the condition of a vox et præterea nihil, that I could think of nothing but the loss of his head by which his chance could have been bettered. But since he has chosen to baulk our suffrages, we must content ourselves with what we can get, remembering lactucas non esse dandas, dum cardui sufficiant.-H. W.]

I SPOSE you recollect thet I explained my gennle

views In the last billet thet I writ, 'way down frum Veery

Cruze, Jest arter I'd a kind o' ben spontanously sot up To run unanimously fer the Presidential cup; O'course it worn't no wish o’mine, 'twuz ferflely

distressin', But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty pressin' Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an' fussed

an' sorrered, There didn't seem no ways to stop their bringin'

on me forrerd : Fact is, they udged the matter so, I couldn't help

admittin' The Father o’his Country's shoes no feet but mine

'ould fit in, Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to succeed, Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair 'd be more

'n I need; An’, tell ye wut, them shoes 'll want a thund'rin

sight o' patchin', Ef this 'ere fashion is to last we've gut into o

' hatchin' A pair o'second Washintons fer every new elec

tion, Though, fur ez number one's consarned, I don't

make no objection.

I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust I saw
The masses would stick to't I wuz the Country's

father-in-law, (They would ha' hed it Father, but I told 'em 't

wouldn't du,

Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they couldn't split

in tu,

An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his

door, Nor darsn't say 'tworn’t his'n, much ez sixty year

afore,) But 'taint no matter ez to thet; wen I wuz nomer

nated, 'Tworn't natur but wut I should feel consid'able

elated, An' wile the hooraw o’the thing wuz kind o'noo

an' fresh, I thought our ticket would ha' caird the country

with a resh.

Sence I've come hum, though, an' looked round, I

think I seem to find Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me

change my mind; It's clear to any one whose brain ain't fur gone in

a phthisis, Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' thru a

crisis, An' 'twouldn't noways du to hev the people's mind

distracted By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar names

attackted; 'Twould save holl haycartloads o’ fuss an? three

four months o' jaw, Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an'

withdraw; So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like—like ole (I


I dunno ez I know his name)—I'll go back to my


Wenever an Amerikin distinguished politishin

Begins to try et wut they call definin' his posishin, Wal, I, fer one, feel sure he aint gut nothin' to

define; It's so nine cases out o'ten, but jest that tenth is

mine; And 'taint no more’n is proper ’n’ right in sech a

sitooation To hint the course you think 'll be the savin' o' the nation

; Io funk right out o'p'lit’cal strife aint thought to

be the thing, Without you deacon off the toon you want your

folks should sing; So I edvise the noomrous friends thet's in one boat

with me To jest up killock, jam right down their hellum

hard a lee, Haul the sheets taut, an', laying out upon the

Suthun tack, Make fer the safest port they can, wich, I think,

is Ole Zack.

Next thing you'll want to know, I spose, wut argi

munts I seem To see thet makes me think this ere'll be the

strongest team; Fust place, I've ben consid’ble round in bar-rooms

an' saloons Agethrin' public sentiment, 'mongst Demmercrats

and Coons, An’’taint ve’y offen thet I meet a chap but wut

goes in

Fer Rough an' Ready, fair an' square, hufs, taller,

horns, an' skin; [ don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I could

see, 1 didn't like at fust the Pheladelphy nomernee:

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