When from here clean to Texas it's all one free fight?

Hain't we rescued from Seward the gret leadin' featurs

Thet makes it wuth while to be reasonin' creaturs?

Hain't we saved Habus Coppers, improved it in fact,

By suspendin' the Unionists 'stid o' the

Act?

Ain't the laws free to all? Where on airth else d' ye see

Every freeman improvin' his own rope an' tree?

Ain't our piety sech (in our speeches an' messiges)

Ez t' astonish ourselves in the bes'-composed pessiges,

An' to make folks thet knowed us in th' ole state o' things

Think convarsion ez easy ez drinkin' ginslings?

It's ne'ssary to take a good confident tone With the public; but here, jest amongst us, I own

Things look blacker 'n thunder. Ther' 's no use denyin'

We're clean out o' money, an' 'most out o'

For the former you 'll hev to consult on a plan, Though our fust want (an' this pint I want your best views on)

Is plausible paper to print I. O. U.s on. Some genulemen think it would cure all our cankers

In the way o' finance, ef we jes' hanged the bankers;

An' I own the proposle 'ud square with my views,

Ef their lives wuz n't all thet we 'd left 'em to lose.

Some say thet more confidence might be inspired,

On a pledge, when we've gut thru the war, to return it,

Then to take the proceeds an' hold them ez security

For an issue o' bonds to be met at maturity With an issue o' notes to be paid in hard cash

On the fus' Monday follerin' the 'tarnal Allsmash:

This hez a safe air, an', once hold o' the gold,

'ud leave our vile plunderers out in the cold,

An' might temp' John Bull, ef it warn't for

'thout askin' to know wut the quarrel 's about,

An' once come to thet, why, our game is played out.

It's ez true ez though I should n't never hev said it,

Thet a hitch hez took place in our system o' credit;

I swear it's all right in my speeches an' messiges,

But ther''s idees afloat, ez ther' is about sessiges :

Folks wun't take a bond ez a basis to trade on,

Without nosin' round to find out wut it's made on,

An' the thought more an' more thru the public min' crosses

Thet our Treshry hez gut 'mos' too many dead hosses.

Wut's called credit, you see, is some like a balloon,

Thet looks while it's up 'most ez harnsome 'z a moon,

But once git a leak in 't, an' wut looked so grand

Caves righ' down in a jiffy ez flat ez your hand.

Now the world is a dreffle mean place, for our sins,

Where ther' ollus is critters about with long pins

A-prickin' the bubbles we 've blowed with sech care,

An' provin' ther''s nothin' inside but bad air:

They're all Stuart Millses, poor-white trash, an' sneaks,

Without no more chivverlry 'n Choctaws or Creeks,

Who think a real gennleman's promise to

An' they allus hev showed a mean spite to the South.

Sech bein' the case, we hed best look about For some kin' o' way to slip our necks out : Le''s vote our las' dollar, ef one can be found,

(An', at any rate, votin' it hez a good sound,)

Le''s swear thet to arms all our people is flyin',

(The critters can't read, an' wun't know how we 're lyin',)

Thet Toombs is advancin' to sack Cincin

Than with cusses that load an' don't darst dror a trigger;

They're the wust wooden nutmegs the Yankees perdooce,

Shaky everywheres else, an' jes' sound on the goose;

They ain't wuth a cuss, an' I set nothin' by 'em,

But we 're in sech a fix thet I s'pose we mus' try 'em.

I- But, Gennlemen, here's a despatch jes' come in

Which shows thet the tide 's begun turnin' agin',

Gret Cornfedrit success! C'lumbus eeva

cooated!

I mus' run down an' hev the thing properly stated,

An' show wut a triumph it is, an' how lucky

To fin❜lly git red o' thet cussed Kentucky,
An' how, sence Fort Donelson, winnin' the
day
Consists in triumphantly gittin' away.

No. V

SPEECH OF HONOURABLE PRESERVED DOE IN SECRET CAUCUS

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY

JAALAM, 12th April, 1862. GENTLEMEN, — As I cannot but hope that the ultimate, if not speedy, success of the national arms is now sufficiently ascertained, sure as I am of the righteousness of our cause and its consequent claim on the blessing of God, (for I would not show a faith inferior to that of the Pagan historian with his Facile evenit quod Dis cordi est,) it seems to me a suitable occasion to withdraw our minds a moment from the confusing din of battle to objects of peaceful and permanent interest. Let us not neglect the monuments of preterite history because what shall be history is so diligently making under our eyes. Cras ingens iterabimus æquor; to-morrow will be time enough for that stormy sea; to-day let me engage the attention of your readers with the Runick inscription to whose fortunate discovery I have heretofore alluded. Well may we say with the poet, Multa renascuntur quæ jam cecidere. And I would premise, that, although I can no longer resist the evidence of my own senses from the stone before me to the ante-Columbian discovery of this continent by the Northmen, gens inclytissima, as they are called in a Palermitan inscription, written fortunately in a less debatable character than that which I am about to decipher, yet I would by no means be understood as wishing to vilipend the merits of the great Genoese, whose name will never be forgotten so long as the inspiring strains of "Hail Columbia" shall continue to be heard. Though he must be stripped also of whatever praise may belong to the experiment of the egg, which I find proverbially attributed by Castilian authors to a certain Juanito or Jack, (perhaps an offshoot of our giant-killing mythus,) his name

will still remain one of the most illustrious of modern times. But the impartial historian owes a duty likewise to obscure merit, and my solicitude to render a tardy justice is perhaps quickened by my having known those who, had their own field of labour been less secluded, might have found a readier acceptance with the reading publick. I could give an example, but I forbear: forsitan nostris ex ossibus oritur ultor.

Touching Runick inscriptions, I find that they may be classed under three general heads: 1°. Those which are understood by the Danish Royal Society of Northern Antiquaries, and Professor Rafn, their Secretary; 2°. Those which are comprehensible only by Mr. Rafn; and 3°. Those which neither the Society, Mr. Rafn, nor anybody else can be said in any definite sense to understand, and which accordingly offer peculiar temptations to enucleating sagacity. These last are naturally deemed the most valuable by intelligent antiquaries, and to this class the stone now in my possession fortunately belongs. Such give a picturesque variety to ancient events, because susceptible oftentimes of as many interpretations as there are individual archæologists; and since facts are only the pulp in which the Idea or event-seed is softly imbedded till it ripen, it is of little consequence what colour or flavour we attribute to them, provided it be agreeable. Availing myself of the obliging assistance of Mr. Arphaxad Bowers, an ingenious photographick artist, whose house-on-wheels has now stood for three years on our Meeting-House Green, with the somewhat contradictory inscription, "our motto is onward," I have sent accurate copies of my treasure to many learned men and societies, both native and European. I may hereafter communicate their different and (me judice) equally erroneous solutions. I solicit also, Messrs. Editors, your own acceptance of the copy herewith enclosed. I need only premise further, that the stone itself is a goodly block of metamorphick sandstone, and that the Runes resemble very nearly the ornithichnites or fossil bird-tracks of Dr. Hitchcock, but with less regularity or apparent design than is displayed by those remarkable geological monuments. These are rather the non bene junctarum discordia semina rerum. Resolved to leave no door

open to cavil, I first of all attempted the elucidation of this remarkable example of lithick literature by the ordinary modes, but with no adequate return for my labour. I then considered myself amply justified in resorting to that heroick treatment the felicity of which, as applied by the great Bentley to Milton, had long ago enlisted my admiration. Indeed, I had already made up my mind, that, in case good fortune should throw any such invaluable record in my way, I would proceed with it in the following simple and satisfactory method. After a cursory examination, merely sufficing for an approximative estimate of its length, I would write down a hypothetical inscription based upon antecedent probabilities, and then proceed to extract from the characters engraven on the stone a meaning as nearly as possible conformed to this a priori product of my own ingenuity. The result more than justified my hopes, inasmuch as the two inscriptions were made without any great violence to tally in all essential particulars. I then proceeded, not without some anxiety, to my second test, which was, to read the Runick letters diagonally, and again with the same success. With an excitement pardonable under the circumstances, yet tempered with thankful humility, I now applied my last and severest trial, my experimentum crucis. I turned the stone, now doubly precious in my eyes, with scrupulous exactness upside down. The physical exertion so far displaced my spectacles as to derange for a moment the focus of vision. I confess that it was with some tremulousness that I readjusted them upon my nose, and prepared my mind to bear with calmness any disappointment that might ensue. But, Ŏ albo dies notanda lapillo! what was my delight to find that the change of position had effected none in the sense of the writing, even by so much as a single letter! I was now, and justly, as I think, satisfied of the conscientious exactness of my interpretation. It is as follows:

HERE

BJARNA GRIMOLFSSON FIRST DRANK CLOUD-BROTHER THROUGH CHILD-OF-LAND-AND

WATER:

that is, drew smoke through a reed stem. In other words, we have here a record of the first smoking of the herb Nicotiana Ta