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So they ain't no more bothersome than ef we'd took an' sunk 'em, An' yit enj'y th' exclusive right to one another's Buncombe 'Thout doin' nobody no hurt, an' 'thout its costin' nothin',

Their pay bein' jes' Confedrit funds, they findin' keep an' clothin'; They taste the sweets o' public life, an' plan their little jobs,

An' suck the Treash'ry, (no gret harm, for it's ez dry ez cobs,)

An' go thru all the motions jest ez safe ez in a prison,

An' hev their business to themselves, while Buregard hez hisn: Ez long 'z he gives the Hessians fits, committees can't make bother 'Bout whether 't 's done the legle way

or whether 't 's done the t'other. An' I tell you you 've gut to larn thet War ain't one long teeter Betwixt I wan' to an' 'T wun't du, debatin' like a skeetur

Afore he lights,

all is, to give the

other side a millin', An' arter thet 's done, th' ain't no resk but wut the lor 'll be willin' ; No metter wut the guv'ment is, ez nigh ez I can hit it,

A lickin' 's constitooshunal, pervidin' We don't git it.

Jeff don't stan' dilly-dallyin', afore he takes a fort,

(With no one in,) to git the leave o'

the nex' Soopreme Court, Nor don't want forty-'leven weeks o' jawin' an' expoundin' To prove a nigger hez a right to save him, ef he's drowndin'; Whereas ole Abram 'd sink afore he 'd

let a darkie boost him,

Ef Taney should n't come along an' hed n't interdooced him. It ain't your twenty millions thet 'll ever block Jeff's game, But one Man thet wun't let 'em jog jest ez he's takin' aim: Your numbers they may strengthen ye or weaken ye, ez 't heppens They 're willin' to be helpin' hands or wuss'n-nothin' cap'ns.

I've chose my side, an' 't ain't no odds ef I wuz drawed with magnets,

Or ef I thought it prudenter to jine the nighes' bagnets;

I've made my ch'ice, an' ciphered out, from all I see an' heard,

Th' ole Constitooshun never 'd git her decks for action cleared,

Long 'z you elect for Congressmen poor shotes thet want to go

Coz they can't seem to git their grub no otherways than so,

An' let your bes' men stay to home coz they wun't show ez talkers, Nor can't be hired to fool ye an' sof'soap ye at a caucus,—

Long 'z ye set by Rotashun more 'n ye do by folks's merits,

Ez though experunce thriv by change o' sile, like corn an' kerrits, Long 'z you allow a critter's "claims"

coz, spite o' shoves an' tippins, He's kep' his private pan jest where 't would ketch mos' public drippins,

Long 'z A. 'll turn tu an' grin' B.'s exe, ef B. 'll help him grin' hisn, (An' thet's the main idee by which your leadin' men hev risen,)Long'z you let ary exe be groun', 'less 't is to cut the weasan'

O' sneaks thet dunno till they're told wut is an' wut ain't Treason, Long 'z ye give out commissions to a lot o' peddlin' drones

Thet trade in whiskey with their men

an' skin 'em to their bones, Long 'z ye sift out "safe" canderdates thet no one ain't afeared on Coz they're so thund'rin' eminent for bein' never heard on,

An' hain't no record, ez it 's called, for folks to pick a hole in,

Ez ef it hurt a man to hev a body with a soul in,

An' it wuz ostentashun to be showin' on 't about,

When half his feller-citizens contrive to do without,

Long 'z you suppose your votes can turn biled kebbage into brain, An' ary man thet 's pop'lar 's fit to drive a lightnin'-train,

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Long 'z you believe democracy means I'm ez good ez you be,

An' that a feller from the ranks can't be a knave or booby,

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than we, and am willing to wait till we have made this continent once more a place where freemen can live in security and honour, before assuming any further responsibility. This is the view taken by my neighbour Habakkuk Sloansure, Esq., the president of our bank, whose opinion in the practical affairs of life has great weight with me, as I have generally found it to be justified by the event, and whose counsel, had I followed it, would have saved me from an unfortunate investment of a considerable part of the painful economies of half a century in the Northwest-Passage Tunnel. After a somewhat animated discussion with this gentleman, a few days since, I expanded, on the audi alteram partem principle, something which he happened to say by way of illustration, into the following fable.

No. IV.


Conjecturally reported by H. BIGLOW.


JAALAM, 10th March, 1862.

Gentlemen, - My leisure has been so entirely occupied with the hitherto fruitless endeavour to decypher the Runick inscription whose fortunate discovery I mentioned in my last communication, that I have not found time to discuss, as I had intended, the great problem of what we are to do with slavery, -a topick on which the publick mind in this place is at present more than ever agitated. What my wishes and hopes are I need not say, but for safe conclusions I do not conceive that we are yet in possession of facts enough on which to bottom them with certainty. Acknowledging the hand of Providence, as I do, in all events, I am sometimes inclined to think that they are wiser

A rustic euphemism for the American variety of the Mephitis. H. W.


ONCE on a time there was a pool
Fringed all about with flag-leaves cool
And spotted with cow-lilies garish, ̧
Of frogs and pouts the ancient parish.
Alders the creaking redwings sink on,
Tussocks that house blithe Bob o' Lincoln
Hedged round the unassailed seclusion,
Where muskrats piled their cells Carthusian;
And many a moss-embroidered log,
The watering-place of summer frog,
Slept and decayed with patient skill,
As watering-places sometimes will.

Now in this Abbey of Theleme,
Which realized the fairest dream
That ever dozing bull-frog had,
Sunned on a half-sunk lily-pad,
There rose a party with a inission
To mend the polliwogs' condition,
Who notified the sélectmen
To call a meeting there and then.
"Some kind of steps,' they said, "are

They don't come on so fast as we did:
Let's dock their tails; if that don't make 'em
Frogs by brevet, the Old One take 'em!
That boy, that came the other day
To dig some flag-root down this way,
His jack-knife left, and 't is a sign
That Heaven approves of our design:
'T were wicked not to urge the step on,
When Providence has sent the weapon."


Old croakers, deacons of the mire.
That led the deep batrachian choir,
Uk! Uk! Caronk with bass that might

Have left Lablache's out of sight,
Shook nobby heads, and said, "No go!
You'd better let 'em try to grow:
Old Doctor Time is slow, but still
He does know how to make a pill."

But vain was all their hoarsest bass,
Their old experience out of place,
And spite of croaking and entreating,
The vote was carried in marsh-meeting.

"Lord knows," protest the polliwogs,
"We're anxious to be grown-up frogs;
But do not undertake the work
Of Nature till she prove a shirk;
"T is not by jumps that she advances,
But wins her way by circumstances:
Pray, wait awhile, until you know
We're so contrived as not to grow;
Let Nature take her own direction,
And she 'll absorb our imperfection;
You might n't like 'em to appear with,
But we must have the things to steer with."

"No," piped the party of reform,
"All great results are ta'en by storm;
Fate holds her best gifts till we show
We've strength to make her let them go;
The Providence that works in history,
And seems to some folks such a mystery,
Does not creep slowly on incog.,
But moves by jumps, a mighty frog;
No more reject the Age's chrism,
Your queues are an anachronism;
No more the Future's promise mock,
But lay your tails upon the block,
Thankful that we the means have voted
To have you thus to frogs promoted."

The thing was done, the tails were cropped,
And home each philotadpole hopped,
In faith rewarded to exult,

And wait the beautiful result.

Too soon it came; our pool, so long
The theme of patriot bull-frog's song,
Next day was reeking, fit to smother,
With heads and tails that missed each other,-
Here snoutless tails, there tailless snouts;
The only gainers were the pouts.


From lower to the higher next,
Not to the top, is Nature's text;
And embryo Good, to reach full stature,
Absorbs the Evil in its nature.

I think that nothing will ever give permanent peace and security to this continent but the extirpation of Slavery therefrom, and that the occasion is nigh; but I would do nothing hastily or vindictively, nor presume to jog the elbow of Providence. No desperate

measures for me till we are sure that ad others are hopeless, -flectere si nequeo SUPEROS, Acheronta movebo. To make Emancipation a reform instead of a revolution is worth a little patience, that we may have the Border States first, and then the non-slaveholders of the Cotton States, with us in principle, - a consummation that seems to be nearer than many imagine. Fiat justi tia, ruat cælum, is not to be taken in a literal sense by statesmen, whose problem is to get justice done with as little jar as possible to existing order, which has at least so much of heaven in it that it is not chaos. Our first duty toward our enslaved brother is to educate him, whether he be white or black. The first need of the free black is to elevate himself according to the standard of this material generation. So soon as the Ethiopian goes in his chariot, he will find not only Apostles, but Chief Priests and Scribes and Pharisees will ing to ride with him.

Nil habet infelix paupertas durius in se Quam quod ridiculos homines facit.

I rejoice in the President's late Message, which at last proclaims the Government on the side of freedom, justice, and sound policy.

As I write, comes the news of our disaster at Hampton Roads. I do not understand the supineness which, after fair warning, leaves wood to an unequal conflict with iron. It is not enough merely to have the right on our side, if we stick to the old flint-lock of tradition. I have observed in my parochial experience (haud ignarus mali) that the Devil is prompt to adopt the latest inventions of destructive warfare, and may thus take even such a three-decker as Bishop Butler at an advantage. It is curious, that, as gunpowder made armour useless on shore, so armour is having its revenge by baffling its old enemy at sea, and that, while gunpowder robbed land warfare of nearly all its picturesqueness to give even greater stateliness and sublimity to a sea-fight, armour bids fair to degrade the

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I need n't tell you thet my messige wuz written

To diffuse correc' notions in France an' Gret Britten,

An' agin to impress on the poppylar mind

The comfort an' wisdom o' goin' it blind,


To thet I didn't abate not a hooter O' my faith in a happy an' glorious futur',

Ez rich in each soshle an' p❜litickle blessin'

Ez them thet we now hed the joy o' possessin'

With a people united, an' longin' to die For wut we call their country, without askin' why,

An' all the gret things we concluded to slope for

Ez much within reach now ez everto hope for.

We've gut all the ellerments, this very hour,

Thet make up a fus'-class, self-governin' power:

We've a war, an' a debt, an' a flag; an' ef this

Ain't to be inderpendunt, why, wut on airth is?

An' nothin' now henders our takin' our station

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By the low Yankee stan'ard o' dollars an' cents:

They seem to forgit, thet, sence last year revolved,

We 've succeeded in gittin' seceshed an' dissolved,

An' thet no one can't hope to git thru dissolootion

'Thout some kin' o' strain on the best Constitootion.

Who asks for a prospec' more flettrin' an' bright,

When from here clean to Texas it 's all one free fight?

Hain't we rescued from Seward the gret leadin' featurs

Thet makes it wuth while to be reasonin' creaturs?

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For the former you'll hev to consult on a plan, Though our fust want (an' this pint I

want your best views on)

Is plausible paper to print I. O. U.s on. Some gennlemen think it would cure all our cankers

In the way o' finance, ef we jes' hanged the bankers;

An' I own the proposle 'ud square with my views,

Ef their lives wuz n't all thet we'd left 'em to lose.

Some say thet more confidence might be inspired,

Ef we voted our cities an' towns to be fired,

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A pian thet 'ud suttenly tax our endurance,

Coz 't would be our own bills we should git for th' insurance;

But cinders, no metter how sacred we think 'em,

Might n't strike furrin minds ez good sources of income,

Nor the people, perhaps, would n't like the eclaw

O' bein' all turned into paytriots by law.

Some want we should buy all the cotton au' burn it,

On a pledge, when we 've gut thru the war, to return it, Then to take the proceeds an' hold them ez security

For an issue o' bonds to be met at maturity

With an issue o' notes to be paid in hard cash

On the fus' Monday follerin' the 'tarnal Allsmash :

This hez a safe air, an', once hold o' the gold,

'Ud leave our vile plunderers out in the cold,

An' might temp' John Bull, ef it warn't for the dip he

Once gut from the banks o' my own Massissippi.

Some think we could make, by arrangin' the figgers,

A hendy home-currency out of our niggers;

But it wun't du to lean much on ary sech staff,

For they 're gittin' tu current a'ready, by half.

One gennleman says, ef we lef' our

loan out

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